Infertility

[Convert_in_99]

Convert,
I know your pain well. I always thought infertility felt like a hole in my heart. Those 7 years were the darkest of my life. I became obsessed with having a child. It was very stressful on my marriage and for my own health and well being. Prayers coming your way.

Please visit the site below. They also have a companion adoption group that is very positive and supportive.

health.groups.yahoo.com/group/catholic-fertility/

Thank you SO much! You always have the kindest, warmest replies!

I did sign up for the group. I sure hope they like to talk !

I am so sorry that you had to go through this too. What, if you don’t mind me asking, changed after year 7 to make things better?

**My husband says he is going to do everything in his power to adopt me a child by my 35th birthday. With our finances it will take heroic effort on his part, since I can’t work, and he’s willing to do that for me! Even if we never come up with that money, just the thought of what my husband is undergoing in the next ten years for me is so tear-jearkingly beautiful. I really do get emotional thinking of how loving of a man he is. **

So, I am 25 now. Maybe, just maybe, with God’s tremendous help, in 10 years, I will be a mommy and my husband a daddy! Please God may it be so!

 

[ChinaDad]

Convert in 99;2720449Even if we never come up with that money:
So, I am 25 now. Maybe, just maybe, with God’s tremendous help, in 10 years, I will be a mommy and my husband a daddy! Please God may it be so!

There are ways to keep adoption costs down, and some willing to help with those costs. Many larger employers will help with adoption costs as well.

The links below are from the agency my wife and I used to adopt our two beautiful girls from China. They are for children with special needs, and there are links in there explaingina what “special needs” may be, and things you need to consider up front, like medical costs. Also, when you adopt there is an IRX tax credit available (the tax credit is a credit off of taxes, not off of taxable income). irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html

ftia.org/waitingchildren/plea.asp
ftia.org/waitingchildren/index.asp
ftia.org/financial.asp

I hope this helps.
ChinaDad

 

[Convert_in_99]

There are ways to keep adoption costs down, and some willing to help with those costs. Many larger employers will help with adoption costs as well.

The links below are from the agency my wife and I used to adopt our two beautiful girls from China. They are for children with special needs, and there are links in there explaingina what “special needs” may be, and things you need to consider up front, like medical costs. Also, when you adopt there is an IRX tax credit available (the tax credit is a credit off of taxes, not off of taxable income). irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html

ftia.org/waitingchildren/plea.asp
ftia.org/waitingchildren/index.asp
ftia.org/financial.asp

Thanks! These are great links. We would love a special needs child. We have two in the family, and they are the greatest blessings “our angels” we call them.

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However, finances are so super tight, that, I don’t think it would help now. But, in the future you bet!

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**Again, thanks so much! **
I hope this helps.
ChinaDad

 

[stadre]

**

Thanks! These are great links. We would love a special needs child. We have two in the family, and they are the greatest blessings “our angels” we call them.

However, finances are so super tight, that, I don’t think it would help now. But, in the future you bet!

Again, thanks so much!**

Convert, I don’t know how much you’ve looked into this. When we were looking into the process in CA, we found that there is little to no charge for special needs. The expenses start piling up when you are looking for newborn/international. There is a great need for parents for sibling groups and children with health problems. Our cost would have been setting up a room and other new children expenses. (Which are there no matter how the child comes into your home .)

 

[Giannawannabe]

Thank you SO much! You always have the kindest, warmest replies!

I did sign up for the group. I sure hope they like to talk !

I am so sorry that you had to go through this too. What, if you don’t mind me asking, changed after year 7 to make things better?

**My husband says he is going to do everything in his power to adopt me a child by my 35th birthday. With our finances it will take heroic effort on his part, since I can’t work, and he’s willing to do that for me! Even if we never come up with that money, just the thought of what my husband is undergoing in the next ten years for me is so tear-jearkingly beautiful. I really do get emotional thinking of how loving of a man he is. **

So, I am 25 now. Maybe, just maybe, with God’s tremendous help, in 10 years, I will be a mommy and my husband a daddy! Please God may it be so!

What changed after 7 years, is that we adopted our kids!

 

[Convert_in_99]

What changed after 7 years, is that we adopted our kids!

**Cool! Praying its seven for us too! Sure beats ten or fifteen! **

 

[Convert_in_99]

Convert, I don’t know how much you’ve looked into this. When we were looking into the process in CA, we found that there is little to no charge for special needs. The expenses start piling up when you are looking for newborn/international. There is a great need for parents for sibling groups and children with health problems. Our cost would have been setting up a room and other new children expenses. (Which are there no matter how the child comes into your home .)

