Immodest dress comment

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aball1035

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There’s this situation I have. I’m a college student and when my friends go out to a fancy dinner, party or gathering etc. most wear (very) immodest dresses or shirts. They ask everybody what they think of them and of course everybody then says how beautiful, sexy and elegant they look. I don’t know what to say when they ask “Alex, what do you think?”, so I used to reply “You should put some more clothes on.” I’m sorry, but I’m a Padre Pio fan. Everybody started to get a very nasty impression of me, so I changed it to “Well, it’s a bit tight, but I like the colors!” Is this the right way to go, or what should I do?
 
aball1035 said:
There’s this situation I have. I’m a college student and when my friends go out to a fancy dinner, party or gathering etc. most wear (very) immodest dresses or shirts. They ask everybody what they think of them and of course everybody then says how beautiful, sexy and elegant they look. I don’t know what to say when they ask “Alex, what do you think?”, so I used to reply “You should put some more clothes on.” I’m sorry, but I’m a Padre Pio fan. Everybody started to get a very nasty impression of me, so I changed it to “Well, it’s a bit tight, but I like the colors!” Is this the right way to go, or what should I do?
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Go back to your original method. Why should you care what other people think?
 
Are these people your employers? Do they pay your bills?
My friends respect my opinions or…well, they don’t pay my bills do they ?
If I can’t do a simple thing like tell you the simple truth, you’re not worth the trouble to keep around. 🙂
 
I would simply say, “You know my opinion on modesty. So, why in the world would you ask me?” My friends know me well enough to know either not to ask me if they know I find it immodest, or they expect to hear me say as such.
 
“As much as I like you, the answer is the same as the last time and the time before?”
 
I definately think you should stick with “it’s a bit tight, but I like the colors.”
I commend your virtue, but lets face it, your not going to change anybodys mind about propriety by telling them they need to cover up. I think trying to find *something * positive to say about it is a goood approach.
 
This is a tough one. Although you may be right, the comment really needs to come from another woman to be heard. It’s very easy for a woman to ignore or be offended by a comment like this coming from a man.

There are just some things that only women can say.

(And if the “friends” that you refer to are men and not women, then they have bigger problems than dressing immodestly…:cool:)
 
They asked for your opinion. You gave your opinion… you did exactly as asked.

You have two options here. Next time, say, “You know how I feel about tight/skimpy clothes. Please don’t ask me and then just get mad at me again!”

Or, you can realize they are not truly asking for your opinion, they are just fishing for compliments. And you can either offer a mild one about the color, like you did before, or just remain silent. 🤷
 
I’d say “Ooh, you look a little chilly to me.”

Or “Well, I’m of the belief that less is more. But if you wanted people to look at everything but your face when they talk to you, you have certainly succeeded!”

Or

“Well, you might be okay if you don’t have to bend over to pick up your purse or walk up any stairs with anyone behind you.”

Or how about:

“Great. But don’t stand on the corner waiting for any buses. The cops might get the wrong idea about you.”

Any outfit that makes people look at anything but your face when they talk to you is a fashion fail.
 
Dacinom said:
I think the only reason she cares what others think…is that (it seems to me) she wants to be perceived as a loving Christian and not a critical one. Sometimes we don’t have a choice I know, we need to be truthful and can’t always tiptoe around issues but sometimes we can.

This is a fine line, you want to be firm but kind…you want to tell the truth but be gentle about it.

Tell your friends how beautiful they are, how elegant they are…then whisper in their ear that you prefer more modest clothes on them and smile and embrace them. When you see them wearing something modest compliment them on it.

Realize that your comments may not have an impact right away. You are probably the only person that will say this to them which is a shame but true…over time, if their hearts soften you might gradually get through. Hope this helps, hang in there.
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Yes, you are correct. I should have been more clear. There is no reason not to be tactful. Honest, but tactful.
 
I learned somthing from my teen aged daughter about this. We were shopping for a prom dress and she told me should wanted to be pretty not sexy. Maybe ask them a question about the clothing they are wearing, like, “What do you want to be seen as pretty or sexy”?

Let them answer thier own questions to how they look.
 
aball1035 said:
There’s this situation I have. I’m a college student and when my friends go out to a fancy dinner, party or gathering etc. most wear (very) immodest dresses or shirts. They ask everybody what they think of them and of course everybody then says how beautiful, sexy and elegant they look. I don’t know what to say when they ask “Alex, what do you think?”, so I used to reply “You should put some more clothes on.” I’m sorry, but I’m a Padre Pio fan. Everybody started to get a very nasty impression of me, so I changed it to “Well, it’s a bit tight, but I like the colors!” Is this the right way to go, or what should I do?
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Depends on your relationship with them. Close friends, or just classmates? But I agree, be kind, but don’t be afraid to speak the truth. Maybe they have no idea they might look immodest? Peace…
 
blossom02 said:
I learned somthing from my teen aged daughter about this. We were shopping for a prom dress and she told me should wanted to be pretty not sexy. Maybe ask them a question about the clothing they are wearing, like, “What do you want to be seen as pretty or sexy”?

Let them answer their own questions to how they look.
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ooh, I like this idea. but maybe substitute “pretty” with “beautiful”
 
blossom02 said:
I learned somthing from my teen aged daughter about this. We were shopping for a prom dress and she told me should wanted to be pretty not sexy. Maybe ask them a question about the clothing they are wearing, like, “What do you want to be seen as pretty or sexy”?

Let them answer thier own questions to how they look.
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True, but 99% of college girls want to be sexy over pretty (it would seem to me, a guy)

I have come to the conclusion that it depends on the situation. A harsh response might help others, while turning some off to religion, wherefore a less harsh response will be better. It depends on the person.
 
SarahR said:
“Honestly? I think that outfit distracts from your beauty:)”
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I think your reply is a very kind one, and can be interpreted in a variety of ways. Giving too blunt an opinion can come across as rude and uncaring. One thing I ask God is to help me not be the type of Christian that turns people away from God due to my behavior. It’s a fine line and moves all the time, so I have no idea whether I am successful.
 
Sheeniac said:
I think your reply is a very kind one, and can be interpreted in a variety of ways. Giving too blunt an opinion can come across as rude and uncaring. One thing I ask God is to help me not be the type of Christian that turns people away from God due to my behavior. It’s a fine line and moves all the time, so I have no idea whether I am successful.
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What about Padre Pio? Oftentimes his comments seemed extremely uncaring. (throwing people out of onfessionals and yelling at them) What should we think of that?
 
aball1035 said:
What about Padre Pio? Oftentimes his comments seemed extremely uncaring. (throwing people out of onfessionals and yelling at them) What should we think of that?
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Never confuse mercy with lenience or politeness.

Those people whom he threw out and yelled at, do you think they remembered the episode? Sometimes a person has to be slapped in order to return to their senses.
 
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