In RCIA and feeling Lonely

[kmbeck]

I have an idea of how you feel. I was deployed for the first half of the RCIA process in my parish and started the formal in classroom learning much later than everybody else. I felt a little out of place since everyone else knew each other and I didn’t know anybody. After a few classes I started to get to know everyone and I became a lot less lonely. Give it some time and maybe let some of your friends know what’s going on in your life.

 

[quiet52]

Did the RCIA provide a sponsor from the parish, to walk with you on your journey?
It isn’t easy to find willing sponsors, sad to say, and some don’t follow through the way they say they’re going to, but if you don’t yet have a sponsor, ask the RCIA leader to find one for you. Sponsors are supposed to pray for you, be your spiritual companion, and help bring you into the life of the parish community.

 

[zipperc98]

Did the RCIA provide a sponsor from the parish, to walk with you on your journey?
It isn’t easy to find willing sponsors, sad to say, and some don’t follow through the way they say they’re going to, but if you don’t yet have a sponsor, ask the RCIA leader to find one for you. Sponsors are supposed to pray for you, be your spiritual companion, and help bring you into the life of the parish community.

Not yet, though I have talked a lot with the Deacon, and he has mentioned it. I had one person in mind I thought of asking, but haven’t heard from them…so, I suppose I will need to ask somebody in the rcia team…I just don’t know them well enough, especially about the follow up part…

 

[mamaslo]

Mamaslo, thanks! I have had similar lines of thinking re: the trust in God, having it, at this moment, as an extremely personal journey with God, etc. Now I just want a little bit of the community sense again…

I talk pften to the Deacon who runs the RCIA class/program…he may feel a bit overwhelmed by my experiences…lol.

Go easy on the Deacon…be patient. Catholicism is like drinking from a fire hose. if you try to drink it all it will be too much to drink. Fellowship is important. See if anyone wants to go have coffee or lunch sometime and make a plan. Chances are that you are not the only one craving community in this. It sounds like you are very fervent, but try to be patient. I have found that Catholicism’s philosophy is different from any other church. The way we approach others is way more gentle than anything I have been involved with. My guess is that you want to know all kinds of stuff, right now. That is overwhelming to others because they may not be so fervant. God Bless that in you. Hang in there, and be patient with the “speed” other’s answer your questions and even warm up to fellowship.–peace

 

[PJM]

=zipperc98;7228361]I am in RCIA, and have learned A LOT in the past month, not only with RCIA, but with specifically, this website, and the Catholic radio station I have found (which plays Catholic Answers Live which has to be my favorite so far). I have NO doubt that this the path God wants me on, but as I have stated in previous posts, I have A LOT of obstacles right now.

I suppose I became an unoffical Inquirer nearly 2 years ago, however, at that time I involved A LOT of people. I told a lot of my friends. Some whom I thought I was closer to than was really the case. There were lots of opinions, and a lot of people who wanted to tell me their opinions…whether good or bad.

Then I put my faith exploration on hold for the most part, trying to deal with some of my other struggles. I finally realized maybe only a couple months ago, that when I was following the inspirations of God, praying, and attempting to have a relationship with God, that things started going better for me. Maybe not better. Perhaps it was merely that many things in my life became easier. Things, for instance, like weight loss, friendships, anger issues, etc. That MY reactions to things that might be negative were better.

So, I found myself starting RCIA a month ago. At that moment I made a decision, and that was that I would not involve, in particular, my friends…I have barely told a soul, with the exception of a small handful of people far removed from me. My closest friends don’t know the exact things I am going through, that I am attending RCIA, but I have told a few I am going through some things, just so they would know that much.

While I think it was, in many ways, a good decision, I do find myself VERY lonely. I have moments of sadness, of doubt, where I suddenly feel like I don’t have anyone I can go to to help comfort or lift me. Then I have moments of absolute amazement and Joy, and again, there seems to be no one I can really tell it to. This is a new thing for me, chosing to not involve so many people.

