Inappropriate behavior of teenaged sister-in-law

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Do not allow sis in law at your place. And don’t leave your kids alone with her. She’s a bad influence on them.
 
Just a suggestion…Perhaps your husband could try to give her some “positive male attention”. Maybe take a greater interest in her academic work, take her on a few trips, just generally pay her some “normal” attention.

It sounds like she’s just genuinely broken and strongly desires male attention in whatever form that takes.

Maybe it’s early enough to mend that issue and start a good relationship with her.
 
Yes, it makes him very uncomfortable. At this point he’s getting angry too, because he has told her to cut it out so many times and she just won’t. He’s going to sit down with his mother as soon as possible. In the meantime, we’re not seeing them.
 
Sadly, this is true. She is setting such a bad example. The behavior is just so far outside of normal and not compatible with what we expect from our kids.
 
I’ve been thinking about this situation a lot (obviously!) and I am really leaning towards the dysfunctional family situation on my mother in law’s side as the cause of her behavior rather than abuse. My mother in law, her sisters, and her mother are all very strange women with a variety of mental problems. My mother in law has encouraged her to do whatever she feels like doing to express herself since she was a small child. We live in an area where anything goes (except for Christianity or any sort of respect for traditional values.) I’ll just have to put my foot down and if it costs us our relationship with them, so be it.
 
At the bare minimum, call this young woman’s school and ask to speak to the counselor. Tell her that you know they cannot tell you anything, but, you need to make someone aware that Suzy Smith is acting out with provocative, sexual overtures with her adult brother (heck, if you volunteer or work at certain places you are a mandated reporter!!). That is enough. The school will not reveal who spoke with them.
 
TheLittleLady said:
At the bare minimum, call this young woman’s school and ask to speak to the counselor. Tell her that you know they cannot tell you anything, but, you need to make someone aware that Suzy Smith is acting out with provocative, sexual overtures with her adult brother (heck, if you volunteer or work at certain places you are a mandated reporter!!). That is enough. The school will not reveal who spoke with them.
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I wouldn’t go this route. At least not straight away. Unless you really want the relationship to disintegrate. You simply don’t have enough evidence that she was abused.

Is there no way your husband could try to develop his relationship with her and maybe help her out?
 
You’re probably right. I’ll talk to him about talking to her as a first step. Maybe he could calmly, yet firmly, tell her that her behavior is not ok, etc.
 
birdsall1153 said:
You’re probably right. I’ll talk to him about talking to her as a first step. Maybe he could calmly, yet firmly, tell her that her behavior is not ok, etc.
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I hope I’m right. It’d be great if she simply was just looking from attention that she isn’t getting elsewhere.

I think abuse is still a possibility, but I’d hold off on making any accusations or reports until you have substantial reason to believe that could be the case. You could ruin all their lives if you act prematurely in that regard.

It just seems sad that she feels compelled to act in this manner. Maybe you should also make an effort to take her under your wing if possible. It’s amazing how much teenagers respond to positive attention.

It may be all she needs is for you to make her feel loved.
 
I’d call her school, Not to report abuse, but to tell them about her bizarre, provocative behavior. Maybe she’s been acting out at school, too, and this would make it easier to help and understand her
As to your house, and your family, let it be known that there is ‘zero tolerance’ for such behavior. If she starts to rub against your husband (or any other man or boy present) she will have to leave. The same thing if she starts to rearrange her clothes in a provocative manner. You don’t know if she’s been abused, but you can and should set boundaries in your own home…and enforce any breach of said boundaries. It’s your home, after all.

And, don’t let her and your mil babysit your kids!
 
I will second the motion to move. It’s actually hard to imagine a more urgent reason for moving. Getting that ball rolling should be you and your husband’s very first priority, regardless of any difficulties involved.
 
tafan2 said:
I will second the motion to move. It’s actually hard to imagine a more urgent reason for moving. Getting that ball rolling should be you and your husband’s very first priority, regardless of any difficulties involved.
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Yeah…even if it’s only a couple of miles away.

Across the street would be wayyy to close for me.
 
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