Interfaith Marriage

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I am a devout Catholic and my husband is a christian belonging to a non-denominational church. We have two boys ages 4 and 1. Since my first son was born I was going to have him baptized, but I kept putting it off because my husband did not want me to baptize him in a Catholic church, then he would change his mind and say ok you can baptize him. When my second son turned 1, I finally decided that I was going to baptize my children in my church and I did. My husband did not attend the ceremony which really crushed me.😦 He told me that our children were too young to be baptized and for me to wait until they could decide on their own which religion they wanted to follow. He also says the bible says how the woman should follow the man which he says means I should change my religion and become one with him. I don’t know what to do especially since I want my son to celebrate his first communion when he’s in the second grade. I am totally hurt, lost, and feel that I am not respecting my husband. Please give me guidance.
 
Were you married in the Catholic Church?

When we were going through pre-caana my Lutheran husband had to sign a document agreeing to baptize our children Catholic. I am not sure if that is standard practice.

While I agree that the husband is the head of the home, I do think that Catholicism trumps any other faith [possibly bad I know]. It was something I stressed beyond belief with Nathan. We were NOT going to get married if our kids weren’t raised Catholic. While I defer to Nathan on a lot of decisions, this was a non-negotiable for me. I stressed it as such.

Have you talked to a priest?

I’ll be praying for you 🙂
 
M’am I dunno. I see trouble, and a upcoming power struggle.

The bottom line is-someone will have to give. Someone will have to compromise what they believe in, and this is why I tend to discourage inter faith marriages.

This right here speaks volumes where your husband is at-
My husband did not attend the ceremony which really crushed me. He told me that our children were too young to be baptized and for me to wait until they could decide on their own which religion they wanted to follow.
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The fact he sat out the Baptism says it all, but I can understand it. If someone had take *my *son to be Baptized in a protestant chuch I might choose to do the same. I’d be very upset. My Catholic Faith has been passed to me for many, many generations, my father made sure I received my Catholic Faith intact. He often stressed to me the importance of that duty. I instructed my son in the same manner.

If he doesn’t agree, then you’re gonna have a decesion to make.

You are now in a tough situation. My advice? Tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. “I’m gonna baptize OUR children in the Faith, they will be educated in all aspects of the Catholic Church, and please don’t try to undo what I’m doing for them, because it’s gonna cause us problems. If you can’t go along with that, I’m gonna ask the Church for an annulment, on the grounds my husband never had any intention of allowing our children to worship their Catholic Faith, now I love you, but when it comes down to my Catholic Faith, everything else is second.”

You say you are a devout Catholic, then you already know, there can be no compromise, and you can’t live with a spouse undermining what you and the Church will teach your kids. It is what it is. Reassure him as long as he doesn’t interfere all will be good.

This is precisely why I discourage mixed marriages. Somebody has to compromise, and that can lead to problems.
 
It’s so sad to hear that these issues are becoming so difficult in your marriage, vrb! I’ll pray that the two of you come to resolution on this. You shouldn’t have to feel that you are disrespecting your husband by practicing your religion faithfully, and there should be no pressure at all for anyone to convert.

Hmm…I never had to sign anything when my husband and I went through marriage prep saying that any children would be raised Catholic. The priest simply stated in front of my that it was my husband’s (to-be at the time) duty to do everything in his power to raise any children Catholic. But it was understood that I agreed to this, and we attend Mass together. He also sometimes comes with me to my church when the praise band I’m part of leads the music for worship.

Best wishes to you and your husband!
 
What then is the role of the father and husband in the home? If he is not he spiritual leader, then either he has abdicated the role and you can assume it, or, you are in rebellion against him.

There’s more to this than we are told. He did not come to the baptism, you must have known he was against it. No good can come of you undermining him, or he undermining you.

If you two fight over religion, my best guess is your children will run from religion their entire lives associating it with struggle and pain.

If you were the father having this argument, my advice would be different. If your husband refuses to teach them his religion, then my advice is not valid. If, however, you and he disagree and both want to teach your children your own faith, then I would say - baring a promise he made to allow you to raise them in the Catholic church - you are bound to defer to him.

