In a quandry over neighbors daughters.

[Gardenman]

I hope this is in the correct forum, if not the admins. can move it to the appropriate one.

Here is my dilemma:

I am currently “babysitting” my niece and nephew, (ages 11 and 13 respectively) while their parents are away for an out of state convention for their jobs. I am staying in their home while they are away and have full charge of these kids.

As a preface, my niece and nephew are Catholic and attend a Catholic school, go to Mass regularly, etc. etc. and are being brought up in the faith. They’re good kids and at that “impressionable” age. They live in a typical middle class neighborhood in a good area and have decent neighbors and a strong family orientation prevails…except for ONE particular family.

I don’t know all that much about the family in question except that there is/was a divorce and the father has two teenage daughters from a previous marriage who are 15 and 16 and are currently living in this household…evidently, they just arrived on the scene.

Here’s the problem:
These girls are NOT what my sister and her husband would deem “appropriate friends” or acquanintances for my niece and nephew. They dress like tramps, have filthy mouths, smoke cigarettes, have tattoos, stay out till all hours of the night, and are generally a VERY bad example for the rest of the kids in the neighborhood.

Yesterday, these girls showed up at “our” house in the front yard and were (seemingly) just talking with my niece and nephew. After about 5 minutes of listening to these tramps talk, (I could hear them from the house) I instructed my niece and nephew to come in the house and for the girls to go home.

Their trash talk, as well as the way they were dressed (like cheap hookers) was the impetus for my actions. It’s the “cool” attitude of these girls that irritates me and their total lack of breeding/morals. I explained this to my niece and nephew and they didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

The problem is that these tramps keep coming down and knocking on the door and want to "hang out’ with my niece and nephew. I have told them repeatedly that they are not to come to our house and that they are not welcome in our house, and that they need to stay away.

Now I’m the bad guy. I realize I’m not their parent, but it’s MY responsibility to shield my niece and nephew from the likes of these girls while their parents are away. I know kids that age think it’s “cool” to hang out with “older kids” but as the saying goes, “Not on my watch”.

This is continuing to be a problem because now I have to watch the street every time they go outside for fear they’ll run into these girls. They keep approaching my niece and nephew and don’t seem to get the hint.

These girls are trouble. I haven’t mentioned this to my sister and her husband yet, but will when they return next week. In the meantime, I’m the ogre. I only know a few of the other parents on the street, but not very well. I’m not sure how aware the rest of the parents in the neighborhood are about this situation, but I’m asking for suggestions on how to deal with this in the interim.

Any thoughts ?

 

[BlueShadow123]

Could you speak to these girls parents and tell the parents to keep their kids away from your niece and nephew?
I understand what you’re doing, and i completely agree with it. I have the same issue at school when i see the ‘sluts and druggies’, and feel that they’re just trash and that i dont want to be around them.

However its hard because people these days are getting worse in morals. Everybody at my school 90% smokes weed, almost 90% of them drink and about 30% of them smoke ciggs. and 30% do hard-core drugs.

Its disgusting and trashy. Its good that you are keeping your sister or brothers kids away from them.

Keep it up and remember to inform your brother or sister.

 

[whatevergirl]

I really dislike you calling these girls ‘‘tramps.’’ I’m sorry, but we are not to behave towards others who are lost, like that. That is what these girls are…lost.

Maybe you could be a witness for Christ…the only witness they may ever know…they are not trash. They are lost souls…see them as Christ does. We are to be Christ for others. I understand your concerns, but don’t teach your niece and nephew to have a ‘‘shunning’’ type of attitude to people who are lost and need to be found.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

While your concerns are valid and your love for your niece and nephew is strong enough to want to protect them based on your wisdom, I do have my misgivings about your calling these young people “tramps” and saying they dress like cheap hookers on the internet. Young girls have enough problems without adults ridiculing them this harshly on a public forum. Whether they are aware of that behaviour or not.

I just don’t think that calling young people “trash” or “sluts” as another poster has is in any way appropriate for people claiming to love Jesus. Teenagers are going through a hard time learning how to be the people they need to be. It’s bad enough being that age, let along having adults treat them so harshly.

Frankly, I’d look at your intentions and the message you are sending your niece and nephew. Are you teaching them to love people to Christ, and develop a strong moral fiber, or to shun those around them as “tramps”?

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I really dislike you calling these girls ‘‘tramps.’’ I’m sorry, but we are not to behave towards others who are lost, like that. That is what these girls are…lost.

Maybe you could be a witness for Christ…the only witness they may ever know…they are not trash. They are lost souls…see them as Christ does. We are to be Christ for others. I understand your concerns, but don’t teach your niece and nephew to have a ‘‘shunning’’ type of attitude to people who are lost and need to be found.

You posted this as I was typing mine. Two thumbs WAY up.

