In need of help!

[brendenseth]

Hello, I am asking everyone for their prayers. My wife recently was having online affairs, and I couldn’t figure it out. She admitted she was a pathological liar, but then her ex-step mother let me in on some info. Sparing some other details, she was molested when she was 5 by her moms bf. When she was about 12 her dad made her take pics and video of sexual acts with other women. Then when she was 13 he beat her, and then abandoned her to go to Arkansas to meet an internet fling never coming back. Her whole life has been a struggle, I am just glad I found all of this out now because our daughter is only a year old. She needs to heal, and we need prayers lots of them. Please just take a couple minutes to pray for us, thank you.

 

[mommamaree]

Oh, my goodness, your wife has had a painful life. By the tone of your post, I get the sense of your love and concern for her and your daughter. God bless you for your instinct to dig deeper and find out what your wife is hurting from.
She is in desperate need of being show n God’s mercy and love. I imagine you are feeling so much pain right now. I will pray for your whole family.

Our Father…
Hail Mary…
Glory be…

 

[IrishRush]

Prayers offered.
You’re a good man brendenseth.
God bless you and your family.

 

[bonvivantHermit]

Unless you can get sole custody, I would brace myself for a difficult marriage. If you divorce and she gets joint custody your child will be exposed to a series of men, stay to protect her. I am sorry it sounds horrible.

 

[jesuspsr]

Praying for you all.

 

[brendenseth]

Unless you can get sole custody, I would brace myself for a difficult marriage. If you divorce and she gets joint custody your child will be exposed to a series of men, stay to protect her. I am sorry it sounds horrible.

I can get sole custody, my mother is actually her guardian. And I have saved everything just in case, she wants to work on herself though. She needs very intensive psychotherapy, I just pray it works.

 

[The_Bucket]

Not much we can offer you but prayers. And you’ll have them no doubt.

I can’t imagine the trauma both of you are enduring. Chances are, as you now well know, she was incapable of controlling herself when it came to her behavior. Her childhood sounds like a total horror show and I’m glad you can understand that. I know you’re hurting from her behavior, but it’s a credit to you that you seem more hurt by the hurt she’s endured.

Good move on putting her into therapy and I might suggest some S-type meetings as well. Many people who are addicted to sex, pornography, masturbation, or even “love” (not real love, just attention) were abused as children. It’s pretty sick when you see how often this kind of thing happens.

 

[brendenseth]

Not much we can offer you but prayers. And you’ll have them no doubt.

I can’t imagine the trauma both of you are enduring. Chances are, as you now well know, she was incapable of controlling herself when it came to her behavior. Her childhood sounds like a total horror show and I’m glad you can understand that. I know you’re hurting from her behavior, but it’s a credit to you that you seem more hurt by the hurt she’s endured.

Good move on putting her into therapy and I might suggest some S-type meetings as well. Many people who are addicted to sex, pornography, masturbation, or even “love” (not real love, just attention) were abused as children. It’s pretty sick when you see how often this kind of thing happens.

Thank you and everyone for their prayers. I was aware of the fact that no one could really do anything. I just wanted to talk to some people about the situation. I had a gut feeling, Jesus must of been talking to me. I knew not to over react until I got a full handle on the situation. This woman I’m married to is the strongest, most caring, and loving person you could ever meet. I knew there must of been a reason for this. My main goal in life is to reach heaven, and what kind of person would I be if I acted any other way? Thank you all for letting me vent, God bless you all and Merry Christmas!

 

[peacoat]

Prayers!

Keep your daughter away from this woman, even if she looks like she’s making progress, visitation should always be supervised. She is very ill, and not in a way that can be cured, just tempered.

File for divorce and annulment. You do not want to be legally tied to her. It’s not heartless, its so that if she turns into an offender you do not become involved. It also ensures that if she ever hurts your child you can testify against her.

 

[brendenseth]

Prayers!

Keep your daughter away from this woman, even if she looks like she’s making progress, visitation should always be supervised. She is very ill, and not in a way that can be cured, just tempered.

File for divorce and annulment. You do not want to be legally tied to her. It’s not heartless, its so that if she turns into an offender you do not become involved. It also ensures that if she ever hurts your child you can testify against her.

