I'm really hating being a woman

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Obsidion

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I hate that I’m emotional, I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them. I hate that I’m judged so harshly for such superficial garbage that men don’t have to deal with half as much. I hate that all my body is geared towards is producing children, which I’m seriously questioning if I’m ever meant to have them or not. I know I’m only 22, but I’m seriously thinking about that and really don’t think I want children. It’s not that I don’t like them, I volunteer with them a lot at my parish and get along great with them. Some little kids really steal my heart and bring me so much joy. I just don’t believe I should have one of my own. And if I don’t want children, I know I can never get married.

I’m afraid that I won’t find my calling in life. Am I just meant to spend my life working in a career? I want to be a physician assistant; am I meant to spend my life dedicated to medicine? What should I do? How can I stop hating myself so much?
 
Bless you, it is hard to be a woman. Remember that you are a woman for a reason, you have many special and unique qualities about you and God knows you; women are full of emotions and that is how God made us. He knitted you together in the womb and he loves you so much never forget that; he will lead you down the path he wants you to go down, never fear, trust in him to guide you. 🙂

With the issue of hating yourself, remember that you are not perfect, nor is anyone else, as much as you need to be patient with everyone who does wrong or does you wrong you also need to be patient with yourself. No one knows what their future holds immediatly, you have to go through a process of figuring out where God wants you to be and take it step by step. He may take into the role of being a physician assistant, but look instead of at what the career is what you are gaining from it to advance Gods kingdom on earth, the graces and skills you will learn from the role may play a vital role for Gods overall plan for you.

I found this video very helpful, I have often found myself in the situation you are in now. Hating myself, feeling unsure of the future, etc. It is hard to know what to do when you dont have a script of life put before you, but God will lead you and he has special plans for you - youtube.com/watch?v=XSxdw18_wyQ

God Bless !! 😃
 
Obsidion said:
I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them.
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With all dues respect, where did you get the idea you had to look perfect? In whose eyes? God made you exactly how He wanted you. I can’t count how many women I know who do NOT meet secular society’s view of beauty yet they have husbands that love them to pieces
 
I’m an old guy jumping in your thread.

A person does not have to be a woman to have a list of things like this. The purpose of this website is to help people everywhere meet Jesus Christ and to become aware of the gospel message.

You said nothing about your faith (unless I missed it). My faith gives me hope about all my problems and the future. Dealing with my medical problems has pushed itself into the center stage of my life. For example, in the last six months, it has become hard for me to breathe. And, this is owing an incurable and progressive heart condition. I now have no rest from this preoccupation during my waking hours. It makes me wonder how other people handle their terminal conditions.

this has made me introspective as your situation seems to have made you. I try to avoid comparing myself to anybody else, for a number of reasons. First, I don’t want to waste any time judging them. second, I am very thankful for all the gifts from God I have received all of my life. Third, very early in life I became aware of birthdays and I was learning how to count – and it struck me at about age 7 that I wouldn’t be here forever.
etc. I realized a long time I’d never be an olympic athlete or a lot of other things.

(I just finished reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s book The Great Gatsby. To me, the title is misleading. FSF starts out the book reminding the reader what his father told him, not to judge anybody else, because you never know what opportunities they might have had or not had in their life. Just a thought. The relevance is to not judge yourself, either.)

I was an orderly in a nursing home and a patient stopped me one day to talk. He was over 90, very thin and sore, and he had what I can only describe as an old-man facial expression, somebody in pain – part of which is loneliness. But, what he said to me was, “you know, I am a happy man, because Jesus Christ is my personal savior.” That is a protestant slogan of his faith, of course.

But, I have tried to maintain a consciousness of the presence of God in my life at all times. He hears the slightest prayer I may whisper. throughout all the difficulties of my life I have almost always been in a form of prayer, of speaking to God, as boring as I am.

I am far from perfect, but I try to interact with other people in such a way that they would be prompted to say “thank you” to me – that doesn’t always happen, and that’s not primarily my pride that I’m “stroking” but trying to get some idea if I am making any positive contribution to the world while I am here.

Each of us is made in the image and likeness of God and our goal in life is divinization, to unite ourselves with Christ, to respond to God’s universal call of holiness. My suggestion is that you work on things and try to condition yourself to sanctifying every moment of your day. No one can do this for us and it is the thing that matters most, in the end. (Start looking for things that you can thank God for, and count your blessings.)
 
