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TC3033
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Well, TBH I was very taken back to hear it.
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noryar2025
Guest
Just remember that marrying a Catholic man may not solve your desire for an orthodox relationship. There are many Catholic men are not active followers of the faith either (sadly). I would explore the issue more with him. Would he be willing to convert? Ask him!
My best friend got married to a man who was a former Mormon! After 27 years of marriage he attends Mass with my friend every weekend. He is now actively talking about becoming Catholic! You just don’t know.
A good man is hard to find!
My best friend got married to a man who was a former Mormon! After 27 years of marriage he attends Mass with my friend every weekend. He is now actively talking about becoming Catholic! You just don’t know.
A good man is hard to find!
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TC3033
Guest
IMHO, OP shouldn’t ask.Would he be willing to convert? Ask him!
I’ve been married to a Catholic for over 15 years and will probably never convert. Had this been a show stopper for her we would have missed out on 15+ years of marriage and 3 great kids.
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beka37
Guest
Honestly. I completely understand wanting a Catholic and I think Catholic is ideal.
But? I think the priority should be a good person who truly loves the Lord. He goes to Bible studies every week that is a really good and praiseworthy thing. Does he share your values on divorce! Will he encourage you to holiness? A Protestant man may still have a strong heart that is open to the Lord. I mean Christ can still be the center of your marriage even if you share different traditions.
What about responsibility and ability to support a family.
I want to point out to that there Is more to a relationship than just religion. A solid friendship someone you can laugh with and joke around with. Someone you enjoy being with.
And I have to say this for a long time I was I only want a Catholic. However I have friends who were open to someone different and ended up in happy marriages. The spouses converted. But they did not make it a condition of the relationship.
Maybe he is going to decide you know what either way I am worshiping God so why not be Catholic that is not necessarily a bad thing especially since he already does have a relationship with Christ.
The friends who prioritized how someone treated them and the character of the person in question ended up in much happier marriages than the people I know who prioritized Catholic.
Now do not marry him or even date him if he is hostile to the Catholic faith.
The absolute worst thing you can do is make someone converting a condition of the relationship that did not go well from well.
But honestly a quality person who is interested in his own the things of God that is not necessarily something to so quickly throw away even if you are young.
I say this too because someone may be Catholic and all about sharing the Eucharist but will they be interested in reading Scripture with you like this guy probably would be?
But? I think the priority should be a good person who truly loves the Lord. He goes to Bible studies every week that is a really good and praiseworthy thing. Does he share your values on divorce! Will he encourage you to holiness? A Protestant man may still have a strong heart that is open to the Lord. I mean Christ can still be the center of your marriage even if you share different traditions.
What about responsibility and ability to support a family.
I want to point out to that there Is more to a relationship than just religion. A solid friendship someone you can laugh with and joke around with. Someone you enjoy being with.
And I have to say this for a long time I was I only want a Catholic. However I have friends who were open to someone different and ended up in happy marriages. The spouses converted. But they did not make it a condition of the relationship.
Maybe he is going to decide you know what either way I am worshiping God so why not be Catholic that is not necessarily a bad thing especially since he already does have a relationship with Christ.
The friends who prioritized how someone treated them and the character of the person in question ended up in much happier marriages than the people I know who prioritized Catholic.
Now do not marry him or even date him if he is hostile to the Catholic faith.
The absolute worst thing you can do is make someone converting a condition of the relationship that did not go well from well.
But honestly a quality person who is interested in his own the things of God that is not necessarily something to so quickly throw away even if you are young.
I say this too because someone may be Catholic and all about sharing the Eucharist but will they be interested in reading Scripture with you like this guy probably would be?
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beka37
Guest
One could point out to that Lutherans and Catholics also agree on a whole lot. Both baptize babies and believe in infant baptism. While the Lutherans don’t believe in transubstabtion they do have at least some understanding of a Real Presence they don’t see Communion as just a symbol so there is quite frankly a lot of agreement there.
I say this as someone who has dates Catholics and Non Catholics and I must say it is not necessarily the Catholics who were the greatest encouragement to me for holiness.
In prayer years ago the Lord told me the number one thing to look for is how someone treats me. Not what their theology is (who has perfect? But how they treat me.)
I say this as someone who has dates Catholics and Non Catholics and I must say it is not necessarily the Catholics who were the greatest encouragement to me for holiness.
In prayer years ago the Lord told me the number one thing to look for is how someone treats me. Not what their theology is (who has perfect? But how they treat me.)
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TheLittleLady
Guest
However, there are things that are not small t “traditions”. Doctrines that will not mix well:I mean Christ can still be the center of your marriage even if you share different traditions.
Infant baptism
Rules with regard to godparents
Holy Days of Obligation (believe me, non-Catholic Christians don’t understand why we don’t have a parties during the Triduum, our heavy evalgelical community had Prom on Good Friday for many years. And then the years when Christmas is on Monday, they do not understand why you can’t do a 2-for-1. Many non Catholic congregations do not even have Church if Christmas is on Sunday.)
