I'm going to try online Catholic dating, advice?

[Naskor]

You need really thick skin for online dating. You’re likely to get years worth of rejection in a few months. If you’re having some problems with dating without the internet, those problems will be magnified through online dating. The only “problem” I think you should have that doesn’t hinder online dating, is if you have trouble finding people.

Here is an excellent Q&A with someone who works for Ave Maria, a well known and liked Catholic dating site, that is sure to get your heart gushing: blog.reginamag.com/find-catholic-spouse/

 

[Lourdes16]

DO IT! Online dating either works out or it doesn’t and there’s no way to know if you’ll personally have success unless you make a profile and GO FOR IT!

I’m a 23-year-old female and I met my boyfriend of ten months on CatholicMatch. I was sad that no good, Catholic guys had asked me out (basically ever), so I opened a free account and lurked around CM for 3-4 months. My (now) boyfriend sent me my first message without an emoticon (I could receive emoticons but not messages with the free account) and I was so intrigued I just had to buy a subscription to read it!

Like any dating, you need to know what you’re looking for. So, being a strong, devout Catholic was my first criteria. But also, I wanted a man who demonstrated virility, restraint, prudence, an eagerness to learn, a sense of humor, and consideration. This is a tall order, and I had often wondered if my standards were too high. But it paid off! I found all of that and more.

I was captivated from the very first message. We had so much in common and shared many of the same thoughts. We are both introverts, so corresponding over messages was much less stressful for us than traditional dates. We let our romance bloom organically: focusing first on just establishing a friendship, talking to other people on CM, avoiding talking to each other every day, and waiting almost six weeks before calling or Skyping. He lives almost 1000 miles away, so neither of us were sure that a relationship would even work, logistically. We met in person after three months and were hesitant to commit because of the distance. But we honestly couldn’t part without much regret and finally officially began dating almost ten months after that initial message. I think spending time proximate to each other is also crucial, so he arranged a place for me to live in his town this entire summer. We both absolutely adore each other. We have never experienced such a bond with anyone else before and are totally at peace with one another. I think meeting each other was truly providential.

Now, if we had met first in person, I don’t think this would have worked out. I think his personality would have turned me off. He has a very serious demeanor in public and we are both reserved. Messaging online let our real personalities, and thoughts, and vulnerabilities come through while still maintaining an impersonal element and thus guarding “emotional chastity.”

Final advice: Be smart. Keep your expectations (but not your standards) low. See this as a fun opportunity and challenge, not a stress-inducer. Be the sort of person YOU would want to date. And finally, really prod him about his spiritual life. If he can’t be genuine with the Lord, he won’t be with you. Happy fishing!

 

[SuperLuigi]

I talked for two years to my husband before we married, TWO YEARS.

I’ve know of people who have met on-line and then gotten divorced 2-5 years later. After hearing their story, it’s clear to me the relationship was a scam from the very beginning.

Hard to fake and lie for that amount of time. I

It’s actually not.

found that it was a lot easier to be frank when we were talking on the phone or on Skype

.

No way to be deceitful.

:dts: :nope:

It’s actually EASIER for people to lie over the phone or on-line. That’s why and how so many people get scammed.

Why? We were thousands of miles form each other. We talked through every possible scenario, every theological opinion, every political opinion, every news item, every family issue, everything. All out.

Good discussions help, but skype and the phone will never replace in-person dating.

Having a long distance relationship can be problematic.

By the time we met, I felt like I was finally face to face with my best friend.

That’s how a lot of people feel. A lot of times, it’s fools’ gold.

Honesty is possible. If people want to deceive you, they can easily do so face to face.

Actually, it’s easier to deceive people on-line or over the phone than in person.

I had plenty of friends who dated guys in person fro years, got married, and THEN found out they had a girl on the side the whole time.

If anyone has to use that as a crutch to bolster your relationship, they are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I hear this line of thinking ALL the time from women who meet men on-line.

One of the worst mistakes a person can make is to assume that because it’s bad dating people in my area or in person that on-line dating is all swell, especially in their particular case. :nope: :dts:

Don’t rule out online dating. Plus, it’s easier to just quit awkward people. Just x out of the page. Gone.

You may be surprised. If the guy is different, younger, or whatever…there’s a lot of women out there who will make excuses for bad behavior. :tsktsk:

Nobody showing up at your door or work, causing a scene.
Just my 2 cents.

