I'm thinking of becoming a housewife

[Della]

That’s nice. Now try explaining that to all of the families that cannot survive on one income, or to families where the wife out earns her husband and his income is not enough to live off of.

There are always exceptions. In general, though, most families do better if one spouse can stay home with the kids. House husbands do well too if they have the right disposition for it. I don’t think ricmat meant that being a SAHM should be a hard, fast rule for all mothers, but whenever possible it’s the best thing for the wife, the kids and the husband because being a parent is just as hard a career as any job out there. The benefits are better. Who else has the freedom to kiss the boss whenever she’d like?

 

[catholicanne]

I’m a stay-at-home wife. We don’t have children either (well, not yet, we’re adopting soon!) but my husband adores that I stay home. He works long hours so when he can come home to a clean, good-smelling home, that’s warm, inviting, and can eat a hot dinner right after he walks through the door, he knows it’s worth it. I’m a full-time online college student as well but honestly, I love being home. I do a little craft business on the side and I take care of our four pets. My favorite “chore” is baking because my husband loves the little treats I make for him. Yes, it has been a financial sacrifice but saving money has now turned into a game. If I can save a few more dollars this week than last week, I’m winning!

 

[catholicanne]

That’s nice. Now try explaining that to all of the families that cannot survive on one income, or to families where the wife out earns her husband and his income is not enough to live off of.

Wow, that’s a harsh statement. My husband makes $12/hr full-time yet we can manage to save enough money for me to stay home. Don’t bring your negative attitude to this thread and dump on hard-working people who have sacrificed so that they can have one spouse stay at home. Where there is a will, there is a way.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Wow, that’s a harsh statement. My husband makes $12/hr full-time yet we can manage to save enough money for me to stay home. Don’t bring your negative attitude to this thread and dump on hard-working people who have sacrificed so that they can have one spouse stay at home. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Dump on hard working people? I’m standing up for people who have to work hard to support their families! For a lot of families raising children on one income is just not possible. Trust me, I grew up in one of those families.

 

[LittleFlower378]

I think thats the crisis. When husband and wife have to go to work just to support the family something is wrong somewhere. It could be a problem with the economy, it could be a problem with the spouses spending, it could be both. Every family and spouses have different circumstances. But I strongly reccomend SAHM. The Church Document Casti Connubii talks about this. I also believe its in the writings of John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility and probably among plenty of other documents.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Wow, that’s a harsh statement. My husband makes $12/hr full-time yet we can manage to save enough money for me to stay home. Don’t bring your negative attitude to this thread and dump on hard-working people who have sacrificed so that they can have one spouse stay at home. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Ahh… the classic, “If we can do it, why can’t you?” argument.
Yeah. It’s a bit more complicated than that… always.

Dump on hard working people? I’m standing up for people who have to work hard to support their families! For a lot of families raising children on one income is just not possible. Trust me, I grew up in one of those families.

You know your own personal struggle… and I *completely *understand and agree. Be very cautious, though, to not get too defensive… as most don’t understand the details of everyone else’s circumstances. It’s hard not to get defensive, I know.

I would encourage *everyone *to be charitable in their thoughts about how other families financially survive. We all have very DIVERSE circumstances, so *assuming *your way is the only way is highly uncharitable.

OP… prayers for you and your decision!!!

 

[CountrySinger]

Ahh… the classic, “If we can do it, why can’t you?” argument.
Yeah. It’s a bit more complicated than that… always.

You know your own personal struggle… and I *completely *understand and agree. Be very cautious, though, to not get too defensive… as most don’t understand the details of everyone else’s circumstances. It’s hard not to get defensive, I know.

I would encourage *everyone *to be charitable in their thoughts about how other families financially survive. We all have very DIVERSE circumstances, so *assuming *your way is the only way is highly uncharitable.

OP… prayers for you and your decision!!!

I was about to reply, but you said it better than me.

 

[TrueLight]

Question for the housewives.

I get a lot of my social interaction “fix” from work. Do you ever get lonely?

Also, for those who are highly educated, how do you keep your mind stimulated?

Thanks.

 

[Della]

Question for the housewives.

I get a lot of my social interaction “fix” from work. Do you ever get lonely?

Also, for those who are highly educated, how do you keep your mind stimulated?

Thanks.

