I'm so hurt. Dh is looking at porn again.

[GhostMan]

i’m getting tired of this double stand B - &%$ about how men don’t have feelings when it comes to sex… or they don’t ALWAYS connect emotions and sex. Well, for one thing, women can be like that also… It doesn’t mean that women are MADE that way… which is the implication when people speak of men’s sexuality… They say that men are Just “like that”… Well, of course they are 'like that" if they are the kind who cave in to society’s expectations that thye be “macho”… Well, to me, Macho means doing the right thing… being a faithful husband and good father. Any man who cares more about what secular society thinks about so called man-hood… more than he cares about living for God… & doing right is not worthy of a woman… even a “bad” woman…

this one guest on t he Johnny carson show yrs ago was supposed to have said that "The best man in the world isn’t worthy of the worst whore."

I tend to agree…

Wow, it seems like your standard comeback is profanity and anger, then to slander men. I stand by my initial post calling you out on your behavior in this marriage. You both are wrong, but only he seems willing to admit it.

I’m thinking that there are a lot of deep-seat problems in this marriage and we’re only hearing about the evil man here.

 

[GraceDK]

Ghostman…
It seems the posts here are highly loaded with emotion.
People always respond very loudly when they have been the victims of some grave wrong comitted against them or their children (like adultery, cheating, porn) … and to not have that pain and hurt recognized for what it is and the harm it has caused, is insufferable. People will then yell louder and louder in order for their wounds to be reconized … Reconciliation and peace can not come to the heart before the wrong has been admitted… In the heat of that pain things can be said that are over the edge and unessesarily sharp… the person is not really peaceful and reflective… so dont put too much into the words about the “unworthiness of men”… but pray for men and women that are afflicted by the sin of their spouse or someone else to the extent that it damages their view on the other gender in generel to such a point. I think you can be a strong intercessor for these people…

…

One observation that I have made on these boards which is something else is that it seems that ‘religion creates division between men and women’. In secular society I have never seen such a warfare between the sexes that I see here… its quite sad.
What I mean by warfare is that men tend to side with men against women and women with women agaisnt men… in other words, to illustrate… if a woman is or might be cheating on her husband then a lot of men will come and tell her husband to get rid of her because of her foul behavior. If its the man who is cheating they will tell the woman to give him a second chance and remind her of the sacredness of their vows, her duty to forgive and be patient etc. And all this also vice versa. Each gender seems to have more tolerance for their own gender and the certain sins and flaws that are more prevailant in that gender…
Maybe we all just understand and emphatize more with our own gender…
or maybe the religion has us focus too much on roles and gender instead of personality… ?

Just a few thoughts…

 

[newbetx]

This thought really bothers me. Knowing that porn holds his interest means that those images are affecting his view of sexuality. And even if he stops looking for good, the images are still going to be there. Images of thousands of different women. When all I wanted was a husband who only had eyes for me.

Kittery,
Don’t worry. My experience is that these images will eventually fade and become insignificant. Kittery, you CAN get him back. Really, you can. He’s not lost forever. Believe me. He may just need to learn to love God and himself again.

I am encouraged by your report that he stayed away for a long period of time. I suspect it has to do with his respect and love for you. But if he still is denying that it is wrong, there is plenty of work to do. He has to WANT to change and desire the grace to do so.

Has he read anything on TOB? Do you think he would care WHY it’s wrong from the Church’s perspective? It didn’t take long for the mesage to become clear to me once I started reading about TOB. It might work for him, too. I may sound like a broken record but for many men, certain “rules” seem optional. KWIM?

As for your computer. I must say that the porn purveyors are getting really good at finding their way to our computers. My kid’s computer was hijacked and all sorts of things started popping up on the screen. You are right in your concern for your children. This could be the main strength of your argument for getting more control over the content seen on the computer screen.

I will add your family to my intentions. Keep up the good fight. He may need “friendly” reminders or encouragement to “learn together” or something. Keep up the focus!

 

[Therese_Martin]

Note:

This thread is closed. Thanks to all who participated in the discussion.