I'm in a tough situation

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Well, if I was Rage’s friend (and Rage, I guess) I would do a DNA test after the birth to confirm things. I mean, if Rage doesn’t remember the evening, potentially anything could have happened. 🤷

I have to say that living together to raise the baby is not sustainable long term. Rage could want to get married, and having the “friend” around would make that next to impossible. Plus, he’d have to leave after the wedding, right?

I vote for adoption. It’s a terrible situation, but this seems to be the best for the baby.
 
tafan said:
So true? I am sorry, they do not sound like “two sound like intelligent, reasonable, mature young people”. We have a girl who got drunk and pregnant and a boy who is 19 and a homosexual (yet was a willing partner to the pregnancy). Now they want to move in together. There is nothing mature about this situation.
That doesn’t mean we don’t wish the three people all of the best, but the best for each of them seems to be seperate paths: the baby being adopted by a good family, the girl returning to a chaste life, and the boy addressing his SSA issues in an honest way.
You probably take exception to some of my remarks. Everyone is trying to be as charitable as possible, but based on what has been posted by the OP and her friend, if you take the emotion out of it, limerick is correct.
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I have overlooked the moving-in-together part and I agree with you that that isn’t a decision to be made so hastely. Only to be made really, if this couple were to get married IMO. However, I wouldn’t jump to say that they are too terribly immature to raise their child based on that. Perhaps they need more time to consider things. This sister (in Christ) of ours is still only in her first trimester so there’s still time. Everyone needs to chill.

Adoption is a heavy decision to make. Sometimes it is the best one, sometimes not. This is where God, a priest, and a pregnancy specialist comes in. Let’s pray that it be done according to God’s Will, savvy? 😉
 
Seems to me that some of you people are missing some pretty big details.

A. Neither of them remember what really happened that night. That means both of them were in a state of black-out when they slept together. Neither of them were conscious of what they were doing or what was really happening.

B. Rage’s friend (whose 21, not 19) has said that Rage doesn’t really drink. Someone who doesn’t really drink doesn’t take long to get drunk. He said he can hold his own with alcohol, but yet he got so drunk that he blacked out. Noone here has thought that maybe what their drinks were laced or that the alcohol was something worse then rum or gin (or whatever they put in shots)?

C. Rage and her friend have said they don’t want to discuss his sexuality, so why are you?

D. Prehaps it’s because I am of the belief that sexuality is borne in, not chosen, but her friend has already said: if he really believed that being gay was his choice, why wouldn’t he then choose to be straight? He has all the reason to, he obviously cares about Rage, yet he has no desire to be straight. To me that seems to indicate he has no desire to have sex with her. She also doesn’t seem to want to have sex with him.
 
tafan said:
So true? I am sorry, they do not sound like “two sound like intelligent, reasonable, mature young people”. We have a girl who got drunk and pregnant and a boy who is 19 and a homosexual (yet was a willing partner to the pregnancy). Now they want to move in together. There is nothing mature about this situation.
That doesn’t mean we don’t wish the three people all of the best, but the best for each of them seems to be seperate paths: the baby being adopted by a good family, the girl returning to a chaste life, and the boy addressing his SSA issues in an honest way.
You probably take exception to some of my remarks. Everyone is trying to be as charitable as possible, but based on what has been posted by the OP and her friend, if you take the emotion out of it, limerick is correct.
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It’s important to remember that it’s the *reaction *that gauges the maturity level. Yeah they did not know the level of alcohol they can safely drink, but I’m sure the noticed it now! So the next important question is how did they reacted when something like that happens. They are honestly looking into options, talking to a priest, shared their situation with both families, and love each other and the child that is in her womb. All said, that is more mature than 90% of Americans (number I made up). Think about how many Americans fail at even one of those tasks in big and small mistakes. I’m not saying that because someone else is bad, being less bad is good. I’m saying they are doing great and showing maturity when looking at the whole of the picture and the action reaction.

The only wish I have for them if they choose to raise the child together is to get married. Agape love is much much more important than romantic love. Sure it’s tough, but having romantic love without agape love is disastrous. For the deeper relationships, agape love is a requirement, romantic love is not. And just as important, the Sacrament of Matrimony provides the graces needed to stay together, hang tough, live chastely (remember heterosexual couples are also called to live chastely), and to raise their child well.

Back to the OP, if you two are serious about raising the child, be serious about considering marriage. It’s a lifetime supernatural bond if done properly. I’m not saying only do it right away, good things may take a long time to come into reality. But if you two will live together chastely for the rest of your life, I would say do it within the bonds of marriage. You will have better legal protection. You will have lower taxes. You will have a shared family name to give your child. And most importantly, you will have God present in a sacramental way through the Sacrament of Matrimony.
 
