In need of advise

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Also, Please see a counseler. Even if it is only you going right now (you siad your husband was ‘too busy’) it will still help. You may want to contact the nearest church’s Director of Religious education to steer you in the direction of good books and websites. Good Luck and God Bless–Rebecca
 
Anna's Mom:
Dear puzzleannie,
how have I misused the gifts God gave me in my marriage??? Do you mean by having an affair??? I have not exercised it outside of my marriage. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. Have I misused the gifts of marriage by taking it all for granted? Is that what you mean? I do not understand what you mean. I have been faithful. When I say I wasn’t there for my husband I mean I did not support him emotionally.
Also I am ashamed to say that I don’t know what sacraments are. I don’t know what most of this stuff is. I was baptized as a baby in the catholic church and had my first communion. That is about all I know. I still have my childrens bible and have been reading it to my daughter. She really seems to listen.
I don’t see it either. You were basically “un-churched” since the time it burned down, but it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t give up on God, and we know He didn’t give up on you. You have enough worries on your plate at this point. Sometimes we posters can read things in that aren’t there, but don’t frett. God’s love will be with you.
Anna's Mom:
…I pray all the time and I don’t know if anyone is listening. What if God does not want to help me??? How do I know if I am deserving???..
He Always listens, and He wants to answer your prayers. He want’s to help you, but first and formost, that means He wants You! He wants you as his child! As much as you love Anna, He loves you even more… as hard as that may be to believe. As far as being deserving? None of us deserve it. Not in the least.

Consider Anna, You love her, but as young as she is, has she done anything to “deserve” it? I mean aside from being cute and all, she wakes you up at all hours, is totally dependant on you, and can’t contribute financially. What has she done to deserve your love?

But then you see, Love is a gift given and received; not something earned. Even your love for your husband is not something he earns, it’s your gift to him, freely given whether he sees it or not.

I’d like to suggest two prayers for you tonight…
First, ask God to let you see your husband’s love for you, and to let your husband see your love for him. You can’t force it on him, but God can open his eyes and heart. It may take some time, but hang in there.
Second, ask God to show you His own love for you. It’s really all around you, but it may be hard to see, especialy now.

God Bless,
Jim
 
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piercina:
Don’t worry so much about all that is going on in your life-He will take care of you. It may not be the way you expect it either-it may be that your marriage will not work out. Do you know that Catholics are not married unless married in the Catholic Church? So if you were not married in the Catholic Church, you are not married anyway but that doesn’t mean to leave your husband, I am just saying that you need to place your trust in God more.
This is not exactly true. If she was not attending, and not practicing her Faith, she may NOT be held to that aspect of Catholic marriage. ALL marriages are to be considered valid! Any marriages between two Baptized (Christian Baptism) are considered to be Sacramental, but all marriages must be assumed to be valid until proven Null by an examination by a Tribunal. And in that case, she is nowhere NEAR meeting the requirements to begin to petition.

God hates divorce, and society’s justification of ending marriages goes against what is said in Scripture.

She does not need to be told she may never have had a marriage. She needs to be given clear direction on how to begin to live the Baptism gift she received long ago, and counsel that will help her to reconcile with her husband (see 1Cor 7: 10-12) The only sources of that is a good priest/deacon who can guide her to good reconciliation sources.

The rest of that post is fine.

Anna’s Mom. Do as has been suggested. Pull out a phone book, look up churches, then Catholic then find one whose priest/deacon can see you as soon as possible. Make an appointment, and tell them you want to reconcile with God, His Church and your husband. or use the url for the Mass time dot org above and find the closest to you that way.

Do not listen to those who would say that you have no hope of reconciliation, or that you should wait to return to the Church, etc until after you have resolved the problems in your marriage. God says to Seek HIM FIRST… and then all the rest will be taken care of in His time.

Even if a priest were to tell you that you have no hope, don’t give up, for your child’s sake. Don’t take all the blame, but don’t excuse your faults, either. Examine your conscience, Confess the sins, and see also the good in yourself… make amends, and continue walking with God. (The 12 Steps… good guides, when one knows that fourth is exam of conscience, fifth is confession, and the rest are penance, amends, restitution and changing one’s self to be more what God wants us to be.

Keep in touch with those who do not counsel ungodly advice, remembering God made marriage, he hates divorce, and he loves you and your husband equally.
 