A few questions. For those that have gone through RCIA, or experiencing it now, do you think this is perhaps normal on some level? Perhaps that as we seek truth, that Evil works to destroy our progress? I was recognizing today that my doubts did NOT arrive during prayer, but usually in response to something I have learned, or something I have been told. When I have a doubt or am feeling frustrated, and I finally go to God in prayer asking for some sort of inspiration, comfort, or guidance, while it may not always be instant (though sometimes it is)…typically my doubts disappear and I am filled with comfort, Grace, or a peace in general.

I also wonder, any other suggestions? Perhaps finding friends in my RCIA? While I am not necessarily uncomfortable with people, I get the feeling MY experiences, in particular my struggles with acceptance from my family, are not at all like those around me. Just hearing everyone else’s experiences, I seem to be alone among the other inquirers…let me clarify, I am not putting down what others may be going through, that mine is “stronger” somehow, just that it is definitely different. I don’t know, maybe this is my continued feelings of lonliness that are talking.

I just wonder what more I could be doing…I know there are others out there having experiences similar to mine, but why do I still feel so alone in this struggle?

I’m not sure if my questions made sense, I hope someone has some good suggestions!

Thanks!

Amy

Hi ZIPPER,

As one who has taught our faith for more thn 15 years and RCIA for three of them, I hve found it quite common for a sense of disconnect / loneliness due to the differnce in our Worship emphasis and that typical of the Protestant communities.

Catholics BECAUSE we actually and REALLY have Jesus Christ in our midst: “Body, Blood, Soul and Divinty in His now Glorified Body” foucus on the Sacrifice of Christ and His Divine presence.Conseqeuntly new-commers often feel left out; having been accustomed to Followship as a FAR greater emphasis thatn we do AT MASS.

Mass is ALL about God and our LOVE for Him. t is Worship of the Divine in our midst, so we take a very important, but nevertheless, secondary role.

Most Catholci fellowship is outside the Mass. We ahve many ways and orgnizations one can jpin for fellowship that are wonderful an open to all.

Hope this helps a bit.

We are delightted that your listening to God calling you to HIS HOME on earth.

Love and prayers,
Pat

 

[Frankr409]

Amy,

Congratulations on deciding to become Catholic. I also converted to the faith, and recall my journey that started about 9 years ago now with RCIA.

I think everyone has a different journey. Personally I felt very energized and discovered EWTN, many books, the Rosary, and other aspects of the faith that kept my energy at a high level. I wish I could do it all again to be honest…

The enemy wants to isolate you, and cast doubt. On Easter morning though, you will have the answers to all the doubt.

I will pray for you, Amy, and look forward to you finally reaching the finish line this coming Easter…

Frank

 

[BigD]

Amy,

Congratulations and Welcome Home. I am actually coming into the Church this Sunday after a long 10+ year journey. There is a lot of good advice. I think Frank mentioned a lot of what I was going to suggest. I have had the same feelings that you have had. If you haven’t already, try to spend an hour each week in Adoration at your parish. I think that you will eventually come to understand the isolation in time.

 

[Axe_Swipe]

Hi Amy! As a 18-year convert, I know what you feel.

I have been fortunate to have a wife who was raised in the faith to help support me, but it has been a very lonely journey all the same, especially after certain “life events” has completely cut me off from my biological family (parents, et al.).

This past year I found a good faith-sharing group at another parish (though I still attend and support my home-parish, I love it and would never leave it). The men in this group has become my “faith family”, my brothers whom I can lean on in those difficult times and they in turn can lean on me and since I am one of the youngest members of the group, I get a lot of good spiritual advice, not because they are “good, holy men” (not saying they aren’t) , but because they have likely already been where I am. My wife meets with a similar women’s group on a regular basis also.

If you can find a group like this, you can probably find a good sponsor and spiritual guide at the same time. I’m sure your Deacon will know of such groups in your area.

God Bless!

 

[Luvadoxi]

Hi Amy and others on the journey, and BigD–love your name; I grew up in Dallas; once a Texan, always a Texan…

love the “Catholicism is like drinking from a firehose.” So true!

