DVIN CKS:
This is not what I’m suggesting at all. All I’m saying is that she doesn’t need a husband DEMANDING that she do “xyz”. No one likes to be told what to do. There are other ways that he can get his message across. Also, from his message he claims that she has only had a physical relationship with the lover ONCE but continues with an emotional attraction. If this is the case, then maybe she is trying to sort this all out and make the right decision. She sounds like a very confused woman who is struggling with her emotions and feelings. It’s easy for outsiders like ourselves to label her as “untrustworthy”. Clearly, she has broken the bond of trust in her marriage, but for all we know she is trying to do the right thing. She’ll get my prayers.
I don’t think the word once matters, if she is continueing the relationship that caused the “once” to occur.
I realize that people do not like to be told what to do. I have thought about that, and how people learn and get there moral views. But, she broke the trust of the relationship and she is still continueing an outside relationship that caused her to break the trust. He can not just sit there and let her beat on him with this stuff and act like nothing is wrong. If he does that chances are she will cheat again. A man can’t be a wimp in the relationship, he has to show that he wants her to end her other relationship.
She may be trying to be faithful, but she is still putting herself in a compromised position that she is likely to cheat again. She also said that she loves this other man and told her husband the man offers things he can not. If that is not an untrustworthy statement then nothing is.
Now, I am not saying that he should just go in and start making demands and yell at her or anything. But, he needs to make it clear that he wants the other relationship ended, and tell her why. He has to be firm with this. If he is not then she may not have respect for him and she may cheat again. That is the way people are.
Forcing a spouse out of the house when children are involved is serious stuff. I would like to think of it as a last resort. If this man can get his wife to agree to some counseling and she can assure him that the physical aspect of the relationship is over than I don’t think kicking her to the curb just yet is necessary. She should be held accountable for her whereabouts and the husband should be able to call her or check up on her to make sure that she is where she says she is. She needs to earn back the trust that she lost.
I agree, you can’t just end the relationship and boot her out, but you must be firm. I think it would be a bad idea to kick her to the curb because it would make it tough on the kids. But she must become a woman and do what is right. Like you said, she must earn back the trust, and that includes ending the other relationship.
All the talk about what the Bible says means nothing to someone who is not spiritually grounded in their faith. This poster didn’t say whether his wife is Catholic or overly religious. I agree that if you can get one to open up to what the scriptures say about infidelity and the seriousness of the sin of adultery, then you might have a chance at getting through to them on a spiritual level. However, if one doesn’t view their marriage as a covenant with God than their perspective is going to be different.
I don’t think I mentioned any bible passages, but I would have to agree with you. He can’t just rush into the room yelling bible passages, she may take that negatively.
