In-Law Troubles and Not Even Married Yet

[joandarc2008]

Hello everyone,

I have never done anything like this but I hope you can understand my need for it. My fiance and I are incredibly close and love each other very much. We have a healthy, respectful relationship and are currently going through Pre-CANA. We have both received nullities of form for our previous marriages and cannot wait to take our sacraments together in order to have a life before God.

The problem is that the only thing that we have ever really fought about is his parents and his daughter. His daughter was adopted by his parents earlier this year as she had been living with them for many years. It was what she wanted. We came to find out after the fact that there were many lies told to her about us and mainly about me.

It seems that since she was preganant with her oldest child at 16 and always been a mother she has not learned to let go of her motherly role of her 30 year old son. She does not like me at all and seems like she was never prepared to accept me. She has made very abusive comments to me. She consistently degrades the way that I dress saying that it is too provocative in public and in front of my stepdaughter even though they are clothes that I shopped for with my own mother and even OK’d with my fiance before going over to the house as I know my future mother-in-law is overly critical.

My fiance and I do live together which is wrong but we have many reasons for it and we are reconciling that through our sacraments. I don’t believe that you make ammends for an action by saying you are sorry - you make ammends for an action by taking corrective action. This confession is between my confessor, my deacon, and my priest and us. Instead of us speaking their peace and agreeing to disagree they have been abusive on the subject. One time when I was over my fiance was speaking to his daughter privately and my future father-in-law who rarely says two words to me popped in an EWTN special “Romance without Regret” about celibacy. I found this very out of place and a violation of boundaries.

Things really came to head one day when the adoption was being discussed and we were trying to discuss the boundary issues that we felt they violated with her that made him uncomfortable signing papers. This included things like telling her about the engagement before we had an opportunity to. This also included things like limiting his visitation (although never stated) to only at the house unless I was not involved. They got very defensive. It blew up. As we were leaving my future mother-in-law tried to hit me in the back of the head with a framed formal pic of my fiance and I that we had given her as a gift. With ten years in the Army I did not feel the need to fight, I simply evaded the hit, stepped back and told her if she took another swing she was going to go to jail.

We ended up having to take them to court for visitation. The only reason my fiance signed the agreement was that he saw how much the fighting is tearing her apart. In Kings it talks about the mothers that were fighting over the child. He chose to give his child up rather than have her ripped in half. We have a post adoption agreement for visitation but things have been very hard. My in-laws stated that they did not want to see me or hear anything I had to say. However they did want to come to the wedding. My stepdaughter was supposed to be a junior bridesmaid but my mother-in-law has put her foot down and said that she will need to be included in any activities (hair, makeup, nails, bachelorette dinner- not party) that my stepdaughter is included in. I want peace for her sake. So I told my fiance yes. Then he asked my in-laws three questions.

Were they happy for us? Were they happy for him? Were they happy for our union in the eyes of the Lord?

They waited five days to answer those questions and then told him they couldn’t. My fiance is through with it. He told them the response they did give him was insulting. their response was to try to schedule an appointment with the family therapist we all being seperately together. He put his foot down and said no. It has gone on long enough and he feels that he will no longer put me in the position to be abused. The hard part is is that his father is doing all of this from the position of a eucharistic minister. We are all Catholic but our contextual beliefs differ on certain issues. We are also adults.

My fiance is also going to tell his parents that they are no longer invited to a wedding that they do not support. He especially does not want them there for my personal time with my friends and family prior to the wedding as his mother very rarely hold her tongue.

My question is this. I am very proud of my fiance for making this comittment to our marriage. How can I make this easier on him as I know on some level it hurts?

Thank you and God Bless

 

[Cristiano]

…My question is this. I am very proud of my fiance for making this comittment to our marriage. How can I make this easier on him as I know on some level it hurts?

Thank you and God Bless

You cannot do anything to make him feel better. However, you can tell him that he is your knight in shiny armor for behaving like a man that takes care of his future spouse. Tell him straight that you respect him for that and also tell him that you know that it hurts and just listen him.

I am a man and I can tell you that we are suckers for things like that. The man is to love the wife, and the wife is to respect the husband.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Wow…what a mess.

I know that you’re hurt at the way your future in-laws are treating you, and I can empathize with that. But what about your fiance’s daughter?

She doesn’t know the truth. Her adoptive parents/grandparents keep telling her things about her dad. Her dad signed adoption papers because he didn’t think the fighting was good for her… And now she’s not being allowed in the wedding because of all the fighting.

