I'm pretty sure I have given up

[kptrs]

You had success with it; that does not mean that it has to feel right to her. She used words like “seems” to convey that she was talking about her gut reaction to the idea, not expressing an universal truth about the practice.

Online dating offers both opportunities and real dangers. It offers a way to meet people, yes, but it offers a way to meet total strangers that no one you know necessarily knows. It is not just attractive to isolated people, but to predatory people, too. It is also, quite obviously, a means by which someone out there is making money. It is helpful and perhaps even irreplaceably helpful for some, but not for everyone, and those who don’t want to do it are not insulting anybody who does. It is not rude to find it creepy any more than it is rude to say one dislikes talking to total strangers in the store or creepy to live in a house where some incident that makes you uncomfortable occurred. It is a matter of personal preference.

Yes, she is entitled to her opinion. But when one is talking to a general audience, one must stop and think about the fact that the people they’re talking to might be sensitive to what they’re talking about. It’s not a good idea to make a statement such as , “Dentists give me the creeps and I absolutely detest going to them. They’re so overrated!” when there very well may be someone in the group who is a dentist or has loved ones who are dentists. A better way to put it might be, “I have a bit of anxiety about visiting the dentist. I don’t usually look forward to going to my appointments.”

Her concerns about online dating are real and legitimate - believe me I considered them all before perusing it. But her choice of words and tone were condescending. I appreciate her apology to me and realize she did not mean to offend. However, I am entitled to my feelings, too, and her words did offend me.

 

[Kateri92]

Are we still talking about that? This is my thread. I didn’t say I detested anything and if you found anything condescending it was merely your imagination. Just please, lets stop pointing fingers here. :banghead:

 

[kptrs]

Are we still talking about that? This is my thread. I didn’t say I detested anything and if you found anything condescending it was merely your imagination. Just please, lets stop pointing fingers here. :banghead:

Okay, I’m sorry. Subject dropped.

 

[CatholicGuy31]

Hi everyone!

I wasn’t going to post a thread about this because I don’t really like to post things about dating and such (unless its a legitimate question I really need help with).

I’m almost 23 and I have never dated anyone. I have fallen in love too many time to count but it was for the most part unrequited. So, I’m pretty sure that I have just given up. I think I’m tired of getting my heart broken over and over again. But the desire for a permanent relationship is still in my heart. I have prayed A LOT that God would open up a door in this area of my life. But, I’m still waiting. I’m not even sure if I’m even waiting anymore. I think I have just accepted that God doesn’t want this for me. I feel so unsuccessful in pretty much every area of my life. But, I can deal with everything else okay as long as I know God has a plan. I thought God wanted us to love. Why hasn’t he answered my prayers yet?

Peace

I am so sorry you are going through this but at the same time glad to see someone care so much about love.

The only thing that hurts worse than a love that ends is a love that never even started. We have to go through these painful experiences before we realize what love really is. Our notion of love can sometimes be very different from the one God intended.
I think the hardest thing to deal with is not the actual waiting but to try to keep loving as best you can during that period of waiting and to not become too inward or passive.

My advice is to pray to St. Peter Canisius (patron saint of unrequited love) for any hurt you may still be carrying, then pray for your future spouse. Also remember that you are Catholic and that giving up is not really an option for us.

 

[Kateri92]

I am so sorry you are going through this but at the same time glad to see someone care so much about love.

The only thing that hurts worse than a love that ends is a love that never even started. We have to go through these painful experiences before we realize what love really is. Our notion of love can sometimes be very different from the one God intended.
I think the hardest thing to deal with is not the actual waiting but to try to keep loving as best you can during that period of waiting and to not become too inward or passive.

My advice is to pray to St. Peter Canisius (patron saint of unrequited love) for any hurt you may still be carrying, then pray for your future spouse. Also remember that you are Catholic and that giving up is not really an option for us.

Thanks so much for you post. I never knew there was a saint of unrequited love! That’s so cool! I’ll have to pray for his intercession.

 

[Bill_Martin]

I am also 23 and have never dated anyone. I was too shy, then too busy, and now I’m too boring. I’ve just about given up for the time being and it’s really difficult.

I don’t have much advice beyond praying for your future spouse. That is something that has really helped me.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

I’m not that good looking so online dating has not worked for me. But that is not to take anything away from those who do meet and marry someone from an online site. I’m happy for those I know who have succeeded in finding love online …

That said, it is important not to be a home-bound person, the Lord will not deliver a gift-wrapped spouse on someone’s front lawn just like that. Praying to the Lord is good, but one has to give the Lord the opportunity to put someone in his or her path. Get out of the house!

For shy and/or introverted singles among the readers, I can definitely recommend social dancing: ballroom, swing, salsa, etc., whatever. Take group classes, this is an excellent, wholesome way to get out of the house and interact with the opposite sex without the pressure of dating.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Hi everyone!

I wasn’t going to post a thread about this because I don’t really like to post things about dating and such (unless its a legitimate question I really need help with).

