In a quandry over neighbors daughters.

[purplesunshine]

Although the OP has been very rude and judegemental i find it quite disturbing that so many posters think its ok for a 16 and 15yo to be soliciting visits to a 11 and 12yo strangers. at those ages the difference is immense! and if the older teens were male most of you would be telling the op to call the cops. if the op does decide to let them into the home the older teens MUST behave in a way that is approiate for preteens…watch the language and dress carefully.

 

[cmscms]

To the OP,

First I would like to say that if you are kind enough to watch your niece and nephew while their parents are away, you do have the right to make the rules. When the parents come back, if they criticise your choices simply tell them ‘Next time find another babysitter’

Now as feeling bad for being the ogre. Jesus never said it would be easy and told us we will be persecuted for following him. You need to decide how much of feeling like an ogre is acceptable to you and when to bend the rules to feel better.

As for not letting your niece and nephew around these kids. I hate to break it to you, but if you are too strict, the kids will make plans to meet up in the park where you will not know about it. 11 and 13 is a very hard age, kids still need their parents protection yet it is the time to start learning how to live in society. In 10 years your niece and nephew will be adults out in society and they will probably work in offices with a lot f different personality types. They could be electricians or factory workers that hear profanity every minute of the day. Now is the time to teach them how to hanlde those situations.

I am not implying allow your kids to hang out with people acting immoral and expecting 2 pre teens to clean up all high school students. I am simply saying show a good example. When the 15 and 16 year olds come around perhaps offer a workable solution. "I realize you would like to visit, but you need to realize I like certain standards around here. Every time you swear, 25 cents in the jar. Once the jar has $1 in it I give you your money back and ask you to leave.’ That is just one idea but I am sure you could come up with more.

CM

 

[PaulinVA]

I would approach this as doing what the parents would do. Remember, they have to live with these people (the father and the girls) every day.

I am more concerned with the age difference than the “breeding/morals” problem. Teens put on roles and most of the time aren’t really all that bad. (It’s the innocent-looking ones you have to worry about!)

Within safe boundaries, I am all for spreading the Gospel, one person at a time. While we might joke about the good kids always being brought down by the bad kids, I think that ‘the good kids’ are a positive influence, even if it doesn’t “take” immediately.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I would approach this as doing what the parents would do. Remember, they have to live with these people (the father and the girls) every day.

I am more concerned with the age difference than the “breeding/morals” problem. Teens put on roles and most of the time aren’t really all that bad. (It’s the innocent-looking ones you have to worry about!)

Within safe boundaries, I am all for spreading the Gospel, one person at a time. While we might joke about the good kids always being brought down by the bad kids, I think that ‘the good kids’ are a positive influence, even if it doesn’t “take” immediately.

That is what struck me as well. 15-16 year old girls normally think that they are so mature and grown-up they don’t want to “play” with “little” kids. They might just be friendly…

Also, how would you know they stay out all night? I have teens next door, and across the street. I have no clue when they come and go…I might just be oblivious. Just because they come in late, they could have been out with an adult.

And, maybe they are older than15-16? I think the legal age for a tattoo is 18, in most states.

 

[puzzleannie]

Regarding your original request on what to do…

I think it is fair to simply tell your niece and nephew that you do not think your parents would approve of them spending time, especially unsupervised time, with teens who smoke and use inappropirate language. They can address this further with their own parents when they come back, but until then, no contact. Period.

If the girls come around your two, tell the girls that as you do not know them nor their parents you cannot approve your niece and nephew being around them. They will need to come and introduce themselves to the parents when they return to town. Until then, no contact. Peiod.

I think, though your words to describe the girls may not be the best, that your intent and heart are in the right place regarding protecting your two family members.

taben

this is the best answer so far
as far as making a judgment on whether these girls of 15 or 16 are proper companions for an 11 & 13yr old, that is in the competence and responsibility of their temporary care-giver, whatever adjectives he uses to describe their appearance, manner and actions. Posters who suggest this male caregiver should welcome, make friends, get to know etc. these teenage girls are naive at best. No way should these girls or any friends of the children be in the home while the parents are away if you are the only adult around.

 

[FirstCalled]

Spot on, FirstCalled.

Gardenman: it is refreshing to know there are still people who really care about their female relatives (whether daughters or nieces), who call a spade a spade, who recognize the infectious power of putrifaction and who seek to shield delicate plants from thorns and weevils.