Amy, I entered the church in 2003 and can so relate to your loneliness. I was overwhelmed by zeal and on fire with love for Christ, and he poured out so many graces. I entered the Church early because I was ready and was already baptized, but I went through the whole RCIA with my class and almost feel like Easter Vigil was also my initiation. I can’t describe to you the joy of entering the Church. But during RCIA I didn’t know or relate to anyone in my class, and felt totally isolated. It didn’t help that I changed parishes immediately after my initiation; I was terribly confused by a lot of heresy being taught, to complicate matters. I’ve been going through a long, lonely time, sharing in many ways in His Passion. It’s difficult seeing this also as a great gift, very difficult. I’m still struggling with feeling out of place in my parish, but have gotten to know by name many women through Christ Renews His Parish, and made a few friends. (I’m not saying CHRP is for everyone–there were things about it I didn’t like–but it did help me meet good, friendly Catholic women.) Feeling even a little a part of the parish has taken 7 years. I have had trouble finding my place what with no Bible studies to speak of (the ones that are there are very sparsely attended, and lots of comments from poorly catechized and liberal Catholics, which is hard for me to take. I know learning humility is a huge part of this process and I often don’t feel like I’m making any progress.)

Like you say, the enemy of our souls is out to destroy our peace and will try by using all your weaknesses. That being said, he has already been defeated, so don’t allow him to let you think he has any power over you whatsoever. Go to Mass, Adoration (whether Christ is reposed or exposed in a monstrance), Stations of the Cross during Lent. It’s all about Christ in the Eucharist. That’s everything. Community grows out of sharing in the Eucharistic Presence of Christ, not the other way around. I think that sometimes the cart is put before the horse, so to speak. The Eucharist is primarily Christ’s holy Sacrifice for our salvation and the salvation of the world, and only secondarily a community meal.

I recommend highly, in addition to this website, the Coming Home Network, www.chnetwork.org. They seem to be very geared toward new converts having trouble finding their place in the Church.

To Amy, BigD and everyone–Welcome Home!

 

[Shacoria]

oh I feel much the same way as you. I just turned 18 last month and I’ve been an inquirer of the faith I would say for about a year now. I’m thinking about starting RCIA. I don’t really know how exactly. My mother doesn’t even know that I’m considering doing this. I was raised Pentecostal.

 

[MWPapabear]

Absolutely understand where you are coming from, though in regards to meeting new people, I was pretty fortunate to have a great RCIA Class of ’06 who is still pretty close. So much so, that, when I actually lost friends, and had family members distance themselves, I chalked it up to their own issues. After all, I thought about the old Baltimore Catechism: Why did God make me? Simply, to know him, to love him, and to serve him in this world, in order to be happy with him forever in heaven. I have not looked back since, and I am grateful for the armful of friends at the Parish – with the strength of battalions - who buoy me up in my endeavor to serve better.

For my morning reflection I read: “Faith is the key that unlocks the door to all our truest desires; but faith is not just praying with more strength or willpower. Mountain-moving faith is the result of a long and loving relationship with our God, to the point of sharing in the trust that exists between the Father and Son.” You are so on the way to an exciting new level of relationship. Right now it feels like it did when you walked in the church, alone, for the first time, but soon, you will be brought to the fullness of faith come Easter, with a great big family that reaches all around our world!

Just know that it will all fall into place as you progress as Catechumen to Neophyte. Enjoy this experience. Reveal yourself accordingly, but most important, be conscious of these as you go along.

Best wishes for you. Remember, you are here – you are never alone!

 

[Limette]

Dear Zipperc,

I was moved by your post because I am experiencing THE EXACT same thing. Interestingly, I went through the same exact process as you: I enrolled in RCIA in 2009 but told many people and was discouraged by comments I received. This year, I started RCIA last month and have not told anyone.

I also am struggling with all the different obstacles you mentioned. The same feeling of being lonely through this process, disconnected from any feeling of community, no one to really share my inner struggle with.

I find myself wondering at times what the point is to become a Catholic… Or if I am really on the right path, whether I should just stick to my former Pentecostal church… I feel isolated mentally as well. You mentioned the fact that you’re wonderin whether its part of the process of being tempted by the devil. I was thinking the exact same thing…

But I pray the rosary every night before I sleep, and I have accepted that I probably won’t be feeling the high intense emotional connection to God I had as a Pentecostal, as a Catholic. Maybe it’s about just settling in this “routine” like feeling where everything is just quiet… and my former spiritual life was far from quiet. I may just be adjusting to the routine-ness and quietness of Catholicism?

