I'm thinking of becoming a housewife

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I am interested in hearing from wives who went from full-time employment to choosing to stay home full-time. How did it affect your marriage? How did it affect your finances? Do you recommend it?

We don’t have children, so part of me feels guilty about wanting to stay home. But we are just both very stressed out right now, and I’m thinking staying home would take a lot of stress off of my husband (and myself). We both work about 45 hours per week, and it seems like all of our free time is spent running errands, and taking care of household things. We would have less money, of course. But I’m a nanny, so it’s not like I make a lot anyway. I’m thinking that we would eat out less, I could shop smarter, etc., so we could make up a lot of the pay-cut simply by me having more time to do household things. Also, his parents are starting to need a little bit of help with car rides, things like that. Any thoughts?
 
If your husband is in agreement, do it! I worked until about 3 mos. before our 1st was born and haven’t worked full time since, in 21 years. My being a full-time homemaker (I don’t like the term “housewife”) has helped my husband tremendously over the years. He’s gotten rather spoiled, never has to do anything like car care, house work, contractor hiring, anything to do with our sons - he can just go to work and concentrate on his career. Hey come to think about it - maybe it’s not that great an idea…🙂

No, seriously, when the kids come along, both parents HAVE to be involved. It’s just more than one person can handle. I tried to do it all and even without working outside the home, I burned out. You have to set boundaries or you will end up doing too much. There’s no paycheck so it’s kind of natural to take on more jobs trying to justify yourself to your husband and the world.

I like to use the title “Operations Manager” now because that’s more like what I really do - it’s having to respond to whatever is happening on a minute’s notice.
 
hannajomar said:
I am interested in hearing from wives who went from full-time employment to choosing to stay home full-time. How did it affect your marriage? How did it affect your finances? Do you recommend it?

We don’t have children, so part of me feels guilty about wanting to stay home. But we are just both very stressed out right now, and I’m thinking staying home would take a lot of stress off of my husband (and myself). We both work about 45 hours per week, and it seems like all of our free time is spent running errands, and taking care of household things. We would have less money, of course. But I’m a nanny, so it’s not like I make a lot anyway. I’m thinking that we would eat out less, I could shop smarter, etc., so we could make up a lot of the pay-cut simply by me having more time to do household things. Also, his parents are starting to need a little bit of help with car rides, things like that. Any thoughts?
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I became a stay at home mom the beginning of this past school year. I worked in the school system in a program for adolescent parents and didn’t make a whole lot of money, mainly I worked for the insurance. Once we had our second child I may as well have had my check direct deposited to the daycare! My mother had been at home and most of my aunts, I’ve always thought it was the best thing and though there are rough days I love it.

My husband is getting spoiled as well. He never saw the value of it until I left work. The time we have together is actually time together now, not cleaning, grocery shopping etc. As for affording it, we realized we’re actually doing better now. I never clipped coupons before because there wasn’t the time, spent more in gas, ate out A LOT more, not only am I not buying a lunch out at work anymore I make my husbands also.

I highly recommend it!
 
I know exactly what your saying. My life felt like a huge “to-do” list. It sounds like your experiencing burn-out for the stress of it all.

I took time off. Obviously the finances were effected but was able to pay the bills. I live a bit simpler but am happier. If you add up the cost of gas to get to work, wardrobe, dry cleaning clothes it costs quite a bit to work (I was in a corporate job).

I love being home. I don’t have children either but enjoyed my three dogs and have lots of house projects. I, actually talk to people in the grocery store, rather than the mad dash in and out when I was working. I’ve gotton to know some neighbors. I walk lots and enjoy the beauty I had no idea was around me.

I shop wisely, I make cleaning products with vinegar and baking soda and save so much on those types of products. I don’t require much for a wardrobe these days, so I save lots there also. I never did eat out much in restaurants (which is probably unhealthy anyway). I use the local library for free DVD’s and their books and e-books.

Burning yourself out with stress isn’t good. It doesn’t have to be a forever decision.You can always go back to work. If you’re not stressed out, your marriage will be even better. Go with what’s in your heart and do what’s best for you.
 
I was a stay-at-home mother.
My boys later said, “Mum, thank you for always being there for us.”
It was immediately when they came in that they wanted to talk. Later in the afternoon they were less inclined to.They still phone me often to share things about their lives and thoughts, though it’s years since they left home.

They even remained sentimental about the after-school snacks, often my own made-up recipes.

But so many mothers who long to be with their children, are financially unable to do so.
They find ways to compensate. We all do the best we can in our circumstances
 
I did that. There were people who had trouble with me staying home but when they thought about it, I’m sure they were envious. lol When hubby comes home, there’s a hot meal on the table, there’s groceries bought, clean laundry in the closets, no housework to do, grass is cut, snow is shoveled. Stress levels waaayy down. Not to mention that time spent with aging parents helping them along will be something you look back on and be happy you did make the time for them. For the summer if you want some cash, there’s people who go away and would pay some money to have a person watch their place, cut the grass, water flowers, check on the cat etc. That could pay for coffee dates with hubby.