I actually knew of a girl on a Catholic dating site who talked to a guy on-line and he randomly showed up where she worked (she didn’t divulge exactly where), and when he started asking her co-workers about her, they freaked out and told him to leave or she would call the police.

 

[SuperLuigi]

=Naskor;12269397]You need really thick skin for online dating. You’re likely to get years worth of rejection in a few months. If you’re having some problems with dating without the internet, those problems will be magnified through online dating. The only “problem” I think you should have that doesn’t hinder online dating, is if you have trouble finding people.

Once you understand the culture of on-line dating, those impacts can be mitigated. Of course, if one is incessant on taking rejection personally, then it’s more of a reflection on the person than the concept of on-line dating.

Here is an excellent Q&A with someone who works for Ave Maria, a well known and liked Catholic dating site, that is sure to get your heart gushing: blog.reginamag.com/find-catholic-spouse/

There’s a lot of fluff on that blog, which is to be expected since it’s a business and I’m sure they believe what they are saying is true.

 

[pianistclare]

I’ve know of people who have met on-line and then gotten divorced 2-5 years later. After hearing their story, it’s clear to me the relationship was a scam from the very beginning.

It’s actually not.

.

:dts: :nope:

It’s actually EASIER for people to lie over the phone or on-line. That’s why and how so many people get scammed.

Good discussions help, but skype and the phone will never replace in-person dating.

Having a long distance relationship can be problematic.

That’s how a lot of people feel. A lot of times, it’s fools’ gold.

Actually, it’s easier to deceive people on-line or over the phone than in person.

If anyone has to use that as a crutch to bolster your relationship, they are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I hear this line of thinking ALL the time from women who meet men on-line.

One of the worst mistakes a person can make is to assume that because it’s bad dating people in my area or in person that on-line dating is all swell, especially in their particular case. :nope: :dts:

You may be surprised. If the guy is different, younger, or whatever…there’s a lot of women out there who will make excuses for bad behavior. :tsktsk:

I actually knew of a girl on a Catholic dating site who talked to a guy on-line and he randomly showed up where she worked (she didn’t divulge exactly where), and when he started asking her co-workers about her, they freaked out and told him to leave or she would call the police.

Well, thanks for ripping my experience apart. We’re happily married. Big Catholic wedding Mass, concelebrated, choir and Knights of Columbus there…but hey…

So…maybe you might be wrong?
Nah…what are the odds…

I find if you’re honest, in person or online, it goes well. If your friend had someone show up where she worked? Dude, she had to have told him enough to find her.
Haters gonna hate.
But it worked out beautifully for us.

 

[chevalier]

1. Have a decent profile and treat it like an investment. Don’t throw up a fuzzy, old senior picture especially if it doesn’t look like you. Don’t try it for just a month, complain it doesn’t or can’t work and give up.
2. Have pictures up of you having fun. You don’t have to look glamorous ALL them time.

Yes, and on the basis of my experience, I’d say include at least two different pictures, one posed and at your best, another in a casual situation, minimal make-up, no glam etc. This way you can avoid disappointments or distrust but still reap the benefits of a nice picture.

Only having a glam picture exposes you to princess hunters and delusional individuals who think you’ll always be aiming for that sort of look, and people who may be disappointed with what they see when the make-up goes off, the hair falls down (or is bunned up, whatever it wasn’t in the glam pic), if you’re wearing jogging wear instead of an evening dress etc. On the other hand, only having casual pictures in your profile may put you at a relative disadvantage compare to people who have glam shots. Combining the one and the other is probably the golden middle and the best solution because people can see what you look like either way and what the difference is.

Don’t play with silly Photoshop filters that distort the image in some sort of an artistic way. (They aren’t very informative or useful, and according to research they attract a particular sort of man, so they may skew your results.)

1. If you sign up for Catholic Match, it’s a “man’s market”, even though most if not all the guys on there don’t realize it. So I guess you could say you’ll be competing (not a bad, catty sort of way) for attention to some extent

Well, there’s always competition that goes both ways, even if the total numbers favour one side (Walrasian auction ).

1. Like I said with 1, you’ll need to invest (that is pay) for the site. However, if the site has added features like message forums, well, just remember WHY you are on there. I would think no one would need to pay $25 a month to argue religion, politics or sports with someone on-line…

The upfront payment or especially subscription fee is a good screening method: it weeds out people who are simply bored, make a new account if they forget the password to the old one, or just don’t care much. There will still be ghost accounts, just not as many as could potentially be there in a free service.