Maybe this journey is trying to teach me to rely solely on God for spiritual support, and not on human beings?

I dont have answers. Like you, I am struggling with these questions.

 

[MWPapabear]

Dear Zipperc,

I was moved by your post because I am experiencing THE EXACT same thing. Interestingly, I went through the same exact process as you: I enrolled in RCIA in 2009 but told many people and was discouraged by comments I received. This year, I started RCIA last month and have not told anyone.

I also am struggling with all the different obstacles you mentioned. The same feeling of being lonely through this process, disconnected from any feeling of community, no one to really share my inner struggle with.

I find myself wondering at times what the point is to become a Catholic… Or if I am really on the right path, whether I should just stick to my former Pentecostal church… I feel isolated mentally as well. You mentioned the fact that you’re wonderin whether its part of the process of being tempted by the devil. I was thinking the exact same thing…

But I pray the rosary every night before I sleep, and I have accepted that I probably won’t be feeling the high intense emotional connection to God I had as a Pentecostal, as a Catholic. Maybe it’s about just settling in this “routine” like feeling where everything is just quiet… and my former spiritual life was far from quiet. I may just be adjusting to the routine-ness and quietness of Catholicism?

Maybe this journey is trying to teach me to rely solely on God for spiritual support, and not on human beings?

I dont have answers. Like you, I am struggling with these questions.

Keep the faith. Last night I was answering someone who asked me how I handle the challenges life throws me. I thought immediately about my “intense emotional connection to God” and Our Lord when I receive the Eucharist. I wrote, “Some days, I am the little engine that can. Then other days the tasks & goals are monumental, and I feel as I am hanging from the rim of the chalice. And just when my fingers cramp up for me to fall – I remember: by the mystery of water mingling with wine in this chalice, I am ‘splashed’ and so come to divinitatis consortes - share in the divinity - of Christ, who humbled himself to share in my weak humanity, and thus ‘I can do all things in him who strengthens me’ (Phil 4:13).”

The Eucharist is what you are striving to get to. It is the source and summit of our Christian lives! I your reception into the Church will lay apparant answers to all those feelings, those questions you have now. God bless you richly!

 

[thequeen]

I am in RCIA, and have learned A LOT in the past month, not only with RCIA, but with specifically, this website, and the Catholic radio station I have found (which plays Catholic Answers Live which has to be my favorite so far). I have NO doubt that this the path God wants me on, but as I have stated in previous posts, I have A LOT of obstacles right now.

I suppose I became an unoffical Inquirer nearly 2 years ago, however, at that time I involved A LOT of people. I told a lot of my friends. Some whom I thought I was closer to than was really the case. There were lots of opinions, and a lot of people who wanted to tell me their opinions…whether good or bad.

Then I put my faith exploration on hold for the most part, trying to deal with some of my other struggles. I finally realized maybe only a couple months ago, that when I was following the inspirations of God, praying, and attempting to have a relationship with God, that things started going better for me. Maybe not better. Perhaps it was merely that many things in my life became easier. Things, for instance, like weight loss, friendships, anger issues, etc. That MY reactions to things that might be negative were better.

So, I found myself starting RCIA a month ago. At that moment I made a decision, and that was that I would not involve, in particular, my friends…I have barely told a soul, with the exception of a small handful of people far removed from me. My closest friends don’t know the exact things I am going through, that I am attending RCIA, but I have told a few I am going through some things, just so they would know that much.

While I think it was, in many ways, a good decision, I do find myself VERY lonely. I have moments of sadness, of doubt, where I suddenly feel like I don’t have anyone I can go to to help comfort or lift me. Then I have moments of absolute amazement and Joy, and again, there seems to be no one I can really tell it to. This is a new thing for me, chosing to not involve so many people.

A few questions. For those that have gone through RCIA, or experiencing it now, do you think this is perhaps normal on some level? Perhaps that as we seek truth, that Evil works to destroy our progress? I was recognizing today that my doubts did NOT arrive during prayer, but usually in response to something I have learned, or something I have been told. When I have a doubt or am feeling frustrated, and I finally go to God in prayer asking for some sort of inspiration, comfort, or guidance, while it may not always be instant (though sometimes it is)…typically my doubts disappear and I am filled with comfort, Grace, or a peace in general.