Why would you respond like that? You are in fact a horrible person, NEVER respond to any of my posts in the future!

 

[jesuspsr]

Thank you and everyone for their prayers. I was aware of the fact that no one could really do anything. I just wanted to talk to some people about the situation. I had a gut feeling, Jesus must of been talking to me. I knew not to over react until I got a full handle on the situation. This woman I’m married to is the strongest, most caring, and loving person you could ever meet. I knew there must of been a reason for this. My main goal in life is to reach heaven, and what kind of person would I be if I acted any other way? Thank you all for letting me vent, God bless you all and Merry Christmas!

You, my friend with this responce, are a better man then I.

God bless

Jesus g

 

[peacoat]

Why would you respond like that? You are in fact a horrible person, NEVER respond to any of my posts in the future!

Sorry. I have years in DSS. If you heard the stories of the kids you’d understand. Too often one parent thinks they can fix such serious issues and the cycle begins again. It’s a story written 10,000 times.

Pathological lying, sex addiction, affairs…not only could your wife do something she dosn’t mean, but she could be easily tricked into letting her guard down and someone else doing something to your daughter.

Sorry, that’s just reality.

 

[brendenseth]

Sorry. I have years in DSS. If you heard the stories of the kids you’d understand. Too often one parent thinks they can fix such serious issues and the cycle begins again. It’s a story written 10,000 times.

Pathological lying, sex addiction, affairs…not only could your wife do something she dosn’t mean, but she could be easily tricked into letting her guard down and someone else doing something to your daughter.

Sorry, that’s just reality.

Ok, I’m sorry for getting offended. I forgive my wife but, there is now a password on the computer so she can’t use it without me knowing. I took her cell phone, and I am not leaving her alone with the baby until she receives therapy. I understand what can happen here, and it scares me beyond words.

 

[brendenseth]

Sorry. I have years in DSS. If you heard the stories of the kids you’d understand. Too often one parent thinks they can fix such serious issues and the cycle begins again. It’s a story written 10,000 times.

Pathological lying, sex addiction, affairs…not only could your wife do something she dosn’t mean, but she could be easily tricked into letting her guard down and someone else doing something to your daughter.

Sorry, that’s just reality.

Also what kind of person would abandon the person they loved just like that? Don’t tell me to get a divorce, that’s the real reason I got offended. You can’t give me that advice without knowing any of the details. This girl has been abandoned her whole life, she isn’t a threat to our daughter she’s actually a great mom. However I know what could happen and I’m not stupid, but she isn’t a monster. And what kind of Catholic would tell me to just get a divorce? Have a good day, but please don’t look at anymore of my posts.

 

[peacoat]

Also what kind of person would abandon the person they loved just like that? Don’t tell me to get a divorce, that’s the real reason I got offended. You can’t give me that advice without knowing any of the details. This girl has been abandoned her whole life, she isn’t a threat to our daughter she’s actually a great mom. However I know what could happen and I’m not stupid, but she isn’t a monster. And what kind of Catholic would tell me to just get a divorce? Have a good day, but please don’t look at anymore of my posts.

You can’t control what posts I can and can’t look at. Sorry, CAF dosn’t work that way. You can ignore my posts, that’s it.

This person is a woman, not a girl. Yes, she has been abandoned, but she also needs serious help. Legal separation MAY be the best avenue to help you care for your child, and your wife. Right now, you entered into a marriage with someone who may not be capable to hold up a marriage covenant.

Look, if you want to be a caregiver to a full grown woman, guard your child 24/7 to make sure that your wife doesn’t hurt her and no one your wife is associated with hurts her (which is honestly the BIGGER threat) then so be it. But being a hero to her may only hurt you and your child in the end. Go for it. Try to be everything. Maybe you’ll be the 1 in 10,000 person who can fix a patholiogical liar and cheeter. Good luck.

 

[brendenseth]

You can’t control what posts I can and can’t look at. Sorry, CAF dosn’t work that way. You can ignore my posts, that’s it.

This person is a woman, not a girl. Yes, she has been abandoned, but she also needs serious help. Legal separation MAY be the best avenue to help you care for your child, and your wife. Right now, you entered into a marriage with someone who may not be capable to hold up a marriage covenant.