Also ‘invest’ in a good picture that captures you well, from a photographer who knows his job. Someone more on the artistic/publicity side than just simply ID pictures. It does make a difference, and I’m not talking only about the glam but also about bringing out your personality.

1. Don’t take any nonsense. Follow your feminine instincts and don’t make excuses for men just because they look and/or are “different”.

I’d say just think, think, think. It’s fine to be cautious, it’s not fine to allow yourself to develop a habit of irrational thinking, prejudices and such like.

1. Be VERY wary of international dating and dating those who are not residents in your country. VISA scams happen a lot on-line.

Yeah, the lure of a high-octane passport…

1. Signing for a Catholic site and meeting people locally will reduce headaches greatly It is to your advantage to see the person you are in a relationship with often. Skype, the phone and on-line chat are not nor ever will be substitutes for in-person dating.

Still get a taser or whatever else you’re allowed to carry concealed, just in case. Don’t go to suspicious places with suspicious people.

1. Know that a lot of people with depression, mental issues, ect. seek attention and dating on-line as well. Some of them can be in a decent relationship and have these issues managed and some do not.

Yes, many people don’t really know what they’re doing, many still have some sorting out to do and meeting someone only gives them the impulse to do so. You’re likely to meet at least a couple of wounded sparrows and weirdos and whatnots.

1. Be a little wary of guys who insist on just being friends and don’t be surprised if suddenly, they declare their undying love for you. Instead, refer them to this site and to me specifically for a nice talk.

LOL.

1. If you are with someone who doesn’t match up with the values on their profile, by all means inquire as to why. If you find yourself compromising Catholic values, that’s a red flag.

Yeah, be wary of people who are lying. I’m not saying you should necessarily cross out every guy who has added inches or height or subtracted pounds of weight, but if I were female I’d probably do that just in case unless convinced otherwise.

There may also be people who don’t realize that their self-awareness is off.

1. Avoid drama storms at all costs. Don’t fight with someone on-line or on social media; Block them, remove them. (I’ve done this with women several times). If someone is threatening harm to you or themselves, don’t cave and don’t feel like you have to be there or it will be your fault. Call the police.

Yup.

 

[chevalier]

1. It’s probably more so the case for women, but don’t be surprised if you are talking to or even dating a guy and he’s still talking to other women on-line. Obviously, if you two are committed, that’s a big problem and grounds to end the encounter. However, it’s not unusual for people to be talking to multiple prospects at once. If you need clear boundaries set once it gets more “serious”, fine. But also don’t make it look like you’re checking up on his activity all the time, either.

Boundaries differ from person to person. There are people who feel bad about merely seeing others at coffee and talking (some of whom will still do it despite the bad feeling), and there are many people who don’t feel bad about having multiple concurrent boyfriends or girlfriends, they find it to be morally appropriate. Again, the way people perceive these things differs from person to person, and people’s actions are even more complicated than that.

As a rule don’t expect that you’re in a relationship unless it has been stated so or unless the conversations and gestures very clearly suggest it. Within standard American culture don’t presume that you are ‘exclusive’ even if the gestures (displays of affection, flirting, overt dating etc.) suggest that you are in a relationship — because there is a large part of people who accept the idea of a ‘non-exclusive relationship’. Europeans would probably be more monogamous during the early stages, but on the other hand much, much more relaxed about simply meeting socially (e.g. man and woman meeting up for coffee) than Americans are. I’m a European myself and not an American just to be clear.

1. It might take more than one encounter to find the right guy, and that’s okay. :yup:

More like more than one decade.

 

[chevalier]

I’ve never done it and it became a thing way after my time, but I think online dating has a lot of advantages over real life.

In real life, you often meet people and talk about this or that, but never find out what’s amazing about them. For instance, my husband has known a guy for a number of years, but just discovered that the guy is a fairly major LEGO reseller in his free time. We had no idea! In real life, you don’t have the wealth of information instantly available to you about all the new people in a room that you can online (although Facebook helps). Online, you can put all of your quirks and selling points right there–you’re an accountant, you figure skate, you love anime, you love LOTR, you’ve traveled to a number of famous European shrines, you are interested in Eastern Christianity, etc. If you are a single person with unusual interests living in a small town, it could be a godsend.

