Invalid Marriages and RCIA

[lissa70]

Is there some way that people going through the RCIA process can at least receive the Sacrament of Baptism when they have a presumed invalid marriage? As a teacher for RCIA one of the most disappointing things is when a person is interested in becoming Catholic, but we cannot give them the sacraments because they (or their spouse) was presumed to be validly married before and then remarried after a divorce without an anulment.

In particular this one situation happened at our church and it saddened me that we could do no more for her: The woman was raised without any religion. The man was raised Catholic, married in the Catholic Church and then divorced. A few years later the woman and the man together had a civil marriage and then had children together. Then many years later the woman wanted to become Catholic, but could not because her husband was unwilling to seek an anulment for his first marriage. She attend Mass regularly (and of course cannot receive communion). I am fine with her not being able to receive the Holy Eucharist, but shouldn’t she be able to be Baptized? I am proud of the fact that our faith holds marriage in such high regard, but this particular situation seems to be unfair.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

When a person is baptized in the Catholic Church, they must make a profession of faith, stating that they believe and profess everything the Catholic Church teaches, including its moral teachings (e.g., that it is immoral to have sexual relations with someone who is not your spouse).

They must also make statements that they reject Satan and all his empty promises. If they intend to continue living in an invalid marriage this statement would be a lie.

Baptism wipes away sin, but the Sacrament must be received with the intention of not continuing in the sin.

Marriage irregularities should be addressed BEFORE someone goes through RCIA, or at least very early in the process with the understanding that the sacraments cannot be received until the situation has been corrected.

The real unfairness in the situation you describe is not with the Church delaying Baptism, but with the “husband” who had such disregard for his faith by remarrying without an annulment, and then refusing seek an annulment.

If you as an RCIA instructor have difficulty understanding this, you need to have a discussion with your pastor. Perhaps he can do a better job than I did of explaining it. But you MUST buy in to the teachings of our Church if you are to authentically pass them on to others.

 

[lissa70]

I apologize if I seemed like I was trying to go against the teaching of the faith. I do accept and believe everything the Church teaching. I was mostly just trying to understand the whys behind it all. Thank you for your response. It did clarify some things.

 

[1ke]

Is there some way that people going through the RCIA process can at least receive the Sacrament of Baptism when they have a presumed invalid marriage?

Their marriage situation must be resolved before they can receive Baptism. There are a number of outcomes. The spouse can petition for and receive a decree of nullity. The other outcome would be the one seeking baptism removes themselves from the invalid marriage. This would be necessary if the spouse’s marriage is found to be valid.

As a teacher for RCIA one of the most disappointing things is when a person is interested in becoming Catholic, but we cannot give them the sacraments because they (or their spouse) was presumed to be validly married before and then remarried after a divorce without an anulment.

You must remember your role in RCIA. It is to preach the truth, lovingly. You cannot compromise the Truth because it’s disappointing.

The catechumen has difficult decisions to make, and they may have to choose between the Church and their spouse.

In particular this one situation happened at our church and it saddened me that we could do no more for her: The woman was raised without any religion. The man was raised Catholic, married in the Catholic Church and then divorced. A few years later the woman and the man together had a civil marriage and then had children together. Then many years later the woman wanted to become Catholic, but could not because her husband was unwilling to seek an anulment for his first marriage. She attend Mass regularly (and of course cannot receive communion). I am fine with her not being able to receive the Holy Eucharist, but shouldn’t she be able to be Baptized? I am proud of the fact that our faith holds marriage in such high regard, but this particular situation seems to be unfair.

No, she cannot be baptized because unless and until she ceased relations (permanently) with her husband. If he is unwilling to petition for a decree of nullity, she can be baptized if she separates from him-- or short of that lives in continence.

That is always a choice open to her. So the Church is not preventing her baptism, she is by the choices she is making.

She cannot be baptized unless she intends to live according to the Church’s teachings. And, if she chooses to continue conjugal relations with a man to whom she is not validly married, she cannot demonstrate this.

 

[lissa70]

PhilotheaZ, you are right about the unfairness part – I was directing my remarks at the wrong party. It is not the Church’s fault, it is the husband’s fault.

 

[lissa70]

You must remember your role in RCIA. It is to preach the truth, lovingly. You cannot compromise the Truth because it’s disappointing.

You are right and I agree with you.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Hi lissa70

I do not understand this problem. First my understanding is this lady can seek annulment without permission or approval of her first husband. Since she is not baptized she could not be in any sacramental marriage. Her marriage can be a valid Natural Marriage however since the situation you describe shows one or both spouses abandoned that original marriage combined with her never being in communion with the Church it would seem the marriage tribunal would side with a decree of annulment. So why has she not simply filed the paper work? It seems to me it is a misunderstanding of the state of marriage and the annulment process only.

BTW- she could receive other forms of baptism (as desire) however that leaves other problems and this seems rather easy to clean up.

Also I hope she realizes that as an unbaptized person she is not under any Church authority. Church marriage laws do not apply to her, she was allowed to marry in the Church through a dispensation to her catholic husband who was under Church authority.

