Interfaith problem

[Dlee]

This much only about the domestic violence she said.On this she does not have any complaint.

Let me understand - you’re saying because she isn’t complaining about domestic violence that it’s a non sequitur?

 

[TheLittleLady]

May Our Lady of Fatima intercede for you and your family.

 

[Niblo]

I have only just joined this Forum. I’m a former Catholic, now Muslim. Everything you have said concerning this matter is correct. In such situations the Christian wife is fully entitled to observe the practices of her Faith, and may not be compelled to convert. Children of such marriages are expected to be raised as Muslims. The couple are regarded as man and wife, and the husband is not permitted to marry (again) in church. This is a very difficult situation, not made easier by forum discussion. Perhaps it would be better for the couple to talk (together) to their respective religious leaders (priest/imam). They are the best to advise.

 

[alice24]

Dear OP, part of my family is from a muslim country, so I have cultural knowledge on this and I am a convert. It would help to know from which country you are from. If you want to pm me, you are welcome.

 

[steve-b]

I am so lost.

We are living as brother and sister because I wanted to wait until we could marry in the Catholic Church. But now, it seems it wont happen. Should I just give in?
Should I walk away?

I’ve added you to my intention list. Daily Mass and Rosary for your intentions.

May I suggest, find a priest with experience in cases like yours. Your safety looking forward is also primary.

 

[steve-b]

Thank you everyone. These messages do give me courage. I have endured because of my children. I have loved him but I feel he does not love me back. In a strange way, everything that has been changing in my life has been for the best. Even this, though it feels painful, I am certain is for the best. The Church has become my second home.

I am scared to say the countries involved. It isn’t safe in my experience. But I don’t blame his religion. My sons are different and they are Muslims too. I will try to see a priest as soon as I can. I am not sure I can involve the embassy. I am not sure what I will do yet. I will talk to a priest and go from there. Perhaps I will talk to my family members too. I have avoided sharing with them.

Again, thank you so much for all your replies. They mean so much to me.

Not saying this is in your mind.

Here is some reading from Canon law made easy, covering many topics

search for topics Re: marriage / annulments / baptized marring non baptized / etc etc

canon law made easy

Prayers ascending for you

 

[Agastasa]

Speaking as a former Muslim, it always troubled me that Islamic countries tend to have a terrible track record of securing religious freedom. The death penalty for apostates in over 10 Islamic countries is one such example.
Sorry, I don’t have much advice to offer but I hope you stay strong.

 

[alice24]

…which is far more average in this cases than people think. Those women often won´t take legal steps because they won´t see clearly that they are trapped exactly like those “stupid victim types” . It´s also pride. I´ve been there.

 

[Lara]

1. I would meditate on the love you’ve held for him all these years.
2. I would go see the priest.
3. Recognize that he will never convert, nor attend your Church or be married in your Church, nor accept you teaching the kids Catholic things.
4. If the violence stems from only these religious issues, I’d stay with him and do as he wishes. You chose a Muslim husband and that’s what you got.
5. The alternative of leaving is no alternative. You will not see your children again, and you will be very unhappy.
6. I would pray every day but forget about reading the Bible. I don’t even read the Bible. I’ve memorized all the stories. Forget about going to Church if it bothers him.
7. Live as husband and wife if possible. The alternative is very drab for him and will likely lead him to find a second wife. Then you’ve got real problems.

 

[Lou2U]

If the violence stems from only these religious issues, I’d stay with him and do as he wishes. You chose a Muslim husband and that’s what you got.

What does this mean? Violence for any reason should never, ever be considered acceptable in a marriage. From the OP’s other posts, it sounds as though he is abusive - won’t let her talk about her religion, threatens to have her arrested, has isolated her away from her family and has been physically abusive throughout their marriage. It’s not safe for her to stay.

Then you’ve got real problems.