Look, if you want to be a caregiver to a full grown woman, guard your child 24/7 to make sure that your wife doesn’t hurt her and no one your wife is associated with hurts her (which is honestly the BIGGER threat) then so be it. But being a hero to her may only hurt you and your child in the end. Go for it. Try to be everything. Maybe you’ll be the 1 in 10,000 person who can fix a patholiogical liar and cheeter. Good luck.

Like I said before, you don’t know the whole situation. I met my wife because she had been hit by a car walking across the street, and was in a coma as a result. About 5 years earlier I was t-boned driving, I was also in a coma for 3 months. We met because we were both in comas, so I can’t just give up on her because she’s in need of help. We have a miracle baby and she is the best mother I could ask for. I was just looking for people to understand, not to have your reaction. I am aware of all the statistics, but I will never divorce my wife or give up on her.

 

[Irishmom2]

You can’t control what posts I can and can’t look at. Sorry, CAF dosn’t work that way. You can ignore my posts, that’s it.

Why exactly would you want to continue to post on a thread where the OP has told you that he does not welcome your thoughts though?

Honestly, I found your posts to be very uncharitable toward him. Even if you were a professional in a field that would be able to advise him, I find your answer snarky and full of pessimism. He didn’t come here looking for that. He came here for help and encouragement and all you have done has been to give sarcastic, not very faith-based answers.

OP, don’t feel that you have to respond to each and every post. Nor do you have to defend wanting to remain married to the woman you love. May God bless you and your wife and shower her with his peace.

 

[peacoat]

Why exactly would you want to continue to post on a thread where the OP has told you that he does not welcome your thoughts though?

Honestly, I found your posts to be very uncharitable toward him. Even if you were a professional in a field that would be able to advise him, I find your answer snarky and full of pessimism. He didn’t come here looking for that. He came here for help and encouragement and all you have done has been to give sarcastic, not very faith-based answers.

OP, don’t feel that you have to respond to each and every post. Nor do you have to defend wanting to remain married to the woman you love. May God bless you and your wife and shower her with his peace.

If thats what he wants, that’s great for him. Leagal protection is good, too. The whole situation is extremely sad. I do think regardless he needs things on paper. He made the choice to marry her, so he has to live with it. if he chooses to.

BTW I’m not the only person who suggested that he has a hard row to how if he chooses to stay with this woman. I really am not sorry for what I said at all.

No, we don’t know the whole story. We never can. But he opened the thread saying he was married to a pathological liar who was cheating with online sources. My first thought, care and concern is for the child involved, not for his wife. If he can get and keep his child out of danger then perhaps his marriage can survive.

 

[peacoat]

Like I said before, you don’t know the whole situation. I met my wife because she had been hit by a car walking across the street, and was in a coma as a result. About 5 years earlier I was t-boned driving, I was also in a coma for 3 months. We met because we were both in comas, so I can’t just give up on her because she’s in need of help. We have a miracle baby and she is the best mother I could ask for. I was just looking for people to understand, not to have your reaction. I am aware of all the statistics, but I will never divorce my wife or give up on her.

Of CORSE I don’t know all the details.

You opened this thread with the facts that you had a wife who was pathologically lying, cheating over the internet, has brain injuries and deep sexual problems in her past. My first though and concern is for your child.

It’s not divoce her and toss her in the dirt. It’s making sure that you have 100% custody so that if someone tricks your wife or does something malicious over the internet your child is not in danger. You can continue to help her heal, and then when she is mentally right remarry (or now perhaps revalidate) the vows.

You don’t always find what you look for on the internet. There will be people who disagree with you, or are unnerved by your choices.

 

[brendenseth]

Why exactly would you want to continue to post on a thread where the OP has told you that he does not welcome your thoughts though?

Honestly, I found your posts to be very uncharitable toward him. Even if you were a professional in a field that would be able to advise him, I find your answer snarky and full of pessimism. He didn’t come here looking for that. He came here for help and encouragement and all you have done has been to give sarcastic, not very faith-based answers.

OP, don’t feel that you have to respond to each and every post. Nor do you have to defend wanting to remain married to the woman you love. May God bless you and your wife and shower her with his peace.

Than you for understanding.