In love with someone other than spouse

[Leegal]

I know I disagree with everyone else, but I do think the husband has a right to know. What if the OP has contracted an STD from this other man? I know the chance is very slight, but it is possible, even if protection was used. We don’t know this other man or who else he has been sleeping with.

Maybe they used protection, in this case I would say wise.

Let’s say she takes the advice and stays to actually work on the marriage. What purpose is there to tell him, thereby delaying her real healing while he has to first heal from the break in trust, if he can? Obviously if she sought comfort with this other man, there are other issues. It’s important to address those – and the indescretion is her cross to bear which she takes to confession.

Most anyone will tell you that those who feel compelled to confess do it for selfish reasons – to make THEMSELVES feels better. And then the spouse feels worse. Much worse in knowing. She may or may not regain his trust; too big a gamble.

She says she’s in love with this other man – loves her husband, good father. So, it’s not like it’s hopeless and he’s some drunk who beats her and the kids. I would say she’s in “lust” for this second man – an idealized version. Something to consider.

 

[anp1215]

Maybe they used protection, in this case I would say wise.

Let’s say she takes the advice and stays to actually work on the marriage. What purpose is there to tell him, thereby delaying her real healing while he has to first heal from the break in trust, if he can? Obviously if she sought comfort with this other man, there are other issues. It’s important to address those – and the indescretion is her cross to bear which she takes to confession.

Most anyone will tell you that those who feel compelled to confess do it for selfish reasons – to make THEMSELVES feels better. And then the spouse feels worse. Much worse in knowing. She may or may not regain his trust; too big a gamble.

I’m not saying I disagree, but I gave a reason in my other post-the possibility of sexually transmitted disease. Another poster mentioned this as well, I believe, on the first page. I think it’s much more loving of her to let her husband know that she has been unfaithful and thus, he is at risk should they have relations, and perhaps suggest that she get tested for any STDs and abstain until the results are back. This is what I would want my husband to do if he was ever unfaithful to me. Imagine if, God forbid, she did have an STD, and then passed it on to her husband. I think he would feel much more betrayed.

 

[Sillara]

It would not be the confession of the adultery that would hurt her innocent husband. That would be when she trampled her vows into the dirt and commited the adultery in the first place.

The Church does not require, though She commends, a spouse to continue conjugal life with an adulterer. But the choice properly belongs to the injured and innocent spouse, NOT the adulterer.
Tell your husband. You already wronged him unspeakably. Do not wrong him further with lies.

 

[Leegal]

Anp. I don’t now if you are male or female, but take the question of STD’s out of the equation for now.

Male or female – you are in a marriage. No real fighting but no real loving communication. As she said, it’s become more platonic. I would say a “rut” – your spouse has a one-nighter and realizes that the grass is not greener and what’s at home is worth working on and saving.

So, your spouse comes home and has a sit down with you, in near honest communication, that he/she feels that the marriage could use some work, that he/she loves you and the children, and wants to make the marriage strong and vital again – not stale or platonic. He/she asks for counseling. He/she sounds reasonable and sincere – she says he’s a good spouse and father.

Do you still want to know? The truth is that the marriage has become platonic. She leaves out that she sought comfort with some old flame – who may or not be “real” in the sense that it was not driven by love but by lust. And can you deal with the whole truth, or will it cause a setback, aside from the problems of that originated with the affair?

 

[anp1215]

I think this is more than the advice she she asked for and what she presented. If she cares to give details, that’s up to her. Yes, if she did not use protection, it could be a real life-threatening illness that could be passed on, and much worse. But we have no evidence – only assumptions that we are making which takes her story beyond what she posted.

I’m assuming the best, unless advised of the worst case scenario and they did not use protection.

If she reads your post, then she knows what she has to do depending on whether she has placed her health and that of her husband in danger. Only she knows.

Yes, this is personal opinion of mine, what I think would be the best course of action. And I think it would be best regardless of whether or not she used protection. Diseases can still be spread even with a condom. But like I said, it’s my opinion that she tell him.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Spot on.

Not enough emphasis is placed on the fact that once a man beds a married woman, for whatever reason, he has shown his true moral colours. He is demonstrating that he is a sneak, willing to secretly trash the standards of everyone else to get what he wants. He knows and understands the ‘wrongness’ of what he is doing and that is why he is surreptitious in his behaviour. If he is like that on this occasion, then he will behave in a similar fashion on other occasions. It is a part of his character. He is not someone who can ever be trusted. Sadly, he has bought the OP down to his level.

