Is a lie a mortal or venial sin?

[Tis_Bearself]

 

[Brendan_64]

Is lying ALWAYS a sin? What if a co-worker at your job asks you in passing “How are you?” and you answer according to etiquette and script, “OK” or “Not bad,” even though you are feeling not good emotionally?

My understanding is that yes it is, because it denies the reality created by God.

As to the scenario you pose, it can be awkward, but not too difficult. You could say things like “Not so bad”, “Could be worse” etc, or just change the subject and say something like, “Well at least it’s Friday”. By doing so you’re not lying or intending to mislead, and you’re not denying reality.

Although it might be easier in the UK where we typically understate things anyway, and I think we’re not generally expected to be buzzing with happiness, positivity and enthusiasm.

 

[PatK63]

He had no right to know so therefore it was not a lie! Not venial. For a sin to be mortal ther has to be something serious at stake. If it causes serious harm.

 

[TK421]

Although it might be easier in the UK where we typically understate things anyway, and I think we’re not generally expected to be buzzing with happiness, positivity and enthusiasm.

“Generally not expected to be buzzing with happiness, positivity, and enthusiasm” itself being an understatement.

Because in the UK, spilled milk and other 1st world problems are analogous to the end of the world.

If you really want a country that over-emphasizes putting on a good mood and good appearances all of the time, to the point of exhaustion, that would be more like Japan, where it is epidemic. America is pretty moderate. We just seem overly friendly to you because the UK is really grumpy Most people from all over the world would agree that culturally, British people really complain a lot. I’ve even heard other Europeans say this.

 

[PetraG]

LOL, my husband would say, “yes, it makes you look fat.” He wouldn’t fear for his life. I think that’s why he married me. My rule is, “If it looks bad and I can’t do anything about it, that’s when you say nothing, because saying something will do no good. If it doesn’t please you, tell me, though, because I want to know what you like.” I don’t like being left in the dark. Plus, when he says something looks good on me, I know he means it.

I used to joke that when he said, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…” it was code for “get ready, because I’m about to hurt your feelings and so…”

Wife: Does this make my butt look big/how does this look on me/etc.

Me: I am not authorized to have an opinion.

This approach has served me well in these and other situations.

You can also say, “I’ve found that what’s really important is how it makes you feel. If you don’t feel it makes you look good you aren’t going to enjoy wearing it, and that look on your face when you feel you look good is of course what looks best on anybody. So–does it make you feel good?”

 

[Brendan_64]

Most people from all over the world would agree that culturally, British people really complain a lot.

I think perhaps we get suspicious of people who don’t complain. I think over- enthusiasm is often seen as a bit strange and a slightly annoying trait.

 

[PetraG]

Hi, just have a personal situation I want some guidance on. A man asked me to go to an event with him and I lied and said I was sick. I lied because his attention makes me feel uncomfortable and also because my mother disapproves of him. I feel bad for lying but also relieved that I didn’t have to spend time with him. Does anyone think that what I did was mortally sinful?

If his attention makes you feel uncomfortable, I can understand why you were tempted to lie. Practice so that in the future you can say, “It was kind of you to ask, but no thank you.” If he says “why not?” you can say, “I don’t feel comfortable with it, which may be nothing, as you seem like a nice fellow, but I’ve learned to trust that. I’m sorry; I hope that doesn’t offend you. It was a nice invitation and it was good of you to ask. I’m sure I will turn down lots of great invitations for being like this, but I am what I am and I feel much better since I’ve learned to trust myself. So sorry.”

Sometimes we are uncomfortable with people because they’re not safe people to be around and we can sense it. It is wise to stay off of their radar. Never express something that could be taken as contempt when you could be talking to a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath or anyone else who could have a vindictive personality. There are those in those groups who will cut off their noses to spite their face, and that would include going to an awful lot of trouble in order to harm someone whom they feel has humilitated them. Say “no” firmly, preferably by sticking with “no thank you” and saying nothing else (to avoid inviting a discussion about your reasons) but under no circumstances should you say anything that could be taken as demeaning (and I mean beyond what is required to be polite, even).

 

[PetraG]

He had no right to know so therefore it was not a lie!

Well, saying you’re sick when you aren’t is a lie, unless by “sick” she meant “the thought of going out with you alone makes me want to throw up.” That’s a stretch, I’d say.

 

[Justin_Mary]

Is lying ALWAYS a sin?

So if soldiers showed up at my door & said, “Are there any Jews in there?” Am I morally compelled to tell them I have Anne Frank hiding in the attic?

I don’t think so. It’s still a sin to lie. But preserving a life should take precedence.

I think anyway.

 

[Wozza]

Wozza:

Tis_Bearself:

It’s not really a lie. Wozza’s wife isn’t expecting a truthful answer. It’s similar to what Scarlet said about the work mate who says “How are you?” as a polite social gesture. He doesn’t really want to know about your true mood or feelings.