I think that whether or not they come to the wedding isn’t the problem here. Obviously there are some enormous issues that need to be resolved. Have you considered counseling especially for your stepdaughter?

 

[joandarc2008]

We do have a post-adoption agreement that allows us visitation. The good thing is that she is in counseling. We are in counseling and they are in counseling - just not together for obvious reasons. Above all she will not be further injured by this. He did not give her up to hurt her more.

 

[Trishie]

Will pray for you, your fiance, his daughter and the family.

Please God send Your Holy Spirit to blow a clean and healing wind through this family. Holy Spirit will You please begin to right all the wrongs and injustices in this family.

Please dismantle the rudeness and unlove that this young woman has been assailed by during her friendship with her fiance. Touch this prospective mother-in-law’s spirit and heal her of manipluation and unkindness, and give her wisdom and peace. Please give these parents the gifts of wisdom and respect, and discerment and love to all in the family.

Please help the daughter to grow in a wholesome manner despite the challenges.

Please give healing and strength to all in the relationship of this young couple. Strengthen their faith and faithfulness and their charity and courage so that they will always share a strong, true, Christian marriage.

 

[BamaRider]

How old is the little girl? And where is her mother in all this? Have they said why they don’t like you?

I really can’t offer any advice, because as some say, “above my pay grade.” Good Luck.

 

[catharina]

Hello everyone,

I have never done anything like this but I hope you can understand my need for it. My fiance and I are incredibly close and love each other very much. We have a healthy, respectful relationship and are currently going through Pre-CANA. We have both received nullities of form for our previous marriages and cannot wait to take our sacraments together in order to have a life before God.

The problem is that the only thing that we have ever really fought about is his parents and his daughter. His daughter was adopted by his parents earlier this year as she had been living with them for many years. It was what she wanted. We came to find out after the fact that there were many lies told to her about us and mainly about me.

ETC., etc., etc…

My question is this. I am very proud of my fiance for making this comittment to our marriage. How can I make this easier on him as I know on some level it hurts?

Thank you and God Bless

Wow. It sounds like you are drowning in a sea of negativity.
You’ve said SO MUCH and left SO MUCH unsaid.

A couple of granparents - old enough to have a 30-yr-old son - have refigured their lives to become mom and dad to a young girl. How old is she? Six or seven? Twelve? Four?

Whatever they might have thought would be their “future” is no more. It’s not even negotiable. They are parents to a young child and their responsibility of nurture and protection goes to HER long before it goes to their son or to you. Why your fiance is not prostrate with gratitude is beyond me. Ditto for you. They saved a child from “the system” and like it or not, she is no longer your fiance’s child. She will not be your stepdaughter. You say THEY have boundary issue? Great jargon but check the mirror and your fiance’s face for boundary issues. His stab at parenthood is a part of history. Get used to it. It’s their way or the highway as far as decision-making and protection of that child.

Let’s see: the FIL-to-be is a Eucharistic Minister? very much a practicing Catholic. Almost certainly freaked out and offended that his son is living with his “fiancee.” Who wouldn’t be? They have a child in their permanent care who can only look at this scene and wonder “HUH?”

Maybe, through the grace of God, things will ease up after a Sacramental marriage has taken place. One can hope so. For now, why have a big wedding? That’s one more complication when everyone knows you’re co-habitating.

Here’s who has my sympathy: the child.
Here’s who has my gratitude: the former grandparents.

Are you and your fiancee driving your future in-laws CRAZY?
Obviously, YES.

How can you make things “better” for your fiancee?
Grow up fast.

God bless you too.

PS - Why go back to King Solomon? Read the Gospels.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am leaning in agreement with catharina on this one, joandarc. Unfortunately, there is a lot of history here, which contributes to the way the future inlaws view you. And currently, you are both living together, which compounds it, because his parents are devout Catholics. I don’t advocate being abusive in their words to you–there is never a reason for that. But, perhaps see things from their vantage point a bit.

I pray that your relationship can be restored, and that these differences will be patched. Just be kind, loving, and humble…and it might heal some of these open wounds.

 

[joandarc2008]

Maybe I have not made myself clear in a effort not to overly bash my future in-laws. First of all the system was never involved. The only reason that my fiance married his ex wife was to legitimize his child. Second of all position in the church does not make one “devout.” I have the upmost respect for my future FIL. Unfortuantely a lot of the lying to the child has come from my future MIL and he did know about it until after the fact. Much of this has come up during mediations. :ehh: However, he has been a good spouse to her in recent history and has supported her in public.