I’m almost 23 and I have never dated anyone. I have fallen in love too many time to count but it was for the most part unrequited. So, I’m pretty sure that I have just given up. I think I’m tired of getting my heart broken over and over again. But the desire for a permanent relationship is still in my heart. I have prayed A LOT that God would open up a door in this area of my life. But, I’m still waiting. I’m not even sure if I’m even waiting anymore. I think I have just accepted that God doesn’t want this for me. I feel so unsuccessful in pretty much every area of my life. But, I can deal with everything else okay as long as I know God has a plan. I thought God wanted us to love. Why hasn’t he answered my prayers yet?

Peace

Yes you are young at 23. I feel the same as you sometimes. I’m 45. I tried the dating thing and it didn’t work for me. Every guy I really ever liked wouldn’t give me the time of day and if I wasn’t interested they were mad for me. Still that way I just tell them I don’t date anymore not worth the trouble and drama that guys seem to want. Folks don’t believe me and keep saying to get back on the train but I’m not having it. Now if Mr. GQ asked me out maybe I’d consider it but given my track record I know that’s not in the realm of possibilities. You can always take a break and just say I’m not dating till I find someone that is really interested in me or who I think is worth the trouble. Another truth though I’ve learned if you want it all you have to risk it all. If you want to have someone heart you have to risk losing yours that’s just how it works. You need to guard you heart and not give it away lightly but there comes a point when you have to make the decision if it’s worth the risk again. Prayers.

 

[GrandmaLaLa]

Do you mind a bit of Grandma LaLa professional feedback? If you don’t want any feedback, just delete.

The first part of the post that I found most interesting is that you say, “I feel so unsuccessful in pretty much every area of my life.” They say that we attract who we are. Do you want to attract a person who feels this way about himself?

“I have fallen in love too many time to count but it was, for the most part, unrequited” If you have really never dated, how can you have fallen in love? What you feel is a crush on someone you know you will never have, so that way you are not disappointed when he takes up with the Captain of the Cheerleading Squad. After all, he didn’t even know you existed.

While you might not have dated, have you ever had a good male buddy? Someone with whom you can share? Someone who would give you some positive feedback and helpful hints.

Assignment:

What type of guy would you like to attract?

height
weight
religion
intelligence
employment
education
wants children
hobbies
smoker
drinker
attitude about life
happy
sad
dull
go getter
Other: ______________________________________

Now describe yourself in the same categories:
height
weight
religion
intelligence
education
wants children
hobbies
employment
smoker
drinker
attitude about life
happy
sad
dull
go getter
Other: ______________________________________

How close are you to what you want? very not sort of so not close

Ok. What areas of yourself should you be working on instead of being disappointed with love? Hobbies? Weight? education?

What I am trying to get at is if you do not feel good about yourself, God is waiting until you address that before he sends someone into your life. You have to do the work. You have to go out and work on yourself until you do feel good about yourself. If you don’t you are prime pickings for some guy who wants to abuse you.

If you have any questions about what your answers, feel free to send it back to me.

LaLa

 

[Kateri92]

You are right. I have actually started realizing this recently since getting professional help. I truly appreciate you support.

 

[acadiANNA]

Don’t ever give up.
What about a makeover? New hairstyle, makeup? Work on your self-confidence. Join a book club, singles group at Church, ask friends over for coffee or meet at a coffee shop. What are your interests? Once a high school teacher asked what would you do that would make others interested in you? Are you approachable? Do you smile a lot? Socialize with mutual friends and through them you will meet new people. God does not want you to obsess over this, that is self-serving. He wants you to believe in Him, trust Him, everything happens in His timeline. He knows the whole picture, you do not. Just relax and let God. He is with you in your journey. He knows what is in your heart. He wants us to ask in faith for what we want and He wants to answer our prayers. Keep praying. Take time to pray the Holy Rosary every day, ask our Blessed Mother to speak to her Son for you. Hope my thoughts have not offended you. Please be assured that I will be praying for you.

 

[hwriggles4]

Kateri92:

Here is a resource that I recommend. Amy Bonaccorso knows was she is talking about. This is a resource that was written within the last 7 years, and Amy wrote this not long after she got married herself (she was in her twenties when she wrote this). I think for women between 18 and 35 it is an excellent resource.

The book is called How to Get to ‘I Do’: A Dating Guide for Catholic Women. It gives some of the suggestions that have been mentioned in the last few posts.

Here is some more information, and it can be ordered on Amazon, or found at a bookstore. Some Catholic bookstores carry it. Honestly, I read it a few years ago (I told the clerk it was for my younger sister since I’m a guy), and I learned a few things myself.

If you have Facebook, Amy also has an official Facebook page. She does do some writing and some coaching. Not long ago she and her husband had a baby boy, and she does blog on some Catholic sites.

Here is her resource: amybonaccorso.com/

 

[Kateri92]

Thank you s much for the advice! Its really encouraging!