Again, this is predicated on these assumptions:
  1. Your husband did not promise to allow you to raise them in the Catholic Church
  2. He wants to raise them in his faith and will take an active role in seeing to their spiritual education.
If either of these conditions are not true, then you are free to teach them your faith.
 
What then is the role of the father and husband in the home? If he is not he spiritual leader, then either he has abdicated the role and you can assume it, or, you are in rebellion against him.
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Nobody is bound to obey someone in authority over them, if what that person is leading them to do will send them to hell.

There is a very real chance of that happening in this case. It is a mortal sin for a Catholic to leave the Church.
If, however, you and he disagree and both want to teach your children your own faith, then I would say - baring a promise he made to allow you to raise them in the Catholic church - you are bound to defer to him
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Are you actually suggesting a Catholic mother sit back and let her child be raised as protestants? When she has made a promise to Christ to do all in her power to ensure her children are raised in the Faith?
 
Well, did this Catholic mother take steps BEFORE her marriage to make sure she could raise her kids Catholic? What was discussed before marriage?

To me, it seems very foolhardy for a Catholic woman to marry not only a non-Catholic man, but in this case an ANTI-Catholic man, without making sure what the religious settlement will be concerning children. And regardless of any promises he might have made or not made, she gave up having a Catholic home when she married this man.

Seems to me this was extremely predictable and probably cannot be fixed now. There will be religious war in this family, and GhostMan is probably right that the kids will run from all religion, or at least all Christian religion, as a result. 😦
 
As some others have already said your first allegiance is to Jesus and to the Catholic Church He founded , You as a Catholic have an obligation to raise your children Catholic. You do not give details as to what may or may not have been discussed prior to your marriage but if married in the Catholic Church your husband would have had to have promised to raise any children in the Catholic faith. In any event you are going to have to take a stand now. Sorry if this sounds a little harsh but I think you know what you have to do. Your situation is not easy, prayers to you.
 
I am in a similar situation. Now, given that I had a discussion with my then soon to be husband that any children we would have would be raised Catholic - no questions about it. He has followed through with that. I say stick to your guns. Hold fast to your faith. That does not mean that it will get easier, but I would think that it’d be the right thing to do. There have been several occurances in our marriage where there has been heartache and disappointment, but just hang in there and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. I will keep you in my prayers as well. Know you are not alone and that anything can happen when God is invited into a situation.
 
Ladies,

I’m in the same boat! I highly encourage everyone to ask for St. Monica’s intervention… It’s been one of my few comforts.

I like many of you INSISTED that the children be raised Catholic or I WOULD NOT marry my husband no matter how much I loved him and wanted to. He, at the time, agreed and promised that this wouldn’t be a problem.

However, after being married for a year we conceived our first child (who’s due next month yay!). My husband started voicing his concern that he didn’t want our children ‘forced’ into the catholic church. I was really hurt by him going back on his word… but after a lot of talking I was able to get him to agree to allow me to raise them Catholic. But he insisted that when they were old enough that it was their choice if they wanted to stay Catholic. I agreed to this… But to me ‘old enough’ to make that kind of a choice is confirmation age… To me it becomes there choice once they begin training for confirmation. But to my husband old enough is 8! How do I convince my hubby that 8 year olds are in no way ready to make such a weighty choice!

I also won’t lie that sometimes I really worry that my husband will be a bad influence… Because it will probably confuse the children when ‘daddy doesn’t go to Church with us’ or ‘mom dad says Mary had other kids’.

It’s going to be difficult! So ladies we all need to pray for each other! Our Faith comes first but are families are vital too!
 
In my experience and opinion, you must show a united front. While I respect Nathan’s decision to remain Lutheran and not convert, he has always gone to Church with me. He just doesn’t receive Communion. He does also attend Lutheran service, but Catholic Mass is not an option.

When we have children this will continue. He is more than welcome to attend Lutheran service on his own, but Catholic Mass will always be a family activity.
 