Comparing young teen girls to Jesus is ludicrous: He was the omniscient, sinless Son of God, so of course He could unscathedly rub shoulders with strumpets, criminals, and assorted other lowlives (now, watch me catch flak for that! HA!). Once your nieces are fully developed adult women in their 40’s or older, they can do what Jesus did (if they’re so inclined), acting as mentors to the likes of the 2 you’ve described here. Until they are out of the sapling stage, they need to be carefully protected from various strains of blight to their immortal souls (and bodies).

I salute you in your concern and efforts! :tiphat: :tiphat:

Funny how much I agree with the person who agrees with me.
Jesus was grounded, he also did not start his ministry till his 30s. 10-12 year old girls are highly impressionable. No contact period until those girls have their act together.

 

[faithfully]

The age difference is def. something to consider.

If the girls are out front talking with your niece and nephew, go out there too. And when you hear them cussing… Well, you could approach it in different ways. “How sad to hear such ugly talk from such lovely young ladies” Or “Please don’t use that language around the kids.” They are substantially older. I say this to certain family members all the time.

I am reminded that some of my friends were less than stellar growing up. And, OMG, if you could see some of my sister’s friends. But my mom pretty much had the idea that she’d rather everyone at our house under HER supervision… than at their houses under their parent’s cr*p supervision. Plus, if you were in our house, you got our rules.

I will NEVER forget a girlfriend getting an hour long lecture from my mom about her behavior. Her parents weren’t going to do it. My mom may as well have been a detective when it came to figuring out if you did something wrong. She ALWAYS knew. The friend was sent to my sister’s room crying, I guess to think about it. She always came back. Those kids got whatever parenting my mom could give them OFTEN… because they were always over. And guess who they call when they have a problem… My mom! Their parents just didn’t care.

Teenagers that have tats, needed parental permission. That’s a HUGE clue! I’d keep those girls in your line of site! 'Cause should your neice and nephew step out… God only knows what could happen next door!

People become what they are called over time… Please don’t contribute to that. Refer to them as ladies. They may roll their eyes. But they will start to realize they are expected to behave as such.

OH Yeah, it’s true… I do remember my husband being bummed that I didn’t live up to the Catholic School Girl Stereotype in highschool. 'Cause EVERYONE knows they are kinkiest chicks in school… Dressed all in their uniform… Why do you think Britney Spears chose that as a costume in her first Video?

 

[BlueShadow123]

How do you know this is true? You are judging things you don’t and can’t know. And I seriously doubt that they walk around naked. I’m sure you would have called the police to arrest them for indecent exposure if that were true. Their dress may not be up to your standards, but I assure you they are not naked.

You don’t know these girls and you don’t know their circumstances. I suggest you take off your judgey hat for a while and realize that they are sinners, just like you** and deserve to be treated with love and respect, like any other human being.

You complain that they curse and swear around your niece and nephew, but then you come here and use words like “slut” and “tramp”, which are also curses. The young women need love and acceptance. It doesn’t have to come from you, but neither should judgement.

Excuse me?
First off, i am NOT the OP so get your posts in check before you respond to the wrong person. Second off, I said that people WHO dress skimpy and sleep around ARE sluts. It is the term used for them. Sure, sluts maybe a ‘harsh’ term. if thats too much for you to handle then i will say ‘lost souls’ or whatever.

 

[Tiribulus]

People who beat up on others with personally derogatory terms have not yet grasped their own sin or salvation or both.
I agree these girls need love, grace and prayer. They do not however need it from a man even in a wide open public space. It’s inappropriate and is asking for trouble, especially in todays world. I don’t mean being nasty or abrupt, but discipling confused 15 and 16 year old girls should be done by women.

They also don’t need to be spending significant time around my young family members in their present state either though.

 

[PatriceA]

Regarding your original request on what to do…

I think it is fair to simply tell your niece and nephew that you do not think your parents would approve of them spending time, especially unsupervised time, with teens who smoke and use inappropirate language. They can address this further with their own parents when they come back, but until then, no contact. Period.

If the girls come around your two, tell the girls that as you do not know them nor their parents you cannot approve your niece and nephew being around them. They will need to come and introduce themselves to the parents when they return to town. Until then, no contact. Peiod.

I think, though your words to describe the girls may not be the best, that your intent and heart are in the right place regarding protecting your two family members.

taben

This gets my vote as well.

I think I’d even call up relatives you are babysitting for and at least appraise them of the situation.

 

[BlueShadow123]

Regarding your original request on what to do…

I think it is fair to simply tell your niece and nephew that you do not think your parents would approve of them spending time, especially unsupervised time, with teens who smoke and use inappropirate language. They can address this further with their own parents when they come back, but until then, no contact. Period.

If the girls come around your two, tell the girls that as you do not know them nor their parents you cannot approve your niece and nephew being around them. They will need to come and introduce themselves to the parents when they return to town. Until then, no contact. Peiod.

