Inter racial relationship

[SeekerJen]

To all who responded to my thread thank you.
I am sorry if any of you think I am a racist- I don’t see how one could be a Catholic and be a racist.
I am c oncerned about the fact that my son met this girl online,never saw her in person, and was told she was coming for Thanksgiving 2 days ago from CT.
She has been discussing an engagement ring and she and her family think it would be nice to have a Jan. 2009 wedding.
It just seems so rushed for both and I am praying about it.
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Ellen18

See, THIS is why you should be concerned. It has nothing to do with the color of her skin or her ethnic background. You should be worried about this situation regardless.

I think that you emphasized the girl’s race rather than the obvious problems with the relationship is what bothers me about the original post. I’ve dealt with this sort of description from friends and family as well. Recently a friend was telling me a story about someone with whom she had an altercation, and was emphasizing that the woman was black. The fact that the woman was black had nothing to do with the altercation as described. The woman’s behavior as described was rude and belligerent and would have been so whether she was white, black, green with purple stripes, etc., but it’s like adding “she was black” would change things. I don’t know- maybe I was supposed to be more alarmed, or to excuse the behavior as “that’s just how they are”. I refuse to take either tack. Bad behavior is bad behavior- it’s no better or worse if the person exhibiting it is of a minority race.

 

[Laurie_86]

I wasn’t thinking you were racist when I responded I hope my post did not come off as such. I see your heart is in the right place of concern for your son!

The fact that this appears very rushed is good reason to be concerned. Depending on how long they have been together I would be concerned. Is this the first time you are meeting her or the first time he is meeting her? I’m assuming this is the first time you are meeting her, which I understand why you would be nervous.

Sometimes long engagements don’t make sense for a variety of reasons, but an engagement long enough to do premarital counseling is important from a Catholic standpoint. Maybe if they are not going to do counseling you could give them a good marriage book as an engagement present so at least they have something whether they chose to use it or not?

I would voice your concerns carefully to your son, but wait until you have gotten to know her. Maybe they really are ready for marriage? God works in mysterious ways and sometimes you don’t need two years to know you want to spend your life with them.

I will pray for your stress level this Thanksgiving. I know having two days notice has got to be nerve racking on top of the usual stresses of the day!

 

[basilisk]

To all who responded to my thread thank you.
I am sorry if any of you think I am a racist- I don’t see how one could be a Catholic and be a racist.
I am c oncerned about the fact that my son met this girl online,never saw her in person, and was told she was coming for Thanksgiving 2 days ago from CT.
She has been discussing an engagement ring and she and her family think it would be nice to have a Jan. 2009 wedding.
It just seems so rushed for both and I am praying about it.
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Ellen18

See, you say this, and yet the title of your thread is “inter racial relationship” and your first description of her is being “of color.”

If the internet part was really your main concern, you would have posted a thread titled “anonymous internet relationship.”

I think you are being dishonest with yourself about your concerns, and with us because some of the responses made you squirm.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

To all who responded to my thread thank you.
I am sorry if any of you think I am a racist- I don’t see how one could be a Catholic and be a racist.
I am c oncerned about the fact that my son met this girl online,never saw her in person, and was told she was coming for Thanksgiving 2 days ago from CT.
She has been discussing an engagement ring and she and her family think it would be nice to have a Jan. 2009 wedding.
It just seems so rushed for both and I am praying about it.
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Ellen18

**Well your first post didn’t give that impression.

you said:**

My son met a girl of color online; she is Christian,maybe Catholic. She is coming for Thanksgiving ; my son is a pretty devout Irish Catholic. Does anyone else have a situation like this.
]Our family does not have a problem with race; we just pray it works out if that is God’s will ; I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and prayers.

Thank you and have a blessed Thanksgiving.
**
So a woman your son met online is “of color” and is coming for Thanksgiving dinner and you pray it works out if that is God’s will.**

**That was all of the info you gave. No mention of an engagement and your true concerns. Even the title of your thread is about the racial aspect. **

 

[Annn]

KCtheMommy, some people actually prefer “person of color;” find me a group of people who object to it before you call it “racist.” This is the phrase most often used for non-white people in scholarship,

 

[Vladi]

I would never date someone of another race.

 

[basilisk]

I would never date someone of another race.

How charming…

Vladi, you do realize that racism is wrong? And completely ruling out whole groups of people based on skin color is racism…

 

[Vladi]

How charming…

Vladi, you do realize that racism is wrong? And completely ruling out whole groups of people based on skin color is racism…

I literally have friends of every race. I’m just not attracted to them in that way. Whats wrong with that?

 

[TLDenmark]

I would never date someone of another race.

I guess that is your loss .

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I literally have friends of every race. I’m just not attracted to them in that way. Whats wrong with that?

**
If you aren’t attracted to them physically, that’s fine. That’s not racist. I went through most of my life just not being attracted to men of certain ethnic origins…but I looked at it it in more of a “I AM attracted to this type, and NOT attracted to that type”.

But, if you were to be attracted to someone of another race, would you decline to date them solely because of their different race?

I am hoping it is just a communication issue and what you meant to say was “I am not attracted to people of other races”, instead of you would NEVER date someone of another race. **Your statement implies that dating someone of another race would be wrong or undesirable.

 

[SMHW]

KCtheMommy, some people actually prefer “person of color;” find me a group of people who object to it before you call it “racist.” This is the phrase most often used for non-white people in scholarship,

That may be. But don’t just discount KC’s experience.

Preference for such terms can be regional and vary by age groups. And preferred terms definitely change over time.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

So far, you’ve gotten a lot of good advice.

The sentence you’re looking for is (and it’s said privately, just your son and you), “She’s a lovely young woman, Son, but aren’t you going a bit too quickly on this?” The second sentence is, “Dad and I love you, and wish you well. Please be sure. Take your time. January is a bit soon, and you know as a Catholic it takes time to get married, at least six months in our diocese.” THEN BE QUIET.

And if you have time, run out and rent these two movies to watch PRIVATELY: “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” with Sidney Portier and “Guess Who” with Bernie Mac.

 

[ricmat]

I am caucasian, raised in a small town that was 99.9% caucasian. My wife is Vietnamese and we have 2 wonderful daughters. We have been married 30 years and are planning on at least 30 more. It took a while for my family to fully accept my wife (actually, it was more of a socio-economic thing rather than race), but it has worked out with time.

I’m just mentioning this to let you know that things sometimes do work out.

 

[cthulhubryan]

How charming…

Vladi, you do realize that racism is wrong? And completely ruling out whole groups of people based on skin color is racism…

Yeah, when I was dating it was hard enough to get a date without excluding 60+% of the possible women just on something so silly as skin color.

 

[Vladi]

**
If you aren’t attracted to them physically, that’s fine. That’s not racist. I went through most of my life just not being attracted to men of certain ethnic origins…but I looked at it it in more of a “I AM attracted to this type, and NOT attracted to that type”.

But, if you were to be attracted to someone of another race, would you decline to date them solely because of their different race?

I am hoping it is just a communication issue and what you meant to say was “I am not attracted to people of other races”, instead of you would NEVER date someone of another race. **Your statement implies that dating someone of another race would be wrong or undesirable.

I probably wouldn’t I just don’t find non-caucasions attractive in that way. In terms of being friends I don’t let race decide anything.

 

[CB_Catholic]

in our family the parents generally heave a sigh of relief if invited gf or bf is the opposite sex and not under criminal indictment for any reason.

And is able to support themselves

 

[KCtheMommy]

KCtheMommy, some people actually prefer “person of color;” find me a group of people who object to it before you call it “racist.” This is the phrase most often used for non-white people in scholarship,

I do know a group of people who “object” to it – or I wouldn’t have posted it. Pamnbam posted on this thread about it being offensive, saying, and I quote:

(e.g. few minorities prefer to be addressed as a “person of color”).

Non-white people on scholarship have been using the term “person of color” since affirmative action came to be; not knowing if their race-quota has been filled for said university. It’s a way to not be accepted (or rejected) solely on race, but for their scholastic merits.

It’s actually quite a bright way to be accepted for WHO you are, a great way around good-intention-gone-bad.

If you want to argue racism, come at me with something better please. :tiphat:

 

[pamnbam]

I’m a non-white scholar, and I don’t use the term “person of color” to refer to anyone. I had a “Women of Color” club in college, and I figured it was named so as to attract many women from varying ethnic minorities. It’s very different to use the term when referring to a group specialized for that purpose and to use it when referring to one particular person within an ethnic minority.

One reason many people don’t use the term is because it generalizes who ethnic minorities really are, which, depending on the situation, can either be positive or negative. In the above example about the college group, they wanted a place for any minority woman to be able to come and discuss issues. That doesn’t mean that each club member prefers to be addressed that way personally.

People from ethnic minorities take great pride in their heritage, and no one wants to see it generalized by being dubbed simply a “person of color.” Most people want to be much more specific than that.

I don’t make a big deal out of anyone else’s race. It’s not the first thing that I would say to describe a new friend to someone else. But if it did come up, I make sure to just ask the person what they want to be called.

I don’t mean to hijack your thread; I just wanted to clarify.

 

[TLM08]

Because of geographical considerations, the mixing of the races has never really been natural and therefore it has resulted in a lot of fear. As we live in a more global society, this is becoming more “natural” and acceptable. With time, the fear will subside.

There is absolutely nothing immoral about mixing of the races. All men are indeed created equal in the eyes of God.

 

[Magicsilence]

**
If you aren’t attracted to them physically, that’s fine. That’s not racist. I went through most of my life just not being attracted to men of certain ethnic origins…but I looked at it it in more of a “I AM attracted to this type, and NOT attracted to that type”.

But, if you were to be attracted to someone of another race, would you decline to date them solely because of their different race?

I am hoping it is just a communication issue and what you meant to say was “I am not attracted to people of other races”, instead of you would NEVER date someone of another race. **Your statement implies that dating someone of another race would be wrong or undesirable.

Got to agree with this Malia I think by the time we are adult we have been conditioned to an extent that we find only certain races attractive.

So far, you’ve gotten a lot of good advice.

The sentence you’re looking for is (and it’s said privately, just your son and you), “She’s a lovely young woman, Son, but aren’t you going a bit too quickly on this?” The second sentence is, “Dad and I love you, and wish you well. Please be sure. Take your time. January is a bit soon, and you know as a Catholic it takes time to get married, at least six months in our diocese.” THEN BE QUIET.

And if you have time, run out and rent these two movies to watch PRIVATELY: “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” with Sidney Portier and “Guess Who” with Bernie Mac.

That is a really good film, although a little over-acted by the leading lady. The best part about it is that both sides of the family are anxious, which leads to some good scenes