There’s no replacement for actually meeting, but if you are running out of options in your area, why not?

Yeah, exactly. And as far as deceit goes, it isn’t always easier online than in face-to-face contact. It depends on the deceiver and the prospective deceivee. () Big-scale lying requires a lot to keep track of, many false facts and links to reconcile and always keep together in a working order. It may be easier to coax a person into believing in face-to-face contact, but online profiles and messages contain the written word, and that’s harder to manipulate consistently, at least in larger quantities.

 

[Xantippe]

Yeah, exactly. And as far as deceit goes, it isn’t always easier online than in face-to-face contact. It depends on the deceiver and the prospective deceivee. () Big-scale lying requires a lot to keep track of, many false facts and links to reconcile and always keep together in a working order. It may be easier to coax a person into believing in face-to-face contact, but online profiles and messages contain the written word, and that’s harder to manipulate consistently, at least in larger quantities.

Yeah. “OK, you’re a Silicon Valley billionaire, but you can’t manage to either fly here or fly me out there. ???” Or “You’re a doctor, and you can come visit any time for any length of time.” ???

There are likely to be internal inconsistencies if somebody is not being honest, if one pays attention. Of course, sometimes, people really are what they say they are, no matter how unlikely–I know somebody who somehow had two real doctorates by the time he was 28.

 

[sadpanda2]

Go for it. While I largely had good experiences with CatholicMatch, I met my girlfriend “in real life.”

One thing I’ll say: the best date is one you can escape from if you need to. I recommend coffee, in a busy shop. Get there early, buy your first cup, wait for him. If he’s worthwhile he can buy your second cup. If not, you can chug your cup and be out of there inside of half an hour.

Other advice: don’t let him pick you up, don’t go somewhere you can’t afford (sometimes guys are clueless and don’t know to pick up the tab), don’t drink alcohol on the first date, and let a friend know you’ll be on a virtually blind date (when/where) so if things get weird s/he can come “rescue” you.

 

[SuperLuigi]

=pianistclare;12271612]Well, thanks for ripping my experience apart.

Let me be clear:

1. It was not my intention to “rip your experience” in a bad way.
2. A lot of what you wrote needed to be addressed because there’s a lot of blind spots with what you wrote.

I was more interested in the text of your post. But now I’m starting to have concerns about your experience.

We’re happily married.

I hope for your sake this isn’t coming through clenched teeth. And speaking frankly, I doubt it’s as good as you emphasize and there’s probably more to the story than just being happy. That comes with the territory of on-line relationships.

Big Catholic wedding Mass, concelebrated, choir and Knights of Columbus there…but hey…

The size of the wedding and the type of ceremony is IRRELEVANT as far as the quality of the relationship goes.

I SINCERELY hope there is more to it than just that because the size of the wedding is very poor indicator here.

First of all, I find these posts to be inaccurate and based only on your own experience.

I think they are both naive and defensive, two characteristics I see in women taken for wild rides beyond their imagination by on-line partners even YEARS into the marriage.

Lots of marriages, especially international ones, go through this and 2-5 years the international partner leaves once he/she gets documentation, which means the relationship was a sham to begin with.

So…maybe you might be wrong?

About what I wrote or about your relationship, which I really wasn’t directly referencing.

As a matter of fact, nothing what I wrote was wrong. It’s dead on the money, and those who are in on-line relationships or marriages ignore that at their own risk. :yup:

Should I have been talking about your marriage? Because if so, that is NOT a good sign.

Nah…what are the odds…

Let’s see------------over the last eight years of dishing out dating advice, and 11 years experience of on-line dating---------heavily in my favor, thanks.

:thankyou:

I find if you’re honest, in person or online, it goes well.

Problem is a lot of people are not honest and just really good at making it look they are. And when women realize it, they make excuses for the guy.

The real good on-line scammers will even talk about how stupid on-line liars and scammers are, even while doing it themselves.

If your friend had someone show up where she worked? Dude, she had to have told him enough to find her.

:dts:

Serious question: do you make excuses for your husband like this?

I find it very distributing that someone would make such excuses for this kind of behavior, because it would scare most women I know.

First of all, she never talked to this guy other than to say “not interested”. He kept on sending her little e-motes and she wasn’t interested. She alluded to the store chain she worked at in her profile and the way the site is set up your town and state are posted by site administration.