I think, though your words to describe the girls may not be the best, that your intent and heart are in the right place regarding protecting your two family members.

taben

You pretty much took everything in my first post and re-stated it. At least i have somebody who agrees with me.
:clapping:

 

[crazzeto]

I really dislike you calling these girls ‘‘tramps.’’ I’m sorry, but we are not to behave towards others who are lost, like that. That is what these girls are…lost.

I would love to agree, but I guess if that is the best word for how they dress then what can any of us do about it? I would caution the OP to try and not condem these girls for life as it were, but at some point any adult needs to make judgments.

At this point in time they are “tramps”. That means at this piont in time, I believe the OP is doing 100% exactly the right thing. Keep the neice and nephew away from these girls. There’s a hirearchy of responsibility here, the OPs greatest responsibility is to her sister/brother (in law?)

Maybe you could be a witness for Christ…the only witness they may ever know…they are not trash. They are lost souls…see them as Christ does. We are to be Christ for others. I understand your concerns, but don’t teach your niece and nephew to have a ‘‘shunning’’ type of attitude to people who are lost and need to be found.

Perhaps

Perhaps, then again you can’t play with fire when someone else’s life is at stake. Right now the lives at stake are the impressionable young minds which are utterly incapable of discerning a good moral judgment right now. They need to be sheilded, it is the will of the childern’s mother and father. This must be respected before you go off trying to witness christ to these teenagers, who frankly (hate to say it) aren’t going to get the message immediatly more than likely. Witnessing is about planting seeds, you hope will blossom years from now. You can’t play with fire as you suggest. Right now the OP needs to stick to her guns, keep these teens away from her childeren.

Frankly if I were the childrens parents, and I found out my sister was playing with fire like that with my children. And particularly if my children started picking up the bad habbits… Well I’d be furious, wouldn’t you?

 

[Charlotte1776]

Just to clarify: you are currently at your niece and nephew’s house, and this is their neighborhood, right? If this is true, you should ask your niece and nephew whether they have met these girls before. There might be friendship already established or in the process of being established between them. Your sister/brother should definitely be made aware of this - the actions of these young women have made it clear they are not good role models for younger children.
The age of these young women (and they are indeed old enough to be called young women) is concerning. At 15/16 they are likely high school juniors, and juniors usually don’t even “hang out” with high school freshman, much less children young enough to still be in elementary school. That just rings lots of alarm bells with me and I don’t know what their motives might be. When it comes to the safety of young children you can’t be too careful, don’t think you have to be nice and give these teens the benefit of the doubt and assume they have your niece and nephew’s best interests in mind.
I think you are doing the right thing by refusing these young women contact with your niece and nephew. These teens are strangers to you, and what little you know about them is not good. You have been entrusted with he care of two young children and you have to do what you think is best for them until their parents come home. If mom and dad want to allow contact, it’s up to them. But if you allow them to meet with these children, they are probably too young and impressionable to be able to witness to them effectively- in reality, the more likely scenario is that your niece and nephew will be encouraged to follow the same secular, sinful path these young ladies are now on. As someone once told me, clean does not rub off on dirt. The Bible says to flee from sin for a reason. The flesh is very weak.
This might be a good time to explain to your niece and nephew about hating the sin but loving the sinner. Explain that God loves these young ladies but He does not like the choices they are making, and that being around them might tempt them to make the same bad choices. Then maybe all three of you could pray for them.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Don’t say anything to the parents of these teenage girls, that would only aggravate a difficult situation. Just keep closing the front door gently with a kind smile and a reasonable excuse. Once these girls are back in school tomorrow, they’ll leave these children alone. They sound bored and unable to entertain themselves, so they look for amusement elsewhere. How unfortunate for your niece and nephew!

Watch for an exchange of Facebook information or cell phone numbers, should this apply to your niece and nephew. Connecting with these neighbors on-line and as a result having access to their Facebook or MySpace “friends” could be a real disaster for these younger children.

Warn the parents to look for signs that these young ones are trying to connect on-line with these teenage girls. The need to teach their children about “stranger danger” when it comes to on-line friendships with people who are not normally in their social group. This is a very important talk best left to the parents.

Finally, it would be wise to do something fun with this niece and nephew. Go somewhere so that they’ll forget about those girls. Or set up playdates with children who are better companions.

 

[phoenixrrt62]

I guess that goes to show that I’m NOT completely off my rocker when I feel more comfortable when my son has his friends over HIS place instead of going over to other’s homes.