Mary.
Contraception, sterilization, non-procreative sexual activities between spouses.
Those are the biggies.
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beka37
Guest
Lutherans believe in infant baptism.
No doubt there are things to work through but you know what it is really difficult to find a Catholic man who is willing to follow the Church teachings your lucky to find one who goes on Sunday’s. She is young so it may be different. But assuming because the guy is Catholic there will be no issues in that area…
He doesn’t have to go on Holy Days she does. No doubt there will be issues to work through but there may be issues with a “Catholic” too.
Look I am not saying she should marry him I think a lot of discernment goes into that especially mix marriage but it may not hurt to talk to him and give it a try.
Look my last relationship was with a Catholic who basically was telling me he only wants one more kid (he has one) top than he will sterilize himself. And when thing I am in late thirties and lots of kids will be hard for me to have.
Last Friday I went out with a Protestant who is open to as many kids as God will give him. Which one is truly the better choice??
The majority of Catholics aren’t following Church teachings.
No doubt there are things to work through but you know what it is really difficult to find a Catholic man who is willing to follow the Church teachings your lucky to find one who goes on Sunday’s. She is young so it may be different. But assuming because the guy is Catholic there will be no issues in that area…
He doesn’t have to go on Holy Days she does. No doubt there will be issues to work through but there may be issues with a “Catholic” too.
Look I am not saying she should marry him I think a lot of discernment goes into that especially mix marriage but it may not hurt to talk to him and give it a try.
Look my last relationship was with a Catholic who basically was telling me he only wants one more kid (he has one) top than he will sterilize himself. And when thing I am in late thirties and lots of kids will be hard for me to have.
Last Friday I went out with a Protestant who is open to as many kids as God will give him. Which one is truly the better choice??
The majority of Catholics aren’t following Church teachings.
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TC3033
Guest
True - however that isn’t a big deal with some (many?) “mixed” marriage couples. I honestly didn’t know how many struggles we were supposed to have in our marriage until coming on here.
For us, we have way too much in common (and some of the areas we’re supposed to disagree on…we actually don’t) where religious differences are (for the most part) a minor blip in our relationship.
For us, we have way too much in common (and some of the areas we’re supposed to disagree on…we actually don’t) where religious differences are (for the most part) a minor blip in our relationship.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
I have known two in real life successful, happy, lasting mixed marriages.
I have “known” a couple in real life, yours is one of them.
You have been so willing to accommodate your wife and kid’s Catholicism, and you have graciously kept on in face of uncharitable actions. Do you think it would be different if you were a more - is stringent the word? If you were solidly “infant baptism is a sin” in your beliefs? If you found any Marian devotion or talk of the Saints to be idolatry?
I have “known” a couple in real life, yours is one of them.
You have been so willing to accommodate your wife and kid’s Catholicism, and you have graciously kept on in face of uncharitable actions. Do you think it would be different if you were a more - is stringent the word? If you were solidly “infant baptism is a sin” in your beliefs? If you found any Marian devotion or talk of the Saints to be idolatry?
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TC3033
Guest
IDK…maybe…probably. That’s honestly the best I can say. I’m sure my wife and I would have issues if she were as “stringent” or carried some of the opinions we hear as well. But she doesn’t, they really bug her.Do you think it would be different if you were a more - is stringent the word?
If religion would have been an honest issue, I believe the two of us would have figured it out during dating.
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beka37
Guest
For the record I think that both parties have to be able to respect the other and it won’t work if someone is hostile.
In my particular case the answer may very well turn out to be neither because the denomination the guy went out with has a lot more disagreements than Lutherans do with Catholics like on the issue of infant baptism.
But I think very strongly it’s maybe not something I would say no I won’t consider at all because that person might even convert!
I knew a case where a Protestant and Catholic ended up marrying and part of how they met was because the person who the one party was dating got tired of the one party refusing premarital sex and said I think you would be better with my friend who feels the same. No joke. Finding someone with virtue that encourages you to holiness that cares about holiness matters.
In my particular case the answer may very well turn out to be neither because the denomination the guy went out with has a lot more disagreements than Lutherans do with Catholics like on the issue of infant baptism.
But I think very strongly it’s maybe not something I would say no I won’t consider at all because that person might even convert!
I knew a case where a Protestant and Catholic ended up marrying and part of how they met was because the person who the one party was dating got tired of the one party refusing premarital sex and said I think you would be better with my friend who feels the same. No joke. Finding someone with virtue that encourages you to holiness that cares about holiness matters.
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Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
For me, it isn’t just about respecting my beliefs.