She’s already got real problems. The only advice we can really give the OP about her religion is to talk to a Priest and do as he advises, seeing as he knows the country and the culture. Because of the violence, the advice I give is the same to anyone who is in a violent relationship - leave it.

 

[Pup7]

I was college educated and physically/emotionally abused by my ex fiance who also happened to be a state trooper. It was when he held his service weapon to my head and said “who will believe you?” that I finally left.

No, it’s never a minor problem.

 

[Pup7]

If the violence stems from only these religious issues, I’d stay with him and do as he wishes. You chose a Muslim husband and that’s what you got.

Live as husband and wife if possible. The alternative is very drab for him and will likely lead him to find a second wife. Then you’ve got real problems.

The alternative of leaving is no alternative. You will not see your children again, and you will be very unhappy.

You have got to be kidding me with any of this. The alternative COULD BE SHE IS DEAD. Do you not understand how it works there? I do. I lived in Saudi. The alternative is drab for HIM? What??

If this is the advice you have, please stop posting it. Seriously.

 

[Pup7]

What does this mean? Violence for any reason should never, ever be considered acceptable in a marriage. From the OP’s other posts, it sounds as though he is abusive - won’t let her talk about her religion, threatens to have her arrested, has isolated her away from her family and has been physically abusive throughout their marriage. It’s not safe for her to stay.

He’s totally abusive. There are several signs in that post alone. Physical abuse, isolation, threats of escalation and punishment.

 

[Lou2U]

He’s totally abusive. There are several signs in that post alone. Physical abuse, isolation, threats of escalation and punishment.

Absolutely, I should have made that clear in my post. It’s actually terrifying to read posts telling the OP to (basically) “suck it up”. Just no.

 

[Pup7]

Absolutely, I should have made that clear in my post. It’s actually terrifying to read posts telling the OP to (basically) “suck it up”. Just no.

I’m going to say it.

It’s disgraceful.

 

[1ke]

He does not accept my promise for our children. We live in an Islamic country where it is illegal to convert Muslims to any other religion, including Christianity. He says he will marry me but I have to promise I will not ever try to convert them. So basically going against my promise.

You have already brought your children up in the Islamic faith. The “promise” the Catholic makes regarding children is that they will do all they can, it is not an absolute promise. And in cases where the children are already members on another faith tradition, you should talk to your pastor for guidance, but there will be no requirement that you ‘convert’ your kids. Where you live, this could obviously be dangerous.

Bottom line, the promises a Catholic makes in a disparity of cult marriage, or any marriage, are not absolute.

 

[1ke]

but if I cant marry him if I dont make the promise

No, Holly, this is where you are misunderstanding the Catholic’s obligation. It is not an absolute promise. You need to talk to your pastor. These children are Muslim, you do not need to try to convert them. When they are adults, of course you can talk to them if you want to about your faith.

 

[1ke]

So, no it is not something realistically expect to happen but I am certain a priest wont marry us if my husband doesnt seem willing to do these basic requirements.

There are no requirements for your husband. He doesn’t make any promises. Somewhere, you’ve been given the impression you have to convert your children and this isn’t true.

 

[1ke]

I am scared to say the countries involved. It isn’t safe in my experience. But I don’t blame his religion. My sons are different and they are Muslims too. I will try to see a priest as soon as I can. I am not sure I can involve the embassy. I am not sure what I will do yet. I will talk to a priest and go from there. Perhaps I will talk to my family members too. I have avoided sharing with them.

Ultimately you have to decide if you want to stay with him or not. Violence against you is not OK. You have been making great sacrifices for your children, and I know you risk losing them if you try to leave him or the country.

Do talk to your family. Don’t be embarrassed. They love you. You may find more help there than you thought.

 

[steve-b]

Speaking as a former Muslim, it always troubled me that Islamic countries tend to have a terrible track record of securing religious freedom. The death penalty for apostates in over 10 Islamic countries is one such example.
Sorry, I don’t have much advice to offer but I hope you stay strong.

I would add after strong, AND SAFE