In my case, I’m a bit of a hermit and don’t miss being with people all that much. I get plenty of social interaction from doing things with a few close friends and by emailing others. I rarely get lonely. I write a good deal, making my at home situation ideal for me. And for intellectual stimulation there are books–my mainstay ever since I learned to read. Others may have difficulties in these areas, but it’s been just fine for me. But I’m probably odd.

 

[TrueLight]

In my case, I’m a bit of a hermit and don’t miss being with people all that much. I get plenty of social interaction from doing things with a few close friends and by emailing others. I rarely get lonely. I write a good deal, making my at home situation ideal for me. And for intellectual stimulation there are books–my mainstay ever since I learned to read. Others may have difficulties in these areas, but it’s been just fine for me. But I’m probably odd.

Thanks Della!

 

[ricmat]

That’s nice. Now try explaining that to all of the families that cannot survive on one income, or to families where the wife out earns her husband and his income is not enough to live off of.

Certainly there are some like that.

However, most people don’t “need” as much as they think they do. For example, in my own case:

1. I mow my own grass.
2. My wife cuts my hair, and I cut hers.
3. We don’t have cable TV, just an outside antenna.
4. Our cell phones are used only for emergencies, and cost about $4 per month. We make our long distance calls on Google Voice for free.
5. When we “eat out” (once every month or so), we go to a fast food place and each of us gets one or two things off the $1 menu, and a free cup of water.
6. I’ve never bought coffee at Starbucks.
7. Our land line phone does not have caller ID, or any other extra features.
8. We grocery shop where things we need are on sale, and things we don’t need we don’t buy. And we get a Sunday newspaper because it has a lot of coupons.
9. We haven’t been to a movie since the prices went above $5 per person (so that’s about 20 years ago). Eventually they are free on TV or the Internet.

These are the ones that come to mind.

Some people “need” these things. Other people “need” even more to be personally involved in their kids upbringing.

In an extreme case, it might make sense for the wife to work and the husband to stay home (with the kids). My brother did that for a long time. But generally speaking, it seems to work better the other way around.

I just read someplace that “All love involves sacrifice.” Do you want the children of this age to be loved?

 

[LucyLight]

Question for the housewives.

I get a lot of my social interaction “fix” from work. Do you ever get lonely?

Also, for those who are highly educated, how do you keep your mind stimulated?

Thanks.

Well I get lonely sometimes. I think it’s easier for introverts to stay at home. There are “mom’s groups” where the kids play together but I find them to be annoyingly boring. They tend to appeal to mothers who enjoy talking about child milestones and what they are making for dinner :yawn: . It’s one of the real problems with staying at home.

Regarding your last line, (I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way), but it’s not just people who have a PhD who need mental stimulation. I wouldn’t assume that someone who does manual labor or has less education is not as intellectually curious.

 

[feed_me]

I think more or less, that in todays economy that both people should work even if one takes a part time job, to bring in some extra income for a rainy day, and knowing that the economy is getting worse and people are leaving jobs without their consent, it’s better for both to work.

 

[TrueLight]

Well I get lonely sometimes. I think it’s easier for introverts to stay at home. There are “mom’s groups” where the kids play together but I find them to be annoyingly boring. They tend to appeal to mothers who enjoy talking about child milestones and what they are making for dinner :yawn: . It’s one of the real problems with staying at home.

Thank goodness for the Internet!

Regarding your last line, (I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way), but it’s not just people who have a PhD who need mental stimulation. I wouldn’t assume that someone who does manual labor or has less education is not as intellectually curious.

My apologies if I offended anyone. V

 

[LucyLight]

Thank goodness for the Internet!

That’s why I’m here!

 

[StarFireKK]

Okay, I’m going to be a bit of a dissenting opinion here because I think it might help the OP. Please understand, OP, I think staying home or being a working wife is up to the family and both a very valid paths to take. Not all housewives sit around eating bonbons and not all working women are stress out and living and live in a pigsty. (Goodness, people!)

First, all the “stuff” you are worried about might not take up as much of your time as you realized. I’ve had several different friends quit their jobs only to realize a month later all those pressing “projects” were done and they didn’t have much to do. Maybe you can take a short vacation/break and focus on the house and home for a week or two and see if that helps.

Second, don’t assume if you leave the work force you can jump right back in. Given that your a nanny it might be easier but you might want to make sure you do some career development and networking activities to stay in the loop in case you need another job fast. (As someone else already mentioned life can change very quickly.)

Third, is there anything you can do now to lower your stress level? I was a bit overwhelmed by the upkeep of the house and then I started establishing some routines.