 

[lissa70]

Tex -
She has only been married once and still is to her current husband. It is her husband that needs to seek an anulment from HIS previous marriage.

 

[5Loaves]

As a teacher for RCIA one of the most disappointing things is when a person is interested in becoming Catholic, but we cannot give them the sacraments because they (or their spouse) was presumed to be validly married before and then remarried after a divorce without an anulment.
… Then many years later the woman wanted to become Catholic, but could not because her husband was unwilling to seek an anulment for his first marriage.

Have you spoken with your pastor about this? If the husband is willing to come and talk with the pastor, and if the pastor is skilled in this, he can explain the process in a way that may help the husband understand the process differently and be more willing to move forward with it out of love for his partner. Another possibility is to find someone who has gone through the process of seeking a declaration of nullity and found it a very positive, healing process and have them talk with the husband about their experience. So often people have great misconceptions about the whole teaching of the Church on this. The other people who are often wonderful for talking people through their anxiety about beginning the process are in the canon law office. Usually as you know the parish priest is however the point of entry for all of it.

You probably already have considered these resources but worth mentioning. It is a difficult issue.

I also have become increasingly concerned that we do not teach the Churches teaching on marriage adequately in RCIA with single people. We have somewhat older singles, ie not young adults, in RCIA. Although they are not in relationships now they may well fall in love in the future. It’s hard to come up against the Church’s teachings once you’ve fallen in love with someone who is considered still married in the eyes of the Church. A frequent area where the misconception comes in is when people aren’t Catholic and get divorced. Why should the Church have anything to say about their non-Catholic marriage when they were not Catholic when they married? In fact the Church does presume those marriages are valid and often sacramental as well. It can seem a bit like beating a dead horse when these are single folks not romantically involved, but again I want to be as sure as I can be that they understand the teachings in case they do end up dating-- that they need to look at the marriage status of that person in the eyes of the Church.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Is there some way that people going through the RCIA process can at least receive the Sacrament of Baptism when they have a presumed invalid marriage? As a teacher for RCIA one of the most disappointing things is when a person is interested in becoming Catholic, but we cannot give them the sacraments because they (or their spouse) was presumed to be validly married before and then remarried after a divorce without an anulment.

In particular this one situation happened at our church and it saddened me that we could do no more for her: The woman was raised without any religion. The man was raised Catholic, married in the Catholic Church and then divorced. A few years later the woman and the man together had a civil marriage and then had children together. Then many years later the woman wanted to become Catholic, but could not because her husband was unwilling to seek an anulment for his first marriage. She attend Mass regularly (and of course cannot receive communion). I am fine with her not being able to receive the Holy Eucharist, but shouldn’t she be able to be Baptized? I am proud of the fact that our faith holds marriage in such high regard, but this particular situation seems to be unfair.

She was living with someone and acting as though she was married to them when she was not. Even the early Christians required Catechumens to show by living the Christian life sometimes for many years and turning away from their sinful ways before they were admitted to Baptism.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Tex -
She has only been married once and still is to her current husband. It is her husband that needs to seek an anulment from HIS previous marriage.

Now I understand, yes he is doing a great disservice to her and his religion. She should have thrown down the gauntlet years ago annul the first marriage or she leaves.

 

[kage_ar]

Using the proper terms will help put this in perspective.

The Church does not annul anything.

The marriage is presumed valid. In the eyes of the Church, this woman is living with a man who is married to another woman.

The man may petetion the Church to review his marriage and see if it was valid or not. Until that decision is reached, he must behave as if he is married to woman #1.

Woman #2 may separate from him (or at the very least, live as brother and sister), be baptized and recieve the Sacraments.

Should he be found free to marry, they can then begin marriage prep.

 

[lissa70]

Using the proper terms will help put this in perspective.

The Church does not annul anything.

The marriage is presumed valid. In the eyes of the Church, this woman is living with a man who is married to another woman.

The man may petetion the Church to review his marriage and see if it was valid or not. Until that decision is reached, he must behave as if he is married to woman #1.

Woman #2 may separate from him (or at the very least, live as brother and sister), be baptized and recieve the Sacraments.

Should he be found free to marry, they can then begin marriage prep.

It seems to me that we need to change the language across the culture – and at the very least in the Catholic circles. Many laxed Catholic assume that the civil divorce

Thank you for the ideas. Proper language is so helpful in explain how things works. If this topic ever comes up again in discussion groups or conversations I will be sure to use it.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

I apologize if I seemed like I was trying to go against the teaching of the faith. I do accept and believe everything the Church teaching. I was mostly just trying to understand the whys behind it all. Thank you for your response. It did clarify some things.

