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chris62
Guest
Met my first girlfriend when I was 28 and married her at 29. We just celebrated out 23rd wedding anniversary.
Patience is a virtue.
Patience is a virtue.
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ela2
Guest
I would have given anything for the advice you are receiving for free. But then it was 1999… I was way to young…and I didn’t know CAF. Make the most of it! 
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Joy2day
Guest
This is true. If this turns out to be your unfortunate situation, be pleased that God loves and desires you!!
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Joy2day
Guest
Now, this is where you’re going wrong. You need to fall in love with God!!! And of course you know if you’re in love - you become the fool… You do all sorts of things for the One you love… No unrequited love with God. :dancing:
Praying for you.
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Kateri92
Guest
Very funny
I thought it went without saying that I am in love with God considering this is a Catholic site.
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Xantippe
Guest
Oh my goodness, yes. Back in the 90s, we had NOTHING.I would have given anything for the advice you are receiving for free. But then it was 1999… I was way to young…and I didn’t know CAF. Make the most of it!
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Rosebud77
Guest
Well, while folk are quoting upper age limits for not dating… I am almost 72 and never dated. Do I have regrets? Not at all!
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hwriggles4
Guest
Kateri92:
Here’s a suggestion for what it’s worth.
At 23, you probably cultivated some good friendships in college with both men and women. Today, many college graduates are not getting married a few months after graduation to their college sweethart, although that was “normal” for many years, particularly in the 60’s, 70’s, and even into the 80’s, unless you were going to law school or medical school.
That said, Kateri92, you may have cultivated some good friendships with some male friends. You can keep in touch with a few of these male friends through Christmas cards, Facebook, or even just social invitations like meeting for coffee or call up a group of college friends (both men and women) to go to the movies or meet up for dinner. Some of your male friends may decide down the road that they would like to date you, particularly if they have gotten their foot in the door at a company and developed a rapport in their career. This is one reason people today are postponing marriage - money, and the demand some companies place on younger employees. Some of your college friends may be working 60+ hour work weeks (been there, done that, brought the t-shirt, etc.)
Kateri92, one positive aspect to keeping in touch with some of your male friends from college is that you have already developed a friendship level, which will be an asset in a long-term relationship. You have gotten over some disagreements, you have seen them at their best and worst, and you can measure some compatibility, which includes some value and interests. I know people who re-connected with a college friend and today they are happily married.
Last year, I attended a college reunion at my Catholic Student Center, and really felt like I was at home again.
Here’s a suggestion for what it’s worth.
At 23, you probably cultivated some good friendships in college with both men and women. Today, many college graduates are not getting married a few months after graduation to their college sweethart, although that was “normal” for many years, particularly in the 60’s, 70’s, and even into the 80’s, unless you were going to law school or medical school.
That said, Kateri92, you may have cultivated some good friendships with some male friends. You can keep in touch with a few of these male friends through Christmas cards, Facebook, or even just social invitations like meeting for coffee or call up a group of college friends (both men and women) to go to the movies or meet up for dinner. Some of your male friends may decide down the road that they would like to date you, particularly if they have gotten their foot in the door at a company and developed a rapport in their career. This is one reason people today are postponing marriage - money, and the demand some companies place on younger employees. Some of your college friends may be working 60+ hour work weeks (been there, done that, brought the t-shirt, etc.)
Kateri92, one positive aspect to keeping in touch with some of your male friends from college is that you have already developed a friendship level, which will be an asset in a long-term relationship. You have gotten over some disagreements, you have seen them at their best and worst, and you can measure some compatibility, which includes some value and interests. I know people who re-connected with a college friend and today they are happily married.
Last year, I attended a college reunion at my Catholic Student Center, and really felt like I was at home again.
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kptrs
Guest
I’m really sorry if I offended you. Of course you are a grown adult and deserve respect. When I said 23 is a baby, I was using a figure of speech. I just meant you are still young and it’s much too early to be giving up on finding a spouse. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Take your time and enjoy the journey.
