In RCIA and feeling Lonely

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Luvadoxi said:
Just a thought…as someone who was given the same advice during a time when I was deeply depressed…it can be a bit touchy telling someone that it would help for them to stop thinking of themselves so much and get out and help others. That really came off as a slap in the face to me and caused me definitely not to confide so much in that person anymore. Ultimately, yes, I concluded that I was so down that volunteering in just a small way for a parish service ministry, and signing up for a Bible study, might help–I basically reached the point where I almost had to do it to find some inner peace, and indeed it did help, because being around people does beat staying at home feeling like everything is closing in–and things do seem so much worse being alone ruminating about my troubles. And it did take a little bit of the stick rather than the carrot thinking about having to tell Jesus how I had (not) used my talents in service…ok…so I don’t have a good answer, but really…I had to come to this on my own. Having someone else say it comes off as downright judgmental, like the person is writing you off and doesn’t want to deal with you anymore. It added greatly to my burden.
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I hear ya, but maybe it wasn’t so much WHAT you were told but HOW.

“You selfish $%#^! Go out and help someone less fortunate!”

Versus:

“I bet there’s someone out there just waiting for a person like you to come along and brighten his day.”
 
You’re right, Sailor–and my apologies to wwilligan; the words he used definitely pushed some of my buttons, although they weren’t rude; they were good advice coming out of his RCIA instructor experience. It’s my issue. That being said, though, the OP seems to want fellowship; she is just finding it hard to reach. So I don’t think isolation is the issue; it’s how to fit into a completely different religion, basically. Catholics seem to play it all close to the vest, maybe fearing gossip and detraction; whereas in all my other churches I felt at home and like I could talk to people, including the pastors, and didn’t feel so shut out. Or maybe it’s the evil one taking advantage of our coming into Christ’s true Church, or a little of both. It just seems hard to find true friendship; lots of social activism and activities, but not deep friendship. And there’s the extreme dissent and lack of knowledge (or even of wanting to know because of rebellion against Rome) I found in the parish; I was just shocked and unable to break through or share my thoughts and experiences. I’m not willing to blame it all on depression; that wouldn’t be fair to me. The evil one definitely wants us to hang it up and quit, though–his strategy is so pathetically transparent.
 
I’m taking Johnette Benkovic’s Women of Grace study and just had a graced moment; she speaks of forgiveness, and how Our Lord insists we forgive to be forgiven, and that forgiveness is not a feeling but an act of the will, and it’s a “forgiving debts that weren’t going to be paid anyway.” That was so powerful for me. It’s a constant struggle for me to not be resentful at past hurts, especially from those in the parish, but the Lord gently insists that I MUST forgive…even those who don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. Because that’s what he did on the Cross.

So this is my way of saying I’m sorry for whining! The Lord is just trying to get us to learn forgiveness by putting us in difficult situations, maybe. I still haven’t worked out when it’s ok to leave, like leaving an abusive situation or bad job. I’m still struggling with the difference. How to leave, maybe, without hatred in my heart.

Praying for you Amy, and all new Catholics who are finding the Church more of a hospital for sinners than we’d ever imagined…
 
Luvadoxi said:
You’re right, Sailor–and my apologies to wwilligan; the words he used definitely pushed some of my buttons, although they weren’t rude; they were good advice coming out of his RCIA instructor experience. It’s my issue. That being said, though, the OP seems to want fellowship; she is just finding it hard to reach. So I don’t think isolation is the issue; it’s how to fit into a completely different religion, basically. Catholics seem to play it all close to the vest, maybe fearing gossip and detraction; whereas in all my other churches I felt at home and like I could talk to people, including the pastors, and didn’t feel so shut out. Or maybe it’s the evil one taking advantage of our coming into Christ’s true Church, or a little of both. It just seems hard to find true friendship; lots of social activism and activities, but not deep friendship. And there’s the extreme dissent and lack of knowledge (or even of wanting to know because of rebellion against Rome) I found in the parish; I was just shocked and unable to break through or share my thoughts and experiences. I’m not willing to blame it all on depression; that wouldn’t be fair to me. The evil one definitely wants us to hang it up and quit, though–his strategy is so pathetically transparent.
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I’ve noticed some of that, too. It could be limited to particular parishes (some seem more friendly) or it could be something we need to improve in general.
 
That being said, though, Sailor, our parish seems to think the answer to coldness is to increase the greeters, the liveliness of the music, and the general chatter following mass. People think this is a good thing because it’s so much better than before (our parish had a reputation in the diocese for being divided and divisive). Hence, “evangelical-Protestantizing” everything is the response. I believe they have it all wrong. The old-style Catholic worship, where people were quiet and reverent in church is seen to be the enemy of friendliness. I don’t think that’s it at all, but I do believe there needs to be fellowship hour immediately after all masses. Part of our problem is we have literally no space for this; we’re in the midst of a capital campaign right now. But the “Spirit of Vatican II” is alive and well–our parish is stuck in the 70s and getting more so.
 
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