I'm new here, and I'm a young single mom trying not to feel hopeless

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I have lurked here occasionally for about two years, since having my son & returning to the Church. I thank God for giving me my son even in the middle of my sin, in some sort of way to “make all things new.” I see things so much clearer now. Which is kind of scary.

I am 26 and there aren’t many (practicing) Catholics my age where I live and I just want to vent.

I live in a very liberal city with universities and lots of fresh, new, post-American-America culture. I am afraid I will never have the future or life that I feel in my bones I should have. I want to be married (REAL married. Catholic married.) I only know one Catholic young man, but we are just friends and he is pursuing the priesthood, so, yeah, no.

Obviously, I have been around several blocks in my 26 short years, and wound up a single mother when my son’s father left me 2 months after he was born. He was actually a lovely man, BY SECULAR STANDARDS, and we had a pretty impressive Godless relationship for a whopping 3 years prior (pretty impressive for a young faithless couple). The problem is that’s all there seems to BE anymore. I don’t know anyone who wants to get married, male or female. Most people my age SAY they want marriage, but they mean they want it when they are 35 or 40, after they become rich and have a series of illicit romances in Paris or whatever it is they’re waiting for.

And I want to be a mother. I want to CONTINUE to be a mother. Even with the incredibly scant possibility that I might find someone to marry during my fecund years, men my age don’t seem to want to share anything or help anyone. Even in marriage, I would be expected by all of my peers to make every cent a man would make, and to strive for that as the main objective in my life, or something. I guess.

I am inclined to despair over this stuff. I am in college because I have to be, because I need to be able to get a job with benefits, because I am all my son has, and I am so sad that I have to go out 40 hours a week that I should be spending with my son, and I am so sad that nobody values the family anymore. Every red blood cell in my body aches and screams for marriage and pregnancy and proper motherhood. And the culture I live in is hell-bent on making that impossible.

Rant over. Thanks for your time.
 
What does your college’s Catholic group look like? If they don’t have one and you don’t have time to start one, check out one at a nearby campus. It could be a great source of support and a good place to find friends. It can also be a good place to look for a good Catholic husband. Don’t go into it like it’s a dating service, but keep an open mind because it may surprise you. My husband and I met through campus ministry, and I know many others that did as well.

Also, get involved with young adult ministry opportunities in your diocese. It seems there are a lot of young adults that are looking for the same thing of a solid Catholic group of friends and the potential to meet a good Catholic spouse. There are more out there than you think, so you increase your chances of this by getting out there and taking part in whatever young adult opportunities you can find. See if your Diocese has Theology on Tap. It’s a great night out and a really casual way to meet a lot of nice people over wings and beer while listening to a good Catholic speaker.
 
I go to a community college and as a single mom, I have approximately zero time to do anything like that out there. =-( I go to Masses all over the city and various events whenever they fall on a day when I’m able, but there is seriously no one my age. There are a few teenage boys still attending, and plenty of older married men, but I haven’t run into anyone my age besides my aforementioned friend.

Thanks for the idea about seeking out more church activities. I suppose I will do whatever I can.
 
Hi,

I am new here too. In fact, this is my first post on this page. Not that you need my perspective, but you posted so I am replying:) …

I am also single though on the other side of the age curve. As a 44 year old, twice divorced (annulled as they were outside the church) with a total of five wonderful kids - let me say that after wandering away from the church, the church is what got me through my second divorce.

And it will get you through your struggles too. I admire you for knowing what things in your life needed to be adjusted so you could have the life you and your child deserve. You sound like a nice person and I wish you the best.

But (there is always a “but”), the church is not here for you or me to find a spouse. It would be great to find one that shares your faith. It may not happen. Or it may. Either way, it is not the main reason to worship and to walk the right path you are walking.

I may be single the rest of my life. And I am ok with that as I know it will be a life lived in the best way I can. And while it is easier for someone my age to say that - I would have felt that way at your age if I was smart enough to know then what you know now.

Enjoy the social fabric of your local church and church groups and let it make your faith stronger.

Take care of yourself and your kid!
 
Thanks joemilitary. Sorry If I came off as complaining about my Catholic community, I wasn’t at all. I was totally ranting about the rest of society in general. The way the world is set up anymore just seems to be stealing the basic element of marriage and motherhood from life. Coming back to Catholicism just made that so clear for me, which is a wonderful clarity, but it’s a dreadful thing to re-realize upon waking every morning as a young woman.
 