If, as you say, your husband is a ‘good father’, then that’s how the kids will know him. If you walk out, you either take the kids, or leave them. If you take them, they will spend the rest of their lives wondering whay it was that their mother suddenly decided that their Dad wasn’t good enough to live. Their notion of what a good father is will be rocked to the core. It will never make sense to them. Ever. You can’t say to them you don’t love your husband, their Dad, because that would be a lie. So what would you tell them? That you want better sex? Wow, what a horrible message and lesson that would be for the kids, which is, you can dump someone because you can get better sex. The fact that Daddy is a good person and a good parent doesn’t really matter. Now that’s a perfect way in which to totally screw up your children’s value system, isn’t it?

If you leave the kids behind, you will be destroying their faith in you. You will be someone who can’t ever be trusted again, because you are a danger to how they feel emotionally. You will hurt them terribly, destroy their faith in you and destroy their faith in the security which is the family they are growing up in. The hurt will be so profound that they will not, ever, be able to trust you 100% ever again.

The pain you cause them will affect them for the rest of their lives. The ability to trust, to love unconditionally, to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that your parents are always there for you, together, will be destroyed. It will affect their future relationships with others, because the stability, the unstated promise of future unconditional love and support will have been destroyed. It is the kids who will be the real victims and their children as well, because the role modelling of a stable family and safe, unconditional love, will have been denied them.

Your husband will be rocked to the very core of his being. He will feel violated and betrayed beyond comprehension. It will affect his entire life, because even he, will struggle to know what is real and what is false. You say here that you love him. It is therefore reasonable to assume that you still tell him you love him. If you now break up the marriage and the family, he will never make sense of why someone who supposedly loves him would want to walk out. How could he even be asked to make sense of it? It will haunt him for the rest of his life and it will affect his relationship with the children too. They will all have to suffer incredible emotional and spiritual pain.

And all for what? So you can have better sex? Is better sex more important than the emotional well being of your own children? Is it worth more than the ability of your husband to be a loyal and loving father to your children? Is it more important than watching your children grow up feeling safe and secure in the bosom of a loving family? Is it more important than being able to give your children a childhood they can look back on and be thankful for? Is it more important than being with someone who is obviously unconditionally committed to you and your children?

You wrote that “My spouse and I have always had some sexual incompatibility issues”. Is that the ‘excuse’ for contemplating breaking up your own family and destroying the happiness of your children and husband? Is that the excuse for accepting the advances of a man who is willing to demonstrate a total lack of respect for your own family and for your position in it? For a man who doesn’t care about how important your role is in the safe and stable upbringing of your children?

Just as Luvtosew wrote, you are walking into a big patch of weeds and abandoning the green grass that is your children’s and husband’s unconditional love.

The choice should be fairly easy. You just need to find the ourage to admit it and the self respect required to make the acknowledgement. Settling for weeds is just another step towards destroying yourself as well. Get rid of the what is causing you to be depressed and confused and have the courage to keep your little bit of pain to yourself for the sake of your family. The alternative will be horrendous by comparison.

^ This.

Squared.

Women can sometimes work through infidelity that they know about. Men, not so much. They get consumed by visual images of their wife having sex with another man. It just doesn’t benefit either party to have the wife confess to the husband, IF and it’s a big IF, the wife repents, stops the affair IMMEDIATELY and returns to her marriage and family. If she keeps cheating, then she should tell her husband and let him get out with some of his dignity intact.

 

[Leegal]

^ This.

Squared.

Women can sometimes work through infidelity that they know about. Men, not so much. They get consumed by visual images of their wife having sex with another man. It just doesn’t benefit either party to have the wife confess to the husband, IF and it’s a big IF, the wife repents, stops the affair IMMEDIATELY and returns to her marriage and family. If she keeps cheating, then she should tell her husband and let him get out with some of his dignity intact.

Yes, this too. Woman have a way of getting through infidelity – well most of us do. Men take this differently. I can’t see implanting images in his mind if she realizes her mistake, it happens once, and she vows not to see the man.

Of course, if she’s driven to keep on seeing this man then she has to tell him.

 

[Leegal]

anp1215;8856394:

Anp. I don’t now if you are male or female, but take the question of STD’s out of the equation for now.

Female – you are in a marriage. No real fighting but no real loving communication. As she said, it’s become more platonic. I would say a “rut” – your spouse has a one-nighter and realizes that the grass is not greener and what’s at home is worth working on and saving.

