Inter-faith Relationships

[Sweet_Jill]

Hello there CAF! I hope this is the right section, most threads like this seem to be here.

I am (was) a lurker on these forums. I realized that my problems aren’t as rare as I would have thought, and I often find a thread or two dealing with whatever subject I have a question about. But I noticed something recently and I wanted to reply to it in my own words.

Many threads seem to be started by people in mixed-faith relationships. (More specifically it’s the woman who starts the thread from what I’ve seen.) And almost immediately several people reply. Which is good, answers are wanted. But most of those replies advise to break up with the non-Catholic. And it isn’t even that this non-Catholic is a bad person, that wasn’t stated usually-- the only thing that is known sometimes is that the other person doesn’t share the faith.

Now, this is at least annoying to me, and at most it’s hurtful. I’m with a non-Catholic man, you see. We’ve spoken about marriage and found out what has to be done so that he and I can get married in the Catholic Church. Yet some of you would advise us to keep apart knowing nothing else about us save our religious opinions.

Inter-faith marriages are allowed in the Catholic Church. And they do take work. Children must be raised Catholic and children will ask questions like “Why doesn’t Daddy go to Church.” Opinions on birth control or abortion or homosexuality may not be shared. But these are things that can be worked out. Talked about. Some conclusion will come of it all. I very much believe if you are willing to say your marriage vows and you believe them, then differences in opinion can be worked out.

I can understand the view of wanting to marry someone of your own faith. It’s reasonable. At one point I thought I would just date Catholics. And then I met the man that I love. Yes, yes, one can’t just have love as a base for a marriage-- I’ve read that in other threads like this. But it is a good idea to have love there somewhere, don’t you think? A wall, maybe.
And I have more faith in an inter-faith relationship with love, than one with two Catholics who don’t love.

And to make this thread more than just venting, what are your views on inter-faith couples? And why do you have these views as well?

I’m slightly more interested in the second question. I’ve seen answers to the first. A few here are married to a non-Catholic and they stick up for their spouse and their marriage. Bravo to you. Some seem to always reply with a warning and a comment about getting someone Catholic instead. One thread that made me sad was with poster who told of her non-Catholic boyfriend of 2 years. Every single reply was to break up. Not one mentioned anything about inter-faith relationships working.

 

[Markstorm]

First off, the Catechism is very precise about the requirements for mixed marriages so I will assume that we are familiar with these.

1. Mixed marriages should definitely be discouraged by the Church
2. You are correct that it is imperative that the children in a mixed marriage are raised Catholic. This means that they must be taught the necessity of going to Mass and be educated in the Faith. The spouse of the Catholic should never try to present his non-Catholic views as possible alternatives to Catholic doctrine. This is probably impossible if the non-Catholic has any conviction about his own beliefs.

Assuming that’s possible, the couple must do their best to live according to a wholesome Catholic marriage. This means fundamentally obeying Church doctrine on such issues as contraception.

Even if these are all satisfied, though, there remains the crucial problem that a mixed marriage at its best cannot provide the best environment to raise a Catholic child. In a Catholic family, the man is the spiritual head. What will little Sammy think when daddy doesn’t say grace before meals? Why doesn’t daddy pray the Rosary with the rest of the familly? And if he does do both of these things, why does daddy verbally pray that which he does not believe?

The important roles of both parents in raising children cannot be overstated. Fundamentally, marrying someone of a non-Catholic belief system who refuses to convert leads to problems. Does the Catechism ban such marriages? No, and that’s not what I am saying either. But because such marriages inherently do not have the possibility of raising children in a real Catholic setting, especially since the person who is supposed to spiritually lead the family doesn’t even have the Faith, they are problematic and should be discouraged.

 

[laariii]

I grew up in an inter-faith family. My mother is pentacostal/evangelical & my father is Catholic.

My mother spent MANY years trying to convert my father to her version of Christianity & raised us Pentecostal. She was not pleased when we became Catholic.

Different faiths & the different culture that goes along with them have caused many fights & difficulties.

Personally i wont date a non-Catholic even if they are a good man. I have seen first hand how difficult such relationships are.

 

[LSK]

I would also wonder if, before one is married, the non-Catholic can freely and totally agree with all that would be asked of them in terms of raising children and practicing the faith, that person would be comfortable and happy being the only one in the family not of that faith.