You may find that both of you are healthier because home cooked meals are (or should be!) better for you. Free time to enjoy each other, spend time at parks, or whatever, is good for the blood pressure and mental health! It’s good for a marriage. You’ll both smile more. 😉

I hope you will be able to attend Mass or a Divine Liturgy during the week as well and get plugged into God’s graces in a more substantial way too.
 
You could give it a trial run. Quit for a few months and see if you two can make the adjustment and live on only one income, if it works out you can stay at home for good, and if not, you should not have too much trouble finding another position, maybe part time.
 
Try living on your SAHW budget for a month, minus the gas you need now for work. See how it feels, and if you think it will be doable!
 
My wife is a housewife. We don’t have much money, but I don’t care.
The good things she does for our marriage: House is always clean ( most men can’t abide a dirty house) Lunch is ready when I go home; supper is ready or almost ready when I get there; I always have clean clothes; she even shines my shoes; we have a beautiful yard (even the birds like her)
 
I am single so I have to work full time and I find it ridiculously tiring to cook healthy meals and basically, my appartment goes from messy to discustingly dirty and it is really getting humiliating and frustrating.

I am 42 (so chances are I will never have kids) and I know this would turn off a lor of men but my mind has been made up, if ever I do marry, it be the last day in my life I ever work full-time as long as my husband is healthy.

My only concern is not working at all may be a bit too much time on your hands. Would it be possible to work part time? I have a friend who works 8 hours a week as a cashier in a grocery store. Is that an option?

CM
 
What a loving endeavor! I made that decision after the birth of my first daughter and I’m so glad I did. I had some challenges transitioning to full time at home – the shift from work to home was different than I had imagined.

I’m including a link to an article on preparing financially to go from two incomes to one. This is from Crown Financial Ministries. They’re not Catholic, but they have great resources for those who want to do what you’re doing, get out of debt, teach kids about finances etc.

crown.org/Library/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleId=820

I believe there’s a book as well, but I couldn’t find that.
 
I agree there are really no downsides to willingly being at home. Except, the what ifs…

I know there’s no guarantee of jobs, health etc., but staying at home w/ no children seems

like an extreme luxury that may come back to bite you if your spouse loses job or falls ill.

Met a young widow last week with seven children, I recall she was still shocked “it”

happened to her 6 years ago. Personally, I’d work save my money for children, retirement,
charity etc.
 
Good for you go for it !

Whatever the feminist lobby say being a SAHM or even a SAHW is just as valid and valuable a vocation as ‘working’ .
 
Can you be a homemaker without a husband? 😛

I am so thankful for a job, but today I wish I could marry a prince.
 
I’m a SAHW but I work a part time job from home to add a bit more to our income. We have no children and none will be coming now that I’m nearly 64. We have a retirement plan through dh’s work and the KCs, health & life insurance & house insurance, so we’re doing all right there. In all our 26 years of marriage I’ve only worked outside the home a handful of times to supplement our income when needed. Otherwise we’ve lived our whole married lives with me at home and we love it. We live in a small house that’s easy to care for and we try to buy frugally, although I use very few coupons because most don’t meet our needs.

If a woman wants a career, marriage and children I think such couples may as well hire a live in nanny and have cook/housekeeper–that is if both incomes will allow for it. Otherwise, as other gals have said, all the woman’s income goes for daycare, transportation to work, work clothes, lunches, and other such expenses. It really makes more sense for her to just stay home, if she has no burning desire for a career. Kids don’t need a lot of stuff to make them happy–they need attention and creativity. G. K. Chesterton once wrote that true romance was economy not wealth, for when one must economize, one must be open to seeing life as an adventure, and daily tasks the same a slaying dragons, for it is in the little daily events of life most of us live not in building bridges or in running countries. Yes? 😃
 
We face a problem in our family where we are both stressed out alot. I plead with my wife to work less hours but she doesnt want to. Pray for us if you can. I think by being a SAHM you are setting a great example for many many people. For me, its better to have less, but be less stressed and have time for each other. I think a main problem in America is the crisis of both husband and wife working. It takes a toll on family life. God Bless You! 👍
 
IMHO - from a husband of 34 years:

After you have kids, it’s a requirement to be a housewife.

Before that, I would use this question as a test - "Are you more likely to ‘grow in love’ having an outside job, or being a housewife?’ "

In which “job” are you able to give, and receive the most love?
 
I’m going to be a housewife in a couple months when DH and I move to the UK for DH’d job. He will be making about what we do now with us both working, plus living in a city with a lot lower cost of living. 😃 Plus free health insurance. I’m looking forward to it.

Already I’m researching couponing in the UK (I coupon here, and cut our expenses by 50-75%). And I’m planning on volunteering in a field I love (music), so I will have experience (no more customer service!) It will be nice to come home and not be run down. And the flat being clean and food on the table.

DH will be doing a job he likes, and I like being a housewife. Instead of me hating life after working at a bank, I will be relazed. We don’t have kids, so I feel bad, like I am lazy or something. But it will make things a lot happier for us. 🙂
 
ricmat said:
IMHO - from a husband of 34 years:

After you have kids, it’s a requirement to be a housewife.
Click to expand...
That’s nice. Now try explaining that to all of the families that cannot survive on one income, or to families where the wife out earns her husband and his income is not enough to live off of.
 
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