Is a lie a mortal or venial sin?

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Calypso_123

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Hi, just have a personal situation I want some guidance on. A man asked me to go to an event with him and I lied and said I was sick. I lied because his attention makes me feel uncomfortable and also because my mother disapproves of him. I feel bad for lying but also relieved that I didn’t have to spend time with him. Does anyone think that what I did was mortally sinful?
 
Calypso_123 said:
I lied because his attention makes me feel uncomfortable and also because my mother disapproves of him.
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Speak to your priest at Confession.

I would confess this lie as it does appear to be a lie and was a deliberate act on your part. But to me, and I am not a priest, from what you have written this lie seems to not be without charity and although I would think it is a sinful act, I would think it is most likely a venial sin. Confess it anyway.
 
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Calypso_123 said:
I feel bad for lying but also relieved that I didn’t have to spend time with him. Does anyone think that what I did was mortally sinful?
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I think that’s a lot of stuff going on in that lie… as is always the case. I believe if it bothers you so much that you would go through all you went through to ask this question here, confession is warranted.

I don’t think it’s mortal sin, doesn’t mean it isn’t. But there’s benefit in confessing venial sins as well (I love the sacrament of reconciliation).
 
The others have covered this. I just wanted to add that you don’t have give a reason when you say no in this situation. Just say thank you for the invitation but no. Honesty is always good. You are right this is a lie and one should never lie, though of course we all fall here and there. You can call this charity, but in reality you are now left with the situation that the man who you say you think is interested in you, is still interested in you and does not know that you are not interested in him. He now may feel sorry for you because you were sick and get you a gift, or offer you further attention because of your ‘illness’ and even if he does not do that, he may well ask you to do something again. This is unfair on him as well so it was not true charity as he now acting in good faith that you would or may have gone to the event with him had you not been sick. It is better to act in honesty and say no and then he will be freed from the thought that you want to go with him. I agree with the previous poster than confessing venial sins is a wonderful habit to get into. Devotional confession is very good for the soul.
 
First of all, an invitation isn’t a command.

You’re allowed to say “No, thank you”.

It sounds like your problem is people-pleasing, and I’m allowed to say that because I struggle with the same issue 🙂

Peace
 
You told what is known as a “white lie” which is a small lie told with good intentions to spare someone’s feelings or because you don’t want to tell an uncomfortable truth. The Church teaches that such lies are wrong, and I had one pastor who preached constantly against white lies because he thought small lies would lead to a habit of lying, eventually telling big lies and committing big sins.

In this case where your intention seems to be to stay out of a bad situation and follow your mother’s guidance, it’s probably not a large sin, but still a sin. Please talk to your confessor about venial vs mortal as we should not be pronouncing on that here.

The underlying problem here is that the man may think you are still interested in him and keep asking you out. Some men are persistent that way and don’t take the hint. The best thing would be to tell him that you are not interested in dating him. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then the best non-lying excuse to use is, “Sorry, I’m busy” or “I have other plans”, as you could be “busy” with virtually anything and “have other plans” to do virtually anything - taking a nap, washing your hair or reading a book. However, if he is persistent you may end up telling him you’re “busy” 20 times in a row and finally have to tell him to stop bugging you.
 
Lying is intrinsically evil so it is always a sin. We are always requires to speak the truth. In this instance it seems like it was a venial sin.
 
Is lying ALWAYS a sin? What if a co-worker at your job asks you in passing “How are you?” and you answer according to etiquette and script, “OK” or “Not bad,” even though you are feeling not good emotionally? Is such social normative behavior regarded as a sin? Are you required to answer “I’m not feeling good” or not answer at all if you don’t wish to alarm this work acquaintance? Is this act “intrinsically evil”?
 
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Most certainly a venial sin, imo. For a lie to be mortally sinful, it would be such things as losing under oath, defaming another’s good name, etc
 
So I’m planning a surprise party for my wife in two weeks. To keep the surprise I have to tell some innocent lies. Would that be a sin?
 
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OK. I suppose my larger implicit point is what about the intentions of lying? Why don’t good intentions, such as not alarming someone or not making someone feel bad, factor in to whether the lie is sinful? Another example: if your wife says to you ‘don’t I look good and slim in this outfit?’ should you say ‘no, you look just as fat as ever,’ or try to avoid telling a lie? Wouldn’t it be better for all concerned to simply agree with her? What is the harm in doing something that makes everyone feel better and keeps peace in the family?
 
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I might agree with you, except my former pastor was adamant on this point about white lies to the point where they came up in every homily for years. He was a good and holy man. I came to appreciate his point.

If a grown man can’t find a way to pleasantly deal with his wife’s question about her appearance without lying, there’s a problem in that marriage. My own husband would have said something like, “Honey, you’re beautiful to me no matter what you wear” or “You know I’m a bad one to ask, I never notice anything different and think you always look nice” or even jokingly change the subject because he had explained to me in the past that men don’t like questions like that as they are afraid of getting in trouble over a “wrong” answer. I further was a secure enough person that I didn’t need his opinion on did I look fat in this dress.
 
I will add that even dodging the question is bad. As someone who used to have a big butt, I can say there is nothing wrong with tellling your wife her butt looks big in that skirt, if she asks you to weigh in on the matter. If I asked my husband, it was because I wanted to know. Of course I knew my butt was big. But did the skirt make it look bigger?

If a woman asks her husband a question like that because she is fishing for a compliment, that is a bigger problem in the marriage. We shouldn’t have to fish in that way, when it comes to our spouses.
 
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The gravity depends on things, did you know a lie is a sin and do it anyway? Did you have anyone pressuring you into a lie?

Christ promised us that there will never be a situation where your only choice is to lie (or to commit any other sin).

It would have been perfectly fine for the convert to go like this

“Do you want to go see the Beach Boys on Saturday night?”

“No”

“But I already bought tickets!!”

“No”.

“Why???”

“Good bye”.
 
Not to beat a dead horse, and I can see your point here; however, aren’t some of these evasive tactics, while well-intentioned, themselves possible lies, such as I never notice anything different about you? Of course men notice differences in their wives’ appearances and moods although not as well as women do in their husbands’ according to the research.
 
meltzerboy2 said:
“How are you?”
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You could choose to say “I am not at my best today, but, I’m pushing forward, thank you for asking!”

Or use some thing like “I am alive and this day is another chance to change the world!”
meltzerboy2 said:
if your wife says to you ‘don’t I look good and slim in this outfit?’
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A healthy marriage would be one where people are honest with each other.

You could answer “wear the blue dress, it is much more flattering” or “honey, that outfit is not great on you.” I would be MORTIFIED if, for some reason I could not see my outfit (maybe my mirror was broken or something) and I needed to ask my husband if an outfit looked good and he turned around and lied to me.
 
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I’ve planned at least a dozen big surprise parties, one so big I was bringing in a Bishop as a surprise guess. There is no need to lie.
 
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