Indecisive about attending HS Reunion

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Our high school reunion is coming up this Saturday. I have a friend who already paid for the ticket. Right from the start I’ve been planning to attend the reunion. One of my friends was looking forward to this, and was actively posting on our Facebook group regarding the updates. Later on he didn’t seem to be posting on the group. I asked him if he’s going. Told me he wants to, but he’s concerned about who’s going. Among his and our close friends it seems only a couple are going. He didn’t want to be o.p. (out of place) at the reunion, so he’s not going anymore.

I haven’t thought of that, and when he mentioned it, I realized it’s a valid concern. I checked the Fb page and it seems only a few people are going. I even emailed our organizer several weeks ago how many people paid so far.

I haven’t paid yet, as I’m also hesitant on going. Just yesterday my friend who confirmed going asked me again if I’m going. I said again that I want to but haven’t paid, since it seems only a handful are going. Said she already paid so she’s attending.

I kind of torn on whether I should go or not. Only few of my friends are going. On one hand I want to go, on the other hand if I don’t go, I don’t want to regret not going.

I read up on the Net about people’s experiences with school reunions. They’re varied; some say less than 1/3 of their batch showed up, some say their reunions were boring. some say they shouldn’t have attended. Some enjoyed their reunion.

I guess it can’t be helped that reunions could be occasions where one would feel bad about oneself, since you would see many of your classmates all happy and successful, while one is in a not so pleasant situation. I know we have to be thankful and positive for all our blessings, and I am, and I do try to practice that, but no matter what I do, I feel regret for the things that I should’ve done and for the things I’ve done but shouldn’t. Like my friend, I’m concerned about feeling o.p. and probably be bored at the event.

We were thinking that it would be great if one of our friends working abroad could come, but the reunion which was originally scheduled this February didn’t push through when he was still here. That way it would be more fun. I talked to this friend through Skype, and he told me another option is I just show up on the day, and if I think I would enjoy it, then I could pay for the ticket.
 
You know, it’s funny, when you’re growing up, older people tend to give you great advice - and yet you tend to ignore it. Then, when you’ve grown up, you suddenly realize just how right they were and you feel like a dope. At least, I do.

Same here. Growing up my parents always told me that they had more regrets about the chances they didn’t take than the chances they did take that didn’t turn out quite so well. And I am, indeed, finding that to be true.

When I was 21, I passed over a chance to see my favorite band. They didn’t come back to my area until this year—9 years later. I finally saw them live, but I should have just went the first time. What if they hadn’t come back?

In high school, I signed up for one club - loved it, will always remember it, but chose not to sign up for another club and I will always regret that decision.

So I’ve learned, when in doubt, NIKE! That is, JUST DO IT! You probably have more to gain than you have to lose!
 
This will be my 6th year out of high school and to be honest, I’m not very close to any of my high school friends. I was really popular in school, but I attended a college that only 2 or 3 of us went to and my path took me far away from where I grew up. I saw an Ecard that said something to the efffect of “why should I attend my HS reunion. I have a Facebook, I already know who got fat.” LOL.

I think I will attend my reunion. My school was really small. I graduated with only 82 folks, so if my close high school friends don’t attend, I will still know everyone there. As of right now, I want to go back just to say, “hahaha I got out of this little bitty town!” 😃

Go and have fun. If you don’t go, you may have regrets. 🙂
 
I loved high school and can’t wait for our next reuinion! I don’t care if any of my current close friends go, I want to see everyone. Of course, I will take any excuse to reminisce, dance to cheesy 90s music and have a few beers : ) I’m not interested in competing for who has been the most successful, I’m genuinely curious and excited just to catch up. I say, go.
 
I wasn’t popular in HS and for our 40th reunion many of my HS friends didn’t go. But I’ve gone to most of our reunions and I enjoyed them. It was fun to see what people were up to and even though I wasn’t popular back then, that didn’t seem to matter. Once we got talking and saw what we had in common, what we’ve been up to, how many kids (or grandkids) we had, we all were friends. I am looking forward to our 50th in 10 years.
 
I did not attend my high school reunions until my 40th, I regret this very much. You can always leave if it doesn’t go well so don’t look back likeI I have with regrets. Just go and give it your best shot.
 