God bless you for seeking clarification, and may He bless you abundantly for all your efforts in teaching RCIA. I’m glad to know that you accept the Church’s teaching. Sometimes it is easy to misread things when all we have is a computer screen in front of us, without the benefit of voice, facial expressions, the opportunity to ask questions and clarify, etc. Sorry if I seemed to be jumping to the wrong conclusion, I didn’t mean it that way.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Have you spoken with your pastor about this? If the husband is willing to come and talk with the pastor, and if the pastor is skilled in this, he can explain the process in a way that may help the husband understand the process differently and be more willing to move forward with it out of love for his partner. Another possibility is to find someone who has gone through the process of seeking a declaration of nullity and found it a very positive, healing process and have them talk with the husband about their experience. So often people have great misconceptions about the whole teaching of the Church on this. The other people who are often wonderful for talking people through their anxiety about beginning the process are in the canon law office. Usually as you know the parish priest is however the point of entry for all of it.

You probably already have considered these resources but worth mentioning. It is a difficult issue.

I also have become increasingly concerned that we do not teach the Churches teaching on marriage adequately in RCIA with single people. We have somewhat older singles, ie not young adults, in RCIA. Although they are not in relationships now they may well fall in love in the future. It’s hard to come up against the Church’s teachings once you’ve fallen in love with someone who is considered still married in the eyes of the Church. A frequent area where the misconception comes in is when people aren’t Catholic and get divorced. Why should the Church have anything to say about their non-Catholic marriage when they were not Catholic when they married? In fact the Church does presume those marriages are valid and often sacramental as well. It can seem a bit like beating a dead horse when these are single folks not romantically involved, but again I want to be as sure as I can be that they understand the teachings in case they do end up dating-- that they need to look at the marriage status of that person in the eyes of the Church.

Anyone who wants it is welcome to my PowerPoint on the Sacrament of Marriage for RCIA.

 

[5Loaves]

Anyone who wants it is welcome to my PowerPoint on the Sacrament of Marriage for RCIA.

Great. Thank you. I’ll PM you with my email address.

 

[pandacordova]

lissa70

I would like to encourage you to please just be a friend to this woman and love her.

I am in the same situation except that I was baptized in a protestant church as a child. My husband was in a marriage for less than a year over 25 years ago and since he does not want to have anything to do with the Catholic Church will not go through the annulment processes. He is my one and only and we have been married for 21 years. I never thought of being catholic that long ago and I am not living in sin. I took vows before GOD!! I know that my marriage is valid and the church will too when they are given the chance. You have no idea how hurtful it is for people in this situation to be told they need to live as brother and sister. PLEASE. I will not disrepect the vows that I made to my husband.

All this being said I will wait for GOD to work in my husbands life like he has mine so that we can enter the church together, but I do not need to be made an outcast in the mean time. People please just use some restraint and try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes.

 

[rick43235]

lissa70

I would like to encourage you to please just be a friend to this woman and love her.

I am in the same situation except that I was baptized in a protestant church as a child. My husband was in a marriage for less than a year over 25 years ago and since he does not want to have anything to do with the Catholic Church will not go through the annulment processes. He is my one and only and we have been married for 21 years. I never thought of being catholic that long ago and I am not living in sin. I took vows before GOD!! I know that my marriage is valid and the church will too when they are given the chance. You have no idea how hurtful it is for people in this situation to be told they need to live as brother and sister. PLEASE. I will not disrepect the vows that I made to my husband.

All this being said I will wait for GOD to work in my husbands life like he has mine so that we can enter the church together, but I do not need to be made an outcast in the mean time. People please just use some restraint and try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes.

As one who is in a situation that has similarities to yours, you have my sympathy. The Church also considers my marriage to be invalid, but like you, I know that I am married to “my one and only.” Hopefully your husband will change his mind about pursuing an annulment at some point in the future so that you can join the the Church, if that’s what you really want to do. In the meantime, be prepared for the inevitable posts on here (I can almost predict who will post them) telling you that you’re not really married to your husband, that you’re committing adultery, that you have to separate from your husband, that you have to “live as brother and sister,” etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. There are a few mean spirited folks on here.

 

[graceandglory]

lissa70

You have no idea how hurtful it is for people in this situation to be told they need to live as brother and sister. PLEASE. I will not disrepect the vows that I made to my husband.

The Church is filled with Saints who have chosen to live celibately. Choosing celibacy because of one’s love for Christ and His Church is noble. You would not be made to be an outcast if you did this. This is the path for many adult converts.
While it is difficult, and takes a huge amount of heroic virtue when it is chosen by both husband and wife, out of love for each other and love for Christ, and the Sacraments, it shouldn’t be hurtful.

I’m pretty sure I read about some of these couples’ conversion stories in Patrick Madrid’s series: Surprised by Truth.

---

“Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.”***

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Hi pandacordova & rick43235

One huge problem is the way the Church uses the word “valid” which really applies to the sacrament not the relationship. The Church calls invalid as unprepared or unable persons who participates in a ceremony but do to their issue do not receive the sacrament (an indelible mark on the soul). In these cases one of the persons in line for a sacrament knew they were still acknowledged in the Church as married to another. The great disservice in these cases is the person who refuses to inform the Church of their failure to achieve the lifelong unity required to fulfill the earlier attempt. Btw in Church use the opposite of valid is licit which would be error on the celebrant (priest, records, or other issue outside the couple)

Hope that helps