My experience has been that we think we are ‘talking things over’ with people before we get married and coming to an understanding when, in reality, we are not truly contemplating the hardship those issues will be as an everyday living situation. Always one can say “if we do this or that, isn’t that ok?” and the answer will have to be “well, sure…if you do…”.

If someone truly wants to remain in their own faith, but is absolutely fine with raising a family outside that faith, I would suggest that they learn about the faith completely before receiving the Sacrament of Marriage.

 

[AmberDale]

Sweet_Jill - I agree with you My marriage was inter-faith. Well I won’t say that since, as Catholics we are also Christians. I was a non-denom Christian and my husband was a cradle Catholic. We have been together for 7 years now and married for 5 of them
I had no intention of converting him and he had no intention of converting me. I agreed that if he wanted to raise the kids Catholic that was fine, but he had to do it. I wasn’t going to take them to Mass and I wasn’t going to make sure they were baptized as infants.
BUT… if they did not go to Mass with him I would be taking them to church with me. It’s better for them to go to church than to be raised with a Catholic who doesn’t go, right? (he wasn’t like that but that was my rule).

To me an inter-faith marriage is workable. But it’s could be very hard. Especially if it’s truely two different faiths (like Christian/Catholic and Muslim).
I don’t suggest marrying a Christian who is anti-Catholic. But there are Christians out there who aren’t “anti” KWIM? So if your bf is Christans and accepts you are Catholic, and if neither of you “plan” on converting the other I think it can work.
I say “plan” because the Holy Spirit has his own plans I know this because I will be celebrating my 3rd Easter as a Catholic in '08.

 

[goodcatholicman]

I don’t think there is a tacit disapproval of an interfaith relationship on the board. I believe many of the posters, like myself, are or have been married. They understand the incredible amount of time, love and attention it takes for a marriage to work and be fruitful and loving. I saw a survey once that said a fair number of people divorce or break up over issues related to keeping the cap on the toothpaste. Yes toothpaste. The article said that the little things that annoy us can become worse over time if we let them. That says nothing about bigger issues such as faith. If the toothpaste cap irritates you, try working out an opinion about birth control, natural family planning, raising the kids Catholic, abortion, the primacy of the Pope, etc., etc., etc. So it isn’t that inter-faith relationships can’t work but they take a tremendous amount of communication. In my experience one spouse converts, usually the spiritually weaker meaning the least involved in church, to the other faith to avoid the problems. This leads me back to your original question. It is not that I don’t agree with it, I simply see a much straighter, much easier ride if both parties agree on faith. So find yourself a goodcatholicman if you can but if you can’t find someone you simply can’t live without! Good luck!

 

[1ke]

Many threads seem to be started by people in mixed-faith relationships. (More specifically it’s the woman who starts the thread from what I’ve seen.) And almost immediately several people reply. Which is good, answers are wanted. But most of those replies advise to break up with the non-Catholic. And it isn’t even that this non-Catholic is a bad person, that wasn’t stated usually-- the only thing that is known sometimes is that the other person doesn’t share the faith.

Yep. That’s my advice, every time.

Now, this is at least annoying to me, and at most it’s hurtful.

It’s equal opportunity advice. I’d give the same advice to a Jew dating a non-Jew, a Baptist dating a non-Baptist, an atheist dating a Christian.

I’m with a non-Catholic man, you see. We’ve spoken about marriage and found out what has to be done so that he and I can get married in the Catholic Church. Yet some of you would advise us to keep apart knowing nothing else about us save our religious opinions.

Yep, I will give you the same advice: Marry a Catholic.

Inter-faith marriages are allowed in the Catholic Church. And they do take work. Children must be raised Catholic and children will ask questions like “Why doesn’t Daddy go to Church.” Opinions on birth control or abortion or homosexuality may not be shared. But these are things that can be worked out. Talked about. Some conclusion will come of it all. I very much believe if you are willing to say your marriage vows and you believe them, then differences in opinion can be worked out.

Spoken like someone who isn’t married yet.

Your faith should be the center of your marriage, your family, and your life. Two faiths can coexist in the same household. But, faith cannot have the role it is meant to have in the household when it is not shared.

And I have more faith in an inter-faith relationship with love, than one with two Catholics who don’t love.

It’s not an either/or proposition.

And to make this thread more than just venting, what are your views on inter-faith couples?

Always a bad idea.

And why do you have these views as well?

Because the Faith in a marriage and family should be the air you breathe. It’s not an extra. It’s not something you can compromise. It’s not something you can “work out”. It’s not what you are, it’s who you are.

The Catholic faith should permeate your home 24/7. It should be who you are-- and who your spouse is-- and who your children are.

IMHO seeking to marry outside your faith indicates a lack of understanding of the purpose of the Sacrament and of the Faith itself in some ways.

To be perfectly candid, you are basically opening the front door of your house and inviting heresy into your house for your children to learn. Honestly. While those who are non-Catholic are not “heretics”… being born into their faith… their religion is heresy.

And, I would not willingly bring that into THE most central, intimate, and permanent relationship I will ever have and let it pass on to my children. I have no desire to be at odds with my husband on the most fundamental and important thing in my life-- the Faith. I have no intention to discuss, argue, compromise, or “get along” when it comes to my religion. I am going to live it 24/7/365 and I’m going to live it out loud. And, I will not have anyone in my house living in opposition to the faith-- actively or passively.

And, I am a convert to the faith-- so I’m speaking about my former faith here-- heresy, plain and simple. I’d live alone my whole life before I would compromise my Catholic faith, period.

I think the saddest thing that has happened to Catholicism is that in the last 50 years Catholic identity has been lost, and many Catholics think Catholicism is just another denomination. They don’t see how it could possibly be problematic to marry a non-Catholic since they are “also Christian”. It couldn’t be farther from the truth.

. Not one mentioned anything about inter-faith relationships working.

Define “working”.

What does it mean for an inter-faith relationship to “work?”

 

[GhostMan]

When people post with comments to leave a mixed-faith or denomination relationship, they’re not posting to hurt you. Quite the opposite, in fact. They’re usually posting in the hopes that a small hurt now can prevent a life of heart-break later. No one condemns you or thinks you’re wrong, they just have experiences that tell them you are headed for pain.

I speak from direct experience. I suspect I’ve been married longer than you’ve been alive. For most of that time my wife was the center of my life in many ways. I thought about her constantly, loved getting phone calls or emails in my day and looked forward to coming home more than anything else in my day. I constantly looked for ways to show her my love. Certainly, I am a fallen man and showed my selfish side plenty, but the desire of my heart was to make her happy.

Then, she left the fullness of the truth and embraced a man-made religion. Without warning and with much secrecy and deceipt she converted away to another branch of the Christian family.

The pain that has caused in our marriage is almost unbearable. Where once I doted on her and thought she was the queen of my world, I now find myself feeling ambivilent towards her. I love her with the part of me that chooses to love and will stay with her in our marriage, but that marriage is a hollow shell of what it once was. Where there was mutual joy, there now is sorrow. Where we sheared closeness and passion, there is now just empty arms. Her lips are cold to me and her smile holds no magic. There are days I long for the blessed relief of death.

Is this what you desire? I pray not. If your faith is important to you and the same can be said for your man, then the issues you will ahve to deal with your entire life will be penned in with compromise, sacrifice, sadness and anger. Any children you may be blessed with will suffer greatly.

You must know that this is not said to hurt you, but rather to try and prevent pain. If you were already married, then you would be counseled to stay and make things work.

In years to come you may cry tears of regret that can be avoided right now.

 

[Belle10]

First, to GhostMan, I’m so sorry for your pain. I’ll remember you in my Rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy today. :hug1:

To the original poster, I’m married to a man who was raised Methodist but does not practice (I’m a cradle-Catholic). We were married in the Catholic Church and I bring our daughter to Mass every week (and will bring any future children too) – she is being raised Catholic. My husband is a very faithful man, and though not a Catholic, he agreed (before and at our wedding ceremony, and at our daughter’s Baptism) that our child(ren) will be raised in the Catholic faith.

In general, many of the posters who urge Catholics to marry Catholics are right – but ultimately, it has to come down to you and him. Seeking the counsel of a trusted priest and participating in pre-cana with him is essential, because there you will be able to discuss many of the issues that may arise in marrying someone who is not Catholic. Pray much, seek the counsel of those who know both of you, and talk to your priest.

Would it be easier on me if my husband were Catholic? Absolutely. Do I regret marrying him? Not at all, and not because of some stars-in-my-eyes-dream-of-romance idea of marriage, but because I truly believe in my soul that this particular suffering (of him not being Catholic) is part of my life’s path. I strongly believe I am called to be a witness of our Catholic faith to him. Part of the sacrament of marriage is to help each other get to heaven, and I’m taking that very seriously. I KNOW I am strong enough in my faith to do this, and no one on this forum can know if you are or not. You should check out the St. Monica’s thread – read her story. Also interesting is the story of Elisabeth Leseur – a devout Catholic woman who was married to an atheist. She kept a diary of how she prayed for him their whole lives, and after her death, he read her diary. He then became a Catholic priest! (Now, her story and St. Monica’s are the exceptions, I’m sure. However, I believe they are also examples of God doing something where everyone said it would never happen.) I generally don’t use Wikipedia, but here’s some good information on her: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisabeth_Leseur
Since you’re not married yet, I’ll say again, talk with a priest. Don’t just assume you can handle differences later – talk about them NOW.

So, for now I will go to Mass without him (although he does go with me on Christmas and Easter, so that’s a start!), for now I pray the Rosary and chaplet of Divine Mercy without him, for now I have to say grace (although he won’t eat until I have said it). I pray that my actions/words will lead him to the Catholic Church during my lifetime, but even if that doesn’t happen right when I want it to, I trust in God that it will happen in God’s time.

God bless! :hug1:

 

[chevalier]

Inter-faith marriages are allowed in the Catholic Church. And they do take work. Children must be raised Catholic and children will ask questions like “Why doesn’t Daddy go to Church.” Opinions on birth control or abortion or homosexuality may not be shared. But these are things that can be worked out. Talked about. Some conclusion will come of it all. I very much believe if you are willing to say your marriage vows and you believe them, then differences in opinion can be worked out.

Different perspective if you’re a man and you aren’t the one to pick a potentially abortifacient drug, not to mention the personality (not only) changing effect of the pill. Also different perspective when it comes to how to bring children up.

And to make this thread more than just venting, what are your views on inter-faith couples? And why do you have these views as well?

Wise question, thee second one. I have my views because I’ve been there, done that. There’s basically no cross-religion ceremony, no two ceremonies, there’s no removing confession from children’s upbringing, there’s no not saying abortion is wrong. Besides, I want to share the system of values and have at least some warranty.

There’s no 100% warranty, but with a Catholic person, I can trust. I can trust that there will be no divorce, no exclusion of children, no side-affairs, hopefully some care as to how I take things

 

[Just_wondering]

Hi Sweet Jill,

Here’s what I think of interfaith dating: generally a bad idea. It can lead to conflicts, discomfort, and being secretive about one’s beliefs. For example, I dated one man, and we just avoided talking about God because I didn’t want to offend him and he didn’t want to say anything to drive me away. Not the kind of relationship you’d want to be in.

On the other hand, I am in an interfaith relationship now. I am the non-Catholic dating a Catholic man. This relationship is different. His faith is one of the things about him I admire. It’s kind of a shining light in him. He doesn’t talk down to me about religion, or tell me that I’m going to hell. He prays for me, and he will answer my questions, but he doesn’t try to shove religion down my throat and choke me with it. We can talk about Catholicism, and I don’t feel that he is accusing me - more that he is lovingly showing me a better way to go. That’s what I want in a man.

We’ve discussed this interfaith thing quite a bit, of course. His friends are impressed that he’s bringing one of the lost home, rather than being offended that he’s looking for a partner outside of his faith. He has told me that he will not ask me to convert. He will pray for me, but the decision has to be mine. Of course, when we get married, our children must be raised Catholic. I can agree with that. And he has asked me to go to church with him regularly. He would like me to go every week, I haven’t committed to that yet. I know a hundred people on this board might tell him to ditch me, but we’re holding on so far. If I don’t convert ever, will it be a problem? Probably. But I think he’s slowly converting me by his good example.

Yeah, when we get married, we’re going to have a long, tough road ahead. Even more so because we’re an intercultural multilingual interfaith couple! But sometimes you meet someone who so impresses you that you just have to put some of your personal rules aside and say, maybe we can work past this. Would I recommend this to everyone? Certainly not. Do I think it’s possible sometimes? Of course.

 

[Sweet_Jill]

Thank you for all of your replies and thoughts on the subject.

To those that at least say that it can work, thank you. I did have this in mind already, just wished to hear the opinions of others. They are, if anything, interesting.

Just wondering, you had it down very nicely. And while perhaps it is generally a less than ideal idea, I wouldn’t call it generally bad. I do of course hope your relationship works out well and that everything’s grand.

1ke… I really don’t know what to say to you. In every thread of this nature you advise against it. No exceptions, no allowances. Marry in your faith or else you’ll have a horrid life. Just seems like your faith in love and caring between two people is rather dim. And please don’t reply that love is just a feeling or something that goes away, or can’t be put up against harsh-ships. Families are based on and around love. If not God’s love, which everyone has, then the love of their parents and relatives and siblings.

Everyone is different. Faith is important to many. As is culture and ways of life. And I’m not dismissing that. But saying that two people who are fine as they are, loving and respectful of each other’s beliefs, are going to fail at some level because of the difference of faith doesn’t make sense. You can equally argue that people of two cultures should always marry within their culture. But there is the base fact that every man and every woman is different. So any two that are paired up will have things they disagree about and things they agree on. We are all different, special-like-a-snowflake like we were taught in kindergarden.

And this is coming from a person who when asked “what do you want in a future spouse,” put shared faith. Somehow even as I wrote that I think I did play with the idea of dating someone not Catholic. Possibly to go against what I’ve been told, to date Catholics, and also… it seemed like one had to look down on non-Catholics. They’re ok if you stay friends with them, but anything more and it has to be a Catholic. Seemed discriminating. Quite like some of these posts, if I’m to be honest.

Now I’m all but engaged to one of a different faith. And I’m not going to break up with the man I love for the sole reason that he isn’t Catholic. We respect each other’s views and we do have chats and debates over moral issues or matters of faith. And rather than those being a problem, they’re interesting and fun. We both like debate and honestly one of the few things we disagree on is faith. And even then it’s a respectful disagreement and one that has an understanding to it.

1ke, see you this as a deciding factor? That a difference in religion, being the only flaw perhaps, is big enough to throw away the whole relationship? If one need to call it a flaw, I don’t see it that way.

Again, thank you for your replies. To those in relationships like mine and have gotten them to work, wonderful. I wish you well. To those that haven’t, then I’m sorry that the experience has been hurtful.

God Bless!

 

[1ke]

1ke… I really don’t know what to say to you. In every thread of this nature you advise against it. No exceptions, no allowances.

Yes, that is correct.

I unequivocally agree with Pope Gregory XVI regarding mixed marriage and Pope Pius XI as well.

Marry in your faith or else you’ll have a horrid life.

I have never made such a statement.

Individual couples may have a perfectly happy life. However, that does not come without a price when there is a mixed religion household. It’s not a price I am willing to pay, and it’s not a path I would ever encourage someone who is currently unmarried to pursue.

Just seems like your faith in love and caring between two people is rather dim.

Not at all. I merely place my devotion to God above my devotion to any person. Christ and His Church are one-- in ordering myself completely toward Christ and His Church I choose to order my marriage and family in this same way.

And please don’t reply that love is just a feeling or something that goes away, or can’t be put up against harsh-ships. Families are based on and around love. If not God’s love, which everyone has, then the love of their parents and relatives and siblings.

Love is an act of the will.

Everyone is different. Faith is important to many.

And those to whom it’s important reflect that in their actions and choices.

As is culture and ways of life. And I’m not dismissing that. But saying that two people who are fine as they are, loving and respectful of each other’s beliefs, are going to fail at some level because of the difference of faith doesn’t make sense.

What you fail to grasp here is that it is not enough to be “respectful of each other’s beliefs”. You are not roommates, living in different spheres and intersecting socially. You are one flesh-- a union of persons-- and that requires living your faith jointly. You cannot do that when you do not share the same faith.

You can equally argue that people of two cultures should always marry within their culture. But there is the base fact that every man and every woman is different. So any two that are paired up will have things they disagree about and things they agree on. We are all different, special-like-a-snowflake like we were taught in kindergarden.

Culture, similar interests, and such are in no way equivalent to religion and our eternal destiny.

And this is coming from a person who when asked “what do you want in a future spouse,” put shared faith. Somehow even as I wrote that I think I did play with the idea of dating someone not Catholic. Possibly to go against what I’ve been told, to date Catholics,

We all have free will, and we all make choices.

But, when someone comes here asking for advice I believe I am obligated to give them information to help them make what I-- and the Church-- believe to be the *best *choice.

and also… it seemed like one had to look down on non-Catholics. They’re ok if you stay friends with them, but anything more and it has to be a Catholic. Seemed discriminating. Quite like some of these posts, if I’m to be honest.

It has nothing to do with looking down on someone else.

Now I’m all but engaged to one of a different faith. And I’m not going to break up with the man I love for the sole reason that he isn’t Catholic.

And, that’s your choice. You felt the need to come here and post on the topic, looking for people to agree with you it seems to me. Sorry, I don’t agree.

We respect each other’s views and we do have chats and debates over moral issues or matters of faith. And rather than those being a problem, they’re interesting and fun. We both like debate and honestly one of the few things we disagree on is faith. And even then it’s a respectful disagreement and one that has an understanding to it.

It may be interesting and fun now, but it is not something to base marriage on or to take as lightly as you seem to.

1ke, see you this as a deciding factor? That a difference in religion, being the only flaw perhaps, is big enough to throw away the whole relationship?

Yes absolutely.

However, I would not enter into such a “relationship” in the first place, therefore I would not reach the point where my emotions had taken over and my power of rationalization began driving me.

 

[homewardbound]

"And to make this thread more than just venting, what are your views on inter-faith couples? And why do you have these views as well?’’

I’m not married and in a relationship with a Catholic. When our relationship started I was not Catholic. I was a Christian who was brought up Baptist. After studying Catholicism, through no pressure of my boyfriend’s, I realized its truth and hope to be confirmed.

Just so you know where I’m coming from.

I never dated anyone of the same faith as me before. Actually, before now, I never dated anyone who was a Christian. They were atheists/agnostics which made growing together as a couple in God’s graces impossible.

I think inter faith relationships can work. However, from what I have seen of inter faith marriages it usually means the couple practice their faith separately and never together. Or, both stop practicing their faith all together and their children get absolutely no, or barely any, real religious teaching at all. Of people I know of who were raised in interfaith marriages, I have yet to meet any who practice any faith at all. Too much confusion.

Now that I know what a same faith relationship is like, I would never give it up for anything. Even if my current relationship would end, I would never date anyone who was not Catholic. There is nothing more unifying nor that can make a relationship stronger than being able to pray and worship together. Growing up, my father never attended church with us. This created a rift between us because no matter how old I got I could never understand why my father did not want to worship God with us. If what I was being taught was true, why didn’t my father want any part of it? Its something that has always baffled and to this day bothers me. Even though my father claims to be a Christian he is not a practicing one. And I believe that spiritual distance made it impossible for our family to be as close as we could have been.

For me, nothing is worth jeopardizing my faith nor my children’s. I don’t doubt interfaith marriages can work, but only if both are willing to sacrifice parts of their own faith and I’m just not willing to do that. A non Catholic spouse may say they are fine with children being brought up Catholic, yet would they really be okay if they came home one day and you were there with your children praying the rosary?

To me, inter faith relationships are more work than they are worth. My faith comes before anything and anyone. Do I think everyone in interfaith relationships should break up? No. Had my boyfriend done that I would have never found God’s Truth and Church. But I do think they should be entered into with extreme caution. And personally, after experiencing what its like to be a relationship where beliefs are shared, I could never date outside of my faith again.

Just my 2 cents, opinion, and personal observations.

OP, I wish you God’s blessing in your life and that He will lead you to the path He has for you. If this man is the one for you than somehow it will work.

 

[ack]

I would never enter into an inter-faith relationship.

My faith is not just a component of my life – my faith is who I am. I couldn’t imaging becoming intimate with someone who doesn’t share my faith, because I see the shared practice of faith as integral to a close relationship.

My faith is the most important thing in my life. Why would I compromise on the most important thing in my life, in favor of less important factors?