Obsidion said:
How can I stop hating myself so much?
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The first thing I would urge you to do is to make a good confession.

Then I would ask you to stop listening to whoever has been trying to set up an abusive relationship with you, should it apply.
 
You’re only 22 years old, and you very well could change your mind about kids in the future.

I’d say to work on gratitude. I had someone tell me to write down 100 things, every single day, that I was grateful for. On Day 1, I had trouble coming up with ten! Later, I could easily, and quickly, come up with more than one hundred.

Some say to count your blessings, and in that exercise I literally did that, and I never forgot it. It’s harder to be envious of others (men) if we are being grateful.

Also, men may not have it all, either. Try talking to one, and you’ll see he has his own worries and problems.
 
Don’t hate being a women. Mary, a women, is the greatest creature that God has created. She is even above the angels.

Women are amazing. Yes, women are put to higher standards when it comes to looks. But that’s due to both social and (to some extent) evolutionary patterns and norms.

Maybe if you feel lost in life perhaps consider becoming a nun. Especially that you don’t want children. Perhaps God is calling you to this. Think about it. But ultimately do what you feel you need to do. You’re only 22. You got a very long life ahead of you.
 
sirach2v4 said:
You said nothing about your faith (unless I missed it). My faith gives me hope about all my problems and the future. Dealing with my medical problems has pushed itself into the center stage of my life. For example, in the last six months, it has become hard for me to breathe. And, this is owing an incurable and progressive heart condition. I now have no rest from this preoccupation during my waking hours. It makes me wonder how other people handle their terminal conditions.
Click to expand...
I am Roman Catholic. I’m a cradle Catholic. I know that God exists and that Catholicism is the truth. I definitely have a lot of faith, but that doesn’t exempt me from carrying my cross, which is almost unbearable at times.
 
LaetenturCaeli said:
The first thing I would urge you to do is to make a good confession.

Then I would ask you to stop listening to whoever has been trying to set up an abusive relationship with you, should it apply.
Click to expand...
I went to Confession a few hours ago. I go once every other week. I’ve thought about going weekly, but am unsure if I should do that or not since I tend to get scrupulous easily sometimes.

And no, I have no one in my life who fits the description you described. Neither friends nor boyfriends (the friends who I once had who were driving me to self-loathing and are the biggest reason as to why I have the problems I have with people now I cut out of my life a long time ago). I’ve never had a boyfriend. Heck, I’ve never even been on a date, held hands, kissed, any of that stuff.
 
In order to think of having a child it would be a good idea to find a good husband first. That seems obvious, but some men aren’t good husband material. You may change your mind, too.

Someone I knew told me her husband went to the pub every night and came home when he thought the kids were asleep. He didn’t want to interact with kids because he found it challenging.

Women are always judged by their looks. Once a young man said that boys like him feel self conscious when they start growing mustaches. I told him, if you think it’s hard for a boy to start growing a mustache, how does he think a girl feels? It happens.

On the other hand, female mammals have whiskers and nobody cares. If a girl had a mustache, she would probably be told about it and it may even impact her ability to find a job. It is a proven fact that good-looking women get more attention and positive feedback. Such is life

The prettiest get the best, but someday, when they get old, they will be in for a big surprise. They won’t be able to depend on their looks anymore.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
In order to think of having a child it would be a good idea to find a good husband first. That seems obvious, but some men aren’t good husband material. You may change your mind, too.

Someone I knew told me her husband went to the pub every night and came home when he thought the kids were asleep. He didn’t want to interact with kids because he found it challenging.

Women are always judged by their looks. Once a young man said that boys like him feel self conscious when they start growing mustaches. I told him, if you think it’s hard for a boy to start growing a mustache, how does he think a girl feels? It happens.

On the other hand, female mammals have whiskers and nobody cares. If a girl had a mustache, she would probably be told about it and it may even impact her ability to find a job. It is a proven fact that good-looking women get more attention and positive feedback. Such is life

The prettiest get the best, but someday, when they get old, they will be in for a big surprise. They won’t be able to depend on their looks anymore.
Click to expand...
I don’t have low self-esteem about my looks. I hope that I don’t come across as arrogant, but I am attractive. I’ve had many men and women alike tell me I am. And I think it’s because of that that I struggle with my looks. Even though I am good-looking, I know that I’m not the most beautiful woman ever to have existed. I’m such a perfectionist, and it kills me. It’s just trying to keep up my looks that gets to me. All of the effort that I have to put in to look good is overwhelming and unfair. And when I do have a bad hair day or whatever, it’s hard for me to look past it sometimes. I want to be on my A-game all the time.
 
sirach2v4 said:
I’m an old guy jumping in your thread.