**OK…here’s the thing **

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We live in a one-bedroom apartment, far away from family and friends who could greatly help with the adoption procedures.

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**We are trying to get back home (sooner, please God, rather than later!) **

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Where we come from housing is so much cheaper, we can get a home, and hopefully start the processes soon after.

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**Here, a two bedroom is almost the price of some housing payments there! Really! **

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So we have to wait until we get that detail taken care of and are more out of debt (darn college!)

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And, the costs we’ve seen are anywhere from 15-30 thousand!

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**I would be REALLY interested in this program you mention. Special needs is no problem for us. We have two in the family. We would love them the same! However, sadly, with my own health problems, anything too severe, like 24 intensive nursing care, I would fear that I couldn’t keep up, and put my own health in danger as well. My sister has a severely autistic, and it takes every last ounce of strength she has, thank God she’s much healthier than me! So mild to moderate needs would be perfect! Please give us the link, maybe they have something similar at home! **

 

[ChinaDad]

**We are trying to get back home (sooner, please God, rather than later!) **

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Where we come from housing is so much cheaper, we can get a home, and hopefully start the processes soon after.

Ahhhhhh…I see too. I’m in Indiana, and the housing market is terrible, meaning the house we’ve had for sale for over two years is now priced $50,000. less than we have in it. So all housing costs are much cheaper than most parts of the country.

I’ll pray you can get home soon.
ChinaDad

 

[stadre]

Convert,

I sent you a PM about some agencies which I’ve looked at.

I understand about the housing space for children. In our case, it isn’t so much the space as setting it up. I am having a difficult time (emotionally) with setting up a bedroom for a child who is not on his/her way yet. With the amount of ups and downs with infertility/miscarriage over the years, I am just not ready to set up something until it is time (which makes it hard for an agency to place a child).

I am trusting that God will let me know when it is time to do so–maybe when DH can spend more than a few months at home before leaving for 6-12 months!!

 

[ChinaDad]

I am having a difficult time (emotionally) with setting up a bedroom for a child who is not on his/her way yet. With the amount of ups and downs with infertility/miscarriage over the years, I am just not ready to set up something until it is time (which makes it hard for an agency to place a child).

I am trusting that God will let me know when it is time to do so–maybe when DH can spend more than a few months at home before leaving for 6-12 months!!

The ups and downs of adopting here in the states was one of the reasons dw and I adopted internationally. I will pray for you.

 

[Teakafrog]

The ups and downs of adopting here in the states was one of the reasons dw and I adopted internationally. I will pray for you.

Our domestic adoption went SO fast and smooth. From the first day we contacted the agency, we had her in our arms in 5 months. Finalized 3 months to the day from then. Less time than a pregnancy! There are a lot of kids out there, even healthy newborns, as long as you don’t care about race. We got calls on 10 different babies in that time that were possibilities.

 

[ChinaDad]

Our domestic adoption went SO fast and smooth. From the first day we contacted the agency, we had her in our arms in 5 months. Finalized 3 months to the day from then. Less time than a pregnancy! There are a lot of kids out there, even healthy newborns, as long as you don’t care about race. We got calls on 10 different babies in that time that were possibilities.

I’m glad for you teakafrog. I truly am. And I’m sure that there are many other cases such as yours, but I have the feeling that may not be the case everywhere here in the U.S. I have friends who adopted two infant boys within 3 weeks of one another as well, but again, our experiences and those of many other friends, with the adoption system in the U.S. and Depts. of Family and Children have not gone as well. But I don’t really think this is the place for a debate on our system.

Peace be with you and yours always.

 

[Teakafrog]

I’m glad for you teakafrog. I truly am. And I’m sure that there are many other cases such as yours, but I have the feeling that may not be the case everywhere here in the U.S. I have friends who adopted two infant boys within 3 weeks of one another as well, but again, our experiences and those of many other friends, with the adoption system in the U.S. and Depts. of Family and Children have not gone as well. But I don’t really think this is the place for a debate on our system.

Peace be with you and yours always.

Not debating, just pointing out that those horror stories you always hear about ‘a friend of a cousin of a neighbor of your mailman’ who has to wait years to adopt just aren’t usually the case. I didn’t want anyone to be scared off from domestic adoptions. For many of us, they are the only way to go, since we can’t afford int’l. Just pointing out that people should do their own research, and not arbitrarily rule out one way or the other, since there are obviously success stories both ways!

 

[stadre]

It is great to hear about all your experiences. Maybe they will help me to get the ball rolling. Still, I have a block when it comes to getting the house ready for the home inspection. I just can’t get myself to start getting invested to the point where I am preparing things for a child who may not come. (Maybe that is my leftover legacy from my miscarriages.)

