intamacy with children in the house?

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martino said:
Ok that makes more sense than you probably realize! That could be why she was upset. Send the kids to the relatives house so they can have sex and then find out the relatives are having sex too. Well its only speculation but makes sense to me.
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It makes sense that the parents only have intimate time once a week? why? I mean if she didn’t want that done she should have said in the first place. She could have told her sister that they needed alone time once a week 😉 and then the sister could get a hint. But why would someone assume that the parents would not have sex because of the sleep over is beyond me. Being a man, I’ll take what I can get, kids or not!
 
MysticalMan said:
How can you compare something dangerous like leaving children alone to Two married people making love while children are asleep.

Do you see the difference. One is neglect and the other is just preference. If the sister felt so strongly about sexual relations she should have made that clear when she asked her to babysit.

But to say that it is a slippery slope is outright irresponsable.
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Just because you don’t understand my argument doesn’t make it irresponsible. You could however, ask for clarity, which I will try to provide.
I am not comapring the two actions. I know that one is neglect and one is a preference. My point in the comparison is that I would assume that not leaving the children alone would be a no brainer. To me it is common sense. But what if the relatives who were caring for my daughter felt differently? If I had to go through every possible area of disagreement before deciding to leave my children there it would take years… The Op’s sister probably would never dream of having sex with someone else’s children in the house so to her it was also a no brainer…
My point is respecting another parents choices. We as Catholics should be especially empathetic to this!!! There are so many things we would choose to not have our children be around that secular society would call normal or even healthy. The point in my other post is about respecting the sister’s choices about her own children…that does not mean disclosing personal info or rearranging your love life. It simply means being honest.
What is wrong with:
Obviously you have a problem with your children being in a home where two married adults are making love in the privacy of their bedroom. I do not see anything wrong with this so if you choose to keep sending your children to visit (which I am happy to accomodate and I love my nieces!) I have to tell you that my hubby and I are not going to put our marital relationship on hold. So it’s now up to you.
malia
 
MysticalMan said:
It makes sense that the parents only have intimate time once a week? why? I mean if she didn’t want that done she should have said in the first place. She could have told her sister that they needed alone time once a week 😉 and then the sister could get a hint. But why would someone assume that the parents would not have sex because of the sleep over is beyond me. Being a man, I’ll take what I can get, kids or not!
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haha ok i just meant that it makes sense that if she doesnt think sex should be going on in the house when the kids are there that they would take advantage of her kids being with her sister and then to find out that her sister went ahead and had sex with the kids in the house, that she would not be happy!
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
Just because you don’t understand my argument doesn’t make it irresponsible. You could however, ask for clarity, which I will try to provide.
I am not comapring the two actions. I know that one is neglect and one is a preference. My point in the comparison is that I would assume that not leaving the children alone would be a no brainer. To me it is common sense. But what if the relatives who were caring for my daughter felt differently? If I had to go through every possible area of disagreement before deciding to leave my children there it would take years… The Op’s sister probably would never dream of having sex with someone else’s children in the house so to her it was also a no brainer…
My point is respecting another parents choices. We as Catholics should be especially empathetic to this!!! There are so many things we would choose to not have our children be around that secular society would call normal or even healthy. The point in my other post is about respecting the sister’s choices about her own children…that does not mean disclosing personal info or rearranging your love life. It simply means being honest.
What is wrong with:
Obviously you have a problem with your children being in a home where two married adults are making love in the privacy of their bedroom. I do not see anything wrong with this so if you choose to keep sending your children to visit (which I am happy to accomodate and I love my nieces!) I have to tell you that my hubby and I are not going to put our marital relationship on hold. So it’s now up to you.
malia
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I was only stating that you can not compare a dangerous action to a choice of preference. That is all. While I respect other parents decision to do with what they choose with their children and appreciate their candor, I can not see how you would bring this up. Like I stated, are you going to tell your parents that can not have sex for the month that kids are vistiting? That is absurd. Yes let the woman not have her kids over, that is her choice. I was only clarifying the difference between neglect and preference.

A better example would be someone who kisses in front of their kids. It is not wrong but maybe some ultraconservatives prefer their kids not see it.
 
Auntie takes the kids regularly (Once a week).
I realize that it’s only the “older” ones, however the OP doesn’t say if the other ones stay home or not.

When I started to read the OP, I thought the OP was going to ask about sex and her children being home or not home. My initial response is that it doesn’t matter if the kids are home. Just lock the door….

Now would hubby and I “engage” if we had our nieces/nephew over? I don’t know… haven’t crossed that bridge. However, if we did we would just lock our door and be “sneaky” like we do now.

The OP was in her bedroom, door was close, and they were “sneaky” about it, so I don’t get the problem or why Sis is upset.

Unless…
  1. She’s upset because the OP did NOT lock the door or
  2. That’s the reason they send the kids out regularly (They are the type not when the kids are in the house)
    Just my opinion!
 
Mommyof02green said:
The OP was in her bedroom, door was close, and they were “sneaky” about it, so I don’t get the problem or why Sis is upset.

Unless…1) She’s upset because the OP did NOT lock the door or
  1. **That’s the reason they send the kids out regularly (They are the type not when the kids are in the house)**Just my opinion!
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that is what i was thinking!
 
Intimacy is a large part of a marriage…So much so that if it never happened in a marriage the marriage could be considered invalid. What would make someone think that there would be no way 2 married people would have sex in their own home behind closed doors? If she doesn’t like the idea, she should not have sent her kids there every week. How does something like marital relations put a child in danger if it is done while children are sleeping and behind closed doors? It just seems terrible that 2 married people are made to feel like they did something horrible to these children. The children probably don’t even know it happened and the sister ***shouldn’t ***even know it happened!!!
 
martino said:
that is what i was thinking!
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Assuming that is the case…
She may have ‘assumed’ that Sis was the same way because they grew-up together…

It amazes me how my sister and I can have the same idea on some things but are night and day when it comes to other things. Same goes with hubby and his siblings…
 
So, SueKrum, we’ve decided that it’s a good idea to wait till the girls are asleep, lock the door, play some music, and be circumspect (quiet).

The second issue is that you and your husband need to come to grips with what to do when things aren’t right for intimacy, whether it’s health, work tensions, or whatever. Don’t see that as denial. You are in your marraige together. Abstaining one day a week isn’t going to kill you, but you both need to develop that attitude, and to do that you need to talk about it.
 
MysticalMan said:
I was only stating that you can not compare a dangerous action to a choice of preference. That is all. While I respect other parents decision to do with what they choose with their children and appreciate their candor, I can not see how you would bring this up.

**I wasn’t directly comparing them as in one is just a bad as the other. And the reason I bring it up is because there are things that we as Catholics consider dangerous to our children spiritually **instead of physically. So if we would like our friends and family to respect ideas that we hold that seem downright silly to them then we should do the same for others.

Like I stated, are you going to tell your parents that can not have sex for the month that kids are vistiting? That is absurd. Yes let the woman not have her kids over, that is her choice.

No, I would never presume to tell my parents what to do in their own home (or anyone else for that matter). But if I started from the view that NO ONE has sex while there are children in the house and later discovered otherwise I would not want to be lied to and placated. I would prefer to be treated as an adult and the person primarily responsible for my children.
So mom and dad would be free to continue to have sex whenever they felt like it but I should be free to make an informed decision regarding my children.

I was only clarifying the difference between neglect and preference.

I didn’t mean to confuse the issue by comparing neglect with preference. I just needed an illustration that pointed out the vast differences in what individual parents consider “normal”. I would just naturally assume that everyone looked upon leaving children home alone as neglectful/dangerous.
** So if a situation came up where I found out that was happening with my children I would be surprised and upset, just like the OP. The point is that she may view the situation as somehow dangerous to her children. Her opinion doesn’t have to make sense to us.**

A better example would be someone who kisses in front of their kids. It is not wrong but maybe some ultraconservatives prefer their kids not see it.

OK, we can use that example…it doesn’t really matter. The point is that we need to respect another parents wishes no matter how absurd they seem to us. Do unto others…
malia
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redtech said:
I’m going to be completely honest here… If I was your sister, I’d never let my kids sleep at your house again. The thought of someone making love in the next room from where my precious cargo is sleeping makes me sick to my stomach.

My DH and I certainly DO have relations with the kids at home but they are OUR kids. If neices or nephews were over, I wouldn’t do that. I really don’t think I could get in the mood with a different child in the house anyway. It just seems perverted. I’m not trying to offend you. I’m just expressing that that is how I feel.

With all the pedophiles and predators in this world, sexual abuse is something that comes to my mind often. I can’t remember what percentage it is but isn’t it a fairly high percentage of kids that are abused by family members? I’m sure your husband isn’t that type of guy, but your sister can’t be completely 100% sure about that. Don’t you think that’s why your sister got freaked out?

Again - I’m not trying to attack you, I’m just trying to point out another perspective. I know you said you didn’t have kids yet (and here’s to hoping you conceive soon!) but how would you feel if it was YOUR kids sleeping at the sisters house while they are having sex?

I know I’m overprotective. 😊

PS - lock the door next time. And don’t say anything to your sister.
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I have to say this seems really weird to me. I can not fathom how sex with your spouse in the privacy of your bedroom is perverted regardless of the company in the other room. I mean they were discreet. My sister died when I was a teen but I am sure if she was still living I would not have had a problem with my daughter staying over night if they chose to have relations. My daughter has stayed over a childhood friends house and I know I wouldn’t care if that happened.
Honestly what I think is perverse is that you see something sexually immoral about this situation. They are not having sex in front of the children. The children are completely unaware and if they are older I would hope they are trained to knock before entering a closed bedroom door. Even if they walked right in -in the dark, under the covers -what exactly are they going to see?
I’m an pretty protective mom -this doesn’t sound like over protection, this sounds like paranoia.
 
While I would agree that a mother has the right to prevent her children to spend the night in a house where sexual activity is going on (however private it might be.)

But I agree with PuzzleAnnie that sharing such activity with one’s sister is highly inappropriate and borders on infidelity. The sister is not entitled to knowledge about the days during which her sibling engages in lovemaking.

If the sister had asked for the OP’s and husband’s ATM pin number no one would think the OP would be wrong to refuse such information, even if she had previously let such information slip out. Intimate information is entitled to the same level of confidentiality.

If a mother thinks her children should never be in a home where people are having sex privately, then she has that right. But that means she ought only to send her children to the home of single people who’s morals she trusts. Her right to protect her children as she see’s fit does not give her the right to information to which she is not entitled. Asking for or about such information is immoral.
I am wondering if the mother of these children thinks that they should have access to their aunt and uncle whenever they might want it due to being scared, sick, or whatever? Does she think the door to the bedroom should be left open so the OP and her husband can hear what is happening in the other room?

Now we are all assuming there are no unusual circumstances like a front door that cannot be locked or a single bathroom that can only be accessed via the bedroom.
 
SMHW said:
Now we are all assuming there are no unusual circumstances like a front door that cannot be locked or a single bathroom that can only be accessed via the bedroom.
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When hubby and I were first married he lived in a one bed apt.
The only way to get to the bathroom was through the bedroom…

If this is truly the case then I could see how the OP sis was upset…

However with it being a 2 bedroom apt I highly doubt it…
But then again you never know…
 
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