I personally had to ask myself that if I died, could I see my spouse imparting each and every essential belief I had to my children in my stead? My Catholic faith was of course at the top of this list. I personally felt that I would be held accountable to God for this decision. If the answer was no, I could not consider marriage. Plus, life is long and hard, and I need someone who shares my convictions with as much fervency as I do, if for no other reason than they can help me shoulder the load in periods where my strength might be waning, and I can do the same for them. It is hard to be committed to something you do not believe in with all of your heart and soul.
Using the fact that there are lots of Catholic men who aren’t serious about their faith as some sort of rationale for marrying a non-Catholic who is serious about God is just an attempt to justify a decision, in my mind. Perhaps you are not called to marriage period? (statistically, you are, so I am not suggesting otherwise per se, but there are more possibilities than “marry a guy who doesn’t share my most closely held beliefs”).
Can mixed-marriages work? Yes, as TC3033 has shown us. Are they the ideal, or to be striven for, or entered into blithely? Not at all.
I personally had to ask myself that if I died, could I see my spouse imparting each and every essential belief I had to my children in my stead? My Catholic faith was of course at the top of this list. I personally felt that I would be held accountable to God for this decision. If the answer was no, I could not consider marriage. Plus, life is long and hard, and I need someone who shares my convictions with as much fervency as I do, if for no other reason than they can help me shoulder the load in periods where my strength might be waning, and I can do the same for them. It is hard to be committed to something you do not believe in with all of your heart and soul.
Using the fact that there are lots of Catholic men who aren’t serious about their faith as some sort of rationale for marrying a non-Catholic who is serious about God is just an attempt to justify a decision, in my mind. Perhaps you are not called to marriage period? (statistically, you are, so I am not suggesting otherwise per se, but there are more possibilities than “marry a guy who doesn’t share my most closely held beliefs”).
Can mixed-marriages work? Yes, as TC3033 has shown us. Are they the ideal, or to be striven for, or entered into blithely? Not at all.
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TC3033
Guest
100% agreed.For the record I think that both parties have to be able to respect the other and it won’t work if someone is hostile.
May I recommend not making mention of such opinion around those in “mixed” marriages…especially successful ones. It comes off as saying my wife made some sort of mistake in marrying a non-Catholic which could be construed as fairly offensive… when talking about their significant other. ¯_(ツ)_/¯Are they the ideal, or to be striven for, or entered into blithely? Not at all.
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Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
Sorry, and no offense intended, but it becomes impossible to discuss these topics with candor otherwise.
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beka37
Guest
I have never said anyone should enter a mixed marriage blithely or without great thought. I think choice between two people similar characters one should go with the one who was the same religion.
But I don’t think one should blithely shut the door. In the case of the Protestant/Catholic the Protestant ended up converting shortly after the marriage.
I have known many cases of Protestants converting. And in some cases when things it has gone south it has been due to the Catholic losing the faith and the former Protestant stays in.
I am speaking to as a convert. A lot of Protestants don’t understand Catholicism or even the issues that divide Catholics and Protestants a lot aren’t really rejecting the Catholic faith. And for a lot of devout Protestants the biggest turn off is all the cafeteria Catholics. That was for a long time the biggest turn off for me.
There is something to say about at least being open. No one is saying marriage.
As for my values the only value that changed for me was birth control.
But I don’t think one should blithely shut the door. In the case of the Protestant/Catholic the Protestant ended up converting shortly after the marriage.
I have known many cases of Protestants converting. And in some cases when things it has gone south it has been due to the Catholic losing the faith and the former Protestant stays in.
I am speaking to as a convert. A lot of Protestants don’t understand Catholicism or even the issues that divide Catholics and Protestants a lot aren’t really rejecting the Catholic faith. And for a lot of devout Protestants the biggest turn off is all the cafeteria Catholics. That was for a long time the biggest turn off for me.
There is something to say about at least being open. No one is saying marriage.
As for my values the only value that changed for me was birth control.
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beka37
Guest
As for what happens if I die and my children need to learn the faith. Well you don’t know how anyone will respond to a major tragedy!!!
I absolutely think the wise thing is to marry of same faith. And if you are going to do a mixed marriage a lot of things need to be discussed. But dating someone doesn’t mean you will end up in mixed marriage. A lot of Protestants care more about attending Church and their personal relationship with God then which one they belong too. And haven’t really Looked into theology.
And once they study Catholicism may be more than willing to Convert.
My Great Uncle converted this way he was dating his future wife. He was Protestant she was Catholic. So he studied the issues and he converted not just for her but because he became convinced of the truth. And he remained devout all his days.
I absolutely think the wise thing is to marry of same faith. And if you are going to do a mixed marriage a lot of things need to be discussed. But dating someone doesn’t mean you will end up in mixed marriage. A lot of Protestants care more about attending Church and their personal relationship with God then which one they belong too. And haven’t really Looked into theology.
And once they study Catholicism may be more than willing to Convert.
My Great Uncle converted this way he was dating his future wife. He was Protestant she was Catholic. So he studied the issues and he converted not just for her but because he became convinced of the truth. And he remained devout all his days.
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