Now to give a little history my stepdaughter is ten. Her mother is still in the picture and has begged me to stay in her life. I have also made it very clear to her mother that I believe trying to replace her in her role would be a sin unto itself. Everything I have read in the Bible talks about a spiritual bond between a parent and a child. The daughter herself has made her opinion on her father very clear.

Now for a little more history. As the marriage was coming apart my future in laws offered to take his daughter so they could try to get back on track. The marriage ended up failing. Today they can both be friendly to the point where I have even extended the invitation to stay at our to the mother and her family when she comes down for the Holidays. She now lives 2000 miles away. At the point when he was back on his feet after the divorce he ended up being diagnosed as terminal from a genetic disorder. His daughter was still living with his parents at the time. He did not want to take his daughter out of the house so that she could watch him die a very painful death. Three years later he ended up beating it. About four years ago the mother ended up getting back on her feet, married, and stable. She called my MIL and asked to resume her custody. My future MIL lied to her and denied it. The mother while a really nice person did not have what she perceived the money to fight them in court so she played by the rules and gave them what they wanted. They were very well to do. One of the reasons she has stated that she likes me being around is that I do have the financial means to fight and the backbone as well.

My MIL in private has also made comments to me about my fiances past POA and DNR that he had signed for his parents. Since he is no longer terminal he has signed a new one for me and made it very known in the family that he is to be given every chance to fight. The doctors say that his prognosis is very good even though he is only one of two documented cases that have ever beaten this disease. He however may need a transplant in 20-30 years.

During this time we found out that even though he is the second child of the marriage his father is not his father. However my MIL will not give us the truth about his heritage even knowing what it means to his treatment. All those years knowing that his father was not his father she allowed her husband to beat her son and at one point before left home and became homeless even dislocated his shoulder. Now that he is a respected businessman recognized by several Hall of Fames she wants to manipulate him. For many years she did that with his daughter. If you want to see your daughter you will fix this at the house… If you want to see your daughter you will give me this…

They did not rearrange their lives for this child she simply did not know how to stop being a mother and made sure she didn’t have to. I pray for her a lot because I want her to be happy with herself and her husband. Her older daughter had the same problems with them and rarely speaks to them either.

We talked to the priest, our deacon, and a friar that is a very close personal friend of ours. None of them really encouraged the adoption. Neither did the family therapist. We did simply because the fighting was tearing my stepdaughter apart. That is the reason that we had the open adoption done which is a completely different animal than a closed. It is very clear on visitation. We have also made our wishes very much known on how she will be given information about us. That is our right. None of the above four people have disagreed with it knowing ALL of the facts (some I will not mention in a public post.)

We found out after the adoption was finalized that she was told by her grandmother that if she wasn’t adopted by them that she would never see them again. I guarantee you that was the farthest thing from the truth. While there is some animosity at this point we would have done what was best for her which at the time was leave her where she was at. If we were going to bring her into our home it would have been after transition period and between school years. We were even paying AND I had even offered to put her on MY health insurance after the marriage as I am a federal employee and get federal benefits. Also this would have given her many other benefits upon my death as I have been told that I should not conceive due to the medications I have to take.

I do understand where some of you are coming from. And I do see your points on some of it. I have often wondered myself if we are too involved. But then I see that the daughter responds to us in a very positive way until her grandparents talk negatively. Oh, and they also reversed the situation and told her that I struck her grandmother. She brought that to me on the forth of July and it was something that I never tell her happenned but her father and I had to tell her that I had threatened to call the police after being attacked by her grandmother. I never laid a hand on her. I never raised a hand nor have I ever cursed at her. She has done both to me. I do realize however, that I can only let someone rent space in my head if I sign a lease. I think a eviction is needed. I know this was a long post but it is a tough place to sit. We just want her to be healthy. If her father was out of her life I do not believe would be.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi joan

As I read through the additional history here, I can’t help but wonder if you and your husband shouldn’t keep some distance between yourselves and his parents. I would say go back to court and try to gain some type of joint custody, but I think that it would wreak havoc in the little girl’s life. I don’t think that the parents should be using the little girl as a pawn, though–if you don’t do this, you won’t see your daughter…and on and on. That’s awful.

