I'm so afraid and hopeless

  • Thread starter Thread starter ineedofmercy
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I

ineedofmercy

Guest
i want so badly to be brave and not scared of telling my parents that i want to go confession
but i can’t even tell them with a clever excuse

i’m so afraid of refusing the eucharist or mentioning my problems to anyone that i can’t seem to force myself
its like my body knows it will hurt so it stops me like touching something hot you pull away by instinct

i feel like my summer is going to be wasted and my mind is taunted with the devils words of hopelessness that sound correct to my heart

i can’t seem to think i can do anything right
i can’t be brave
i doubt if pray correctly or that what i ask for happens

a priest recently said in a homily “you never waste time praying even if you don’t see the results” which was encouraging

but sometimes i can’t help but feel that it’s not going to get “fixed” or that i will be ok again

its like i’m in a cage and i’m sad in the cage but i fear whats outside that cage so i stay in because i don’t want my sadness to grow

i can’t help but feel that this pile of sin that i have will forever haunt me and even when i get to confession i won’t be done thinking its why i’m sad

do any of you know how i can get brave enough to do something
i can feel God wants me for something and i feel like no one understands my life or faith like i do
but its like i can’t get back despite wanting to because of what other people will say
i hate awkward situations and embarrassment but no one seems to understand

i wanna cry everytime i go to Mass because i’m fighting a war along with my guilt

i know i rant like this a lot but i can’t think of anything else to do right now

thank you for being here and any responses
 
Courage isn’t a lack of fear–it’s doing what is right even though you are afraid. Keep praying for the strength to face your fear and do what is right, but also be willing to do your part and take the opportunity when it comes. That means you need to decide now what you will do next time.

Other than admitting you have sinned, is there a reason you are afraid to ask your parents to get you to Confession?

You don’t need a clever excuse to go. You don’t need to tell your parents your sins, either. They only need to know that you would like to go to Confession. It can be hard (and even embarrassing) to admit we are not perfect, that we make mistakes. But the good news is, it’s not very likely that anyone thinks you’re really so perfect that you never make a mistake, so it probably won’t change anyone’s opinion of you for the worse. 😉 The important thing is to be persistent in holiness, not perfect.

I think you would benefit from a meeting with your priest or another trusted adult (a Godparent, perhaps?). Someone who can help guide you with some of those other issues.

I will pray for you. :gopray2:
 
I will pray for your anxiety to be relieved and for you to have courage. :highprayer:

Saint George (yes, the dragon slayer, patron of England) is for courage. Ask for his prayers if you’d like.

May God bless you and keep you, brother.
 
Perhaps it will help if I share a struggle with you. It’s a bit personal, but I don’t think beating around the bush will help.

In a couple of days I will be meeting a close friend and mentor of mine. I consider him something of a spiritual guide for me, and our conversations always revolve around God and faith. Last week he sent me a video he thought would be a good topic, and it was a video on porn addiction. He told me he looked forward to discussing it with me.

I’ve been dealing with this particular sin and addiction since I was a teenager. I have kept it hidden, and as a result have been praised as a model young man from a large amount of people. But all the while that sin has gnawed at me. If they only knew they would hate me is what I thought. I never wanted to tell anyone, but at the same time I desperately wanted help.

So now I’ve been backed into a corner, and in a couple of days I am going to admit my sin to someone I trust deeply; and a part of me is terrified. But that is part of me. The other part of me knows that this man cares about my spiritual life, he wants the best for me. I also know that when I confess my sins to him, a burden will be lifted. He knows what it is to struggle with sin, and will help guide me to better paths.

If your priest is worthy of his office, he will want the same for you that my friend wants for me, whatever your sin is. Tell your parents you want to confess (no need to specify) and then go and do it. It’s hard, it hurts, its terrifying, but you will leave the confessional feeling lighter.

I think God understood the human need to tell other people our sins, that’s why he told us to confess to one another. So take courage in the fact that you’re not alone, you have others who are in the same boat and are just as scared as you are. Facing our sins is a foul medicine, but it is a medicine that cures and heals in the long run.

You have my prayers, and think of me when you feel like your alone in your struggle and anxiety. We can do this.

God bless, and may He fill us with His courage and drive away all despair.
 
Friend, calm down. You are just a teen. Things will get better.

I would not tell your parents about your issues with pornography, just avoid exposure to it all costs. Find physical and mental activities to keep yourself busy all day/night. Pray, read the Bible and Catechism daily.

I don’t know how far you live from church. (I was lucky enough to grow up within walking distance of two parishes. Today, I live within 2 miles of 3 parishes, each with daily Mass. I know how lucky that I am.) Try getting to daily Mass a couple of times a week. If church is too far to walk/bike, you may have to wait until you can drive.

