I'm interested in someone who's not Catholic - advice?

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You understand him better than we can “in abstract.” If it were me, I’d be asking myself the following:

Am I looking for someone to corroborate a relationship that I want and feel could be holy for both of us?

Am I looking for someone to tell me the relationship is all sorts of wrong, so I can make peace with it in my heart?

Not necessarily a Catholic-specific answer, but often we know the right decision in our hearts…and want to hear it from others for validation.

Just a thought.
 
TC3033 said:
IDK, for me I didn’t think it was the most convincing thing in the world. I may need to re-read, but it was an opinion piece that was written from one angle and seemed to be meant to persuad
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From the point of view of Catholics,
What is convincing is that the majority of children of mixed houselhold do not stay catholics as adults, and more, when only the mother is Catholic.

Without said that the divorce rate are higher when the marriage is between a Catholic and something else who is not, especially with a Protestant one.

I understand that you don’t share this point of view, as a non Catholic.
 
Still, for me it isn’t the most convincing article (blog) in the world. It’s an opinion piece written to persuade Catholics not to marry non-Catholics…it uses a couple of pretty outdated studies (one of even says it’s bias for Catholicism in general), and doesn’t present both sides.

It’s not about my point of view…personally (no matter the subject) opinion pieces (blogs) written from only one point of view don’t hold a lot of water with me. Of course, YMMV. Of course I do understand where you’re coming from, as a Catholic.

I’ve always thought… I’m glad my wife wasn’t on here asking for advice when we were dating. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
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My husband is Catholic and I am Christian pretty similar. We are married 29 years. We never forced each other to change our faiths or demand. I sometimes go to the Mass sometimes he goes to my Mass. Our kids were baptised Christian orthodox and my husband wanted to. We never had a problem fighting or I expect him to change his Catholic faith or him change mine. We can’t force anyone to change their faith because to me is between us and God. Just like God gave us freedom and choices and he does not force us to do what God wants even though he sees us make mistakes. My husband and I has made it work and we respect each other and our needs.
 
I married a catholic dedicated to the church me and raising kids catholic… As soon as we were married he dropped church and started golfing instead…said god was with him on the golf course…he then started drinking a lot.mind you I have known he and his family( small town) over 20 yrs. Now the change. Well were now divorced, annulled. Your beliefs MUST BE THE SAME. good luck.
 
I’ve been stuck in this situation before. It requires maturity to navigate.

Basically, since you are delighted by his interest, you have placed yourself in a quasi-dating situation. You just have to have an honest conversation about your goals and his for the future. Questions to discus:

Since you are already acquainted, you have a preexisting relationship. People are not very complicated, so your current friendship will be very similar to your potential dating relationship. Are you happy with the current friendship? Is he?

“Love”, at least the romantic kind, shouldn’t develop outside of dating. But platonic love is an essential element of friendship. Is his “love” strong enough to endure rejection of his romantic interest?

Does he understand the priority of faith in your life? What is his priority of faith? If he converted, would he practice even if your romantic involvement ended?
 
My wife was interested in someone who’s non Catholic. In fact, she married him. Happily, everything turned out fine.
 
runningdude said:
Does he understand the priority of faith in your life? What is his priority of faith? If he converted, would he practice even if your romantic involvement ended?
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This is probably what bothers me most. He definitely priorities his Christian values in his life, and also go to church every Sunday, goes to Bible studies etc. But still I feel like he’s pretty casual about it, in some ways. And I think I would need someone who’s more “leading” in the faith, if you see what I mean; of course it would be my responsibility too, but my faith isn’t always strong and every now and then I have trouble with doubts, and I don’t know if he would be the support I need. Especially in raising children Catholic. Of course that’s hard to know in advance, but it’s just a gut feeling I have.

I know I’m probably expressing myself a little bit clumsy, but I can’t articulate my thoughts properly in English, I’m sorry about that.
runningdude said:
Since you are already acquainted, you have a preexisting relationship. People are not very complicated, so your current friendship will be very similar to your potential dating relationship. Are you happy with the current friendship? Is he?