Anna's Mom:
I am so desperate. I miss my husband so much. All I can do is cry and think of all the things that I have done wrong. My husband completes me. I pray all the time and I don’t know if anyone is listening. What if God does not want to help me??? How do I know if I am deserving??? How do I show my husband how much I love him without telling him so? He doesn’t want to hear it right now.
Anna’s Mom

God has been listening, and you ARE worthy… your prayers are being answered by the words given to you here after your desparate first cry for help.

Seek Him first… go to a Church to reconcile with His Church, talk to a priest or deacon as soon as you can, telling him you want to reconcile with God His Church and your husband, and then go to Confession. You can go to Mass daily, and pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament daily, even with the baby at your side. Just make that first step. Contact me if you need help to find the closest Church… or contact the one who gave you the url to mass times dot org. God bless… don’t miss the fact that He IS answering your prayers here…
 
Anna's Mom:
Dear puzzleannie,
how have I misused the gifts God gave me in my marriage??? Do you mean by having an affair??? I have not exercised it outside of my marriage. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. Have I misused the gifts of marriage by taking it all for granted? Is that what you mean? I do not understand what you mean. I have been faithful. When I say I wasn’t there for my husband I mean I did not support him emotionally.
Also I am ashamed to say that I don’t know what sacraments are. I don’t know what most of this stuff is. I was baptized as a baby in the catholic church and had my first communion. That is about all I know. I still have my childrens bible and have been reading it to my daughter. She really seems to listen.
i
You have nothing to be ashamed about as far as not knowing the Faith. You know enough to have come here, and you can know enough to heed the good advice you have gotten here. Your heart knows that you need to cuddle in His arms just like Anna cuddles in yours.

As for the first part of that other email… that is not something that ANY of us can say to you, as we do not know you. In your state of mind, all you can hear right now is recrimination, because you are chiding yourself so much. I have been there.

Instead, focus on the steps that have been given to you, as the answer toyour prayers, and go, soon… to speak to a priest/deacon… to make a good Confession… and in the course of talking to a priest, he will guide you to how to make that Confession!!! Then follow through on Mass, etc as well as marriage saving counseling. Start out alone, if you need to. A good counselor will help to get dh in, eventually.

We can only change us… not our mates. God bless!
 
Anna's Mom:
Dear puzzleannie,
Also I am ashamed to say that I don’t know what sacraments are. I don’t know what most of this stuff is. I was baptized as a baby in the catholic church and had my first communion. That is about all I know. I still have my childrens bible and have been reading it to my daughter. She really seems to listen.

i
Don’t be ashamed! Do you realize there are so many adult cradle Catholics who are in the same boat as you? There are so many adult Catholics who don’t know a thing about the Faith! But it’s never too late to learn!

Here’s some basic info about the sacraments:

kensmen.com/catholic/lists.html#1
catholic.com/library/sacraments.asp

Here’s some general links you can use to start learning. (take your time, don’t get overwhelmed. and if you have questions, come here and ask!)kensmen.com/catholic/beingcatholic.html

kensmen.com/catholic/lists.html
vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
catholic.com/default.asp
ewtn.com/faith/teachings/index.htm
americancatholic.org/Features/DailyQuestion/default.asp
olrl.org/ (check out the catechism lesson section)
amm.org/chss.htm
catholic-convert.com/DesktopDefault.aspx?tabid=55

Do you have a Catholic bookstore near you? That would be a good place to pick up some books that explain the Faith. There are so many good ones out there. You can also buy them online and I’m sure you could get good recommendations here if you ask.
 
would God keep me from working things out with my husband if he is truly my soul-mate?? I miss him so much. everyday my love for him grows and I feel even worse than I did the day before (since he is not here) It takes enourmous amounts of self control not to call him every seccond of the day.
 
Anna's Mom:
would God keep me from working things out with my husband if he is truly my soul-mate?? I miss him so much. everyday my love for him grows and I feel even worse than I did the day before (since he is not here) It takes enourmous amounts of self control not to call him every seccond of the day.
It is not God’s desire to keep you from your husband or see your marriage split up. He wants just as much as you do (probably more) to see you and your husband back together again. But remember, He also gives free will to your husband. God won’t force him to do anything. But God will answer your prayers by giving your husband the graces and the strength to change and He will remind your husband in his heart of the love he has for you. This takes time, it won’t happen overnight. (heck, in my case took a few months!) I know how you feel and the waiting and suffering is so hard to get through. You have to recognize that Jesus is with you in your suffering right now. He loves you! He knows your pain and He feels it too. You seem to have yourself convinced that God is going to work against you and that He’s not on your side. You are so wrong about this! Trust Him! He WILL see you through this!

