Intrusive People

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Well, I suppose it’s clearer and more obviously a lie coming from a middle aged woman. 😉 But it usually does end the conversation right there.
 
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Jbrady said:
Just tell him CLEARLY and UNAMBIGUOUSLY that you most certainly do not wish to discuss such topics with him under any circumstances, never ever, no way, no how, and walk away without saying a word
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No, that’s called being rude. There a far more subtle ways of changing the subject. There’s no reason to overreact.
Jbrady said:
Not harsh at all, nor at all impolite.
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Definitely harsh and impolite. This would only be necessary if you’re being viciously harassed.
 
Cruciferi said:
No, that’s called being rude. There a far more subtle ways of changing the subject. Th
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Actually, you were rude in truncating my statement to make it seem that I said something that I did not. You left out the words “… if he persists.”

Not nice!
 
If somebody wanted to ask me personal questions, like about my marriage, or relationship with somebody else, I’d probably just say, “Eh, some things I just don’t talk about, it’s private”, or if they were really insistent or rude I’d probably say, “I don’t think that’s any of your business” and then stop talking to them.

If somebody wants to talk politics, and I don’t want to talk to them about it or don’t want to listen to them talk, I’ll usually just nod and smile until I can change the subject or make an excuse to leave, “Sorry to cut this short but I have a meeting/ appointment/ errand/ something on the stove” etc. Often I will just let political types rant for a while while I nod/ smile/ make non-committal remarks like “Oh, I know” or “Sigh, what can you do?”

It’s really quite easy to disengage from annoying people unless they are perhaps in your own family / living in your home. If they are at your office then you can always shoo them away saying you have a ton of work to get done and you need to focus on your task.
27lw said:
I think you could say something like "oh I only discuss politics with my ____ "(bartender, barber, shrink, party boss, etc). Said with a smile. Repeat as necessary.
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That’s a good one too.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Often I will just let political types rant for a while while I nod/ smile/ make non-committal remarks like “Oh, I know” or “Sigh, what can you do?”
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My go-to is “Yeah, crazy times, huh? Anyway, you see the Cubs game?”
 
You can always try “oh my! I’m surprised you feel comfortable bringing up that topic!”
 
Christphr said:
Gone are the days of ¨Good Evening, Mr. Jones¨, to now ¨Hey buddy¨, and, with all this is an immodest loosing of talk and idol talk.
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As long as we are venting about the bygone good ol’ days of civility… it drives me absolutely up the wall how adults casualy introduce themselves to children on a first name basis. Even elders that should know better. Then we wonder why we have a generation lacking decency and respect, with little sense of formality. I almost wonder if teachers now do this in classrooms as well.
 
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Jen7 said:
You can always try “oh my! I’m surprised you feel comfortable bringing up that topic!”
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Add a look of disgust to drive it home😄 I think that you might be on to something!
 
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I think there is a difference between casual greetings and loss of formality – and the problem of oversharing. But in general, I agree. It’s one thing if someone overshares to me. Usually I just politely listen. But if someone asks me an invasive question and I don’t want to answer it, I just simply explain that I’d rather not go into that. It’s not a personal attack to decline answer and to assert your own privacy.
 
ThomasMT said:
I almost wonder if teachers now do this in classrooms as well.
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I’ve seen K and 1st grade teachers have the kids call them Miss first Name. Not all, but some.

If I’m subbing in a school, sometimes teachers will call me Nurse First Name, but I correct them to call me Mrs Last Name.
Although my last name is difficult to pronounce for wee ones, so I let them call me Mrs First Syllable.
 
Title and first name is something that I didn’t realize I had already settled for, now that you mention it. Gotta pick my battles I guess )
 
How old are you? How’s that for an ‘invasive’ question?!

Seriously, though there may be outliers, this is largely a generational thing. Something to keep in mind when being critical of the younger generation, they were taught by the previous generation or adapted according to their environment. As for this GenXer, I essentially raised myself.

I will say that you might find me an intrusive person. I am close with precious few and mainly keep to myself. But when I find myself in conversation with someone, I try to connect. I have no use for small talk, think discussing politics is unwise, and I’m pretty intuitive and back off topics based on the person’s reaction. If I saw someone wearing a cast, I might ask about it and tell them I hope they feel better. I’m a psychologist so it’s who I am and I’ve found so many people just want to be personally acknowledged, noticed, and heard. I’m also the extreme introvert who looks out her window before getting the mail so I don’t have to talk with neighbours who chitchat about inane, surface level topics.

There are a lot of lonely people right now. We all have different needs, quantity, and quality of interactions. Even with my chatty neighbours, I keep this mind and remember I might be the only positive interaction they have that day.
 
Im someone who doesnt want a cell phone and everywhere I go I see where you used to get into polite conversation with people, that doesnt happen much anymore. Everyones face is hidden in their cell phone. If you happen to have some people want to actually engage in conversation consider yourself lucky but dont hesitate to hold back from sharing your opinions if you want privacy.
 
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VonDerTann said:
I’ve used this tactic when confronted with political talk a million times: just say “I hear you” or “i understand.”

FDR said “I understand” all the time.
The former governor of NY george pataki used to say “I hear you” constantly. Both statements are totally noncommittal and mean absolutely nothing without being rude. People often misinterpret “I hear you!” As agreement but all it literally means is that you hear the speaker.
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Well, there’s hearing and there’s hearing. Hearing simply the sound of the person’s voice is indeed hearing them, but hearing the message the person is conveying goes deeper, and “I hear you” can mean either one. Perhaps it’s not such a misinterpretation to believe “I hear you” is, at the very least, understanding, and beyond that, agreement. Because, it can mean that.
 
Actually, I find “Sir” and “Madam” very genteel and respectful.

In 2009, hubby and I took a cross-country trip, and on the way back, went through the deep South. I was amazed at how polite the southerners we encountered were. I had never heard so many “Yes, Sirs” and “Yes, Madams”, and I found it refreshing. We aren’t addressed that way anywhere else in the country.

It’s nice to still find people with better manners.
 
mary77 said:
Im someone who doesnt want a cell phone and everywhere I go I see where you used to get into polite conversation with people, that doesnt happen much anymore. Everyones face is hidden in their cell phone. If you happen to have some people want to actually engage in conversation consider yourself lucky but dont hesitate to hold back from sharing your opinions if you want privacy.
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I totally agree. We are way too attached to our technologies, to the point where we’re losing the ability to communicate one-on-one, in person. I won’t have a smart phone at all, and the only concession hubby and I have made to wireless is a TracFone to use in emergencies on the road.

No laptops, no tablets, no kindles. We have a land line, a desktop computer with e-mail, and printed books to read. My printer has a very tiny, touch-screen display, and it drives me crazy, because I can never get it to respond the way I want it to. Apparently, whoever designed that tiny touch screen must have thought we all have fingers as thin as toothpicks. I don’t recall it coming with a stylus, though I’ve tried using the tip of a pencil or ballpoint pen to accurately touch the icons I want. That hasn’t worked well, either.

We are just way over-teched with too many complicated gadgets. We prefer to keep our lives a little simpler.
 
I don’t either. I was at work, and a couple of twenty somethings came in talking about, well, something sexual. In public.
I was at a baseball game a few years ago. Same thing.
THAT is not on the same level as “hey buddy”. My mom calls everyone “hun”, that’s just how she talks.
 
I think a good answer to intrusive questions is to say, “You sure ask a lot of questions.” That puts it back in their court.

But if they want to talk politics, I think you should engage with them and convert them to your political beliefs.

Don’t worry. If you hold an opinion that is more to the right than theirs, they will never bother you again.
 
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