This guy drove like four hours to her work with no invitation and no leading on from her and started asking her coworkers about her. Obviously, he looked up enough information to find her and who knows how many other stores he visited? Many none, maybe several.

Are you telling me you’d be okay with a man you’ve never talked to showing up at your work asking your coworkers about you?

You’d be surprised what information is out there on people on the internet these days and how easy it is to find someone like that.

And actually, that experience pales in comparison to some of the stories I’ve heard as well as my own experiences.

Haters gonna hate.

While I always appreciate the persecution when people call me names on CAF, there’s nothing hateful about it. I’m only interested in the Truth and facts, and the prior post you wrote had to be addressed because it was dripping with inexperience and naivety that could be misleading to others.

But it worked out beautifully for us.

People who are in good relationships do not need to come on-line and defend them. I am quite concerned that you have taken so personally what I’ve written.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Yeah, exactly. And as far as deceit goes, it isn’t always easier online than in face-to-face contact. It depends on the deceiver and the prospective deceivee. () Big-scale lying requires a lot to keep track of, many false facts and links to reconcile and always keep together in a working order. It may be easier to coax a person into believing in face-to-face contact, but online profiles and messages contain the written word, and that’s harder to manipulate consistently, at least in larger quantities.

Most of the time, if not all of the time, lying on-line is easier. The only exceptions I can think of is if your is date is sooo naive or uninterested or has some kind of disorder that limits their ability to pick up on social cues that they miss everything.

Look at it like this: What’s easier to let someone know you’re going to blow off work or class:

1. e-mail
2. phone call
3. Telling them in person.

 

[alexandratm]

SuperLuigi, when you take the time to parse someone’s posts, sentence by sentence - it pretty much does come across as ripping someone’s experience. And then to do the same thing to a short response, and insinuate that there are troubles with the marriage based on word choice…

To this random observer, it makes it look like you have an axe to grind, rather than a charitable rebuttal to something you disagree with.

 

[Thorns]

You need really thick skin for online dating. You’re likely to get years worth of rejection in a few months. If you’re having some problems with dating without the internet, those problems will be magnified through online dating. The only “problem” I think you should have that doesn’t hinder online dating, is if you have trouble finding people.

Here is an excellent Q&A with someone who works for Ave Maria, a well known and liked Catholic dating site, that is sure to get your heart gushing: blog.reginamag.com/find-catholic-spouse/

Actually, online dating probably hides problems better rather than magnifies them. In person, you can instantly develop a first impression of them, see how they interact, and notice any little quirks that they might have.

Online dating allows a person to engineer a first impression falsely. They may only allow you to see what they want you to see, and so your perception of that person can be inaccurate. The person who’s being played then starts to fall for their own perception of that person based on false impressions that the person is making online.

A friend told me a story about one of his friends. This girl talked to a man for years online, email, IMing, phone, webcam, etc. Well, by the time they finally met up in person years later, the girl was very emotionally attached to this man. As it turns out, this man was actually a Lesbian Woman, which shocked the girl but she fogured she was so attached to the person already (or rather, a false perception) she ended up going through with it anyway and became intimate with the Lesbian Woman. Turns out, it was a very traumatic experience and scarred the girl psychologically very badly. A bizarre case I know, but it makes the point about people falling in love with their false.perceptions vs falling in love wirh the real person.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Actually, online dating probably hides problems better rather than magnifies them. In person, you can instantly develop a first impression of them, see how they interact, and notice any little quirks that they might have.

Online dating allows a person to engineer a first impression falsely. They may only allow you to see what they want you to see, and so your perception of that person can be inaccurate. The person who’s being played then starts to fall for their own perception of that person based on false impressions that the person is making online.

A friend told me a story about one of his friends. This girl talked to a man for years online, email, IMing, phone, webcam, etc. Well, by the time they finally met up in person years later, the girl was very emotionally attached to this man. As it turns out, this man was actually a Lesbian Woman, which shocked the girl but she fogured she was so attached to the person already (or rather, a false perception) she ended up going through with it anyway and became intimate with the Lesbian Woman. Turns out, it was a very traumatic experience and scarred the girl psychologically very badly. A bizarre case I know, but it makes the point about people falling in love with their false.perceptions vs falling in love wirh the real person.

Sometimes, you can pick on up on if the person is lying about their gender. I’m sure this has happened to me at least once. :yup:

 

[SuperLuigi]

alexandratm;12273300]SuperLuigi, when you take the time to parse someone’s posts, sentence by sentence - it pretty much does come across as ripping someone’s experience.