Click on this link and print out the image of the Divine Mercy. Keep the picture close to you to remind you throughout the day (and especially when your suffering the most) to put your trust in Jesus. I keep this picture around the house and can’t tell you how many times it has brought me comfort and reminded me of His love for me.
newjerusalem.com/image.htm
 
i dont mean to rain on the parade here, but has anyone considered the fact that he may never come home at all?

i dont want to say that he wont come home, but you do need to be prepared for that eventually happening. if and when he says “thats it, im really done with things.”

God may be standing right next to him pointing in your direction, but because of free will, your husband may decide otherwise.

have a good lawyer for a potential divorce lined up, be prepared to fight for custody and/or child support, and have a place to live always secured.

ill be honest with you, i had a bad experience in my marriage. my wife nailed me with a frying pan and spent 4 months in jail for it. now she wants to reconcile, but i dont want to. id rather spend the rest of my life single and alone than one more day with that woman.

if your husband (possibly) feels that way, then its probably better than he doenst come home.

on the other hand, he may be out walking the earth, you know, like Caine in Kung-Fu? 🙂 soul searching or something.

really just a note on the secular side of things about being prepared for the worst though. things will work out one way or another, with or without your consent and action.
 
Anna's Mom:
would God keep me from working things out with my husband if he is truly my soul-mate?? I miss him so much. everyday my love for him grows and I feel even worse than I did the day before (since he is not here) It takes enourmous amounts of self control not to call him every seccond of the day.
Please, make an appointment with a priest. Tell God that you wish to return totally to Him, surrender to His will, and then trust that He will assist you.

If your husband is your sould-mate, God will not take you away from Him. More likely than not, God is presently preparing you for a new fullness in your marriage such as you have not previously experienced. God be with you.

Here is a small simple prayer that you may pray over and over again, even silently in your head as you go through the day; it is a prayer from the very dawn of the Church: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

Christ has been waiting for you. Now that you are coming back to Him fully, the road will be hard but it will end in joy. Do not lose heart.
 
I can’t even begin to deal with the fact that he may never return. I can hardly deal with today. My heart aches so much sometimes I feel as though I can’t go on. Please someone bring him back to me.
 
Thank you all so much for your advice. I don’t know what else I would do these lonely sleepless nights. I can’t keep waking up my baby becauce I am lonely and have no one to talk to.
 
Anna's Mom:
would God keep me from working things out with my husband if he is truly my soul-mate?? I miss him so much. everyday my love for him grows and I feel even worse than I did the day before (since he is not here) It takes enourmous amounts of self control not to call him every seccond of the day.
“Soul mate” is a term that means not a whole lot, really. He is better than a ‘soul mate’… he is your Husband. We cannot guarantee that dh will come home, because no one has that amount of control over another. But we CAN tell you that God loves you, He loves your husband, and He was there at your wedding waiting to be invited in.

The sooner you begin to reach out for the help suggested here, the sooner God can begin to act and move. 🙂
 
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BioCatholic:
i dont mean to rain on the parade here, but has anyone considered the fact that he may never come home at all?

i dont want to say that he wont come home, but you do need to be prepared for that eventually happening. if and when he says “thats it, im really done with things.”

God may be standing right next to him pointing in your direction, but because of free will, your husband may decide otherwise.

have a good lawyer for a potential divorce lined up, be prepared to fight for custody and/or child support, and have a place to live always secured.

ill be honest with you, i had a bad experience in my marriage. my wife nailed me with a frying pan and spent 4 months in jail for it. now she wants to reconcile, but i dont want to. id rather spend the rest of my life single and alone than one more day with that woman.

if your husband (possibly) feels that way, then its probably better than he doenst come home.

on the other hand, he may be out walking the earth, you know, like Caine in Kung-Fu? 🙂 soul searching or something.

really just a note on the secular side of things about being prepared for the worst though. things will work out one way or another, with or without your consent and action.
It is much too early for her to be looking into any lawyer. To even begin to think divorce brings into this situation something that should not be brought in. The counselor and or the priest can prepare her should it ever become necessary. Making people ‘face reality’ at such an early stage is simply more of today’s ‘divorce mentality’.

1Cor 7:10: To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband
11: (but if she does, let her** remain single or else be reconciled to her husband**) – and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

Those words are the Lord’s instructions to us.
 