 

[Lutheranteach]

In my teaching career…and as a student I can only say this: I’ve never talked with a girl everyone called a slut who was one. But, I have talked to a lot of “good girls” who were sluts. I have to admit I find your use of the term “lack of breeding” a little insulting.

I suggest you get to know these girls. You may find out there’s a lot more there than meets the eye.(and you may not) You might find out these no good sluts are the only things standing between your niece and nephew getting their butts kicked when out in the neighborhood. It’s also possible they see your niece and nephew as the kind of people they’d like to spend more time around. Most kids who are “no good” know it and would like to be something else but have no idea how to. Give them a chance but make it very clear you own the store so to speak and there are rules for hanging out…if they break them…they’re gone. While there…be on top of them at all times. If you toss them off the porch do so gingerly if you do so and give the impression you think you are better and they are trash your niece and nephew will pay the price.

 

[whatevergirl]

You posted this as I was typing mine. Two thumbs WAY up.

lol that’s funny.

Didn’t Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself? Hmmm…

The solution OP…is to simply not allow your niece and nephew to hang around the girls, but there are ways to explain why, than how you did. lol They are in your care…so you can permit or not permit them to see these neighbor girls. But…there are always opportunities to witness.

Imagine if Jesus shunned the woman at the well. Imagine if Jesus didn’t come to the rescue of the woman ready to be stoned to death. We are extensions of Christ. Let’s start treating people with dignity…whether we feel they deserve it or not.

 

[BlueShadow123]

I am not sorry for calling people who walk around naked and always end up with a guy in bed sluts. because thats what they are. if i say they are ‘lost’ that could mean a number of things.
but if its too big of a deal for you guys to handle, ill change my post.

 

[FirstCalled]

In the OPs defense he when talking about these girls he refers to them as just that, girls.
He does not call them cheap hookers, he states that is how they are dressed. He could have put it more delicately, but not to be getting all up in his case over it.

To the OP: I think you’ve done right so far. Just continue to keep them away from them; they are not good role models. It is not the your job to change these girls but to protect the one’s who were entrusted to your care. If you like you may talk to their parents but I doubt that’ll do much. Say a prayer for them, and keep them clear.

 

[autdrew]

Im afraid I have to add to the dismay over your choice of words. I also agree that judging by the outside can sometimes be hard to do. I was one of those kids who looked one way on the outside that caused people to thing unkind things about me as a person. I smoked as a teenager as did everyone I knew.
It might sound weird but maybe they are drawn to the “good family” because they dont have that & want it. My home life stunk so I unconsciously sought to hang out with people who had great home lives, it gave me hope.
Please remember, these are still kids, they may look & try to act older but really they are kids. They may not have had good examples & picked up the swearing habit from that. I admit to still having it. I gave up smoking yrs ago but my tattoos are forever. Not a slut but an honor student who graduated early from high School. Appearances can be deceiving so at least try to get to know the girls before deciding they lack breeding, class, decorum etc, they just might not know any better.

 

[whatevergirl]

In the OPs defense he when talking about these girls he refers to them as just that, girls.
He does not call them cheap hookers, he states that is how they are dressed. He could have put it more delicately, but not to be getting all up in his case over it.

To the OP: I think you’ve done right so far. Just continue to keep them away from them; they are not good role models. It is not the your job to change these girls but to protect the one’s who were entrusted to your care. If you like you may talk to their parents but I doubt that’ll do much. Say a prayer for them, and keep them clear.

reread…he calls them tramps. ---->>The problem is that these tramps keep coming down and knocking on the door and want to "hang out’ with my niece and nephew.

While I agree it’s up to the OP to do whatever he wishes…I cannot imagine Jesus would suggest for us to call our neighbors…’‘tramps.’’ And treat them like they have the plague.

Jesus ate with tax collectors…the hated of the community. We have to protect our kids, yes…but we also have to show them that calling our neighbors names and acting superior is not how we handle the situation.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

reread…he calls them tramps. ---->>The problem is that these tramps keep coming down and knocking on the door and want to "hang out’ with my niece and nephew.

While I agree it’s up to the OP to do whatever he wishes…I cannot imagine Jesus would suggest for us to call our neighbors…’‘tramps.’’ And treat them like they have the plague.

Jesus ate with tax collectors…the hated of the community. We have to protect our kids, yes…but we also have to show them that calling our neighbors names and acting superior is not how we handle the situation.

WhateverGirl is totally right. We are called to love, and Jesus hung out with the “tramps” of his day. Why? Because (as is true TODAY) they didn’t know any better. He showed them a better way. It is our job to be christlike and do as he did - to show others that there is a better way, not to throw them off our porch steps and call them names on the internet. Same is true of our classmates – we aren’t called to call them offensive names to make us feel better about some sense of righteousness that isn’t ours to begin with. That means that, yes, OP does have a responsibility to protect their niece and nephew, but also to show love to these souls and show them there is peace and love in Christ.