I could only imagine. You are right, it must be so much more difficult for you to have that realization compared to me as an older guy. Hoping everything works out well for you and yours.
 
Preposterone said:
I have lurked here occasionally for about two years, since having my son & returning to the Church. I thank God for giving me my son even in the middle of my sin, in some sort of way to “make all things new.” I see things so much clearer now. Which is kind of scary.

I am 26 and there aren’t many (practicing) Catholics my age where I live and I just want to vent.

I live in a very liberal city with universities and lots of fresh, new, post-American-America culture. I am afraid I will never have the future or life that I feel in my bones I should have. I want to be married (REAL married. Catholic married.) I only know one Catholic young man, but we are just friends and he is pursuing the priesthood, so, yeah, no.

Obviously, I have been around several blocks in my 26 short years, and wound up a single mother when my son’s father left me 2 months after he was born. He was actually a lovely man, BY SECULAR STANDARDS, and we had a pretty impressive Godless relationship for a whopping 3 years prior (pretty impressive for a young faithless couple). The problem is that’s all there seems to BE anymore. I don’t know anyone who wants to get married, male or female. Most people my age SAY they want marriage, but they mean they want it when they are 35 or 40, after they become rich and have a series of illicit romances in Paris or whatever it is they’re waiting for.

And I want to be a mother. I want to CONTINUE to be a mother. Even with the incredibly scant possibility that I might find someone to marry during my fecund years, men my age don’t seem to want to share anything or help anyone. Even in marriage, I would be expected by all of my peers to make every cent a man would make, and to strive for that as the main objective in my life, or something. I guess.

I am inclined to despair over this stuff. I am in college because I have to be, because I need to be able to get a job with benefits, because I am all my son has, and I am so sad that I have to go out 40 hours a week that I should be spending with my son, and I am so sad that nobody values the family anymore. Every red blood cell in my body aches and screams for marriage and pregnancy and proper motherhood. And the culture I live in is hell-bent on making that impossible.

Rant over. Thanks for your time.
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I am terribly sorry that your husband left you and that you are a single Mom. There is hope because despite the difficulties that you have God loves you more that words can express and He will continue to love you. I did not get married until I was 40 y/o because of relationships that didn’t work out and because of my sinful behavior. I prayed that God would bring into my life a Godly woman who I could love and could love me. We both came from dysfunctional families and had a difficult time during the marriage. When I was 59 y/o I became 100% disabled and profoundly Depressed and it was too much for her so she left me and then divorced me. That was 12 years ago and I am still 100% disabled and in constant pain and I am still alone. The reason I say that is that this has made me more dependent on God and I have to pray to Him at least several times a day for little things that are big things for me. The reason I say that is that God always answers those little prayers and it proves to me that He is with me helping me every step of the way, even when I don’t see it.

I know how it is to live in a large secular “sinful” city. It is very discouraging but not everyone is like that and many of the good men go to church. I am old at 71 y/o but just so you know you sound like a very wonderful Godly woman and if I was your age I would be proud to marry you. There must be many men where you live that would see that also, the trick is to find them. I would suggest looking out Catholic singles groups and becoming active in your Church. I believe though that the most important thing is for you to pray and ask God to bring a Godly wonderful man into your life who would see all of your wonderful qualities. Jesus said we must continue to pray and not give up. I will pray for you also. You are a brave and Godly woman to have shared this about yourself and I respect you greatly because of that. God bless you in all things. Amen.
 
I was in your shoes, so I know what you are going through. God has a plan for you, and as long as you keep Him first, He will guide you to what is best because He loves you and has a plan for your life. Just keep on being a good mom to your little boy and it will come in time. May God bless you and your son:)
 
You are in the right place here, for a very busy mom. I’m very sorry for your situation and have you in prayer now.

I can tell you, through experience, that God’s love will see you through - lean hard on it! And pray. Sometimes, it feels better to pray, talking out loud to God (I do it in the car). Put everything in His hands. It may take some time, but He does answer!

Through my divorce travails, God, my friends, and, early, the Stephen Ministry helped. My Stephen minister really got me over the hump when I felt (wrongly, of course) that I was overburdening my friends. We met once a week, then twice a month for six months, at my convenience. We talked. We prayed. God was there. Maybe that could be a resource for you.