So, your spouse comes home and has a sit down with you, in near honest communication, that he feels that the marriage could use some work, that he loves you and the children, and wants to make the marriage strong and vital again – not stale or platonic. He asks for counseling. He sounds reasonable and sincere – she says he’s a good spouse and father.

Do you still want to know? The truth is that the marriage has become platonic. She leaves out that she sought comfort with some old flame – who may or not be “real” in the sense that it was not driven by love but by lust. And can you deal with the whole truth, or will it cause a setback, aside from the problems of that originated with the affair?

 

[CEM5]

I have been married for over a decade and have 2 young children. My spouse and I have always had some sexual incompatibility issues, and I have recently given into temptation (adultery) with my first love who has come back into my life. I find myself in love with this person who is not my husband but I do still love my husband - who happens to be a wonderful father. It is simply that my love for my husband seems more platonic. My husband does not know of my infidelity. (It happened only once.) I do not know whether to tell him. I also do not know if it is fair to him if I stay with him because of the children when I secretly love another. I talked to a priest but did not get definitive answers. I am depressed and confused. Thank you.

oh no…I am sorry to hear of this. I will pray that God’s Holy Spirit guide you back to your marriage. Marriage is more than what our modern world defines it. Marriage is a covenant that cannot be broken and should never be taken lightly. Marriage is more than having lustful feelings and sexual compatibility: It is a partnership and especially when children are involved, it is even more important that you stay with your husband.

You tell us that you still love your husband; then work on that love you have for him. Think how devestated your husband (not to mention your children!) would be should you leave to be with another man just because perhaps the sex is better! Perhaps you are mixing up love and lust (the newness of your adulterous affair)?

Not only will you destroy the sacredness of marriage/family that you have should you continue in adultery and leave your family, you risk destroying forever your immortal soul! And all for a bit of transient “love” time on earth with another man.

If you loved God with all your heart, and all your soul and all your mind, then you would never have committed adultery, for we are to place God above ALL else. That is the first and greatest commandment.

Try to keep that in mind and heart and return your husband’s love. Stop seeing this other man.

May the Holy Spirit guide you and help you in Jesus’ name.

 

[CDB1718]

It would not be the confession of the adultery that would hurt her innocent husband. That would be when she trampled her vows into the dirt and commited the adultery in the first place.

The Church does not require, though She commends, a spouse to continue conjugal life with an adulterer. But the choice properly belongs to the injured and innocent spouse, NOT the adulterer.
Tell your husband. You already wronged him unspeakably. Do not wrong him further with lies.

 

[Trishie]

I interpreted it oppositely: that it wasn’t a sin until adultery was committed, even if the individual knew that it was a temptation, the only thing to do is do what one would anyways, and then regret it in hindsight, because only after the fact is one certain that a near occasion of sin actually caused a great and most grievous offense.

Yes, it is already a sin of emotional adultery if a person invests his or her emotions in the person with whom he/she sins. The act doesn’t happen in a vacuum. The indication is that they have given into illicit feelings before the act.
Remember what Jesus said

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

 

[Khalid]

That was very rude. Imagine if that sentence was “Can’t Catholics ever get ________ right?”

I’d come back with why Catholics got it right, or do some serious soul-searching if it was indeed demonstrated that we or I had it wrong. I said and thought essentially the same thing about Theists when I was not, and about Christians when I was a Muslim: I realized that I had it wrong, and switched sides, as I have an unwavering commitment “to go wherever the argument leads”.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to delay judgment until I know everything, because I’m never going to know everything: it means I’m going to make my judgment based on the knowledge I have (unless that knowledge is obviously inadequate, the “consciously incompetent” stage, in which case I will reserve judgment for a short period until I learn more), and that I will further re-evaluate my judgments consistently whenever I gain new knowledge. To delay judgment under the pretense that one doesn’t know everything, and can never know everything leads to the worst form of agnosticism (not in regards to God alone, but in regards to knowledge in general: i.e. skepticism, Pyrrhonism), which leads to postmodern “absolute relativism”, to quote the words in the advertisement at the top of my page.

 

[Khalid]

It would not be the confession of the adultery that would hurt her innocent husband. That would be when she trampled her vows into the dirt and commited the adultery in the first place.

That’s essentially what I though, although I do see the validity and purpose of the other point of view, in this case. Along with the possibility of disease, or of possibly having to (emotionally, spiritually, and financially for twenty-one years) provide for a bastard child that was the fruit of such an abominable sin and act, and raise it as if it was his own.