You should definitley go. I am sure you will have a great time!
 
I think it depends upon what year this reunion will be, and the setting. I went to my 5th, HATED IT. Didn’t go again to our 25th and had a blast! But it was more intimate, it was a picnic with everyone’s families, the only alcohol was beer. The older you get, you will find more in common with those that you didn’t really know in high school, at least that’s been my experience. But if this is your 5th, or 10th, I too would have second thoughts about going. Perhaps it would be easier to arrange a gathering of your “group” when your friend returns from overseas.

As for waiting to pay for your ticket the day of the reunion, I’d check with the committee or the people organizing the event. They probably have to give a final count to the cater BEFORE the event and if you wait until the day of, you might be making their job difficult.
 
fin said:
… On one hand I want to go, on the other hand if I don’t go, I don’t want to regret not going.
…
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It looks like both hands want to go. 🤷

You should go. Don’t be afraid you won’t have fun if it’s only a small gathering of people, especially if a few of your friends are going. Small gatherings can be as fun as large gatherings–and sometimes even more fun! Go and have a good time!
 
If you want to go…then do it. You might regret not going

I missed out on our 10th year reunion. I was really busy with a newborn and my husband and I settling into our new house.
But I don’t have FaceBook and I missed out on the Invite.

I don’t think a number of my friends from High school actually went. Many of them are living in all different parts of the country…and it’s expensive to travel for just one night.

But, I still regret not going. I would have taken my husband and we could have had fun on our own if anything else.
 
Joannm said:
I wasn’t popular in HS and for our 40th reunion many of my HS friends didn’t go. But I’ve gone to most of our reunions and I enjoyed them. It was fun to see what people were up to and even though I wasn’t popular back then, that didn’t seem to matter. Once we got talking and saw what we had in common, what we’ve been up to, how many kids (or grandkids) we had, we all were friends. I am looking forward to our 50th in 10 years.
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Same here, I have had great conversations with classmates I hardly ever even talked to in High School. God Bless, Memaw
 
fin said:
Our high school reunion is coming up this Saturday. I have a friend who already paid for the ticket. Right from the start I’ve been planning to attend the reunion. One of my friends was looking forward to this, and was actively posting on our Facebook group regarding the updates. Later on he didn’t seem to be posting on the group. I asked him if he’s going. Told me he wants to, but he’s concerned about who’s going. Among his and our close friends it seems only a couple are going. He didn’t want to be o.p. (out of place) at the reunion, so he’s not going anymore.

I haven’t thought of that, and when he mentioned it, I realized it’s a valid concern. I checked the Fb page and it seems only a few people are going. I even emailed our organizer several weeks ago how many people paid so far.

I haven’t paid yet, as I’m also hesitant on going. Just yesterday my friend who confirmed going asked me again if I’m going. I said again that I want to but haven’t paid, since it seems only a handful are going. Said she already paid so she’s attending.

I kind of torn on whether I should go or not. Only few of my friends are going. On one hand I want to go, on the other hand if I don’t go, I don’t want to regret not going.

I read up on the Net about people’s experiences with school reunions. They’re varied; some say less than 1/3 of their batch showed up, some say their reunions were boring. some say they shouldn’t have attended. Some enjoyed their reunion.

I guess it can’t be helped that reunions could be occasions where one would feel bad about oneself, since you would see many of your classmates all happy and successful, while one is in a not so pleasant situation. I know we have to be thankful and positive for all our blessings, and I am, and I do try to practice that, but no matter what I do, I feel regret for the things that I should’ve done and for the things I’ve done but shouldn’t. Like my friend, I’m concerned about feeling o.p. and probably be bored at the event.

We were thinking that it would be great if one of our friends working abroad could come, but the reunion which was originally scheduled this February didn’t push through when he was still here. That way it would be more fun. I talked to this friend through Skype, and he told me another option is I just show up on the day, and if I think I would enjoy it, then I could pay for the ticket.
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Eh…I’m not a fan of HS reunions. I hated HS, cut a lot of classes, didn’t fit into any of the cliques, and blew my possible scholarships because no one bothered to intervene until it was too late. I’ve always thought it’s somewhat pathetic to make HS your swan song in life. I left it behind, it’s a piece of paper in a drawer. I say don’t bother.
 