I cannot give you advice on receiving Communion, that is your pastor’s responsibility. You could certainly call the church office and ask to speak to your pastor on the phone.
 
During the time I went to school they had confession during the week, and the students were expected to go whether they wanted to or not.

Sometimes the excuse was used, “Well, I have to go to confession before receiving communion”. And another excuse would be “I forgot and ate something.”

Of course, hardly anyone went to communion very frequently because of fasting from midnight.

It seems hard to understand why your parents would object to taking you.

Maybe they should go, too. It is no big deal to admit one is not perfect, and you are not obligated to tell your sins to your parents.
 
I think your a perfectly normal teen, that’s perhaps a bit unsure of yourself,
Self Confidence comes in time,bit like when you first tried to ride a Bicycle ,
You fall,you crash, you get bruises &. Scratches , but the more you try the better you get,
You have normal sins like everyone else,remember during Mass the Priest says,
Look not on your sins but on the Faith of our Church, I suggest you get involved in after school activities like joining a Brass band perhaps,or theatre group,their great for self confidence,
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
During the time I went to school they had confession during the week, and the students were expected to go whether they wanted to or not.

Sometimes the excuse was used, “Well, I have to go to confession before receiving communion”. And another excuse would be “I forgot and ate something.”

Of course, hardly anyone went to communion very frequently because of fasting from midnight.

It seems hard to understand why your parents would object to taking you.

Maybe they should go, too. It is no big deal to admit one is not perfect, and you are not obligated to tell your sins to your parents.
Click to expand...
It’s not that they will object it’s that they will bug me and tease me about it
I’ve never really cared about confession until I woke up to my life and now they would think something was up
It would be out of no where and they’d be very annoying about it
Last time i just asked my mom when we were going and she made jokes and asked questions with a smug look

My brother and I say that happens everytime we ask about something just a tad awkward so we never ask them about much now because they unintentionally hurt us badly with how they act
 
mjhudson said:
Perhaps it will help if I share a struggle with you. It’s a bit personal, but I don’t think beating around the bush will help.

In a couple of days I will be meeting a close friend and mentor of mine. I consider him something of a spiritual guide for me, and our conversations always revolve around God and faith. Last week he sent me a video he thought would be a good topic, and it was a video on porn addiction. He told me he looked forward to discussing it with me.

I’ve been dealing with this particular sin and addiction since I was a teenager. I have kept it hidden, and as a result have been praised as a model young man from a large amount of people. But all the while that sin has gnawed at me. If they only knew they would hate me is what I thought. I never wanted to tell anyone, but at the same time I desperately wanted help.

So now I’ve been backed into a corner, and in a couple of days I am going to admit my sin to someone I trust deeply; and a part of me is terrified. But that is part of me. The other part of me knows that this man cares about my spiritual life, he wants the best for me. I also know that when I confess my sins to him, a burden will be lifted. He knows what it is to struggle with sin, and will help guide me to better paths.

If your priest is worthy of his office, he will want the same for you that my friend wants for me, whatever your sin is. Tell your parents you want to confess (no need to specify) and then go and do it. It’s hard, it hurts, its terrifying, but you will leave the confessional feeling lighter.

I think God understood the human need to tell other people our sins, that’s why he told us to confess to one another. So take courage in the fact that you’re not alone, you have others who are in the same boat and are just as scared as you are. Facing our sins is a foul medicine, but it is a medicine that cures and heals in the long run.

You have my prayers, and think of me when you feel like your alone in your struggle and anxiety. We can do this.

God bless, and may He fill us with His courage and drive away all despair.
Click to expand...
I can relate to a lot of what you said
But my parents aren’t the same as a close religious friend
My friends are just guys like me(who I’m slowly trying to help in faith)
My brother isn’t as serious as I am
And talking to my parents is either awkward or just painful

I wish I had a religious friend so I could have a reason and someone to back me up

I know God says he will make it work and heal my pain
But it’s hard to trust that with your heart and not just you head
My heart is worried about the pain and even if it goes away it was still there

I know pain can be good for us when it is for God but even still it’s hard to get up and do it

I just wish this would all go away

I know he has a plan and can do anything to make it better but even still it’s very difficult

My worst fear is embarrassment and emotion pain/stress (not even physical pain or death scare me more) that’s probably why it’s what I have go up against

I pray for a opportunity for a less painful path
 
I’d encourage you to go to Confession even if people around you don’t understand. I’m the only Catholic in my family and I know it can be difficult to have disagreements with family about faith related things. You’re not alone in this 🙂 if they make any comments, maybe you could say something like “I believe in going to Confession regularly, as the Church encourages us to do”? God bless you
 
You are struggling with what I presume to be pornography and masturbation
You are feeling hopeless all day, crippled and paralyzed by fear, you have lost your appetite(or gained weight), sleep too much in order not to sin since you cannot sin while asleep and the worst thing happens on Sunday when you want to go to church and Communion and you can’t not take part since your parents are there and would ask you why and you are too ashamed to admit it.

I’ve been there and still from the day I heard that porn and masturbation are mortal sins.

Please, do not be afraid, have faith in Jesus, some of the good folks around here will tell you to pray, it is a good idea but I also encourage you to talk to Jesus as you would talk to a normal friend, for someone hopless talking to Jesus in regular human words will help, look at the Psalms, they are a discussion between their writer and God.

I don’t know your age, but depending on how long you’ve been addicted to that, it is not easy to get out, people will ask you to delete your porn and install firewalls, it might help but an addiction is hard to kick, if you have a therapist at school, try to talk to him, he is bound to secrecy.

Confession is a really great thing, I’ve searched an entire city in order to find it, the priest will be very understanding, he will not judge you, if you are ashamed from the one in your area, go to a different area, provided that you are a legal adult to drive, you’ll be afraid at first but when you tell your story, it will be something else.

After that you will probably fall again, do not despair, if you watch porn for 12 consecutive hours, this time will drop in half and soon enough you will lose interest, never stop fighting.

Remember that Jesus is your friend, he is always waiting for you, your guardian angel is near you, saints are praying for you, it is very hard for someone in our situation to understand that when all he wants to do is to see porn, but remember that you are not alone and millions are victims including the girls you are watching.

Don’t be afraid.
 
JosephHope said:
You are struggling with what I presume to be pornography and masturbation
You are feeling hopeless all day, crippled and paralyzed by fear, you have lost your appetite(or gained weight), sleep too much in order not to sin since you cannot sin while asleep and the worst thing happens on Sunday when you want to go to church and Communion and you can’t not take part since your parents are there and would ask you why and you are too ashamed to admit it.

I’ve been there and still from the day I heard that porn and masturbation are mortal sins.

Please, do not be afraid, have faith in Jesus, some of the good folks around here will tell you to pray, it is a good idea but I also encourage you to talk to Jesus as you would talk to a normal friend, for someone hopless talking to Jesus in regular human words will help, look at the Psalms, they are a discussion between their writer and God.

I don’t know your age, but depending on how long you’ve been addicted to that, it is not easy to get out, people will ask you to delete your porn and install firewalls, it might help but an addiction is hard to kick, if you have a therapist at school, try to talk to him, he is bound to secrecy.

Confession is a really great thing, I’ve searched an entire city in order to find it, the priest will be very understanding, he will not judge you, if you are ashamed from the one in your area, go to a different area, provided that you are a legal adult to drive, you’ll be afraid at first but when you tell your story, it will be something else.

After that you will probably fall again, do not despair, if you watch porn for 12 consecutive hours, this time will drop in half and soon enough you will lose interest, never stop fighting.

Remember that Jesus is your friend, he is always waiting for you, your guardian angel is near you, saints are praying for you, it is very hard for someone in our situation to understand that when all he wants to do is to see porn, but remember that you are not alone and millions are victims including the girls you are watching.

Don’t be afraid.
Click to expand...
I think you understand me more than anyone else ever has

I try to hope and trust in Jesus and ask for courage but I always think I didn’t do it right or didn’t want it enough

I was so used to having no one help me (been severely afraid of judgement by others for most of my life) now I’m deeply religious but still lost

One side me says he loves me and he is going to help me I just need to wait and see but the other side says you hurt Him and he’s sad and you pile of sin and punishment will have to be dealt with and you have to suffer by yourself without help

I know I need to say something but I can’t
I’m afraid I will become so stressed out after the ask questions and think of me weird that I will be paranoid and depressed even more
I already hate living most days after this I don’t know what I will do

And I can’t seem to force it to happen because 1: I fear the initial pain 2: it’s like a trust test and I don’t have faith I will be caught
I feel like it will be suffering for good but I won’t care and just be sad

I want it to be mercy Sunday so I can restart and hopefully rid myself of the heavy depressing shadow of dread and despair

This has highlighted all my other little struggles in life making them worse and turning my goals into hopeless traps

I want this to be over but I’m afraid to start

I’m gonna pray and try to look at the big picture
I will try to stay hopeful and trust him as friend and not an authority figure
I pray for him to change my heart
I need to wait and pray I guess
 
Don’t despair… Its unrepentance that we should fear. If a person is repentant and has a good will, they will triumph with God’s grace.
 
I would say, do your best to go to confession, but if you really can’t, then repent to Him on your own from your heart. He knows your heart.

When you are ready to fight this sin, I would suggest, besides prayer, confession and Communion, that you do some fasting and prostrations. Also try to do acts of charity, helping people. When we are tempted to put our body to a bad use, the best way to fight back is to put it to a good use. Go without meat on a Wednesday or a Friday. Here’s how to do a prostration- face east if you can, make the sign of the cross, say “Lord Jesus have mercy on me, a sinner”, then go to your knees, then place your hands on the floor in front of you, then lean forward and down with your upper body until your forehead touches the floor. Then get back up. You can do this as many times as you want. I have found this helpful.
 
ineedofmercy said:
I think you understand me more than anyone else ever has

I try to hope and trust in Jesus and ask for courage but I always think I didn’t do it right or didn’t want it enough

I was so used to having no one help me (been severely afraid of judgement by others for most of my life) now I’m deeply religious but still lost

One side me says he loves me and he is going to help me I just need to wait and see but the other side says you hurt Him and he’s sad and you pile of sin and punishment will have to be dealt with and you have to suffer by yourself without help

I know I need to say something but I can’t
I’m afraid I will become so stressed out after the ask questions and think of me weird that I will be paranoid and depressed even more
I already hate living most days after this I don’t know what I will do

And I can’t seem to force it to happen because 1: I fear the initial pain 2: it’s like a trust test and I don’t have faith I will be caught
I feel like it will be suffering for good but I won’t care and just be sad

I want it to be mercy Sunday so I can restart and hopefully rid myself of the heavy depressing shadow of dread and despair

This has highlighted all my other little struggles in life making them worse and turning my goals into hopeless traps

I want this to be over but I’m afraid to start

I’m gonna pray and try to look at the big picture
I will try to stay hopeful and trust him as friend and not an authority figure
I pray for him to change my heart
I need to wait and pray I guess
Click to expand...
I am currently in the same place as you.

Please don’t go into despair, I’ve been there for 16 years, going to church every Sunday thinking that as long as I’m not doing the physical act, I’m not sinning, imagine reading what is written in this and other threads about the topic, I lost my mind and with my predisposition to depression, things went south easily.

You cannot concentrate and while praying, your mind is always like I love you Jesus, I don’t want to sin, why aren’t you helping me, even when you are watching porn you do not really want to but something is pushing you there and
you cannot stop until you touch yourself, possibly multiple times, and feel a great amount of shame.

Jesus is not counting your sins, the first time I went for confession, the priest explained to me that porn and masturbation are not made sins because they hurt God, God is greater than the whole universe, we cannot hurt Him, they are sins because they prevent you from having a normal human relation with a girl, I presume that you have a crush on a girl but you’re too afraid of rejection that it is preventing you from asking her out so you compensate with porn.

Being in a judgemental environment doesn’t help anyone, especially if it is coming from family, when you confess, the priest will not judge you, he knows that after that you confess, you’ll likely to fall again, let everyday be Mercy Sunday, even when you fall, porn is an addiction, the subject is a taboo in most societies (some more than others).

Remember that all the saints didn’t become so by just pressing a button, their whole life was a series of struggling and temptation, that they overcome.

As I said earlier, I do not know how long you had this addiction but it won’t go overnight, if you delete all your stash of porn, it will find a way to come back, if you don’t treat the root, you’ll feel the withdrawal symptoms and it will despair you more.

You might have failed since your last post here, don’t despair, try finding something you dislike or disgust you in the scenes you’re watching, look at the girl’s eyes or fake smile, does she look happy with what’s going on? Sometimes they keep part of their clothes on or try to cover body parts, they are not happy. I do not know the closeness you follow the subject, but most newbies are out after a couple of scenes.
I am praying for you, it might impossible now to believe it, but you will overcome it and sooner than you think.
 
JosephHope said:
I am currently in the same place as you.

Please don’t go into despair, I’ve been there for 16 years, going to church every Sunday thinking that as long as I’m not doing the physical act, I’m not sinning, imagine reading what is written in this and other threads about the topic, I lost my mind and with my predisposition to depression, things went south easily.

You cannot concentrate and while praying, your mind is always like I love you Jesus, I don’t want to sin, why aren’t you helping me, even when you are watching porn you do not really want to but something is pushing you there and
you cannot stop until you touch yourself, possibly multiple times, and feel a great amount of shame.