Now, if a wife was like a couple of the women who posted here who truly want an honest opinion, and husband understood that and lied, it might be something to mention in confession.

Indeed. There are questions that demand an honest answer (‘do you love me’).

As an aside to the topic, that question is a sign of big trouble in a marriage. (if asked in a serious way not in teasing etc)

Generally, you are right goout. But it is asked, in a serious way, as a confirmation of one’s feelings. I have asked my wife the same question just because I didn’t (and still don’t) think I deserve it.

We all need to be told. To assume it is a problem.

 

[TK421]

It isnt a lie if a person has no right to know. Lying is sinful because charity demands to give each person their due. A worker is owed their wages, a student is owed an education, a spouse is owed marital faithfulness, etc. It isnt sinful just because a rule somewhere says it is sinful.

A person plying for illicit information does not deserve the answer.

Killing isnt always murder and deception isnt always lying. If you wanted to be really pedantic about it, there are fun board games or brain games that might involve “lying” to other players.

 

[PetraG]

It isnt a lie if a person has no right to know. Lying is sinful because charity demands to give each person their due. It isnt sinful just because a rule somewhere says it is sinful.

A person plying for illicit information does not deserve the answer.

Killing isnt always murder and deception isnt always lying. If you wanted to be really pedantic about it, there are fun board games or brain games that might involve “lying” to other players.

If someone makes an excuse for herself that you did not wrongly force her to give, you absolutely do have the right to have her tell you the truth. You may not have the right to any excuse at all, but if someone chooses to give you an excuse you normally have the right to expect that it will be true.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

It isnt a lie if a person has no right to know.

We’ve been over this many times on past threads. The Catechism removed the past portion of the teaching saying a lie was withholding the truth from someone who had a right to know. Now it just says a lie is withholding the truth, period, which has led to all the discussion on many threads about “what if Nazis or communists are asking” etc. In the past one would just say Nazis don’t have a right to know. Now we have to use common sense.
I know I’d lie to the Nazis to save lives and I would ask God to please have mercy on my lying in extreme circumstances. Given that I just read the book of Judith, my guess is God would give me a pass.

 

[TK421]

I would do the same, but I wouldn’t ask God for mercy.

If we have to ask for mercy, it means we are contrite for a past sin. We can’t invoke God’s mercy while planning to commit a sin, or in this case, a make-believe sin.

The correct answer to a depraved official asking if you have any Jews in the house is “Nope”.

And if they ask you if you would tell the truth if you were keeping them, the correct answer is " Yes sir. Of course I would."

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Nazis have just burst in my house yelling where are the Jews. I’m certainly not going to worry about technical issues like “wait, I can’t ask God’s mercy in advance.” I am going to do what I have to do and trust that God in His mercy will take care of it. If I live, I will go to confession and have a chat with the priest. If I die, is God really going to send me to Hell for trying to save people from murderous Nazis? Nope.

 

[TheLittleLady]

He had no right to know so therefore it was not a lie!

This is a mistake, many people believe this error. It is not part of Catholic teaching.

All lies are sins, every one. Our culpability varies.

 

[Sbee0]

Hi, just have a personal situation I want some guidance on. A man asked me to go to an event with him and I lied and said I was sick. I lied because his attention makes me feel uncomfortable and also because my mother disapproves of him. I feel bad for lying but also relieved that I didn’t have to spend time with him. Does anyone think that what I did was mortally sinful?

It depends. In this case I’d say no.

There are lies that are grave sin (and mortal when the usual conditions are met) Perjury for example. Or a lie that would cause a lot of harm to another person. A “white lie” is still a venial sin though.

 

[TK421]

If a person is going to fumble over their conscience for mismeading a Nazi, they shouldn’t be keeping enemies of the state in their house. They need to take them somewhere safe.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Thing is, you and I both realize that when the Nazi’s suspected someone they were not going to take your verbal assurance, they were going to search your entire property, tearing it apart if necessary.

Those who were part of the resistance knew this full well.

The terror alone of such a raid would impact someone’s culpability anyway.

I cannot understand why every single thread about the truth turns to the “but, Nazis!” excuse.

 

[TK421]

We’ve been over this many times on past threads. The Catechism removed the past portion of the teaching saying a lie was withholding the truth from someone who had a right to know. Now it just says a lie is withholding the truth, period, which has led to all the discussion…

And this is why single quoting lines from the Catechism can sometimes be just as misleading as single quoting passages of Scripture, because the Catechism is primarily written to and for the bishops and it is not a compendium that delves into every fine detail of morality or spirituality or religion and the Congregation on the Doctrine of Faith openly admits to this.

Such a book would be much, much, much larger.