There is no getting around that this situation stinks. It really does. Your future inlaws have their rights also. I mean, they adopted his child, and that is quite noble and humble on their part. But, I can’t help but wonder if your husband is manipulated by his mom because his bio dad left? I’m just trying to piece the story together. And if that’s the case, unfortunately, your MIL can only change her behavior, you or your fiance can’t change it.

My initial advice still holds…try to remain humble, kind, and loving…because that will always win the race. Stooping to your future MIL’s behavior, won’t help you…won’t help your fiance, and won’t help the child.

The fact that you both live together, not being married…probably doesn’t help the situation. I certainly won’t judge you, but understand…they are devout Catholics, and it’s just one more thing for them to pick on him about. (and ultimately you)

You know, his mother sounds like a very sad, and bitter woman. For whatever the reasons, she allowed her second husband to abuse your fiance, and for whatever reason, she sounds like a woman who feels like the world owes her something. I believe that you and your fiance should be grateful for the fact that they are raising his child, especially in their elderly years. No easy thing. But, at the same time, this doesn’t mean that you both need to walk on eggshells around her.

Pray the Rosary every day for your future MIL. Ask Mary to pray that her heart will be softened, and that she will love you as a daughter. Stranger things have been known to happen, ya know, when people ask for Mary’s involvement. I have asked Mary to pray for me in many areas that are difficult, and it’s just amazing what can happen.

I don’t think that change within this family dynamic can be done through human methods alone. It will take Divine intervention to bring you all together, for forgiveness to happen, and for your future MIL and fiance to heal their wounds. Give it to God. Pray about it with your fiance.

Try to make friends with your future MIL, when you are around her. She’s hurting for some reason. Stay close to Jesus, and He will give you the right words to say.

I will keep you all in my prayers. This isn’t going to be easy but do your part to make it easier. (((hugs)))

 

[catharina]

Quite a story. Makes me feel even worse for the child.
Adults have freedom to change the scenario.
Children are powerless in such settings.

You said “We talked to the priest, our deacon, and a friar that is a very close personal friend of ours. None of them really encouraged the adoption. Neither did the family therapist.”

Hope you’ll get mucho professional help now and comply with it.

 

[MCGar]

This is a heavy problem.

I don’t know of any solution to this but I strongly advise you and your husband keep two journals.

One keeping track of all misbehaviors of the ILs just in case you two felt that custody needed to change.

The next one to have for your step-daughter so she knows how much her parents love her.

It can have journal entries of all the thoughts of the good days you have together and all the prayers and thoughts you have for her when you don’t see her.

Something that can be a keepsake for her for when she is older and she can look back at this time and realize that her parents really did and do care for her.
Get her mom involved too.

 

[catharina]

Hi joan

As I read through the additional history here, I can’t help but wonder if you and your husband shouldn’t keep some distance between yourselves and his parents. I would say go back to court and try to gain some type of joint custody, but I think that it would wreak havoc in the little girl’s life. I don’t think that the parents should be using the little girl as a pawn, though–if you don’t do this, you won’t see your daughter…and on and on. That’s awful.

There is no getting around that this situation stinks. It really does. Your future inlaws have their rights also. I mean, they adopted his child, and that is quite noble and humble on their part. But, I can’t help but wonder if your husband is manipulated by his mom because his bio dad left? I’m just trying to piece the story together. And if that’s the case, unfortunately, your MIL can only change her behavior, you or your fiance can’t change it.

My initial advice still holds…try to remain humble, kind, and loving…because that will always win the race. Stooping to your future MIL’s behavior, won’t help you…won’t help your fiance, and won’t help the child.

The fact that you both live together, not being married…probably doesn’t help the situation. I certainly won’t judge you, but understand…they are devout Catholics, and it’s just one more thing for them to pick on him about. (and ultimately you)

You know, his mother sounds like a very sad, and bitter woman. For whatever the reasons, she allowed her second husband to abuse your fiance, and for whatever reason, she sounds like a woman who feels like the world owes her something. I believe that you and your fiance should be grateful for the fact that they are raising his child, especially in their elderly years. No easy thing. But, at the same time, this doesn’t mean that you both need to walk on eggshells around her.

Pray the Rosary every day for your future MIL. Ask Mary to pray that her heart will be softened, and that she will love you as a daughter. Stranger things have been known to happen, ya know, when people ask for Mary’s involvement. I have asked Mary to pray for me in many areas that are difficult, and it’s just amazing what can happen.