 

[whatevergirl]

WhateverGirl is totally right. We are called to love, and Jesus hung out with the “tramps” of his day. Why? Because (as is true TODAY) they didn’t know any better. He showed them a better way. It is our job to be christlike and do as he did - to show others that there is a better way, not to throw them off our porch steps and call them names on the internet. Same is true of our classmates – we aren’t called to call them offensive names to make us feel better about some sense of righteousness that isn’t ours to begin with. That means that, yes, OP does have a responsibility to protect their niece and nephew, but also to show love to these souls and show them there is peace and love in Christ.

I think I love you.
That was beautiful.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I think I love you.
That was beautiful.

Awww :hug1:

I love you too!

 

[whatevergirl]

I am not sorry for calling people who walk around naked and always end up with a guy in bed sluts. because thats what they are. if i say they are ‘lost’ that could mean a number of things.
but if its too big of a deal for you guys to handle, ill change my post.

I wasn’t talking to you…but …while you mention it.

Kidding.

Don’t call people names…there’s no need, and as christians…truly…we are not supposed to behave like that. We can ‘‘call people out’’ in a dignified way. Jesus called people out all the time in their sin…but did so to keep that person aware…not to condemn and shame them. He wanted to lift them up through His words…give them hope…show them a new way…not have them walk away downtrodden and broken…

 

[BlueShadow123]

I wasn’t talking to you…but …while you mention it.

Kidding.

Don’t call people names…there’s no need, and as christians…truly…we are not supposed to behave like that. We can ‘‘call people out’’ in a dignified way. Jesus called people out all the time in their sin…but did so to keep that person aware…not to condemn and shame them. He wanted to lift them up through His words…give them hope…show them a new way…not have them walk away downtrodden and broken…

Yeah thats true. :dancing:

:egyptian:

 

[meltoine]

I am not sorry for calling people who walk around naked and always end up with a guy in bed sluts. because thats what they are. if i say they are ‘lost’ that could mean a number of things.
but if its too big of a deal for you guys to handle, ill change my post.

How do you know this is true? You are judging things you don’t and can’t know. And I seriously doubt that they walk around naked. I’m sure you would have called the police to arrest them for indecent exposure if that were true. Their dress may not be up to your standards, but I assure you they are not naked.

You don’t know these girls and you don’t know their circumstances. I suggest you take off your judgey hat for a while and realize that they are sinners, just like you* and deserve to be treated with love and respect, like any other human being.

You complain that they curse and swear around your niece and nephew, but then you come here and use words like “slut” and “tramp”, which are also curses. The young women need love and acceptance. It doesn’t have to come from you, but neither should judgement.*

 

[Sanctifiable]

I really dislike you calling these girls ‘‘tramps.’’ I’m sorry, but we are not to behave towards others who are lost, like that. That is what these girls are…lost.

Maybe you could be a witness for Christ…the only witness they may ever know…they are not trash. They are lost souls…see them as Christ does. We are to be Christ for others. I understand your concerns, but don’t teach your niece and nephew to have a ‘‘shunning’’ type of attitude to people who are lost and need to be found.

Well put girl…you posted what I was thinking after reading the first few posts

 

[Berean2]

To the OP: I think you’ve done right so far. Just continue to keep them away from them; they are not good role models. It is not the your job to change these girls but to protect the one’s who were entrusted to your care. If you like you may talk to their parents but I doubt that’ll do much. Say a prayer for them, and keep them clear.

Spot on, FirstCalled.

Gardenman: it is refreshing to know there are still people who really care about their female relatives (whether daughters or nieces), who call a spade a spade, who recognize the infectious power of putrifaction and who seek to shield delicate plants from thorns and weevils.

Comparing young teen girls to Jesus is ludicrous: He was the omniscient, sinless Son of God, so of course He could unscathedly rub shoulders with strumpets, criminals, and assorted other lowlives (now, watch me catch flak for that! HA!). Once your nieces are fully developed adult women in their 40’s or older, they can do what Jesus did (if they’re so inclined), acting as mentors to the likes of the 2 you’ve described here. Until they are out of the sapling stage, they need to be carefully protected from various strains of blight to their immortal souls (and bodies).

I salute you in your concern and efforts! :tiphat: :tiphat:

 

[taben]

Regarding your original request on what to do…

I think it is fair to simply tell your niece and nephew that you do not think your parents would approve of them spending time, especially unsupervised time, with teens who smoke and use inappropirate language. They can address this further with their own parents when they come back, but until then, no contact. Period.

If the girls come around your two, tell the girls that as you do not know them nor their parents you cannot approve your niece and nephew being around them. They will need to come and introduce themselves to the parents when they return to town. Until then, no contact. Peiod.

I think, though your words to describe the girls may not be the best, that your intent and heart are in the right place regarding protecting your two family members.

taben