I strongly suggest that those who have a issue this kind of response seriously reconsider posting in the forums.

Furthermore, if each point in a post needs to be addressed, then that is they way it needs to be done.

Understand that when advice is given on here it is not always cozy and cloud nine, and sometimes things must be directly stated. People expect tangible answers and results on here.

I am always open to suggestions on how to make posts better as I frequently give that advice myself, however, I will not sit on the forums and get into “charity wars” with other users.

And then to do the same thing to a short response, and insinuate that there are troubles with the marriage based on word choice…

The analysis is not based on word choice but on behavioral patterns. :thankyou:

To this random observer,

Yeah, sure you are.

it makes it look like you have an axe to grind, rather than a charitable rebuttal to something you disagree with.

I suppose you didn’t notice where I was called a hater. Is that your idea of a “charitable rebuttal”?

It’s really in no one’s interest to have double standards and/or not to read posts before making comments in the forums.

Also, the word “charity” and “charitable” are overused on the forums, namely because they appear in STAFF CHAT and moderator counseling.

As such, I advise users on the forums to avoid getting involved with posters who insist on using the term, namely because these words are almost always used as crutch to bolster a losing argument or to resurrect an already defeated one.

:tiphat:

 

[pianistclare]

Let me be clear:

1. It was not my intention to “rip your experience” in a bad way.
2. A lot of what you wrote needed to be addressed because there’s a lot of blind spots with what you wrote.

I was more interested in the text of your post. But now I’m starting to have concerns about your experience.

I hope for your sake this isn’t coming through clenched teeth. And speaking frankly, I doubt it’s as good as you emphasize and there’s probably more to the story than just being happy. That comes with the territory of on-line relationships.

 

[alexandratm]

But your parsing of her post wasn’t answering the OP’s questions - it was parsing out every sentence of her post to point out your perceived issues with her relationship.

I understand the value of parsing long replies in other sorts of topics, particularly when wading into theological or philosophical grounds. But this isn’t a weighty philosophical topic, it was one woman sharing her experience with her relationship. What sort of feeling did you expect your post to evoke? “Oh, yes you’re right, we probably will get divorced.”?

You say that you’re interested only in truth and facts, but this is a person you do not even know. You have no way of knowing the truth of her relationship, and parsing out five sentences isn’t going to give you such illumination. It only makes you appear to be attacking her.

I have no dog in the fight with this topic, as you can see. But I was tacken aback by the way you responded, and as I didn’t think it was your intent, wanted to let you know.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

SuperLuigi;12273136:

Let me be clear:

1. It was not my intention to “rip your experience” in a bad way.
2. A lot of what you wrote needed to be addressed because there’s a lot of blind spots with what you wrote.

I was more interested in the text of your post. But now I’m starting to have concerns about your experience.

Continue to rip me a new one. Whatever.
You’ve been online dating fro 11 years? No wonder you think it’s a bad idea. But many of us have had a lot of success.
And I am not saying I’m happily married through “clenched teeth” as you assume, assert, or whatever.
How insulting of you to say such a thing to me.
There’s nothing wrong with what I posted.
Online dating works for millions of people.
I have taken it personally.
You’ve got some nerve implying you know something about me.
I’m not at ALL defending my relationship thanks…not to you certainly. I am defending the option of online dating.
It’s a viable option.
I’m out.

I’m really confused as to why your marriage is being attacked and your husband’s character is being questioned. I also met my hubby on an online dating site, but that only mattered for the first couple of dates. We got to know and love each other just like any other couple.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Sorry, no experience with on-line dating. But I’ve followed the discussion re scammers face-to-face vs on-line.

Con men and women (Con comes from confidence) are very good at appearing they way they want you to perceive them. Both in the written word and in person. Met a few, they make the effort to dress the part, walk the part, talk the part they are trying to play. It really doesn’t matter whether its in person, skyp, on-line in chat, whatever. They know how to gain their targets confidence, once they have that it is easy to continue the scam. If they claim to be a lawyer, they’ll write like a lawyer and post pictures consistent with what you expect of a lawyer.

I don’t think scamming is any easier or harder based on whether you’re interacting face-to-face or in person. Trust not just your instincts, but those around you- friends, family etc. they often start suspecting something long before the target does.