I agree with some of the others, go anyway. You never know what will happen and you may have a great time. And I’m all about having a great time LOL.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
You know, it’s funny, when you’re growing up, older people tend to give you great advice - and yet you tend to ignore it. Then, when you’ve grown up, you suddenly realize just how right they were and you feel like a dope. At least, I do.

Same here. Growing up my parents always told me that they had more regrets about the chances they didn’t take than the chances they did take that didn’t turn out quite so well. And I am, indeed, finding that to be true.

When I was 21, I passed over a chance to see my favorite band. They didn’t come back to my area until this year—9 years later. I finally saw them live, but I should have just went the first time. What if they hadn’t come back?

In high school, I signed up for one club - loved it, will always remember it, but chose not to sign up for another club and I will always regret that decision.

So I’ve learned, when in doubt, NIKE! That is, JUST DO IT! You probably have more to gain than you have to lose!
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That’s my philosophy. This seems like a situation where one would be much more likely to regret not going that going.

If you go and you don’t know many people and have a boring time, so what? It’s just one night. If you don’t go, though, you’ll always wonder.

I wouldn’t spend a whole lot of time feeling depressed about the"success stories" others tell. HS reunions are like Facebook: people generally tend to put their best foot forward. But even if their lives really are as perfect as they portray, then shouldn’t we be happy for them rather than sad for ourselves? 🤷

I went to my 10 year reunion and it wasn’t super exciting, but I’m glad I went. My wife was there and my brother and his wife were there. As long as I have at least one person to talk to, I’m good. 😛
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Eh…I’m not a fan of HS reunions. I hated HS, cut a lot of classes, didn’t fit into any of the cliques, and blew my possible scholarships because no one bothered to intervene until it was too late. I’ve always thought it’s somewhat pathetic to make HS your swan song in life. I left it behind, it’s a piece of paper in a drawer. I say don’t bother.
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I’m with you. Although I didn’t cut classes, I was too much of a wimp.

Unless you were incredibly popular then and are incredibly successful now, a reunion isn’t designed for you.

Unless it is your 40th or 50th reunion? I wouldn’t bother. 🤷
 
They can be fun or boring. I attended the 10 year - boring. For some reason I attended the 20 year - had a great time. I ended up talking for several hours with a classmate I didn’t remember ever meeting (he didn’t remember me, either). We talked about our shared Catholic faith & it was an uplifting time for both of us.

I haven’t attended any other reunions because we moved & I couldn’t afford the trip. But I should go before too long - I keep getting notices of classmates who have died.
 
Cost vs. Benefit.

What does it cost you to go? I don’t mean financially, unless it is expensive and money is tight, in which case you can figure that too. From your OP, it sounds like the costs are:
–risk of being bored or uncomfortable because your friends aren’t there
–risk of feeling bad about yourself because you ___ or because you didn’t ___.

What are the benefits?
–possibility of seeing some of your friends
–possibility of reconnecting with people who you didn’t stay in touch with
–satisfying the curiosity of wondering what your classmates are like now
–possibility of realizing that you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself because ___.
–enjoying reminiscing about your time in high school

The other cost that you didn’t mention, and would only be true for people who had a tough time in high school and spent years of adulthood getting over it would be the risk of bringing back the bad memories, or putting yourself back in a negative mental place. Of course, this could be balanced by a sense of triumph that one is able to attend their reunion and NOT feel those feelings again.

Only you can weigh those costs and benefits against each other. What if those negative things happen and the positives don’t? How bad would your night be, and how much would you regret going in the future? OTOH, what if the things on the benefits list happen? How happy would you be that you went? It’s just a matter of deciding which one tips the scales.

I would guess, that for the average person who liked their high school years, the benefits would outweigh the costs. Personally, I chose not to go to my 20 year, because, after thinking about how much I would enjoy the benefits I listed above (not much), and how much the negatives would create stress for me, the scales tipped the other way for me. I still think I made the right choice, but there is also some disappointment about missing it.
 