Do you still want to know? The truth is that the marriage has become platonic. She leaves out that she sought comfort with some old flame – who may or not be “real” in the sense that it was not driven by love but by lust. And can you deal with the whole truth, or will it cause a setback, aside from the problems of that originated with the affair?

In bare honesty, as a sinner, yes, so that I might be bitter, blame, and hate, and rail against the wife and the world, beyond that mentioned above (even if those mentioned above had been ruled out).

But I have a “God’s-eye view” of the matter when it does not involve myself, in this case, that I acknowledge it can be determined without involving the husband whether a disease is involved, and the husband only needs to be made aware if he shall be fooled in to raising a bastard if not. Likewise, from the same view, putting myself in the situation, I realize, “I have been betrayed as surely as if I was murdered - I don’t trust the adulterer to make sure she’s not diseased, or doesn’t care at all, or to not lie again about bearing a bastard - or, again, doesn’t care, or even actively wants to pawn off the fruit of sin on me” - whereas, for a spouse who never learns of the adultery, those thoughts would never be in his mind unless he was a habitual paranoid in the first place (in which case he’d already know about the adultery if it ever managed to take place).

Maybe those motivations alone should tell you that it should be between the adulterer and the priest: I, on this matter, decide not.

 

[twoangels]

I have been married for over a decade and have 2 young children. My spouse and I have always had some sexual incompatibility issues, and I have recently given into temptation (adultery) with my first love who has come back into my life. I find myself in love with this person who is not my husband but I do still love my husband - who happens to be a wonderful father. It is simply that my love for my husband seems more platonic. My husband does not know of my infidelity. (It happened only once.) I do not know whether to tell him. I also do not know if it is fair to him if I stay with him because of the children when I secretly love another. I talked to a priest but did not get definitive answers. I am depressed and confused. Thank you.

Fleeing the temptation of adultery means limiting your friendships with members of the opposite sex who are not your husband. Your husband should be your best friend by choice. Making him your best friend means limiting contact to members of the opposite sex, making sure that you keep a certain emotional distance from them so that they never become temptations to seek emotional solace when your marriage isn’t as exciting or emotionally fulfilling for the time being.

You made marital vows to love your husband. Marital vows are not a declaration that you will always be “in love.” The feelings of romantic love are based on egotism. They are not authentic love. They tend to have a lifespan of 3 months to 3 years. For a relationship to be loving beyond that, a much more authentic love has to build. Its a great appreciation and value of the person, but you’re not randomly gazing into each other’s eyes or having goodbyes that last forever. You’re not caught up in “I can’t get them off of my mind.” All that stuff is an immature form of love (as I said, based on egoticism. Its far more about loving yourself than the other person.)

I’d say that this old flame who showed up in your life is still a case for emotional infidelity. I’d cut this person out of your life, go to confession and lead your heart in loving your husband. Its a protestant book, but I’d recommend doing “The love dare.”

In regards to sexual capatibility, I’d recommend the book “Holy Sex.” Its great at understanding what true sexual fulfillment is in marriage and how we treat each other outside of the marriage bedroom effects us in the bedroom. About 2/3 of the book is advise on the marital relationship.

 

[Qwestions]

Hi. You’ve heard a lot of very good advice. Whether you’re smart enough or strong enough to take it is another matter.

A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Period. I’ve been around a long time, and I’ve never known of a cheater who didn’t then cheat on the last one he’d fooled. Sometimes the cheater who bribes a spouse away from a life partner is a woman, yes, but in most cases the fox is a male. A cheater is also a con man/woman. You know the type: the kid who can get by with “murder” because of his cute smile in second grade learns that his smile is his most secure tool in getting whatever he wants throughout most of his life. Forget the fact that he’s got a sweet personality, his parents were alcoholics, he didn’t have enough clothes and food as a kid, and that he loves you—wait for it—“in his own way.” The bottom line is that he’s a con artist. He wants you. He claims to love you. He claims to have “made a mistake in not making you his” way back when he became an ex-boyfriend. And does he call you by your first name? Or a nickname that could fit any woman? You know—Punkin, Sweetheart, Lovebug, and that really special one that he calls you—Baby!

You came on here because you know in your heart of hearts that you’re sinning big time, and you’re hoping we’re gonna jerk a knot in your tail, so to speak, and bring you to your senses. But, then, there’s also that part of you that hopes that a few of us, or even just one of us, will commiserate with you so you won’t feel so guilty. Fuhgeddaboudit! Ain’t gonna happen, not from the mouth of a loving child of God!

Are you familiar with the Method School of Acting? You’re the actress and you’ve got to work yourself up to a state of anger with the male star. In your mind you go over and over, in a hateful manner, all the negatives you can imagine about his role. In your big scene, you’re a success: your sneer is perfect, the contempt in your eyes is brutal, the utter disgust in your voice is right on target and you deliver your writer’s words with authenticity—an absolute Oscar-worthy performance.

You can use the Method School in real life, too, which should be fairly easy, since, as you say, you love your husband. Say, “Jack, we don’t seem to have the sharp edge we used to have when we first got married. Please (smile earnestly, here, and touch him gently and lovingly), let’s try to recapture that, okay? Please? I always loved it when you called me Cupcake (or whatever little endearment he once used), and you’d get those lights in your eyes like your eyes were dancing. Can we, Honey? (Big smooch here, arms around his neck.) Please? ('Nother smooch. Slow smile, head cocked sideways.) Please?” I think you get the idea. The point is this: if you could have been more “compatible” before “touching base” with your former boyfriend, you likely would not have been intrigued by him. Work on establishing a fabulous marriage! The key word is “work!” Date nights are good. Go to a couples retreat. DON’T punish your husband for your mistake! Of course, get tested for STD’s, on the QT, which may mean a different doctor, and out of your pocket. If there’s an STD problem, it will be necessary to mortally wound your husband by telling him of your straying. Pray that you don’t have to do that and that you acquire the moral strength and courage to carry this cross, that you nailed together, on your own shoulders, without unfairly burdening your husband with your guilt.

Let us all join you in prayer that you’ll be given the courage and strength to say and do whatever is necessary to ensure a wonderful marriage. You CAN do it! . . . Will you?

 

[Qwestions]

illinoisgirl, in re-reading my post, I think I need to clarify some points.

I do NOT think that you should tell your husband about your failure to keep your marriage vows IF you sever all contact with the current (ex!-) boyfriend, make a firm Act of Contrition and make reparation though conscientious work to restore your marriage. You Can do it! You’ll have to work hard to remain in a state of grace and worthy of your husband’s love, but you CAN do it! Just CHOOSE to do it. Find a priest with whom you can discuss the matter and be lifted up out of the mire in which you currently find yourself. He may recommend that you talk with someone else. If so, do it. Do whatever it takes!

Surround yourself and fill your home with that which is uplifting: neatness, yes; and harmonic colors and balance in decorating; uplifting music (classical—try it, you’ll like it!—and religious music); reading material that forges committment to a life pleasing to God. When you clean up yet another glass of spilled milk or wet towels, say a prayer that you’re lucky to be doing the chore for the love of God. Investigate couples retreats. I’ve heard of fantastic results from them. Pray frequently, off and on, all day, every day.

When I suggested Method Acting, I did so because theater people know that IF you go through the actions long enough, the feelings WILL follow! They will! Think, and it shall be! In no way am I asking you to be a phony. I’m asking you to MAKE your marriage HAPPEN! You most definitely can do it! First, though, you have to CHOOSE to do it. The harmonious accourtrements in your home, from pleasant decor to music and conversation, will help you, but they’re not necessary. Prayer is necessary. Shielding your husband and children, if you choose your marriage, is necessary.

If you believe in the Holy Trinity, then it follows that you also believe in Satan. He is very real and very active and he’s out to get you and anyone else that he can, and, hey! hasn’t he been doing a bang-up job? Are you going to let him succeed? The uplifting reading material and music and conversation within your home, in addition to prayer, of course, will help keep him out. Get some Holy Water and sprinkle it around your home and car. Pray for protection from Satan as you do so.

However, if you’re not strong enough, or too selfish, and don’t really care that much about sharing eternal life with our Heavenly Father (need I remind you that it’s heaven or hell in the end?), and choose to continue your folly, then you MUST tell your husband. Just as it’s not fair to him for you to confess to him, only to have him share your guilt, IF you’re truly forsaking all others and are going to cling to him only, it’s likewise not fair to him to keep the secret of your ongoing charade if you decide to continue your affair; in that case, he needs to know.

In the end, it’s up to you to choose. One path leads to heaven, and the other . . .

I sincerely hope and pray that you make the right choice. It’s likely the most crucial one of your entire life. May you go with God, and may peace reign in your heart and soul.