I can monitor what’s going on. Because we have such a small home, I am RIGHT there in the same room with them about 75-80% of the time;0)

I’m pretty lucky in that my kid tends to hang with kids who are gamer “nerds” like him, so, I normally don’t have much trouble…but, well, on occasion he hangs out with a few kids who are nice kids, but a bit wild and the judgment of these kids are a bit off kilter…so I REALLY have to make sure my kid isn’t doing anything dumb when he’s with them.

I just hope what lessons I’ve imparted to him through the years stuck in some way, and…well, that’s pretty much all you can do sometimes…I have to trust that he will be ok, and do the right thing.

As to your nieces in your charge…if the parents do not want the girls in question hanging out with them, well…then they aren’t allowed. End of story, yeah? After that, I’d say it’s up to the parents to make sure the older kids keep their distance.

I’m getting the impression that the 2 girls who just moved to their dad’s place are probably new to the area, have no one to “hang” with, and, well, they are trying to latch on to the younger girls for lack of anyone else…otherwise, I would doubt the older girls would want much to do with them.
When the girls find like minded peers, chances are they will leave the little ones be.

Oh, and you’d be surprised at what kids do to try to be"cool" and attempt to **** off the parents these days. As another poster mentioned, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. Chances are, the “slutty attire” and the foul mouth are a wall, a shield. Kind of sad, but, hey, kids have it pretty rough today…sad.

I can attest to that, being one of the 'quiet, invisible" ones. I had ALL KINDS of emotional problems when I was a teen. EEch. Mind, I didn’t do drugs or drink, but I had all kinds of toxic ideas running around in my brain. SO, you never know.

Oh, and if you tell a teen outright that you don’t WANT them seeing XYZ because they are “trouble?” Guess what the teen’s gonna do? Make the forbidden person their new Best-est Friend…trust…another way to **** off the parents.
After all, a teen’s main goal in life is to make mom and dad mad;0) HA!

But, no, really…teens rebel as a matter of course, trying to assert their independence…don’t give them ammo…

 

[BlueShadow123]

You know its quite sad that these teens cannot control who they talk to or hang out with.
There is no way that they don’t understand it. I am 16 myself and even at the age of 10, I knew who was good and bad to be with. I also knew it was dumb to make stupid decisions like smoking, doing drugs, having sex, or drinking, because i respect my body. Why on earth would i want to poison it? I cant believe you have to watch your kids to make sure they dont get into trouble. I myself am a teen, and my mom doesn’t have to watch out for me, because I watch out for myself. And you cant use ‘peer pressure’ as an excuse. I have had peers try to ‘pressure’ me into things, and its easy as pie. you just say no and walk away. I dont understand why these teens aren’t looking out for themselves, and that it seems their parents have to do it ‘for them’. Ridiculous.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Is there anyway to contact the parents?

“Molly and Sally came by to talk to the kids. Their appearence and demeanor concerned me…do you allow the kids to socialize with them?”

 

[Tiribulus]

<<< I am 16 myself >>>

I mean this in a nice way, but this explains a lot

 

[MerryCatholic]

i myself would not call them any derogatory names. its not what Jesus would do. i appreciate you taking care of you’re families kids, but the girls that come over, well you can have a talk with their father. but do it in a Christian mannerism. don’t go off on him, and don’t speak derogatorily of his kids because it will get heated. just ask him to please keep an eye on his children, and that you ask respectfully of them not to come over to your families home. its that simple.

remember also, you can’t police the kids your looking after 24 /7. but you can watch them and make sure that they don’t start speaking of using drugs, alcohol etc. if they do, sit them down and charitably have a talk with them. i don’t think these girls hanging out with your extended family is a good idea. the sooner you speak with the parents of the kids your watching, the better. don’t get dramatic about it. simply tell them what you think is going on, and tell them that these girls hanging out might become a problem.

remember at all times to be charitable in everything you say and do no matter who it is your talking to. the Heavenly Father wants us all to follow in Christ’s footsteps and pick up our cross and follow after Him. Jesus said, love thy neighbor as thyself. so try to recall that when you talk to the parents of your charges, and the man who is the father of the girls.

 

[BlueShadow123]

I mean this in a nice way, but this explains a lot

It explains nothing. Are you saying my post isnt important all because im younger than you?
That is one of the most ignorant things ive ever heard. First off, in my post i was talking about the fact that being a teenager, I dont see ANY excuse why another fellow teenager of my age has to be immature. I am able to control myself and i am able to tell who is good and who is bad. There is no reason why people have to act like teenagers are babies. They are young adults and should know better than being around bad influences. But of course you’re going to try to look down on me. Go for it, it just shows your ignorance. :tsktsk: