I’m sorry to hear a slight tone of condemnation here of someone who isn’t completely committed to a marriage where the past behavior seems to imply expectation of further infidelities down the road. Just because someone doesn’t think they can go through that devastation for the rest of their life, somehow their lack of “commitment” is judged negatively. Seriously, how many serial cheaters really reform?
We aren’t the OP. We don’t know how far the news of a new infidelity might push the OP. Those who have had to endure that know how horrible it is and what the distrust and betrayal does personally. Is it wise to bring children into this kind of family environment?
Plus… we are in an age of communicable diseases that could be a death sentence. Or a lifetime of viruses that will never be cured. A philandering spouse will subject someone to that possibility. I personally won’t judge someone who doesn’t want to take that risk.
The OP’s spouse may be remorseful. Remorse without behavior change is pretty useless. After a marriage fails, sometimes the tribunal examines whether the person had the psychological capacity to fulfill the terms of the marriage covenant. Some people may WANT to be good spouses, but are completely incapable of doing so.
That can only be determined if the person is willing to get help, find out why they have an uncontrollable need to stray from their promises and try to change. But the problem with marriage validity is the same as with an airplane. Whether it is flightworthy is usually only determined after the plane crashes and the NTSB examines the wreckage. The tribunal can only examine the wreckage of a marriage that is officially over and do a post-mortem on it. Valid marriages continue for years. Implying that someone isn’t in it “for better or worse” is unfair if staying “for worse” can mean making oneself vulnerable to fatal diseases. And a spouse who would subject someone they supposedly love to that has a huge hole in their own conscience. Hastening the “till death do you part” aspect of marriage isn’t part of the vows. While the OP’s spouse is “only” having emotional affairs now… well, often those lead to other things. Plus there is the aspect of deception and a lack of knowledge of the OP about her spouse. If she would not have knowingly married someone who had certain personality defects/addictions that were concealed from her during the engagement and then found it out after the wedding, a tribunal would examine that closely and take it into consideration. We have an OP here who is probably wondering how well she knew her spouse after all.
The annulment process examines closely all attempts to repair the marriage and fix the problems. One has to try as far as possible to fix things. If one or the other partner isn’t willing to try, that also is important to know. Promises to attend counseling that are never followed through on, promises to change behavior that never materialize, a pattern during the dating, engagement and early marriage of cheating all point to psychological incapacity. A tribunal will want to examine the OP’s reasons for marrying someone anyway, if they knew of the cheating before the marriage took place. There, “lack of due discretion” can come into play.
I would advise the OP to try everything to fix the marriage while respecting your own physical/health safety. That way if it fails, you won’t wonder down the road “What if I had really tried harder?” If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, and you can’t see living like this for 50 more years, consult your priest for spiritual guidance. But a petition for nullity will require you to detail what counseling you received, even giving the names and contact info for psychiatrists, counselors and other professionals you dealt with so they can get professional opinions about you and your spouse when the tribunal renders its decision.
Good luck.