 

[Leegal]

That’s essentially what I though, although I do see the validity and purpose of the other point of view, in this case. Along with the possibility of disease, or of possibly having to (emotionally, spiritually, and financially for twenty-one years) provide for a bastard child that was the fruit of such an abominable sin and act, and raise it as if it was his own.

In bare honesty, as a sinner, yes, so that I might be bitter, blame, and hate, and rail against the wife and the world, beyond that mentioned above (even if those mentioned above had been ruled out).

But I have a “God’s-eye view” of the matter when it does not involve myself, in this case, that I acknowledge it can be determined without involving the husband whether a disease is involved, and the husband only needs to be made aware if he shall be fooled in to raising a bastard if not. Likewise, from the same view, putting myself in the situation, I realize, “I have been betrayed as surely as if I was murdered - I don’t trust the adulterer to make sure she’s not diseased, or doesn’t care at all, or to not lie again about bearing a bastard - or, again, doesn’t care, or even actively wants to pawn off the fruit of sin on me” - whereas, for a spouse who never learns of the adultery, those thoughts would never be in his mind unless he was a habitual paranoid in the first place (in which case he’d already know about the adultery if it ever managed to take place).

Maybe those motivations alone should tell you that it should be between the adulterer and the priest: I, on this matter, decide not.

I understand, but as someone pointed out men think of adultery differently than women, and there may be genuine reasons for this. She made no mention of being pregnant or STD’s so I don’t like to assume facts not in evidence. Her question was should she tell the husband? I take it that she either used protection, knows she is not infected and certainly knows she is not pregnant. Usually, that compulsion to confess comes from her own guilt, not with an interest of full disclosure to benefit the marriage.

I was taken by the fact that she still loves her husband. That, for me, warrants an attempt at keeping the marriage and working to get back what they had together (and eliminating the second man from her life). I think the marriage has a better chance of getting back on track, than if she reveals this one night stand, if she is truly repetent.

By your words that you would feel as though murdered and you could not trust your spouse again. I would take it that, for you, this would be indeed more of a setback than the difficulties in the marriage that led her to stray. Possibly one you could not overcome?

 

[fbl9]

Spot on.

Not enough emphasis is placed on the fact that once a man beds a married woman, for whatever reason, he has shown his true moral colours. He is demonstrating that he is a sneak, willing to secretly trash the standards of everyone else to get what he wants. He knows and understands the ‘wrongness’ of what he is doing and that is why he is surreptitious in his behaviour. If he is like that on this occasion, then he will behave in a similar fashion on other occasions. It is a part of his character. He is not someone who can ever be trusted. Sadly, he has bought the OP down to his level.

Do you also apply this to the wife, which truly is the person doing the cheating.
or do you hold a double standard, the woman is the victim?

 

[Qwestions]

illinoisgirl, you’re certainly in a mess, but not a part of a menage a trois, nor, currently, a love triangle.

As the country song plaintively cries, “It’s a cheating situation,” definitely not a menage a trois, nor even, at this time, a love triangle, since your husband is unaware of the reality, and certainly—at least at this point—isn’t competing for your affections, since he thinks he already has them.

Menage a trois refers to sexual activities among three people (whatever their gender), usually at the same time. although it can refer to three people in the same household who have sex with each other. (Ugh!) Some references even include merely a roommate or housemate arrangement, with no romantic nor sexual activities involved, but the long-time understanding of the phrase connotes illicit sexual behavior.

A love triangle, surprisingly, doesn’t refer to simply a cheating situation (as I thought before doing a bit of searching), but to one person who is in a romantic relationship (usually sexual) with two others who are in competition with each other, and both “love” objects are aware of the situation. (Ugh, again!) Since they are in competetion to be the only lover, not merely one of two, such relationships frequently lead to separation or divorce for the initial couple, and even murder or murder and suicide.

Google those terms, if you want further definition. Personally, I felt soiled just reading the definitions and examples, so be warned.

 

[fgh_123]

Can’t offer advice, but I know within my heart and soul that I could never forgive someone for cheating on me.

It is THE ultimate betrayal, above all else. I would rather die than find out that the woman I loved had betrayed me in such a way. Seriously.

In that vein of things, I would think carefully about what you are doing, as it WILL have lifelong consequences.

Also I think you’re a ******. If you want to be scummy enough to cheat on someone, at least break up with them first. Don’t think you can have your cake and eat it.

I’m sorry for the harsh words, and it’s NOTHING to do with my religious views on marriage, it’s just the toughest thing for a bloke to have to go through with.