I do not have money for any lawyer much less a good lawyer. My husband is a good person. He has a good heart. He would never try to take the baby away from me, nor would I him. He would also never try to keep me from my share of household items. He is fair, so dividing items is not an issue. I just want him back. I will do anything. He says when he sees me all our troubles just keeps flooding back and he can’t forgive me for all the strain I’ve put on his back. ( i loaded him with my problems, nagging him a lot and blowing things out of proportion)
 
Anna's Mom:
I do not have money for any lawyer much less a good lawyer. My husband is a good person. He has a good heart. He would never try to take the baby away from me, nor would I him. He would also never try to keep me from my share of household items. He is fair, so dividing items is not an issue. I just want him back. I will do anything. He says when he sees me all our troubles just keeps flooding back and he can’t forgive me for all the strain I’ve put on his back. ( i loaded him with my problems, nagging him a lot and blowing things out of proportion)
All I see here is you (and your DH) piling the load of blame completely on your shoulders. This is why you need to be in counseling. Can you honestly say that you are the only one in the wrong? What has your DH done? Is he taking responsibility for what he has done wrong? When DH and I were having problems, he had a habit of turning things around in order to lay the blame on me. He had me believing that there was something wrong with me, when in reality he was the one causing problems. He was a master at doing that to take the attention off of his deeds. I think he even had himself convinced that I had all these problems and he used that to justify to himself the things he did.

I am sensing mind games in your situation. You need to analyze this and determine if that is what is going on. Be honest with yourself. Maybe you did nag him, maybe that is a fault of yours. But that is NOT a reason to divorce your wife. We take eachother “For better or worse”, including all of our spouses strengths and weaknesses. If your DH is breaking up a marriage because you nag, then the one in the wrong is HIM. And if he is not willing to do whatever it takes to solve your marriage problems, including counseling, then the problem really is with him.
 
Earlier in this thread I read something about fasting on wed and fri for family issues. Please excuse my ignorance about religion, how is this done? I have allowed myself only beverages today. I told God I am fasting to help my family with its problems. Was this correct??
 
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masondoggy:
All I see here is you (and your DH) piling the load of blame completely on your shoulders. This is why you need to be in counseling. Can you honestly say that you are the only one in the wrong? What has your DH done? Is he taking responsibility for what he has done wrong? When DH and I were having problems, he had a habit of turning things around in order to lay the blame on me. He had me believing that there was something wrong with me, when in reality he was the one causing problems. He was a master at doing that to take the attention off of his deeds. I think he even had himself convinced that I had all these problems and he used that to justify to himself the things he did.

I am sensing mind games in your situation. You need to analyze this and determine if that is what is going on. Be honest with yourself. Maybe you did nag him, maybe that is a fault of yours. But that is NOT a reason to divorce your wife. We take eachother “For better or worse”, including all of our spouses strengths and weaknesses. If your DH is breaking up a marriage because you nag, then the one in the wrong is HIM. And if he is not willing to do whatever it takes to solve your marriage problems, including counseling, then the problem really is with him.
Right on. I was going to say the same thing.
 
Anna's Mom:
Earlier in this thread I read something about fasting on wed and fri for family issues. Please excuse my ignorance about religion, how is this done? I have allowed myself only beverages today. I told God I am fasting to help my family with its problems. Was this correct??
Yes, Anna, that could be one way to fast. There are many. Do you smoke? You can ‘fast’ from cigarettes for a day… or an hour. You can fast from all food, or you can fast one meal. It isn’t so much the way you do it as it has to do with the heart.

Don’t worry so much about the ‘how’… there is no perfect way to do something. If TV is your hangup, give it up for a day or two. If chocolate is your special thing … or a certain kind of pop, or what ever, and it would be a real sacrifice to give it up, it is possible to do so for a time, offering it for your family. But then spend time in prayer to go with the fast. Read part of the Bible, or a short mediation, or say a Rosary.

The Scripture verse talks about PRAYER and fasting… put them together.
 
Anna's Mom:
Earlier in this thread I read something about fasting on wed and fri for family issues. Please excuse my ignorance about religion, how is this done? I have allowed myself only beverages today. I told God I am fasting to help my family with its problems. Was this correct??
That was probably a post of mine on the prayer requests thread. Sorry if there was any confusion, the call for fasting was “in general”, and not specifically for you. I had heard on Relevant Radio that we were being asked to fast this week for (pro) life issues, and wanted to remind anybody else that had heard of it.

But fasting is certainly something you can do if you feel so inclined. It is not a Catholic requirement (except on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday) but has been suggested as a way to “link ourselves” to Christ’s sufferings and draw us closer to Him. In that way, it is a form of prayer, and an aid to prayer.

“Bevarages only” is one way, bread and water is typical. On ther other hand, if you’re nursing, it may not be the right time to do a food fast, but as WICatholic said, there are many things you can fast “from.”
 
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