Jesus is not counting your sins, the first time I went for confession, the priest explained to me that porn and masturbation are not made sins because they hurt God, God is greater than the whole universe, we cannot hurt Him, they are sins because they prevent you from having a normal human relation with a girl, I presume that you have a crush on a girl but you’re too afraid of rejection that it is preventing you from asking her out so you compensate with porn.

Being in a judgemental environment doesn’t help anyone, especially if it is coming from family, when you confess, the priest will not judge you, he knows that after that you confess, you’ll likely to fall again, let everyday be Mercy Sunday, even when you fall, porn is an addiction, the subject is a taboo in most societies (some more than others).

Remember that all the saints didn’t become so by just pressing a button, their whole life was a series of struggling and temptation, that they overcome.

As I said earlier, I do not know how long you had this addiction but it won’t go overnight, if you delete all your stash of porn, it will find a way to come back, if you don’t treat the root, you’ll feel the withdrawal symptoms and it will despair you more.

You might have failed since your last post here, don’t despair, try finding something you dislike or disgust you in the scenes you’re watching, look at the girl’s eyes or fake smile, does she look happy with what’s going on? Sometimes they keep part of their clothes on or try to cover body parts, they are not happy. I do not know the closeness you follow the subject, but most newbies are out after a couple of scenes.
I am praying for you, it might impossible now to believe it, but you will overcome it and sooner than you think.
Click to expand...
I relate alot to this

I hope this can be over soon

I may have to suffer to end it and that’s a terrible feeling to have to submit to pain for a roll of the dice to get there

I love my family but they’re unintentionally holding me back because I fear their judgement

I know I’m not supposed to fear man only God but I fear both so I’m in a terrible situation

I’m trying to trust but I go wrong and don’t always see the help I asked for

I will keep praying
Try to stay posistive
If my friends knew how much they contributed to my life
It’s all I look foward too
I love people but its also my worst fear to not have a posistive experience

I’m the comedian that looks to be a carelessly funny nice guy but I’m also nervous around people a comedy is just a sheild to keep then posistive

Sorry I rant on but it’s nice to have someone listen
I can’t talk like this any person like this to talk too
It’s not that don’t trust it’s just I don’t wanna ruin or bother them

Sometimes the happy guy with all the friends is the one who is the most lonely and depressed

Thank you for you prayers and concern
I will try my best with everything
 
One time in confession, after saying I fell into porn/masturbation again, the priest asked “Why? There must be a reason for it”. I didn’t know how to answer at the moment, but it really made me think about it. In my case, it was loneliness and depression.

The priest’s question really stuck with me though. Sometimes we take the things we do for granted without ever thinking about why we do them. Without going after the root cause, trying to stop is a lost cause. It’s like repeatedly pouring a cup of water on a fire and watching it spring back up.
 
Bill_Martin said:
One time in confession, after saying I fell into porn/masturbation again, the priest asked “Why? There must be a reason for it”. I didn’t know how to answer at the moment, but it really made me think about it. In my case, it was loneliness and depression.

The priest’s question really stuck with me though. Sometimes we take the things we do for granted without ever thinking about why we do them. Without going after the root cause, trying to stop is a lost cause. It’s like repeatedly pouring a cup of water on a fire and watching it spring back up.
Click to expand...
True. And after awhile, your body gets addicted to the dopamine “rush” so there is physiology involved too. But there are nutritional substitutes that can help with that.
 
Yeah, using comedy as a defense mechanism, you probably are the class’s funny guy, you make spontaneous jokes and people laugh, but when they want to be serious you’re out.

I know that you are asking God and saints to make you change your habits, that’s not going to happen overnight, the main reason is that He created you free, and despite what others believe that following God is a hard path, it’s not, God will not ask from you something you cannot do.

You must treat the root of your addiction, why do you watch porn?
Mine started as a teenager when I wanted to see what girls have as reproductive system, and it went from that to hardcore porn after many setbacks in my life.

Most people won’t agree with what say, but deleting all your porn and installing firewalls won’t work, I tried it several times, it is an addiction and like all addictions, an addict will do anything to get his fix.

I like to propose to you a method for getting rid of it, ask Jesus for help before going into the folder where your porn is located then start browsing file by file, watch the file, not for porn but for things that you do not like for instance, in some scenes they insult Jesus, you do not want that, delete the file, search for everything that you do not like, blasphemy, insults towards God, porn stars wearing religious symbols while doing the scene, girl in scene appearing afraid, always looking towards someone, name of the porn site itself and many more and every time you find something you do not approve, delete the file, you do not have to do that in a single day, it might take days or more but after that, you will be relieved, and when you manage to confess, you tell the priest what you’ve done and he will be very supportive.

You’re in my prayer, please keep me and everyone who is in our situation in yours.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top