Religion isn’t just something that we DO; religion defines who we ARE. Without our faith, we would have no humanity – we would be no different from the animals. This isn’t just about choosing which church to go to, and which doctrines to believe. In an inter-faith relationship, both people will have differing views of who they are and what personhood means. Forming a marriage relationship where two will become “one flesh” under these circumstances seems like an uphill battle.

Sure, I could feel romantically attracted to someone of another faith – but I would never really be able to understand them, and they wouldn’t be able to understand me. I suppose that inter-faith marriages can “work” if you apply a reductionist definition of “work” that only takes mutual attraction and friendship into account.

Perhaps my opinions differ from yours because I’m a man. I’ve noticed that almost all of the inter-faith relationship advocates are women (at least on this forum). There seems to be a difference between male and female thinking on this point.

 

[Rebelecka]

I am in my 20th year of marriage. When I met my husband he was aggressively agnostic.

We dated and became friends! :yup:

He had to modify his views for me to marry him:wink:

We agreed that I would be active in my faith and our childrens would be raised Catholic

Eventually, he did become Catholic…

We’re still married and we’re still friends!

 

[1ke]

Perhaps my opinions differ from yours because I’m a man. I’ve noticed that almost all of the inter-faith relationship advocates are women (at least on this forum). There seems to be a difference between male and female thinking on this point.

Just for the record, I’m a woman.

 

[Belle10]

But, when someone comes here asking for advice I believe I am obligated to give them information to help them make what I-- and the Church-- believe to be the *best *choice.

1ke, I’ve read many of your posts (in this section and others) and I have often agreed with you and sometimes disagreed with you. One constant in your posts is your tone, which is often cold and somewhat condescending. I think your dedication to speaking God’s truth and sharing your vast knowledge of the Church’s “rules” (for lack of a better term) is very commendable, for it is often a difficult thing to do. I would just like to suggest that you try to soften your tone a bit, and I think you’ll be able to get through to people more effectively. I hope you understand this is not an attack, but a suggestion, since we are called to speak the truth with kindness. (Please know I’m not trying to start a debate or argument, and don’t want to go down that road.)

God bless.

 

[_Jenn]

Look - in the end, only you know yourself 100% and know your s/o well enough to decide whether or not to marry him. It takes more than love, more than faith, more than ______ (fill in the blank with whatever you choose), to make a marriage work. It takes the right balance of everything that both people in the marriage bring to it.

I am a Catholic married to a non-Catholic. I will never say “I want him to convert”, because that would be wanting to change him. And I married him for the man he is, not the man that I should (in some people’s eyes) want him to be. Is our marriage work at times? Sure, but not more so than a marriage of 2 people of the same denominations. I will say though, in almost 7 years of marriage, I would rarely say that our marriage has been “work”. Then again, we like to think of ourselves as permanent honeymooners.

Assuming that you are very strong/committed to your Catholic faith, ask yourself the following…

Can you see him being an excellent husband/father?
Will he support you in raising the children Catholic?
And can you picture life together as elderly people, enjoying your great-granchildren together?

The last one of the above is something that stuck with me when I was engaged that someone very dear to me shared with me.

The other thing being (of course this one came from 2 divorced women) that even if you are about to walk down the aisle, if you have any doubts, turn and run. Because it’s much easier to deal with a broken “almost marriage” than a divorce.

 

[jesse421]

PLEASE HELP I NEED USEFULL ADVICE
I am Catholic and my girlfriend is Southern Baptist. We have been together for over a year and have had a few discussions about our Faith. Recently we’ve started talking more seriously about our relationship and our religious beliefs. She wants us to practice the same religion and for our potential children to be a part of that same Faith. I have the same opinion, but heres the catch, she is not willing to convert to Catholicism and not only that but she has said she will not marry a Catholic. So basically what she has said in a nutshell is that I cannot be catholic if I am to be with her. I cannot and will not be a part of another denomination because its part of who I am.

I have partly answered my own question but I do love her and I do want to be with her even though it seems hopeless. I want her to be a part of mine and my daughters lives. Oh ya i forgot to mention I have a daughter from a previous marriage to a non-Catholic. (just to be clear she filed for the divorce because she found someone else).

So should I try and see if she’ll change or should I just give up and start my endless search for a good Catholic girl? (they’re not very plentyfull in this area)