Again, I’m really sorry and I didn’t mean to offend you. I was trying to be encouraging. God bless.
Again, I’m really sorry and I didn’t mean to offend you. I was trying to be encouraging. God bless.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Considering that this young woman is flirted with, I highly doubt that she is in this group. She is a recognized quantity to some degree, not an unrecognized quantity (as so many are at some time or other). It is unlikely that everyone who flirts with her wants to date her–those who are that universally attractive are actually in a trial I would not wish on an enemy–but hardly possible that no one does. The more likely situation is that she has a small selection of guys that both like her and are liked by her in return, and all of them are so reserved about showing their true mind that they’re all afraid to make the first move.
This is true. If this turns out to be your unfortunate situation, be pleased that God loves and desires you!!
That is OK. It is better than rushing in and trying to immediately get close to anyone who happens to catch your eye today.
Let us admit, too: The period when one’s peers are all in this dating thing can be extremely exhausting, whether you are dating or not. There is nothing wrong with “checking out” for awhile and finding your social outlets somewhere else. It won’t necessarily harm your chances of making a good marriage one bit. “Seek ye first the Kingdom” really does work. If you are living so as to love God and love neighbor, you are being prepared for whatever vocation God has in store for you. If you want to date more, there are things you can do to make that happen, but you don’t have to force something when your heart really isn’t in it for the time being. It is OK to just let it go and not have a worry about it.
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EasterJoy
Guest
There is only one concern, and that is that a person who feels called to have children takes too much time pursuing other things only to find that their child-bearing and high-energy years are gone. I would not think a 23 year old is quite there yet!
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pianistclare
Guest
YES! Excellent!~
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Kateri92
Guest
A few of you mentioned online dating. I have a few reservations about this though. Isn’t it creepy? It seems like hundreds of guys can just check you out. Its seems a bit dehumanizing to me. Also, is it really worth paying to meet your husband? Its seems like “buy a husband now for one low flat rate” and you know they will through in the “if you aren’t satisfied we’ll throw in 6 months free”.
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SAVINGRACE
Guest
I wouldn’t knock online dating. I know several people who have met online and married as a result. One marriage is in it’s tenth year and the other couples have been married for 5+ years. Definitely a viable option, mind you at 23 serious relationships & marriage was far from my mind, I was too busy with career, church obligations and working on improving myself. I probably would have considered online dating if I was 28/29 and still unmarried.
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
Not to be mean, I in no way wish to offend you. I just wonder if you realize something about what you just said. Now, you just said this guy who you still have feelings for is on the other side of the globe and probably does not want to hear from you again. But you have hope that maybe God might make things work out… The only way the there would even be a chance for things to “work out” in that situation is if God makes this guy want to hear from you again. But God does not do that. He does not violate another persons free will. If this guy does not want to hear from you again, God is not going to make him want to hear from you again. God does not do that. That was part of my point in my previous post that you need to do something about your situation for yourself. Does what I wrote make sense at all?
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Xantippe
Guest
I’ve never done it, but more and more married couples seem to have met that way.
It would solve the problem of how to indicate to a large number of people (without being undignified) that one is interested in dating and is available.
You might want to start a separate thread to ask for online dating pointers or do a search for old threads on the subject.
Good luck!
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
Yeah, try online dating and see if you can “buy a husband or wife now!”
It can take months just to get 1 date for me. All I have to say is if you do not want to try it, dont complain that guys are not asking you out because you are not doing anything to help the situation. Joining a dating site is TRYING something. No, it is not dehumanizing. Im going to call a nice young lady today that I have been corresponding with through a date site tonight! She may be the one, or she may not be! The point is I am trying! I say give it a try.
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chevalier
Guest
Dear Kateri, don’t worry about all that anywhere near as much as you do.Hi everyone!
I wasn’t going to post a thread about this because I don’t really like to post things about dating and such (unless its a legitimate question I really need help with).