I’m positive you will receive more prayers and suggestions by other more frequent contributors here. It is the virtual Body of Christ 🙂

May His peace enter your heart and blessings on you and your child.
 
Hi there, you sound like you are doing the right thing for your boy and you obviously put his needs first. Well done for persevering.

I’m in England which is even more secular than the USA, and marriage for a lot of young people seems to be an option to think about down the line, after a lengthy period of living together and often after children have come along. And yet despite that, people still get married - although many are civil ceremonies nowadays. So don’t give up hope!

Maybe you won’t find another committed Catholic man, but there are many good, kind guys out there who are Christians or who are supportive of and sympathetic to their spouse’s faith. My husband falls into this category, he’s not a church-attender but he is a Christian. Last year when I entered the Church, he encouraged me all the way and now loves to hear about what happened at Mass. He’s even been to Mass with me on one occasion, which was great.

As other posters say, trust that God has a plan for you and your little boy. In my case, someone came along when I was least expecting it and when I was in a very bad place in my life. I wish you all the best and may God bless you and your son.
 
I think the best place to start looking for what you hope to achieve,
Is not in a big city,but rather a rural setting, some rural country towns have wonderful catholic communities, just need to do some research by asking around if people know of such a place,
 
Dear One, Please try not to despair. We have our faith so for us there is always hope. I do understand what you are going through and you are correct in saying that there are few good Catholic men (or women) around. For now hand over your worry to God. For now just focus on your studies and your son. Your plate is full and even if you did meet someone right now it might take away from your other more important focus. God’s timing is always perfect even if we don’t think so. God wants the best for you. Continue to pray! God hears you and will give you an answer in time. His answer will be the very best for you and your son. Trust Him.
 
Preposterone said:
I am afraid I will never have the future or life that I feel in my bones I should have.
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“Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” - John 14:27

Difficult as it is, try to remember that life here is not for a particularly long time, and that better things follow. Don’t be afraid to think about Heaven on occasion.
Reading your post, it sounds like your son is in very good hands: you are culturally aware and savvy about potential dangers. Keep hope.
 
Preposterone said:
Sorry If I came off as complaining about my Catholic community, I wasn’t at all. I was totally ranting about the rest of society in general. The way the world is set up anymore just seems to be stealing the basic element of marriage and motherhood from life. Coming back to Catholicism just made that so clear for me, which is a wonderful clarity, but it’s a dreadful thing to re-realize upon waking every morning as a young woman.
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I understand completely what you mean. Throughout my 20s I was all over the place spiritually and morally and then in my early 30s I came to my senses, grew in faith a bit and suddenly felt l woke up from a strange dream that was my secular life, and felt like I was living in a very strange place that is the world.

It’s tough. I’m married and have 2 kids and a certain security and stability in life, but nevertheless the state of the world really gets to me. I rant about it to my husband all the time. I think the best thing we can do is accept this reality and detach as much as we can. Pray for yourself and for your son. Do as much as you can to be involved in church. Things will get easier when your boy gets a little bit older, you will have a bit more freedom. And you are still young.

Perhaps online dating on a reputable Catholic site would be an option, if you don’t mind this kind of an approach to meeting men. At least you will know where you stand with them. I also like the suggestion that once you finish your degree you move somewhere else where life is a bit more calm and family oriented.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
I suspect that once you are on your feet, have a good job, and your child is school-age, you’ll find that your prospects look much better than they do now.
 
Xantippe said:
I suspect that once you are on your feet, have a good job, and your child is school-age, you’ll find that your prospects look much better than they do now.
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I second this thought. Just be patient and attend to what you have to attend to now.

Unsolicited advice: I am curious what you are studying at school? If you ultimately want marriage and family, I would suggest you think about healthcare, and especially nursing. There are so many good and kind men working in the healthcare industry, and at your age, and with your depth of character, I would suspect it would be quite easy to attract a young resident (go work in a teaching hospital). Having worked in business for 10+ years before going into healthcare, I would say that healthcare workers are much more family-minded than business workers. If nothing else, nursing is a great occupation for mothers because there is so much flexibility.
 
Xantippe said:
I suspect that once you are on your feet, have a good job, and your child is school-age, you’ll find that your prospects look much better than they do now.
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I second this comment.