A person does not have to be a woman to have a list of things like this. The purpose of this website is to help people everywhere meet Jesus Christ and to become aware of the gospel message.

You said nothing about your faith (unless I missed it). My faith gives me hope about all my problems and the future. Dealing with my medical problems has pushed itself into the center stage of my life. For example, in the last six months, it has become hard for me to breathe. And, this is owing an incurable and progressive heart condition. I now have no rest from this preoccupation during my waking hours. It makes me wonder how other people handle their terminal conditions.

this has made me introspective as your situation seems to have made you. I try to avoid comparing myself to anybody else, for a number of reasons. First, I don’t want to waste any time judging them. second, I am very thankful for all the gifts from God I have received all of my life. Third, very early in life I became aware of birthdays and I was learning how to count – and it struck me at about age 7 that I wouldn’t be here forever.
etc. I realized a long time I’d never be an olympic athlete or a lot of other things.

(I just finished reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s book The Great Gatsby. To me, the title is misleading. FSF starts out the book reminding the reader what his father told him, not to judge anybody else, because you never know what opportunities they might have had or not had in their life. Just a thought. The relevance is to not judge yourself, either.)

I was an orderly in a nursing home and a patient stopped me one day to talk. He was over 90, very thin and sore, and he had what I can only describe as an old-man facial expression, somebody in pain – part of which is loneliness. But, what he said to me was, “you know, I am a happy man, because Jesus Christ is my personal savior.” That is a protestant slogan of his faith, of course.

But, I have tried to maintain a consciousness of the presence of God in my life at all times. He hears the slightest prayer I may whisper. throughout all the difficulties of my life I have almost always been in a form of prayer, of speaking to God, as boring as I am.

I am far from perfect, but I try to interact with other people in such a way that they would be prompted to say “thank you” to me – that doesn’t always happen, and that’s not primarily my pride that I’m “stroking” but trying to get some idea if I am making any positive contribution to the world while I am here.

Each of us is made in the image and likeness of God and our goal in life is divinization, to unite ourselves with Christ, to respond to God’s universal call of holiness. My suggestion is that you work on things and try to condition yourself to sanctifying every moment of your day. No one can do this for us and it is the thing that matters most, in the end. (Start looking for things that you can thank God for, and count your blessings.)
Click to expand...
👍
 
My husband heard this at a Catholic conference and it is a very good thing to remember and put into practice…

I love you Jesus.
I thank you for this Cross.
I accept this Cross and
I offer it for the conversion of sinners.

Thoughts of I hate this, I hate that need to stop. Giving in to that is only a downward spiral that is in your hands to control. Get control over these thoughts. Practice gratitude in its place. All of us are here to bring a blessing down on others, our neighborhoods, our workplaces, places we go where there are people. When you practice this negative thinking, it disables you from the power of God. It’s like pulling the plug of the toaster. Everything is there, everything works and is designed for a specific task but if it’s not plugged into the power source, it won’t get much done. Gratitude is the remedy!

May God be your strength, your help, your protection!
 
Sometimes we fabricate our own crosses.
Think about it

Most everything you are preoccupied with are just opinions, not rules for living.

Believe you can be yourself and see if you don’t feel a whole lot better soon.
 
Anglewannabe said:
With all dues respect, where did you get the idea you had to look perfect? In whose eyes? God made you exactly how He wanted you. I can’t count how many women I know who do NOT meet secular society’s view of beauty yet they have husbands that love them to pieces
Click to expand...
I’m one of them! I think I look absolutely hideous, but my husband tells me all the time how sexy he thinks I look. :eek: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
 
Looking your best is mostly a matter of skills and study, turned to the goal of making yourself a sort of art project. You have to find something fun about it, or your art and craft won’t work as well as you want.

However, a vivacious or likeable personality, self-confidence, and other winning qualities will often make even more difference. Don’t sell yourself short by focusing on life’s annoying side. That just increases the annoyance!
 
Obsidion said:
I went to Confession a few hours ago. I go once every other week. I’ve thought about going weekly, but am unsure if I should do that or not since I tend to get scrupulous easily sometimes.