I don’t think that change within this family dynamic can be done through human methods alone. It will take Divine intervention to bring you all together, for forgiveness to happen, and for your future MIL and fiance to heal their wounds. Give it to God. Pray about it with your fiance.

Try to make friends with your future MIL, when you are around her. She’s hurting for some reason. Stay close to Jesus, and He will give you the right words to say.

I will keep you all in my prayers. This isn’t going to be easy but do your part to make it easier. (((hugs)))

Absolutely yes. Prayers to Mary and Joseph, for sure -
especially to Mary, the absolutely perfect mother.

Whoever suggested family therapy, one therapist with all adults sounds like a winner to me.

 

[joandarc2008]

I really like the idea about the journals - that is an awesome one and one I am going to bring up to my fiance ASAP. Probably right after this post.

As far as the ah first husband - there wasn’t one - she is still married to the first husband. She had an affair. At the very least one because we have my fiance and no other explanation besides a second immaculate conception which I know did not happen because neither one of us is any where close to perfect.

I also very much love the idea of humility and respect. If there is going to be peace I need to grin and bear it no matter what. You are completely right. Thank you for reminding me.

And we will still attend counseling until we make our move in a month or so. We are going to another area to continue our business that provides more opportunity and gives a little distance. Also thankfully to God it will also give us more lengthy although fewer visits with his daughter. Hopefully this will make the time more quality.

 

[whatevergirl]

I really like the idea about the journals - that is an awesome one and one I am going to bring up to my fiance ASAP. Probably right after this post.

As far as the ah first husband - there wasn’t one - she is still married to the first husband. She had an affair. At the very least one because we have my fiance and no other explanation besides a second immaculate conception which I know did not happen because neither one of us is any where close to perfect.

I also very much love the idea of humility and respect. If there is going to be peace I need to grin and bear it no matter what. You are completely right. Thank you for reminding me.

And we will still attend counseling until we make our move in a month or so. We are going to another area to continue our business that provides more opportunity and gives a little distance. Also thankfully to God it will also give us more lengthy although fewer visits with his daughter. Hopefully this will make the time more quality.

You sound to be in better spirits, joan!

When Jesus told His followers…to love their enemies, and what does it profit a man if he is only kind to someone who is kind in return, we don’t normally think that within our own family units, we could have ‘enemies.’ But, if you and your fiance are going to follow Christ, you will have to somehow swallow some pride when it comes to your future MIL. I think some distance is good too, but, maybe the next time you see her, buy her a new scarf from a nice store, or bake some cookies…something that is an unexpected display of kindness. Ask her out for lunch by yourself. Surprise the heck out of her with kindness! Somewhere along the lines, your fiance’s mother lost her smile. You never know how you can play a part in her life. But, you will be kicked a few times, I don’t doubt it. I have a great MIL, I can’t relate, but my sister (who raised me, long story) used to be overly critical with me. I kept praying about it…oh how I prayed about it. I cried about it a lot too. You will shed some tears over this.

But, I finally said one day…Ok, God…fine, if this is my cross, then please help me carry it. I think we sometimes fight the crosses given to us. But, this is one in your life.

Now, my sister and I are closer than ever. I never ever thought we would be. I really didn’t like her too much a few years back, but God can turn the toughest tides.

Stay close to Jesus. He will help you through this. God bless, joan!

Feel free to pm me anytime.

 

[Mintaka]

This situation makes my heart very heavy, because my own family got involved in something like this. Over much smaller issues.

With my mom, she freaked out a lot over my brother’s fiancee. But she also freaked out about the first times she met any of our friends, my brothers and I going to college, my brothers and I moving out, my other brother joining the Air Force, the first time I went to a chant conference… You get the idea. She’s not good with change, but once something’s done she quickly adjusts – and generally decides it was all her idea! I’m a drama queen myself, so I’m merely mildly annoyed at the waiting for the final stage of “taking the credit”.)

My brother didn’t get this, told his fiancee all about the weird stuff that Mom was coming out with, and basically convinced himself and her that Mom was against them. Whereas actually she pitched much bigger fits and came up with much darker stories of doom about me moving into my apartment in the next town over, when I’d already lived alone through most of college. (He missed all that, because he moved really far away.) So suddenly something that I would just have rolled my eyes and ignored became A BIG THING.

So first they stopped talking to my parents, and then they gradually stopped talking to everybody else on my side of the family. They used to talk to me, but this year they not only changed their phone numbers and sent back my presents but also didn’t even send me a birthday card. So I guess they’re mad at me, but I have no idea why, even.

My point is this – unless people are like, taking drugs and playing with the Mafia, you need to keep your family talking and together. People can be pretty darned annoying, but refusing to talk at all is a lot meaner to them and to yourselves than putting up with a lot of crud.

 

[khutcheson]

Have you considered consulting an attorney? I bring this up because people are still discussing you keeping a journal for custody purposes. If the adoption has gone through, your fiancee cannot get custody.

You indicated that your fiancee had discussed the adoption with his priest, deacon, etc. Did he talk to an attorney? Are you aware that a non-parent cannot get custody of a child in most states unless they prove that granting custody to the biological parent would be detrimental to the child. Even if you fiancee had real dirt in his background, a California court would like give the child back to him in a heartbeat if he cleaned up his act. I assume that most states would handle the matter similarly.

What I’m saying is that based on what you wrote, he is letting his mother walk all over him, and all over his relationship with his daughter. Legally, you haven’t given any reason that would mandate such a result. In court, the result would likely be completely the opposite.

Maybe this is best for the daughter. I’m in no position to judge. If so, great. But if he doesn’t think so (and the psychological bond between parents and child is crucial to a child’s emotional development–I would hurt anyone who tried to get between me and my children) then he should ACT not talk. The current situation may not be what’s best for his daughter and the conflict might be a LOT less than you think. If this were in California, based on what you have told me (assuming the adoption wasn’t in place), I think I would stand a reasonably good chance of getting your fiancee custody within about 72 hours based on what you told me.

I don’t know what that answer is to your dilemma. It sounds like a real mess. I recommend prayer and humility (towards your MIL). However, with respect to the daughter it seems to me that you either need to let go and defer to your MIL with respect to the daughter, or you should find an attorney fast so that you at least understand your rights, obligations and options.

Right now, if the adoption has really gone through, she holds ALL the cards and from what I’ve heard, there is no reason for that situation to exist…

 

[joandarc2008]

The adoption is final and it was a voluntary termination of parental rights based on the fact that simply the situation was tearing his daughter apart. We had to go to court to get visitation before we even considered the adoption. The judge actually got so frustrated he yelled at MIL and told her the adoption could only be done if my fiance consented. He then granted us visitation and suggested the family counseling. It wasn’t until we started seeing his daughter that we found out what a total this was taking on her. At that point - minus my confirmation and a family funeral it had been almost four months. On top of it my in-laws had us served at home for an involuntary termination of parental rights court date. We did have a lawyer who sent their lawyer a message. Basically the only way to bring peace and stability to his dughter’s life was to do the adoption. Otherwise any court motion they put in was going to be honored even though it wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on. Sad but true. I often wonder if his daughter had not been told the lies if she and I would have an easier relationship and if she would have wanted the adoption. On top of it she somehow has gotten a very negative opinion of the Army which I am still a reservist. She and I never had these problems until my in-laws started the adoption issues. On top of that my MIL just called and basically used the the term “verbal abuse” because I corrected her. So now when she sasses me I have to let my fiance handle it solely. It is a small price to pay. The funny part is told him mother that I handle things in exactly the same way he does but she seems to view me negatively and he feels that has a lot to do with outside influence. We are still working on it. I am going to keep praying on it. Thanks again to everyone.

 

[joandarc2008]

So I have decided to humble down a lot. My MIL is going to be invited to attend all of the pre-wedding bridal stuff like hair, makeup, etc. so that my stepdaughter can attend. It is the only way she will let her. I am a little apprehensive but I am putting my faith in the Lord and asking for a little bit of help and prayer here. I also help that maybe attending a sacrament will soften them a bit and maybe make my in-laws realize that we are a couple and this is for real and I am not going anywhere.

 

[kage_ar]

So I have decided to humble down a lot. My MIL is going to be invited to attend all of the pre-wedding bridal stuff like hair, makeup, etc. so that my stepdaughter can attend. It is the only way she will let her. I am a little apprehensive but I am putting my faith in the Lord and asking for a little bit of help and prayer here. I also help that maybe attending a sacrament will soften them a bit and maybe make my in-laws realize that we are a couple and this is for real and I am not going anywhere.

That is a good decision.

Reading all of this, I just want to say - remember, this little girl only has one chance to grow up and learn how to have a family. She is learning from everything she sees and hears.

If she sees someone in the family being sacrificial in love, it can make a world of difference.