Inter racial relationship

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ellen18

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My son met a girl of color online; she is Christian,maybe Catholic. She is coming for Thanksgiving ; my son is a pretty devout Irish Catholic. Does anyone else have a situation like this.
]Our family does not have a problem with race; we just pray it works out if that is God’s will ; I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.

Thank you and have a blessed Thanksgiving.

Ellen 18
 
**(name removed by moderator)ut and prayers about what exactly?

What about her being “of color” is bothering you?

I pray that God’s will is done and that you all have a happy Thanksgiving!**
 
As a parent, you don’t have near as much to worry about in this situation as you once did, even in a southern state like Florida. 😉 Most especially if the two are well educated and motivated people. Just be supportive of your son, and hopefully the gal will bring a nice dish to Thanksgiving dinner which displays her culinary talents! 😛 Also, be cognizant that the girl may have apprehensions of her own, so relax and everything will work out just fine.

Our president elect is the product of an inter-racial relationship. Whether you support him or not, I think that’s evidence enough that you needn’t worry too much about that particular aspect of this budding relationship. 👍 Now, if she can’t cook though… that’s a different story. 😛
 
I’ll be charitable and assume your concern is that the two young people met on-line and thus don’t know each other that well. I guess this will be an opportunity for all of you.
 
Despite the calls of racism – I pretty much know what your concern is – it’s concern for both of the kids facing racism. As well as the religious/varying Christianity aspect being in the way. Is that correct? If not – I’ve got nothing for you. If so – read on:

I HIGHLY suggest you drop the term “person of color.” It sounds racist. Drop it entirely. Nobody needs to know the color of her skin and it shouldn’t matter. If your son were dating a woman of his own race would you start a sentence with “Billy is dating a girl with brown hair?” No, you wouldn’t.

Unless, of course, people ask you. Then you need to find out how she prefers to be addressed. Some women like “black” some women like “African American.” Respect her wishes. (I am assuming this is a black woman, if she is Hispanic, Asian, or some other “color” please clarify.) My mom has dated men of just about every race, and I have been raised with their children, as well as a Vietnamese family so I am often clueless about racism or “color”. When it has hit, it has hit home hard, and mean, on my soul. So THINK before you speak, please. Not that you don’t have a valid question.

On that – yes I DO have some very good experience. One of my closest, dearest friends is a black woman (her preference of adjective) and she is married to a huge, strapping Scottish man, of the Highland Games variety. They have a beautiful child together, and have a very successful marriage. Now my friend, she was quite a big to-do in the corporate world before she gave birth, making far more money than her DH. She has given that up to raise her child. However, she does work part-time (with a degree in psychology, outside of her amazing career history) as a family therapist. Yes, this man has done quite well by having her as a wife. As I have done quite well by having her as a friend. Her presence in my life is something I thank God for often. She is truly a wonderful, amazing and giving woman. She is also Catholic, she converted before her marriage.

So advice – you want advice. What I am about to say is probably going to be hard to take, but is something I know personally about my friend, from my own past experience, and which is shocking to white folk as a whole:

Your son isn’t doing her a “favor” by dating her, or if it should go further “marrying her.” As a whole, this girl, no matter her race or “color” is probably going to face a lot of racism from her OWN FAMILY about her choice in a boyfriend, much less a husband. I HIGHLY suggest you educate your son about this. Marrying in to, or even dating someone of a white race isn’t a “blessing” or a “favor,” or even a “stroke of luck” – it is what it is.* Love IS WHAT IT IS*. So if you want to know what to do: tell your son he is never to act superior, never to act like he’s doing this girl a favor just by dating her. If he does, he’ll look the FOOL in her eyes, and the eyes of her family. That will never work for either of them. You want your son to date a woman who respects him, not rolls her eyes and hurts in her heart every time she thinks about some flippant remark he’s made that sounded not only racist – but superior.

Hope that helps! If you utilize my advice and approach your son with this he’ll probably respect you to no-end, and hopefully he’ll respect her to no-end too. Either way – you win.

Oh and to reiterate what someone else suggested: ask her to bring a dish! What better way to make a woman feel welcome than to ask her to bring her favorite recipe?

Do come back and update us on how Thanksgiving went.

God Bless!
👍
 
If she’s a good woman and she and your son have a good relationship, race shouldn’t even be an issue.
 