I also wonder, any other suggestions? Perhaps finding friends in my RCIA? While I am not necessarily uncomfortable with people, I get the feeling MY experiences, in particular my struggles with acceptance from my family, are not at all like those around me. Just hearing everyone else’s experiences, I seem to be alone among the other inquirers…let me clarify, I am not putting down what others may be going through, that mine is “stronger” somehow, just that it is definitely different. I don’t know, maybe this is my continued feelings of lonliness that are talking.

I just wonder what more I could be doing…I know there are others out there having experiences similar to mine, but why do I still feel so alone in this struggle?

I’m not sure if my questions made sense, I hope someone has some good suggestions!

Thanks!

Amy

Please continue with rcia Do not worry about the people from your past religious denomination if they are meant to be part of your life as a Catholic then God will allow them to be but if not They will be taken out of your life and God will do it in his own way and own time I am a convert and I lost a whole group of friends that numbered at least 20 but I made new friends who were strong in the Catholic faith and you will make new friends also welcome and i will certainly keep you in my prayers

 

[po18guy]

But I pray the rosary every night before I sleep, and I have accepted that I probably won’t be feeling the high intense emotional connection to God I had as a Pentecostal, as a Catholic.

Have patience! If you persevere in faith, you will experience a relationship with God which will surpass all others. You will have a physical, spiritual and yes, emotional relationship with God. Once you receive Holy Communion, Jesus dwells physically within you, giving you life. You then become a living, breathing Tabernacle of Christ. When you spend time in our Lord’s presence at adoration, you will come to know He is there - you will be in the upper room with Him, in the garden during His agony beside Him. During the mass, when we exclaim “Holy, Holy, Holy”, you will sense the angels hovering just overhead. It is simply electric! The more you fall in love with Christ, the more He will reveal His presence to you. You will want to go nowhere else. All other places not only seem empty, they are empty, without our Lord in the Tabernacle. That red candle beside the Tabernacle (indicating our Lord is present inside) will bring you peace the moment you see it. Do not expect any of this overnight, as a profound love takes time to develop.

In times of loneliness, you simply must spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Just the two of you - in the middle of the night, perhaps. Who else knows more about loneliness than our Lord? Loneliness to the point of crying out to His Father, “My God! My God! Why have You abandoned me?” Our Lord experienced loneliness during His agony in the garden, when His followers all fell asleep. He experienced it at his arrest, when the Apostles fled from Him. He experienced it during His trial, when not one who was healed bothered to speak a word in His defense. He felt it while being scourged at the pillar; when crowned with thorns and mocked and spat upon; when the cruel tree of death was maliciously dropped onto His bleeding back. He knew loneliness as He walked the painful, suffering way to Golgotha. And, He suffered the ultimate loneliness while hanging for hours, bleeding to death for you and I on the cross.

Oh yes, Jesus knows loneliness. And you are being blessed right now with just a slight taste of the loneliness which your Savior suffered for you. When you are in your loneliest moments, it is then that Jesus is with You, guiding you through the emptiness to the fulness which lies beyond.

You are in my daily prayers.

 

[zipperc98]

So many wonderful replies to this thread! I thank you all for taking the time to read it, and its responses. Keep them coming.

I don’t have a specific reply this time around…I have been quietly listening to responses. I think it’s going to take a very long time for me still to get used to a Catholic view on so many topics, including loneliness.

I do have to say last week I had an amazing experience related to saints…I had heard some amazing Catholic radio programs and it inspired me to pray to St. Cecilia (it’s all a very long story this process, you are getting the short version). This prayer led to another story that I heard for the first time, which led to me to feel a HUGE connection to the saints…I suddenly felt like it was a lifestyle worth moving towards! I know, asking for sainthood may lead to MORE loneliness…then again, it seems as though it would be worth the struggles!

BUT, that’s another discussion. I just wanted to share that while I will probably continue to struggle off and on with this, I think this is a journey home for me. I know more people will come into my life who have experienced many of the same things, and those who can relate to me.