Do you have a laundry routine? I do a load a day and I know exactly what I am washing (My clothes, my husbands, the sheets, etc.) It has been a HUGE time saver. I don’t have to worry about what needs to be washed or worried something will be missed. I can just pick up the load and go.

Dinner is the same. We try to plan our meals a week ahead (a friend of mine plans the whole month at a time.) It doesn’t take that much more effort to cook two meals at once and save the second for another night. The slow cooker can make some really great meals even the in summer. Some nights my husband and I cook together and it is part of our bonding time.

I’ve found with a little planning and organization the house practically runs itself.

Like I said, both options are great and you should choose whats best for your family. I just wanted to add some ideas for you to think about.

 

[hannajomar]

Okay, I’m going to be a bit of a dissenting opinion here because I think it might help the OP. Please understand, OP, I think staying home or being a working wife is up to the family and both a very valid paths to take. Not all housewives sit around eating bonbons and not all working women are stress out and living and live in a pigsty. (Goodness, people!)

First, all the “stuff” you are worried about might not take up as much of your time as you realized. I’ve had several different friends quit their jobs only to realize a month later all those pressing “projects” were done and they didn’t have much to do. Maybe you can take a short vacation/break and focus on the house and home for a week or two and see if that helps.

Thanks for constructively being devil’s advocate, StarFireKK. I’ve already thought a lot of what you’ve written here. I imagine my full-time “housewifery” might last only a few months. Once I’ve settled into taking care of the house and my husband more, I’ll probably look into getting a simple part-time job. But I will only take something that will compliment my husband’s responsibilities. In the working situation we’re in now, I feel that our responsibilities are competing with each other, as opposed to complimenting each other.

I could also take in one or two children to baby-sit in my own home. When I’m at my nanny job, I get bored when the kids are napping, and sometimes clean their house. When I’m dusting their living room, I’m thinking, “why don’t I do this in my own house?”

Thanks for all the comments, everyone! You’ve all given a lot of food for thought.

 

[LittleFlower378]

Certainly there are some like that.

However, most people don’t “need” as much as they think they do. For example, in my own case:

1. I mow my own grass.
2. My wife cuts my hair, and I cut hers.
3. We don’t have cable TV, just an outside antenna.
4. Our cell phones are used only for emergencies, and cost about $4 per month. We make our long distance calls on Google Voice for free.
5. When we “eat out” (once every month or so), we go to a fast food place and each of us gets one or two things off the $1 menu, and a free cup of water.
6. I’ve never bought coffee at Starbucks.
7. Our land line phone does not have caller ID, or any other extra features.
8. We grocery shop where things we need are on sale, and things we don’t need we don’t buy. And we get a Sunday newspaper because it has a lot of coupons.
9. We haven’t been to a movie since the prices went above $5 per person (so that’s about 20 years ago). Eventually they are free on TV or the Internet.

These are the ones that come to mind.

Some people “need” these things. Other people “need” even more to be personally involved in their kids upbringing.

In an extreme case, it might make sense for the wife to work and the husband to stay home (with the kids). My brother did that for a long time. But generally speaking, it seems to work better the other way around.

I just read someplace that “All love involves sacrifice.” Do you want the children of this age to be loved?

 

[RACJ]

I am interested in hearing from wives who went from full-time employment to choosing to stay home full-time. How did it affect your marriage? How did it affect your finances? Do you recommend it?

We don’t have children, so part of me feels guilty about wanting to stay home. But we are just both very stressed out right now, and I’m thinking staying home would take a lot of stress off of my husband (and myself). We both work about 45 hours per week, and it seems like all of our free time is spent running errands, and taking care of household things. We would have less money, of course. But I’m a nanny, so it’s not like I make a lot anyway. I’m thinking that we would eat out less, I could shop smarter, etc., so we could make up a lot of the pay-cut simply by me having more time to do household things. Also, his parents are starting to need a little bit of help with car rides, things like that. Any thoughts?

If you are willing to do it, and CAN do it, God bless you and your family!!! Rob

 

[barpaula]

I’m Sort Of A Housewife. I live in Uruguay. I’m 20 and a part time Psychology student but mostly I’m a housewife since I do EVERYTHING around my house. I love doing these chores but the problem is I live with my boyfriend and he really doesn’t appreciate all the things I do around here, and the help I’ve provide to his career by taking the home preoccupations off his head. I also would love to have (a lot of) kids and be a stay at home mother. Will a man ever value a housewife?