Is a ring important when a man proposes marriage?

[whatevergirl]

It’s my dream job…when I don’t NEED to work.

Kathy

It would be definitely fun…the only thing that bums me out a bit, is their Catholic section is a bit sparse. Borders is sparser than B&N, I have found…but, compared to the rest of the ‘religious’ section, it’s slim pickens…

 

[PilgrimSong]

What if a man asks and the woman says she honestly does not want a diamond ring, but the man insists they can’t be engaged without one? This was my dilemma. I really do not like to wear rings at all, and I thought it was frivolous to spend hundreds on a ring I didn’t want. At the time my dear dh bought me one anyway, and I wore it a little, but didn’t like to. Never liked the feel of rings on my fingers. We got wedding bands, but when we bought them it was a very cold day. On our wedding day, it was very warm and I could barely get the thing on. The jeweler wouldn’t exchange it and since it had a carving on the side he said if he tried to enlarge it the design might be messed up. We went in two days after the wedding so it was basically unworn, but oh well. A sale is a sale I suppose. So I don’t wear anything now…I don’t think about it much unless someone brings it up.

 

[Writer]

I think the ring is important. It’s important for the man to demonstrate a willingness to sacrifice for his fiancee, and it help her remember how highly she is prized.

My grandparents were poor when they married, and my grandfather worked as unpaid (mostly) minister for the Christian Missionary and Alliance Church. They thought getting a ring was too materialistic–not to mention too expensive–so they gave it up. I believe in its place they gave a special offering to the church. To make a long story short, a few years before my grandmother went on to heaven, they both bought wedding bands. It apparently was something that always bothered my grandmother, but she was quiet about it.

I wish I had a nice story after that about my wife’s ring. While we had it for a good decade, or so, a black lab of ours ate it–we think. Maybe I should start a thread on finding lost rings?

 

[PilgrimSong]

I think the ring is important. It’s important for the man to demonstrate a willingness to sacrifice for his fiancee, and it help her remember how highly she is prized.

I felt loved and valued without a ring. I didn’t need it as a proof of my future dh’s commitment. I can see how one might see a ring that way, but I really do not. To each his own.

Sorry about the dog swallowing the ring though!

 

[PotassiumCl]

In response to the original question, no. We decided to have only the wedding bands which is all that you need.

 

[jman507]

As to the question posted.

*"3. Why don’t guys wear a symbol of something for engagement as well? I never understood that.

I agree–why is that? Maybe some men here will answer. My son asked me that the other day, that he wants to wear a commitment ring when he finds someone special to marry. I love that kid. "*

He wears the bill, and it’s not frivolous. That was money that could have otherwise been spent on other important things like (depending on the guy) tickets to the game, beer, guns, fishing poles & tackle, video games, and the such. For the practical man, that type of money isn’t something to take lightly. Even if he could justify it as possibly in a pinch being able to “McGyver something out of it,” he would run into the dilemma of “if I spent that money on it, I’m not just going to ruin it.” I just thought I’d give some thoughts, I didn’t think there were many takers on that topic.

 

[Phemie]

Yes, but if a man isn’t willing to get one, then even if the woman doesn’t want it she might not appreciate that he wasn’t willing to get one. Perhaps deep down even though you don’t want the ring, you are glad he thought so much of you that he insisted.

No, really to me it felt like he wanted to brand me before he left for 2 years in the military.

Once he insisted, I opted for something quite small, a small emerald with 2 smaller diamonds since I dislike solitaires. My choice was extremely impractical, since emeralds are porous and shouldn’t be worn if you’re going to have your hands in water. Neither could I wear it to work at the hospital, therefore it has spent many years in a drawer and up until about a month ago I couldn’t have told you where it was. I happened to stumble upon it in an old Altoids tin.

 

[Copperman]

A man’s treasure is very important to him. If he is willing to spend it to buy a ring, it shows commitment. People, especially men, value what they have to work for. If he is ready to convert his labor into a request for commitment, it speaks volumes, but it also communicates that he knows he can’t get her “cheap.” He has to exchange something of value for something he values MORE.

Being able to buy a ring means he has money to support a family.

Desiring to give her beauty to increase her own demonstrates passion and adoration.

Yes, I think the ring is important. Mostly because it respects the differences between men and women. When he is ready to take that step it reflects that he is really ready to do what he is doing.

Not perfectly true in all cases, but nearly perfectly true in most cases, I think.

That’s one way (probably the best way) to look at it. But as a man, I have to say there is sometimes a sort of existential/hormonal component to how and why he spends his treasure.

 

[Phemie]

As to the question posted.

*"3. Why don’t guys wear a symbol of something for engagement as well? I never understood that.

I agree–why is that? Maybe some men here will answer. My son asked me that the other day, that he wants to wear a commitment ring when he finds someone special to marry. I love that kid. "*

He wears the bill, and it’s not frivolous. That was money that could have otherwise been spent on other important things like (depending on the guy) tickets to the game, beer, guns, fishing poles & tackle, video games, and the such. For the practical man, that type of money isn’t something to take lightly. Even if he could justify it as possibly in a pinch being able to “McGyver something out of it,” he would run into the dilemma of “if I spent that money on it, I’m not just going to ruin it.” I just thought I’d give some thoughts, I didn’t think there were many takers on that topic.

Forget engagement rings, where I grew up men didn’t even wear wedding bands. It was so rare to see a man with a wedding band that when the tradition started to change it was noted and called a “double ring wedding”.

Mom’s wedding band was really thin & delicate and it broke about 15 years into the marriage, a day or so after she had been playing with mercury. On their 25th anniversary they renewed their vows and exchanged bands. It was the first time Dad had worn a wedding ring and he wore it until his death, 18 years after Mom died.

 

[Guitar]

For the practical man, that type of money isn’t something to take lightly. Even if he could justify it as possibly in a pinch being able to “McGyver something out of it,” he would run into the dilemma of “if I spent that money on it, I’m not just going to ruin it.” I just thought I’d give some thoughts, I didn’t think there were many takers on that topic.

That’s what I thought, in different words … it cost enough to hurt, it’s publicly displayed, and if he leads her on with a promise he doesn’t intend to keep, it’s known all round the town he broke it off and he forfeits the ring and what it cost. Which is usually a motza in beer and fishing tackle and so on and so forth.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

I have read that it was a Pope - Nicolas I - who mandated that rings be given for engagement/betrothal, back when an engagement was considered pretty much a “done deal”.

Is this true? Where is there more information about this?

Hmmmmm so are engagement rings mandatory for Catholics then? What a conversation THAT would be!

 

[whatevergirl]

Forget engagement rings, where I grew up men didn’t even wear wedding bands. It was so rare to see a man with a wedding band that when the tradition started to change it was noted and called a “double ring wedding”.

Mom’s wedding band was really thin & delicate and it broke about 15 years into the marriage, a day or so after she had been playing with mercury. On their 25th anniversary they renewed their vows and exchanged bands. It was the first time Dad had worn a wedding ring and he wore it until his death, 18 years after Mom died.

Aw–this story brings tears to my eyes. I am so glad you shared this. I think it’s interesting that where you grew up, no men wore rings…

 

[Phemie]

Aw–this story brings tears to my eyes. I am so glad you shared this. I think it’s interesting that where you grew up, no men wore rings…

This is what I found when I googled it:

From Wikipedia:
The double-ring ceremony, or use of wedding rings for both partners, is a relatively recent innovation. The American jewellery industry started a marketing campaign aimed at encouraging this practice in the late 19th century. Learning from marketing lessons of the 1920s, changing economic times, and the impact of World War II, led to a more successful marketing campaign, and by the late 1940s, double-ring ceremonies made up for 80% of all weddings, as opposed to 15% before the Great Depression.

That percentage was much lower in the rural area of Canada in which I lived and where money was less than plentiful. Usually only the woman wore a wedding ring and most of the married women I knew had never had an engagement ring.

I remember when DH proposed:
“Would you like a diamond for Christmas?”
This question came two weeks after we met.
“I’ll marry you but I hate jewellery so don’t waste your money.”
We he started to cry I though, “Ooooh boy, he just wanted to buy me a ring, not marry me. Ooops.”

 

[kage_ar]

I remember when my mom got her first diamond from my dad - on their it was around their 15th anniversary. They could not afford fancy diamonds when they were married, plain gold bands were the only wedding rings.

DH bought me a teeny diamond chip ring, $150 was all he could afford. He had a wedding ring that cost $60 at Wal Mart. I wore mine for the first year or so, then, stopped wearing gold. DH’s ring was mangled at work and lost years ago.

We’d been married 15 years when I bought a small plat band at a pawn shop.

Rings did not matter to us. We may look at some matching bands for our 20th.

 

[kage_ar]

From what I have seen, most of the rocks on young ladies left hands do not mean that her Groom to be saved and spent his money on her - it means he passed a credit check at Zales and can afford $50 per month.

 

[notsmart]

I did not read the posts, but the wedding ring I believe is pagan in origin, and I think its best to have a ring as a visible outward sign of an inward reality.

I have been having a dialogue with a friend, who said that she wouldn’t care if a man didn’t give her dd (who is roughly my dd’s age–12 y.o.) a ring, in asking her to marry him. She didn’t have a ring for years, because they were just starting out (aren’t we all?), and her husband waited for a while to ‘surprise’ her with one, after being married for several years.

While I don’t think marriage is about ‘the ring,’ or the wedding, or any of the trimmings that come with the excitement of engagements and marriages–I do think that it shows some effort on the future groom’s part to sacrifice some money, for a ring. Each individual couple deals with this differently, I’m sure. But, one doesn’t have to spend oodles to find a good buy on a diamond…or gemstone ring. There are also claddah rings now, that are considered ‘commitment’ rings, and are becoming more and more popular, because of their price.

My friend said that they were going to use the money on a downpayment on a home. (this is what she and her husband did) I answered…so, if he spent $1000, that would have caused you not to get the house?

I am not a material girl (well, I’m reformed…I admit, I grew up in a very material home…but thankfully, I look past all of that now) but I still think it shows effort on the part of the man, to buy his fiancee a ring. That’s just me. Again, doesn’t have to be a rock, but I think the couple should manage something. I think that it’s very easy to get caught up in the ads that a man ‘needs to spend 2 or 3 months salary on the ring,’ but no, I don’t agree. It should be something that the couple discusses…and comes to agreement with.

Even if it’s a simple gold band…something to symolize the engagement. That’s just me though.

Then, I got to thinking…when did this whole wedding ring business begin? Anyone know?

I look forward to your opinions.

 

[whatevergirl]

From what I have seen, most of the rocks on young ladies left hands do not mean that her Groom to be saved and spent his money on her - it means he passed a credit check at Zales and can afford $50 per month.

That’s an excellent point, kage. I think while it’s a good thing, it can be a destructive thing, because then…let’s say he’s approved for $5k…well, then…the bride to be might be looking at things they normally couldn’t afford, if they were having to save up for it.

My husband saved up for my initial engagement ring…I lost it about 6 years into the marriage. Then, we separated for a while, and so, maybe that was a bad omen or something. Bought a diamond sparkly band after we merged back together…but that was put on credit, and we sort of regret that, because again, maybe I wouldn’t have gone ‘higher’ in the carat weight, had we had to save cash for it. Lesson learned. That ring sits in my jewelry box, and now I wear a stone that is a diamond simulant…which, if any of you are seeking to propose, but want something beautiful, and long lasting (not like a cz although there are good cz’s out there) try moissanite. It’s pricey, but less expensive than diamonds. (really, it’s an amazing stone-and you have no worries about conflict diamonds–plus, it appreciates–I rec’d an appraisal certificate, just like I would with a diamond) I think the reason it’s pricier is because of the labwork done to make it test like a diamond, I’m not sure on that. My dh said last year when we bought this…‘if we had known about this stone…we could have saved a bundle.’

Anyways!

For me…what does the ring mean? It means a symbol of my love for my husband…an outward sign of something internal , as notsmart said. My husband feels the same of his ring. We have a newfound appreciation especially after being separated–of marriage. We love being married to one another, and want the world to know. (Is that weird?)

Sadly, in our society, wearing a ring doesn’t always sway people from hitting on married folks. I have a coworker in my company’s Miami office, who says that he is hit on frequently, and wears a pretty bold wedding ring…so it’s hard to miss. He said it’s like a new thing now–women hitting on married men.

Whatever!!! Why is our society so messed up?

 

[kage_ar]

He said it’s like a new thing now–women hitting on married men.

Whatever!!! Why is our society so messed up?

Not a new thing, when we were first married and DH wore a ring women at work started hitting on him as soon as that ring went on.

I’ve heard older men say the same thing happend to them - seems for certain women there is nothing more attractive than a married man.

 

[whatevergirl]

Not a new thing, when we were first married and DH wore a ring women at work started hitting on him as soon as that ring went on.

I’ve heard older men say the same thing happend to them - seems for certain women there is nothing more attractive than a married man.

Ew! that’s downright disturbing, isn’t it?

 

[Litcrit]

Even if it’s a simple gold band…something to symolize the engagement. That’s just me though.

When my husband and I got engaged - a year into our relationship - we were 19, students and dirt poor. We went shopping for a ring together and he bought me a simple small silver band from one of those street salesmen selling rock-style silver jewelry, badges, T-shirts and stuff. It cost as much as a cup of coffee in a cafe. It did mean something concrete to us, and prevented other guys from hitting on me!