I'm weary and even scrupulous again

[Paris_Blues]

I’m trying to stay really calm about this…

Saturday afternoon I went to Confession, was absolved, etc. then stayed for Saturday night Mass.

However, when Communion time came around, everything was going all right until I recieved our Lord. When I bit down, He was tough! Hurt my teeth and I felt so weary because I was thinking, now what did I do?

I remember a long time ago reading a short description about a Eucharistic miracle book and it described what the book mentioned how the Eucharist turned to flesh and blood, and turned hard when recieved by a person in mortal sin…and I immediately felt so weary and even clueless that I didn’t feel like chewing. I just got out of Confession and didn’t remember commiting ANY sins!

Or perhaps the Host got “overbaked” and got tough, who knows.

But that didn’t stop me from becoming weary. I almost forgot where I sat when walking back to my pew and when I got back to it, I was still weary that I was staring straight ahead and the people who were walking by probably thought I was taking it for granted because I was not praying but all I could do was pray, “Lord, what did I do?” and TRIED to trust Him that everything was okay but I still couldn’t help it.

I went home almost in tears and thought my faith completely vanished.

What’s going on here? I DON’T mean to be or sound scrupoulous or sensitive but still, this doesn’t make sense.

Or was it because I didn’t visit our Lord in the Eucharistic Adoration? I highly doubt that but a lot of “whys” are going through my head, trying to figure out what. Was I not sorry in Confession even though I wanted to be? Was it because I just smiled at the dude sitting next to me who was married? WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!

Maybe I should go join the Buddhist church, eh?

What’s going on here? I know I’m probably making a big deal about this but still, I can’t help it.

 

[asquared]

if reading spiritual books causes scrupulosity to interfere with reception of communion and appreciation of the graces of the sacrament, the afflicted person should tell one’s confessor, and should not read any spiritual books except those he or one’s spiritual director recommends. It is essential for someone who struggles with scrupulosity to stay with one confessor, who should be one’s spiritual director, or who should assign a spiritual director. It will not be beneficial and may even be harmful for this person to seek spiritual advice from others, especially on an anonymous forum like this.