I’ve never attended any of my reunions and I probably never will. I’ve stayed in touch with the people I valued as friends and left behind the rest. I graduated with only 94, from a high school in a small mining town in Appalachia. Most of those in my class stayed there, got married to their highschool sweetheart at 18 or 19, had some kids, and never did much with their lives. A lot of them are divorced, unemployed, and don’t seem to care. I got out, went to college, became successful, and married a great guy. I was not a member of the “In Crowd” in high school because I was a top student. One of the popular girls told me I needed to “act dumber” or I’d never get a boy to like me. WRONG! I blossomed in college and had my pick of the “smart” boys. Now, because I have a great life and am really successful, the same people who were so nasty to me in high school keep begging me to come back for a reunion. I think they really just would like my checkbook to attend! I thought about it a couple of times, but don’t think I could stand people who wouldn’t have anything to do with me back then suddenly trying to kiss up to me now. Not because they like me any better, but because of what I might be able to do for them.
 
Arebella said:
I’ve never attended any of my reunions and I probably never will. I’ve stayed in touch with the people I valued as friends and left behind the rest. I graduated with only 94, from a high school in a small mining town in Appalachia. Most of those in my class stayed there, got married to their highschool sweetheart at 18 or 19, had some kids, and never did much with their lives. A lot of them are divorced, unemployed, and don’t seem to care. I got out, went to college, became successful, and married a great guy. ** I was not a member of the “In Crowd” in high school because I was a top student. **One of the popular girls told me I needed to “act dumber” or I’d never get a boy to like me. WRONG! I blossomed in college and had my pick of the “smart” boys. Now, because I have a great life and am really successful, the same people who were so nasty to me in high school keep begging me to come back for a reunion. I think they really just would like my checkbook to attend! I thought about it a couple of times, but don’t think I could stand people who wouldn’t have anything to do with me back then suddenly trying to kiss up to me now. Not because they like me any better, but because of what I might be able to do for them.
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The Valedictorian of my high school graduating class was the star athlete. I was a cheerleader and the majority of us were members of The National Beta Club. I guess I was fortunate to attend a high school where the most popular kids were the smart ones.
 
I didn’t see what reunion it is for you.

Here’s my take:

I went to my 5 year - I had to travel a bit (300 miles). The economy was bad (like now) - I was surprised by how things had changed - and yet not. Most had gone to college - but weren’t quite finished (I had finished in 4 years ,but was an exception). Others got married right out of high school - and were starting families. High school was okay for me, but when comparing it to college - it was shallow and uninteresting (and so was I).

At 10 years, one of my friends (got to know her better in college) - she was someone who didn’t fit in - in high school. I was surprised when she called me and asked if i was going. I was leaning toward not going, but went. I guess because i had low expectations - I had a wonderful time. I stayed until 4am - talking to people that i had forgotten about. It was funny - it wasn’t the people that I looked forward to possibly seeing that made the night fun - but people who i hadn’t really thought of much in the last 10 years - but somehow transported me back to what we once had in common.

At 20 years, I thought it would be fun to go. But what was funny was how much people had changed physically. People were looking very closely at name tags - (I wasn’t the only one). It’s funny - at 10 years, I still probably knew everyone’s name - even people that i hadn’t really known in high school. But at 20, it was as if my brain had decided to reuse those brain cells that i hadn’t activated for some other purpose. there were people that I had not ever heard of.

There were those to went to show off. (Believe it or not, I had friends who rented a limo and went to their hs reunion to show they had come. I thought it a bit embarrassing - but they weren’t in my hs - i don’t know how it went). There are those who had lost a lot of weight - or had changed for the better - those who had shed their high school insecurities and had come to a new place. There were most who had gained a few pounds, lost some hair - but had interesting things to tell about where they had gone.

If you go to it with an expectation of what it is - it can be a lot of fun. A time to reminisce with others about a formative part of your life. But with people who you might want to spend an evening with - for some reason, you hadn’t chosen to have in your everyday life - and probably after the evening - it will go back to that time.

And sometimes people do surprise you. They’ve grown as you have. But you all had a common experience for four years of your life. Laugh and cry about all the things you have long ago forgotten - or just haven’t thought about. Laugh at the guy who is still bragging about the great game he had back in the day. but most have moved well beyond that.

If the cost isn’t too great (and some people will have traveled to see you all - so their cost may be far greater than yours - if you live reasonably close). - go. Don’t worry that your best friends are going or not. It may be better if they don’t.
 
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