 

[Teakafrog]

It is great to hear about all your experiences. Maybe they will help me to get the ball rolling. Still, I have a block when it comes to getting the house ready for the home inspection. I just can’t get myself to start getting invested to the point where I am preparing things for a child who may not come. (Maybe that is my leftover legacy from my miscarriages.)

You don’t have to have everything ‘ready’, as in the child’s room set up, etc. At least we didn’t. Her room was our office when we started our homestudy. We just said that her room will be in here, but since we don’t know exactly how old the child will be or the gender we haven’t bought the crib yet, since we may need a toddler bed instead. Our social worker was fine with that–he knew we would obviously get her a bed!

The physical ‘look at the house’ stage is just one small part of the homestudy, most of it is about if your family is emotionally ready for another child, especially if this child is in any way different from you, as in race, handicaps, etc.

There is a lot of paperwork too, so that part can take awhile. You’ll all need birth certificates, marriage cert (and divorce papers, if one was married before), financial papers, reference letters from friends/pastor, health cert from dr, etc. So be thinking now who would write you a positive reference. Some people may not, even family–they may have their own prejudices against adoption. So talk to people and feel them out now if you think you want to ask them.

Not trying to scare you off, but if you can get some of it gathered up so that you know where it is, you will be that far ahead. Another thing we had to do that I think is pretty standard is to write out an autobiography, which includes how you were raised as a child, how you and your spouse met, how your married life has been, and how you parent any other children you have. You wouldn’t have to write it all now, but think about it. That is actually the part that took us longest.

 

[ChinaDad]

You don’t have to have everything ‘ready’, as in the child’s room set up, etc.

Teak is right here. And one thing that our social worker told us was that if they come into your house and see everything in it’s place, and things are “too” clean/organized is, they sort of wonder how you are going to “handle” a child in your house…making messes! LOL

 

[aurora77]

Teak is right here. And one thing that our social worker told us was that if they come into your house and see everything in it’s place, and things are “too” clean/organized is, they sort of wonder how you are going to “handle” a child in your house…making messes! LOL

You can’t know how comforting that is to me!! Our social worker is coming this Friday and I’ve been all stressed out. We are not the neatest people in the world; we’re not slobs, but our house tends to be a little cluttered. We’re going to get all that sorted out before she comes, but we definitely won’t come across as neat freaks and I was a little worried about that.

I’m also glad to read here and on other threads that the baby/child’s room doesn’t have to be set up. We don’t have a particuler gender or age (we’re open up to about 5 years old) so we’ve made no prep regarding baby/kid gear. Our spare room currently has a double bed and a treadmill in it, but we will make that into a child’s room once we get further into the process.

Convert, I’m by no means an expert at this, but we are currently planning on fostering children with the intention of adopting out of the foster care system. So far it seems like a good fit for us. We don’t have lots of money to spend on the adoption and DH feels very strongly that we need to adopt domestically, as there are so many children in the U.S. that need good homes. Fostering, and foster adoption seem like where we need to be. The plus side is that the state (at least here in MO) will pick up the costs of the home study and the classes. There’s also a stipend per child, but that’s really minimal and from what I’ve read doesn’t come close to the money actually spent on the child. But, every little bit helps. We’re doing all right now financially, but I really want to stay home with any children we adopt, or at most work part time. Going this route so far sounds like we’ll be able to make that goal a reality.

 

[ChinaDad]

You can’t know how comforting that is to me!! Our social worker is coming this Friday and I’ve been all stressed out. We are not the neatest people in the world; we’re not slobs, but our house tends to be a little cluttered. We’re going to get all that sorted out before she comes, but we definitely won’t come across as neat freaks and I was a little worried about that.

I’ll be praying that all goes well, but I have great confidence that all will be just fine.

 

[aurora77]

I’ll be praying that all goes well, but I have great confidence that all will be just fine.

Thanks! We really appreciate it. It’s just nerve wracking. I’m going through the “Are we actually ready to be parents? Can we handle the lifestyle changes?” DH of course is just calm and collected.

 

[ChinaDad]

Thanks! We really appreciate it. It’s just nerve wracking. I’m going through the “Are we actually ready to be parents? Can we handle the lifestyle changes?” DH of course is just calm and collected.

Don’t worry…you’re ready. Something you need to remember about children, and especially infants, if you’re so fortunate…you can’t break them. And the thing they need most!, is “your” love.

And about DH. Have you ever seem a duck drifting across the water. They’re so calm and serene looking…but thay are paddling like all get out under the water. :yup: