Is a ring important when a man proposes marriage?

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I have been having a dialogue with a friend, who said that she wouldn’t care if a man didn’t give her dd (who is roughly my dd’s age–12 y.o.) a ring, in asking her to marry him. She didn’t have a ring for years, because they were just starting out (aren’t we all?), and her husband waited for a while to ‘surprise’ her with one, after being married for several years.

While I don’t think marriage is about ‘the ring,’ or the wedding, or any of the trimmings that come with the excitement of engagements and marriages–I do think that it shows some effort on the future groom’s part to sacrifice some money, for a ring. Each individual couple deals with this differently, I’m sure. But, one doesn’t have to spend oodles to find a good buy on a diamond…or gemstone ring. There are also claddah rings now, that are considered ‘commitment’ rings, and are becoming more and more popular, because of their price.

My friend said that they were going to use the money on a downpayment on a home. (this is what she and her husband did) I answered…so, if he spent $1000, that would have caused you not to get the house?:confused:

I am not a material girl (well, I’m reformed…I admit, I grew up in a very material home…but thankfully, I look past all of that now) but I still think it shows effort on the part of the man, to buy his fiancee a ring. That’s just me. Again, doesn’t have to be a rock, but I think the couple should manage something. I think that it’s very easy to get caught up in the ads that a man ‘needs to spend 2 or 3 months salary on the ring,’ but no, I don’t agree. It should be something that the couple discusses…and comes to agreement with.

Even if it’s a simple gold band…something to symolize the engagement. That’s just me though.🤷

Then, I got to thinking…when did this whole wedding ring business begin? :hmmm: Anyone know?

I look forward to your opinions.🙂
 
A man’s treasure is very important to him. If he is willing to spend it to buy a ring, it shows commitment. People, especially men, value what they have to work for. If he is ready to convert his labor into a request for commitment, it speaks volumes, but it also communicates that he knows he can’t get her “cheap.” He has to exchange something of value for something he values MORE.

Being able to buy a ring means he has money to support a family.

Desiring to give her beauty to increase her own demonstrates passion and adoration.

Yes, I think the ring is important. Mostly because it respects the differences between men and women. When he is ready to take that step it reflects that he is really ready to do what he is doing.

Not perfectly true in all cases, but nearly perfectly true in most cases, I think.
 
I didn’t want an engagement ring – I hate jewelery. DH insisted, even though he could ill afford to get me one. It’s been sitting in a drawer for most of the 35 years since he gave it to me. So no, I don’t think an engagement ring is important.

I wear my wedding band (a plain, flat, white gold band), a stainless steel watch and small silver hoop earrings – that’s the extent of my adornment.
 
Well, I’ve been married for 9 1/2 years and I still don’t have an engagement ring. My husband and I have simple bands for which we spent $125 each (iirc). I was 22 and DH was 19 when we got married. We were young and both active duty military. We spent a total of $500 to $600 on the wedding.

Material matters just aren’t important to us. If a ring is important to any particular girl, then she should find a man who will provide one. I remember wedding my DH for richer or for poorer. We had other things to sacrifice, why spend money we didn’t have for a ring I couldn’t even wear due to my profession? (Rings can take off fingers if they catch on a ladderwell aboard ship) Because of that choice, we had more money to spend on nursery items as I got pregnant 5 months after we got married. Maybe it’s better to save for the future than fritter away money on things that aren’t really necessary. I have 9 1/2 years experience on what’s necessary.
 
duskyjewel said:
A man’s treasure is very important to him. If he is willing to spend it to buy a ring, it shows commitment. People, especially men, value what they have to work for. If he is ready to convert his labor into a request for commitment, it speaks volumes, but it also communicates that he knows he can’t get her “cheap.” He has to exchange something of value for something he values MORE.

Being able to buy a ring means he has money to support a family.

Desiring to give her beauty to increase her own demonstrates passion and adoration.

Yes, I think the ring is important. Mostly because it respects the differences between men and women. When he is ready to take that step it reflects that he is really ready to do what he is doing.

Not perfectly true in all cases, but nearly perfectly true in most cases, I think.
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Hi dusky–it’s so weird you say this, I thought the same thing. Not that this should be considered a ‘dowry’ for a woman, but there should be some type of sacrifice. Maybe I have the tradition of this embedded in my family. Even my Italian side of the family–my grandparents came to america with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and tons of kids. But, there are pics of my grandma wearing a small gold band…and so did her husband.

My dad bought my mom a very large stone, and she never took it off. I remember that, growing up. There was something special about that to me. (not the size of the stone, lol but the sentiment) My dad always always wore his, too.

But, then, I agree with Phemie also…I mean…I don’t believe it is necessary, but I believe it is a nice touch. Maybe that is a better way of stating what I’m trying to say.😊 Can’t think well today–on lots of meds for a kidney infection.:rolleyes:
 
I really don’t like the tone developing in this thread. Those of us who think engagement rings are important are being branded materialistic.
 
I was going to post a disclaimer about not letting the thread take on such a tone. I hope it doesn’t.

I don’t judge anyone for his/her choice. Just wanted to ask the question.🙂
 
When ever the Ladies in my household hear of a new engagement. One of their very first questions is “How Big is the Rock”?:rolleyes: Girls, will be Girls, not matter the age I guess.😛
 
GratefulDad said:
When ever the Ladies in my household hear of a new engagement. One of their very first questions is “How Big is the Rock”?:rolleyes: Girls, will be Girls, not matter the age I guess.😛
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We never got past the evolutionary stage of, “Oh look! SHINY!” 😛
 
duskyjewel said:
I really don’t like the tone developing in this thread. Those of us who think engagement rings are important are being branded materialistic.
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I wouldn’t dream of branding anyone materialistic because they don’t feel the same way I do.

I don’t think they’re important and if SIL hadn’t given one to DD I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. DD, OTOH, probably doesn’t feel the same way her mother does. 😃

I don’t like to spend money on things that aren’t necessary. To me that includes jewelery and new clothes but not books – see, we all have our weaknesses. 😉
 
Right there with ya Phemie. I have described Barnes & Noble and Borders as “my own personal crack dens.” 😉
 
Phemie said:
I wouldn’t dream of branding anyone materialistic because they don’t feel the same way I do.

I don’t think they’re important and if SIL hadn’t given one to DD I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. DD, OTOH, probably doesn’t feel the same way her mother does. 😃

I don’t like to spend money on things that aren’t necessary. To me that includes jewelery and new clothes but not books – see, we all have our weaknesses. 😉
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I do love books too…and thankfully, they are cheaper than jewelry.😃
 
I think it is a purely personal and situational decision without a right or a wrong.

I love my ring. It isn’t a diamond, and that was what I wanted. I honestly didn’t care either way.

I have a really simple wedding band that is just a 2mm platinum band with nothing to it.

I wear my engagement ring everyday, but no judgment to people who don’t wear one. It isn’t anything I’ve ever really given much thought.

http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v80/22/86/46900117/n46900117_30488659_217.jpg
 
That is sooo lovely. Thank you for posting.🙂

We could turn this into a pic thread, too. lol Kidding…only if you want to.😉

You know, I lost my original engagement ring…and now I have a beautiful moissanite solitaire…which is less pricey than diamonds, but looks similiar…I just like sparkly things.😛 What can I say? But…I don’t ever think for a second that it makes a difference in a marriage. Not at all. Hard work, prayers, and sacrifice really are what marriage is all about.

But, I do like rings. Oh, did I say that? 😛

I too wear a plan small platinum band–I think simple and elegant is so nice. I love the color of your stone!:o
 
I have to say that my df got off cheap. My parents allowed him to have my grandmother’s ring and that is what I am wearing - and i am extremely happy with it. If it worked for them for 66 years - it will be just fine for us. God bless.
 
joandarc2008 said:
I have to say that my df got off cheap. My parents allowed him to have my grandmother’s ring and that is what I am wearing - and i am extremely happy with it. If it worked for them for 66 years - it will be just fine for us. God bless.
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holy cow–66 years? hey, that is awesome, actually…i love love love family heirlooms. 🙂 I think that is so special.
 
I don’t want a ring when I get engaged. I’ve decided the only ring I will wear is my wedding band, should I marry.

My reasons:
  1. I wear jewelry but I’m very particular about the jewelry I wear and I don’t wear a lot. I don’t like it as gifts, I never did. The only jewelry I wear is the jewelry I bought and picked out for myself and I can wear it for any occasion.
  2. Many engagement rings (not all, I know) seem to have diamonds in them. I have a fundamental problem with diamonds (the stuff going on in Africa). And even without diamonds, they have a gem typically. I’m not into that. I like metal and beads in jewelry, not gems.
  3. Why don’t guys wear a symbol of something for engagement as well? I never understood that.
  4. I’m only going to wear it for six months? Unless I get it soldered to my wedding band? In my mind, it doesn’t make sense to buy a piece of jewelry that will only be significant for such a short amount of time.
Disclaimer: I’m not bashing anyone who likes them, wants them, or thinks they’re important. I just don’t but that’s just me.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
  1. I’m only going to wear it for six months? Unless I get it soldered to my wedding band? In my mind, it doesn’t make sense to buy a piece of jewelry that will only be significant for such a short amount of time.
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Most people don’t just wear them during the engagement period, but always, with their wedding band. (for those who do like and wear rings)

I love my engagement and wedding rings – they are very special to me (they are not soldered together). Yes, they are sparkly and pretty to look at 😛 but they symbolize, as the priest said during our wedding ceremony, “an outward sign of an inward commitment.”

You can obviously have a committed, loving, sacramental marriage with or without rings, but I’m glad DH and I wear our rings as our outward signs of our sacramental vows to each other. :love:
 
Belle10 said:
Most people don’t just wear them during the engagement period, but always, with their wedding band. (for those who do like and wear rings)

I love my engagement and wedding rings – they are very special to me (they are not soldered together). Yes, they are sparkly and pretty to look at 😛 but they symbolize, as the priest said during our wedding ceremony, “an outward sign of an inward commitment.”

You can obviously have a committed, loving, sacramental marriage with or without rings, but I’m glad DH and I wear our rings as our outward signs of our sacramental vows to each other. :love:
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That’s a neat thing your priest said. Aw. :o
 
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