Little_Katie said:
Ladies,

I’m in the same boat! I highly encourage everyone to ask for St. Monica’s intervention… It’s been one of my few comforts.

I like many of you INSISTED that the children be raised Catholic or I WOULD NOT marry my husband no matter how much I loved him and wanted to. He, at the time, agreed and promised that this wouldn’t be a problem.

However, after being married for a year we conceived our first child (who’s due next month yay!). My husband started voicing his concern that he didn’t want our children ‘forced’ into the catholic church. I was really hurt by him going back on his word… but after a lot of talking I was able to get him to agree to allow me to raise them Catholic. But he insisted that when they were old enough that it was their choice if they wanted to stay Catholic. I agreed to this… But to me ‘old enough’ to make that kind of a choice is confirmation age… To me it becomes there choice once they begin training for confirmation. But to my husband old enough is 8! How do I convince my hubby that 8 year olds are in no way ready to make such a weighty choice!

I also won’t lie that sometimes I really worry that my husband will be a bad influence… Because it will probably confuse the children when ‘daddy doesn’t go to Church with us’ or ‘mom dad says Mary had other kids’.

It’s going to be difficult! So ladies we all need to pray for each other! Our Faith comes first but are families are vital too!
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I pray that I’m wrong, but you must prepare for a upcoming power struggle. “Age of reason” can mean a lot of things.

I suggest you talk to your husband, and get this issue resolved once and for all. Advise him tampering with their Catholic Faith is a deal breaker. :mad:
 
Little_Katie said:
How do I convince my hubby that 8 year olds are in no way ready to make such a weighty choice!
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Tell him that if he thinks an eight year old can make a rational decision about their immortal soul, then obviously it will be ok for her to choose what she’ll eat for dinner too. If she want’s hot fudge brownies for a week well, you need to respect her decision. :rolleyes:
 
Thank for the advice guys…

And I’m preparing myself for a power struggle… but as was said, I’d rather resolve this now. 😦
 
First off, sorry everyone but I am not catholic. So maybe my point of veiw can help. My husband is catholic and before we can get married in the church I have to agree to raise our children to be catholic. I am against this just like your spouses because on the surface that feels a little cultish to me. That is why I decided to investigate further. Our children have not been baptized although I have no problem with it. My husband and I currently have compromised. One sunday we go to his church the following we go to my church. One way or another we both are hearing the word of God and there is never any harm in that. Along they way and with time (and LOTS of prayer) something will either change or you find that that system works. Both religions can be taught and shown to the kids and you can demonstrate to your kids that your family is united and that as a couple you can work through this. Ultimately the kids will decide what religion they believe in. There have been many children raised catholics that step away from the faith and vice versa, so don’t be discouraged. All you can do is have faith!
 
thenewmrssears said:
In my experience and opinion, you must show a united front. While I respect Nathan’s decision to remain Lutheran and not convert, he has always gone to Church with me. He just doesn’t receive Communion. He does also attend Lutheran service, but Catholic Mass is not an option.

When we have children this will continue. He is more than welcome to attend Lutheran service on his own, but Catholic Mass will always be a family activity.
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Do you ever go to a Lutheran service with him? Why or why not?
 
Rawb said:
Tell him that if he thinks an eight year old can make a rational decision about their immortal soul, then obviously it will be ok for her to choose what she’ll eat for dinner too. If she want’s hot fudge brownies for a week well, you need to respect her decision. :rolleyes:
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At what age do Catholic children first receive Communion?
 
Rawb said:
It is a mortal sin for a Catholic to leave the Church.
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Is that really true? Looking at your catechism, it would seem like it may be for some, but not for everybody. It’s that line about knowing that the Catholic Church was founded by Christ as necessary to salvation. You see, as a non-Catholic I know no such thing, and I suspect that most people who leave the Catholic Church also don’t know that. Just saying.
 
masuwerte said:
Is that really true? Looking at your catechism, it would seem like it may be for some, but not for everybody.
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If someone is aware enough to know that the Catechism exists, then they probably know enough to be fully accountable to God for not becoming a member of the Catholic Church.

Just sayin’. 😉
 
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