“Love”, at least the romantic kind, shouldn’t develop outside of dating. But platonic love is an essential element of friendship. Is his “love” strong enough to endure rejection of his romantic interest?
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In short, the answer is probably ‘yes’ to the questions above; we’re both happy with the friendship and I we would continue to be friends even if I reject his interest. I kind of feel like I would really want to develop romantic interest but can’t really see myself doing it. Maybe it’s partly a matter of physical attraction, but It’s like there’s something else missing. I would like to fall in love with him because he is a good man in many ways (personality-wise, his concern for others, practical/household things etc) and I think it could be a very happy relationship overall. But to marry him would (right now, at least) probably be what’s called ‘settling’. Which I don’t see would be bad in it’s own, but maybe not desirable already at age 22 (at least I didn’t imagine it). But at the same time, what if this is my chance? I’ve always wanted to marry young and have been longing for children and a loving family for a while now. I haven’t had a relationship before, I’m also pretty shy and have a hard time to get to know people, and there’s very few Christians and especially Catholics in my country. So what are the odds to meet someone that feels like a perfect match? But what if there is someone else that I will miss if I enter this relationship?

You don’t have to answer this, just wanted to get my train of thought written down. Thank you for a very helpful post; it’s very good questions that we will have to discuss.
 
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lizzy said:
In short, the answer is probably ‘yes’ to the questions above; we’re both happy with the friendship and I we would continue to be friends even if I reject his interest.
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I actually just had this happen to me. Asking my friend out, and being rejected freed me mentally to pursue others. I was OK with the result, and we are still friends.
lizzy said:
Which I don’t see would be bad in it’s own, but maybe not desirable already at age 22 (at least I didn’t imagine it).
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Some of the most important advice I got on this forum was to not rush things. 22 is is young, especially if your is friend is the same age. Marriage is about building a life together, but one needs considerable formation as a person prior to marriage. I’ve heard that prior to the 1950’s, men did not usually marry until after age 24 or later, with women a bit younger…

I asked here when I was about 25 and finishing grad school, and was advised to wait until I was established in my career (3ish years) before seriously looking to date, so that when I found someone, I would be in a position to support and marry her. Dating indefinitely without marriage on the horizon is a recipe for temptation and frustration.
 
Sure…that’s what forums are…

I know he gave a sermon that ended where he questioned Catholic “girls” that go for non-Catholic “boys”. In so, stating “Catholic boys are ones who will respect you, the others see you as a play thing”. That was tough for our family, especially considering we have 3 boys. They don’t deserve to grow up thinking Dad doesn’t respect their mom.

Call it gossip, if you will, but I know what happened and others on this forum know the struggle we’ve had as a “mixed” marriage at my wife’s church.
 
Yep, he’s not here. All I can do is provide the quotation. I am surprised that someone would jump to his defense… anywho…as a father it was tough sitting in mass having 3 young boys listening to a priest compare their Dad to a woman molester because he wasn’t the right flavor of Christian. I honestly just had a discussion with my neighbor (also mixed marriage) and he has pretty much quit on going to church (unless his wife insists) until the priest is done.

I have other issues as well at my wife’s church. WE are looking at leaving as it’s made known “mixed” relationships are not that welcome.🤷‍♂️
 
I threw it in quotes, but OK…I can understand where you’re coming from.
 
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Nope, he compared us to molesters. Again, I’ll quote. “I don’t understand why Catholic girls don’t always go for Catholic boys. Catholic boys will respect you. These others see you as play things”. Not sure what more you’re after, but many of us guys who are the wrong type of Christian gave up on going to Mass after that…🤷‍♂️
 
Go with it as you will, but my boys heard…not Catholic = don’t respect women. Interesting discussion for my wife and why she would have the audacity or lack of self respect to marry someone who isn’t Catholic.
 
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