I’m almost 23 and I have never dated anyone. I have fallen in love too many time to count but it was for the most part unrequited. So, I’m pretty sure that I have just given up. I think I’m tired of getting my heart broken over and over again. But the desire for a permanent relationship is still in my heart. I have prayed A LOT that God would open up a door in this area of my life. But, I’m still waiting. I’m not even sure if I’m even waiting anymore. I think I have just accepted that God doesn’t want this for me. I feel so unsuccessful in pretty much every area of my life. But, I can deal with everything else okay as long as I know God has a plan. I thought God wanted us to love. Why hasn’t he answered my prayers yet?
Peace
At 23 years, you’re already a fully mature, capable and responsible adult person, but you’re still very young. A lot can happen yet, and very different things from what has happened before.As for God’s plan, well, perhaps try to find out (more pious people than yours truly call it ‘discernment’), but don’t try to guess it. After all, He’s in control and not you, so it’s not like you need access to full information that’s in your God files.
And dating is overrated. People fall in an out of love, spend months or years in relationships and so without really going on a date. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever applied the term. Actually, wait, I have, a grand total of 1 times, in a passing comment half in jest.
If you’re inclined this way (not everybody is, for example I’m not), think of what you want in your husband and start looking for that, without even wasting time thinking about what you want in a man you would date.
Alternatively, think of what you want in your husband and start looking for that, without even wasting time thinking about what you want in a man you would date, and just wait until you fall in love, provided you meet enough people (group events, travelling and moving around a lot etc.).
If you don’t meet new people much, Catholic ‘dating’ websites might be a good choice of medium to meet more of them.
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pianistclare
Guest
Interestingly enough, there’s another thread where a guy who is 27 thinks he’ll never find a good Catholic woman.
Everyone thinks their dating situation is dire.
It’s not. You have loads of time. I met my husband online. It was great. We talked for 2 years before we met (he lived in another country). By the time we actually met, I knew most everything about him. You can tell really quickly if someone is a scammer or being dishonest. You just can. After months, his story never waivered, and he was very honest and kind on the phone.
You have plenty of time. of COURSE it’s worth praying for a husband. What in the world would cause you to think that any prayer is worthless.
Stop thinking of God as some great cosmic vending machine.
I know you’ll be mad that I said that, but really…you’ve not said anything about what you
are doing to rectify this lonely state of yours. You just want someone else to fix. It doesn’t work like that.
Everyone thinks their dating situation is dire.
It’s not. You have loads of time. I met my husband online. It was great. We talked for 2 years before we met (he lived in another country). By the time we actually met, I knew most everything about him. You can tell really quickly if someone is a scammer or being dishonest. You just can. After months, his story never waivered, and he was very honest and kind on the phone.
You have plenty of time. of COURSE it’s worth praying for a husband. What in the world would cause you to think that any prayer is worthless.
Stop thinking of God as some great cosmic vending machine.
I know you’ll be mad that I said that, but really…you’ve not said anything about what you
are doing to rectify this lonely state of yours. You just want someone else to fix. It doesn’t work like that.
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SAVINGRACE
Guest
Yes, God helps those who help themselves.Interestingly enough, there’s another thread where a guy who is 27 thinks he’ll never find a good Catholic woman.
Everyone thinks their dating situation is dire.
It’s not. You have loads of time. I met my husband online. It was great. We talked for 2 years before we met (he lived in another country). By the time we actually met, I knew most everything about him. You can tell really quickly if someone is a scammer or being dishonest. You just can. After months, his story never waivered, and he was very honest and kind on the phone.
You have plenty of time. of COURSE it’s worth praying for a husband. What in the world would cause you to think that any prayer is worthless.
Stop thinking of God as some great cosmic vending machine.
I know you’ll be mad that I said that, but really…you’ve not said anything about what you
are doing to rectify this lonely state of yours. You just want someone else to fix. It doesn’t work like that.
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