Goth_Catholic said:
Seems to me that some of you people are missing some pretty big details.

B. Rage’s friend (whose 21, not 19) has said that Rage doesn’t really drink. Someone who doesn’t really drink doesn’t take long to get drunk. He said he can hold his own with alcohol, but yet he got so drunk that he blacked out. Noone here has thought that maybe what their drinks were laced or that the alcohol was something worse then rum or gin (or whatever they put in shots)?
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That seems like a pretty detail if it’s there as well as no DNA test yet. I would anyways because DNA tests are also important to determine if health procedure needed to care for the child when done in a loving manner.
 
I just have a question. Perhaps it’s silly. I’ve never been drunk, nor do I drink alcohol so I wouldn’t know, so this is a serious question.

How do two people both drink so much that they black out and can’t remember anything, yet during this time they’re able to function in a sexual way?

It doesn’t add up to me.

But like I said, I’ve never been drunk. But it just seems like if you’re to the point of blacking out, you wouldn’t have much function.

Of course with the internet, you never really know if the story is true, or if they’re telling the whole truth.
 
BrokenFortress said:
I just have a question. Perhaps it’s silly. I’ve never been drunk, nor do I drink alcohol so I wouldn’t know, so this is a serious question.

How do two people both drink so much that they black out and can’t remember anything, yet during this time they’re able to function in a sexual way?

It doesn’t add up to me.

But like I said, I’ve never been drunk. But it just seems like if you’re to the point of blacking out, you wouldn’t have much function.

Of course with the internet, you never really know if the story is true, or if they’re telling the whole truth.
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People who “black out” can act perfectly normal and show no signs of intoxication or lack of function. The term black out refers to the fact that the person doesn’t remember what happen during a period of time while they were intoxicated, which is why it’s also referred to as alcohol related amnesia.
 
BrokenFortress said:
I just have a question. Perhaps it’s silly. I’ve never been drunk, nor do I drink alcohol so I wouldn’t know, so this is a serious question.

How do two people both drink so much that they black out and can’t remember anything, yet during this time they’re able to function in a sexual way?

It doesn’t add up to me.

But like I said, I’ve never been drunk. But it just seems like if you’re to the point of blacking out, you wouldn’t have much function.

Of course with the internet, you never really know if the story is true, or if they’re telling the whole truth.
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Sometimes God has plans for us that we as mere mortals would not have gone along with without a little bit of coaxing. :rolleyes: Not to say that we should all go out and get drunk to realize God’s plans- not going to a conservative Rostiferianism on ya’ but if we put ourselves in those situations God will do the rest.
 
crazzeto said:
why not research some groups that might help with SSA? I would say it’s better to see if your SSA may not be “dealt with”, allow you and the child’s mother to live more normally.
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Because I do not have a “problem” that needs to be “dealt with”. My sexuality is not dependent on who I have sex with or what some “support group” wants to call it. Sometimes sex is just sex and it means nothing afterward. It doesn’t mean I’m even attracted to the person I’m having sex with, I’ve had sex with women before. I am NOT sexually attracted to Rage, and I never was. I care about her a great deal, but I wouldn’t intentionally have sex with her because it would mean nothing to me and she doesn’t deserve that. I respect what the church teaches about homosexuality, even though I may not agree with it. But out of respect I am going to remain chaste as best as humanly possible. I love Rage, but as a sister, not a romantic interest.
 
Rage said:
Because I do not have a “problem” that needs to be “dealt with”. My sexuality is not dependent on who I have sex with or what some “support group” wants to call it. Sometimes sex is just sex and it means nothing afterward. It doesn’t mean I’m even attracted to the person I’m having sex with, I’ve had sex with women before. I am NOT sexually attracted to Rage, and I never was. I care about her a great deal, but I wouldn’t intentionally have sex with her because it would mean nothing to me and she doesn’t deserve that. I respect what the church teaches about homosexuality, even though I may not agree with it. But out of respect I am going to remain chaste as best as humanly possible. I love Rage, but as a sister, not a romantic interest.
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Well, first and formost, I think this post proves the problematic aspect of the two of you living together raising this child. What this illistrates, is a disordered view of sexuality which I have no doubt you will be teaching the child. This type of view on sexuality fundamentally leads to a series of problems both spirtiual and practical, which I will forgo enumerating here.