If I were you, I would try to put relationships and marriage on the back burner. You have 3 very important things going for you right now…school, your son and God.

Yes, this is hard. I know that. While I’m not single…sometimes I wish I was…because I wouldn’t be trying to finish school with two very young kids and…now a third on the way…everyone has crosses to carry. It’s how we work our way through life and make our way closer to Jesus.
It’s how we can better understand his sacrifice and love for us.

Keep at it. Finish school, love your son and love God.

I was at a girlfriend’s house for dinner last week.
We’ve been friends for a little while now but I had no idea her first son wasn’t her husband’s kid. She had him during a secular relationship and raised him for a little while, on her own, before she met her husband.
She met her husband and is about to have her 7th kid.

She told me that she is glad that God has everything figured out and clearly knows what He is doing…because she most definitely does not!
These are words I try very hard to live by…even when everything in my life becomes unmanageable and overwhelming.
 
You have a lot on your plate and probably will for a while to come. I am going to suggest that you consider praying a novena to St Ann and continuing to ask for her intercession on your behalf. And, I will pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you forward in all you do. God bless.
 
Preposterone said:
I have lurked here occasionally for about two years, since having my son & returning to the Church. I thank God for giving me my son even in the middle of my sin, in some sort of way to “make all things new.” I see things so much clearer now. Which is kind of scary.

I am 26 and there aren’t many (practicing) Catholics my age where I live and I just want to vent.

I live in a very liberal city with universities and lots of fresh, new, post-American-America culture. I am afraid I will never have the future or life that I feel in my bones I should have. I want to be married (REAL married. Catholic married.) I only know one Catholic young man, but we are just friends and he is pursuing the priesthood, so, yeah, no.

Obviously, I have been around several blocks in my 26 short years, and wound up a single mother when my son’s father left me 2 months after he was born. He was actually a lovely man, BY SECULAR STANDARDS, and we had a pretty impressive Godless relationship for a whopping 3 years prior (pretty impressive for a young faithless couple). The problem is that’s all there seems to BE anymore. I don’t know anyone who wants to get married, male or female. Most people my age SAY they want marriage, but they mean they want it when they are 35 or 40, after they become rich and have a series of illicit romances in Paris or whatever it is they’re waiting for.

And I want to be a mother. I want to CONTINUE to be a mother. Even with the incredibly scant possibility that I might find someone to marry during my fecund years, men my age don’t seem to want to share anything or help anyone. Even in marriage, I would be expected by all of my peers to make every cent a man would make, and to strive for that as the main objective in my life, or something. I guess.

I am inclined to despair over this stuff. I am in college because I have to be, because I need to be able to get a job with benefits, because I am all my son has, and I am so sad that I have to go out 40 hours a week that I should be spending with my son, and I am so sad that nobody values the family anymore. Every red blood cell in my body aches and screams for marriage and pregnancy and proper motherhood. And the culture I live in is hell-bent on making that impossible.

Rant over. Thanks for your time.
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:hug1: I’m sorry it’s been so hard. I’ve had a similar experience, and I’m 50 y.o.! It can seem like Mission Impossible in this day and age to find anyone, male or female, willing to commit.

Yet, even that said, there ARE people who marry. Look about. So, there are still people who want marriage, even so.

Admittedly, in modern times, where EVERYTHING normal (i.e. marriage, etc.) has become abnormal, and EVERYTHING abnormal, (homosexuality, etc.) has become normal, it’s getting quite tough.

My mother said it’s hard for a man these days to find a good woman, and likewise, she said it’s hard for a good woman to find a man. You can probably find men, but finding a compatible, reliable, Catholic man, IS tough. I share your pain.

Do you have a local Newman Center at college? Even there, it still might be hard, but it might be a start. Are there any Catholic single groups at that, or any other, of the local Catholic Churches?

I would say to try through Church, first, and then go outwards.

There might also be retreats…like…think one was Cursillo, to help you find others with similar faith and interests.

Good luck, and God speed!
🙂
 
Hi there,
I am a single dad with 3 kids. I’ve been raising these kids alone for 7 months. I have had help just not from my wife. Sure we’ve had ups and downs. I have found praying the rosery daily to be of great benefit. I have had to relax on finding a new romance. Much like y’all I have little time to socialize. I receive great hope in fellow Cristians seeing their sin and repenting. GOD BLESS!
 
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