Thanks for sharing in my journey…

 

[wwilligan]

Dear Amy,

I have have been an instructor in RCIA for 5 years and have taught religious ed for many years. I suggest that you address you feeling of loneliness by (1) serving others rather that thinking too much of yourself (volunteer somewhere like the St. Vincent de Paul Society); (2) by praying to Jesus and Mary daily. I am reminded by the words from Tennyson’s Idyls of the King, “More things are wrought by prayed than this world dreams of.” Listen to Catholic Radio (EWTN, Ave Maria, Relevant Radio depending on availability where you live or all available on the Internet. A good speaker is Father John Riccardo whose talks are under the name Christ Is the Answer.

If you can’t discuss you feelings with your close friends then you need to think about the question, “Are these really my true friends?” Jesus will always be close to you and will never fail you. Remember Jesus has chosen you.

Attend mass when you can, read the parish bulletin for groups that may interest you. You may want to read a book by Father Antoninus Wall entitled, The Journey to God, available from Amazon or, for free, at the CERC website (www.catholiceducation.org) where chapters can be downloaded. Other authors you may read include Peter Kreeft (The God who loves you), Thomas Howard (Evangelical is not enough) and CS Lewis (Mere Christianity, The Business of Heaven, The Weight of Glory, etc.)

May the Holy Spirit bless you in your search.

 

[Derivative82]

oh I feel much the same way as you. I just turned 18 last month and I’ve been an inquirer of the faith I would say for about a year now. I’m thinking about starting RCIA. I don’t really know how exactly. My mother doesn’t even know that I’m considering doing this. I was raised Pentecostal.

I was raised Pentecostal as well and very involved in my church until 2/3 years back when I seriously began looking elsewhere. I am 28 and told my parents recently while visiting and they were completely fine with it.

I will say that my experience in RCIA so far can be a little lonely. There are not many my age in RCIA, maybe 3 including myself and the others are married and don’t really socialize with others much. The people that run the program are great and very welcoming. But it is a bit daunting at times, it would be nice to know others my age at this Parish but I don’t. This is compounded by the fact that Catholics are a small minority in my area. At times I worry that converting will end up further isolating myself from potential friendships and relationships.

 

[Luvadoxi]

Just a thought…as someone who was given the same advice during a time when I was deeply depressed…it can be a bit touchy telling someone that it would help for them to stop thinking of themselves so much and get out and help others. That really came off as a slap in the face to me and caused me definitely not to confide so much in that person anymore. Ultimately, yes, I concluded that I was so down that volunteering in just a small way for a parish service ministry, and signing up for a Bible study, might help–I basically reached the point where I almost had to do it to find some inner peace, and indeed it did help, because being around people does beat staying at home feeling like everything is closing in–and things do seem so much worse being alone ruminating about my troubles. And it did take a little bit of the stick rather than the carrot thinking about having to tell Jesus how I had (not) used my talents in service…ok…so I don’t have a good answer, but really…I had to come to this on my own. Having someone else say it comes off as downright judgmental, like the person is writing you off and doesn’t want to deal with you anymore. It added greatly to my burden.

 

[Eric_Prine]

I do have to say last week I had an amazing experience related to saints…I had heard some amazing Catholic radio programs and it inspired me to pray to St. Cecilia (it’s all a very long story this process, you are getting the short version). This prayer led to another story that I heard for the first time, which led to me to feel a HUGE connection to the saints…I suddenly felt like it was a lifestyle worth moving towards! I know, asking for sainthood may lead to MORE loneliness…then again, it seems as though it would be worth the struggles!

I’m glad to hear that you found something that’s working for you. I’m going through RCIA myself. I had been wanting to be Catholic more than anything the past 2 years. Now that I am going through RCIA, I’ve had reservations. I’m going through a divorce right now. My soon to be ex-wife is not a Christian and she has seemed so happy going after life, dating, etc. I keep thinking I’m going to just spend the rest of my life sitting in church pews praying the rosary.
The other candidates don’t know very much and are so pure hearted. I know a ton but my heart feels so corrupt. I actually felt so lonely I took communion several weeks ago. I just felt like I needed something to fill me up. But I think I’m supposed to technically go through some ritual or something to receive communion- for some reason. But I wonder if this just separates me even more from those innocent pure-hearted candidates in my class.