Lastly, if you were trying to prove a point about having been “born gay” you sort of really failed. You’ve just admitted that sex with women is an on going thing with you. You just justify it by saying “your not sexually attracted to them”. Oh really? Then why are you having sex with them? For the benifit of the other person?

I respect that you want to help out with this child, I really do that’s very admirable. But the way in which the two of you are approching this is unhealthy and ultimatly based upon an ideal with fundamentally will prove to be either a lie, or so untennable it’s impractical. I just really can’t see this vow of chastity thing working out here, sorry I really can’t.

So my recommendation is if you really want to help out Rage, then be an ear to listen to and maybe help out with a percentage of the cost of raising the child (assuming adoption is not the option that is ultimatly chosen). Perhaps you want to spend some time with the child? Well that would be reasnoble, but if you do I would certainly suggest you keep your sex life out of their lives (like any good parent does).
 
crazzeto said:
Oh really? Then why are you having sex with them?
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For my own selfish desire to get off, if I may be so blunt. Sex was sex, no strings, no attraction, nothing after. I now realize that was selfish and self destructive, but I was a stupid teenager “experimenting” with sex and sexuality. I’m not sure you realize how stigmatic it is to 'be queer" especially for those of us who know we’re homosexual and have tried to hide it by acting straight. I’m comfortable with my sexuality now, I wasn’t back then. And that is the last thing I’m going to say about my sexuality.
 
To the OP, you really should choose adoption for this child. You cannot choose to live together as brother/sister and raise the child. That arrangement won’t last. It does not appear that you friend is open to the idea of marrying you. A child needs to be raised in a home with a loving mother and father. A single parent home is not a good option.
I know this is painful, but I am more and more convinced it is the right decision.
 
Rage said:
I respect what the church teaches about homosexuality, even though I may not agree with it.
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To the father of Rage’s baby: If you do not “agree” with the Church’s teaching -as you say above-, then you are doing a great diservice to the child and its mother. If you truly ‘respect’ the teaching of the Church, you would not live with Rage and raise the baby to the point that the child will be very confused as to its own understanding of Church teaching (and homosexuality). This is spriritually (and emotionally and psychologically) dangerous stuff that will negatively affect the mother and child. Unfortunately your priest was wrong in saying: “Whatever decision you make is ok”.

My prayers certainly are with the two of you.
 
Rage said:
Because I do not have a “problem” that needs to be “dealt with”. My sexuality is not dependent on who I have sex with or what some “support group” wants to call it. Sometimes sex is just sex and it means nothing afterward. It doesn’t mean I’m even attracted to the person I’m having sex with, I’ve had sex with women before. I am NOT sexually attracted to Rage, and I never was. I care about her a great deal, but I wouldn’t intentionally have sex with her because it would mean nothing to me and she doesn’t deserve that. I respect what the church teaches about homosexuality, even though I may not agree with it. But out of respect I am going to remain chaste as best as humanly possible. I love Rage, but as a sister, not a romantic interest.
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Man, you got more problems than you realise. Sex means nothing? Yeah, right. You had sex with Rage even though you aren’t sexaully attracted to her? Yeah, right. You get blind drunk and become hetero and that doesn’t matter to an avowed homosexual? Yeah, right. You get blind drunk and that doesn’t matter either, right? Now you say your sexuality doesn’t depend on who you have sex with? OK, so where will that attitude lead you? For a start that statement shows me you don’t even know what you are. You are so dysfunctional I’m surprised you can even get excited. You are desenthitised to the one act that brings people closer together in a relationship. I could go on and on, but I’ll end up being banned. Rage is better off without you in my opinion, after reading this post of yours.
 
John21652 said:
Man, you got more problems than you realise. Sex means nothing? Yeah, right. You had sex with Rage even though you aren’t sexaully attracted to her? Yeah, right. You get blind drunk and become hetero and that doesn’t matter to an avowed homosexual? Yeah, right. You get blind drunk and that doesn’t matter either, right? Now you say your sexuality doesn’t depend on who you have sex with? OK, so where will that attitude lead you? For a start that statement shows me you don’t even know what you are. You are so dysfunctional I’m surprised you can even get excited. You are desenthitised to the one act that brings people closer together in a relationship. I could go on and on, but I’ll end up being banned. Rage is better off without you in my opinion, after reading this post of yours.
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Excellent summary, I was pretty much thinking all of this but had pretty much said everything I wanted to say. Rage needs to stop living with him, and if she really plans on keeping this child focus first on setting up a good functional family environment to the best of her abilities.

The situation with this guy is untennable, it’s only going to lead to hurt, confusion and wounded spirituality.
 
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