I am the child of an interracial marriage and I don’t find life particularly difficult. I’m not sure that you have anything to worry about. Interracial relationships nowadays are nothing unusual or bad…just part ot this big melting pot we call the U.S. of A. Just treat her as you would a girl of the same race whom your son brought home for Thanksgiving.

One of my best friends is a beautiful Filipino girl. Her current boyfriend’s family, while outwardly kind, makes her feel awkward. His mom told him that she didn’t want him dating one of “those people.” Apparently she just looked a little too Mexican for their liking. 🤷 I don’t know why people get so hung up on skin color.
 
I’m a black woman and I’ve dated interracially. There really is only a problem when other people make it out to be one, and even then, it’s the problem of those people, not of the couple. If they wish to be together and it’s God’s will, it will work out regardless of what other people (even parents) say or think. Please be very careful with how you address this woman. I’m sure you don’t intend it, but you seem to be walking a thin line with regard to the racism issue (e.g. few minorities prefer to be addressed as a “person of color”). Many a family has lost a son or daughter because they weren’t willing to accept their relationship. I don’t want that to be the case for you.

I pray that everything works out between them.
 
I automatically assumed you meant other peoples racism too.My step-mom is black, my SIL is asian and my Uncle is hispanic. All these people have good relationships and good friends around them and are basically happy people. I think the great advantage here is that she is a good christian woman and hopefully Catholic.👍
 
Race is only an issue if you make it one.

Honestly this is nothing new, ask any anthropologist how interracial we ALL are, and you’ll realize how much of a non issue it truly is.
 
I have two adorable nieces as a result of an interracial marriage. It’s never been and issue for us. They are a great family just like any other. Their father is a great dad just like any other.

The children have faced some racism at school unfortunately. The oldest is 6 years old and in her first grade class they were asked to draw their families. She describes herself as African American but a little boy in her class decided to call her mixed like it was a negative thing saying a few other racist remarks. I was shocked a 1st grader would have racist views at such an early age. Thankfully the teacher was quick to instruct the little boy on the hurtfulness of his remarks, but it was still difficult on my niece. 😦

But I encourage you also to be aware of how your extended family will handle your son’s relationship. Although your immediate family may not have issues if you have extended family coming they may have views that you have never heard before about this. This doesn’t have to be polling everyone who is going to come to see how they would react, but being aware that it could happen and being ready to defend your son. Hopefully this is not the case. I pray that your family will be accepting of their relationship.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
 
As a mom, my concern would be that the girl is a practicing Catholic.
 
in our family the parents generally heave a sigh of relief if invited gf or bf is the opposite sex and not under criminal indictment for any reason.
 
I understand your concerns. One of my good friends back in Texas dated and later married a wonderful lady who is black.

My concern for them was the social stigma and would they be able to stand it. That I told him that Paris was too good for him:p

Interracial dating is not the stigma it was even 20 years ago when this occurred.

One other thing that I have learned with my oldest daughter. Never make a big deal about anyone they invite over, it can cause kids to get their back up and do stupid things.
 
in our family the parents generally heave a sigh of relief if invited gf or bf is the opposite sex and not under criminal indictment for any reason.
I am so glad I swallowed by drink before reading this! But it is so true!
 
I am Irish and married to an Afro-Trinidadian. As another poster said, there will be people that will have a problem with inter-racial marriages, but that’s their problem!

What can, however, be a problem is if there are cultural differences. I met and married my husband in Ireland and, when we were 3 years married, with a 2 year old son and pregnant with our second child, we moved to Trinidad. Wow! Was that a culture shock!! I had “an armed truce” with my mother-in-law for years, just because she thought I should do everything she said with regard to child rearing… Now, that can happen in any marriage, but some of the things she expected me to do were, to say the least, weird.

My husband and I celebrated our 38th Wedding Anniversary in September, so - even the cultural shocks didn’t cause too many problems! 👍
 
To all who responded to my thread thank you.
I am sorry if any of you think I am a racist- I don’t see how one could be a Catholic and be a racist.
I am c oncerned about the fact that my son met this girl online,never saw her in person, and was told she was coming for Thanksgiving 2 days ago from CT.
She has been discussing an engagement ring and she and her family think it would be nice to have a Jan. 2009 wedding.
It just seems so rushed for both and I am praying about it.
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Ellen18
 
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