And no, I have no one in my life who fits the description you described. Neither friends nor boyfriends (the friends who I once had who were driving me to self-loathing and are the biggest reason as to why I have the problems I have with people now I cut out of my life a long time ago). I’ve never had a boyfriend. Heck, I’ve never even been on a date, held hands, kissed, any of that stuff.
Click to expand...
It might sound like a cliche, but good things do come to those who wait. I was 24 before I met my husband, and had only been on a handful of dates before that. A woman couldn’t ask for a better husband.
 
Obsidion said:
I hate that I’m emotional, I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them. I hate that I’m judged so harshly for such superficial garbage that men don’t have to deal with half as much. I hate that all my body is geared towards is producing children, which I’m seriously questioning if I’m ever meant to have them or not. I know I’m only 22, but I’m seriously thinking about that and really don’t think I want children. It’s not that I don’t like them, I volunteer with them a lot at my parish and get along great with them. Some little kids really steal my heart and bring me so much joy. I just don’t believe I should have one of my own. And if I don’t want children, I know I can never get married.

I’m afraid that I won’t find my calling in life. Am I just meant to spend my life working in a career? I want to be a physician assistant; am I meant to spend my life dedicated to medicine? What should I do? How can I stop hating myself so much?
Click to expand...
I used to feel like you like I didn’t know what my role in life was and when I looked around it seemed like my brothers and other men I saw had a much easier life. Somehow I made it out of that stage–after college–and many years later I could see what God had planned for me. Just try to trust in him and pray. It’s rough out there and often hard to find men who are serious about life, love and responsibility. Nothing or no one is perfect. But God made you! He loves you. Don’t give up and I’ll be praying for you. You are so special… as a girl!!!
 
Obsidion said:
I don’t have low self-esteem about my looks. I hope that I don’t come across as arrogant, but I am attractive. I’ve had many men and women alike tell me I am. And I think it’s because of that that I struggle with my looks. Even though I am good-looking, I know that I’m not the most beautiful woman ever to have existed. I’m such a perfectionist, and it kills me. It’s just trying to keep up my looks that gets to me. All of the effort that I have to put in to look good is overwhelming and unfair. And when I do have a bad hair day or whatever, it’s hard for me to look past it sometimes. I want to be on my A-game all the time.
Click to expand...
Possibly you need to seek counseling? I don’t mean you’re crazy, but maybe a psychologist would be able to help you to ease off on your perfectionism and channel it into a more useful avenue. Looks are very much NOT the most important thing about you. You’re spending too much effort thinking about a less important part of you. It’s not unfair, because that implies that either someone is making you do it, or that you have a right to be the most beautiful woman ever. But you just chose it yourself–nobody made you do it. I think a better word would be “unwise.”

And if you are spending all of your efforts on your looks, how are you readying yourself for a good husband? Do you want to be married to a man who only cares about your looks? That would just be setting yourself up for a lifetime of seeking increasingly impossible perfection.

I’m not saying to just let yourself go, of course, but if you want a man who loves your insides as well, you need to start working on them at least as much as your looks. In themselves, looks are really not as important as all that. And whatever you do, you won’t keep them. But working on your character and mind has the added advantage that it is a good thing even if you never marry. 🙂

–Jen
 
revert_jen said:
Possibly you need to seek counseling? I don’t mean you’re crazy, but maybe a psychologist would be able to help you to ease off on your perfectionism and channel it into a more useful avenue. Looks are very much NOT the most important thing about you. You’re spending too much effort thinking about a less important part of you. It’s not unfair, because that implies that either someone is making you do it, or that you have a right to be the most beautiful woman ever. But you just chose it yourself–nobody made you do it. I think a better word would be “unwise.”

And if you are spending all of your efforts on your looks, how are you readying yourself for a good husband? Do you want to be married to a man who only cares about your looks? That would just be setting yourself up for a lifetime of seeking increasingly impossible perfection.

I’m not saying to just let yourself go, of course, but if you want a man who loves your insides as well, you need to start working on them at least as much as your looks. In themselves, looks are really not as important as all that. And whatever you do, you won’t keep them. But working on your character and mind has the added advantage that it is a good thing even if you never marry. 🙂

–Jen
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Honestly, I don’t put all of my identity with my looks. I’m sorry if it came across that way earlier. I was just really frustrated when I wrote all that, and wanted to get all of that junk off of my chest. I know that there’s more to being a woman than just looks. That’s why I also said that I hate how emotional I am, how weak I am, and I don’t think I want kids (for now anyways, perhaps I’ll change my mind but I don’t know), and that’s what the female body is geared towards.
 
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