Just wondering, I suppose it was also an aspect of the courtly culture. That culture was there, together with the knight’s code, but the romanticised tenets were not precisely obeyed even at its peak. There were moments, however, when the customs where more strictly adhered to. There was a time when knights would kneel on one knee to a lady as a measure of extreme respect, but generally that’s something associated with queens or princesses or any other immediate ruling family and perhaps religious superiors. One reason hand-kissing looks so awkward these days is that it wasn’t a gesture designed to perform standing.
I suppose in the 19th century, they were perhaps not much farther from actually kneeling down than we are now from kissing hands; it wasn’t as extreme to them as it is to us anyway. Today feudalism is long gone, secular kneeling is absent, this one gesture somehow survives. I don’t have much of a problem with it, but for the reasons I wrote about in the previous post, I wouldn’t do it myself unless perhaps the tradition seemed fitting for some very particular reason. I definitely wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have enough respect for the particular person, but then I wouldn’t be proposing in the first place, so this point is a bit less relevant.
As for ahead preparation, I think if the man is guaranteed a positive answer and the woman is prepared for the question, the actual proposal becomes a ritual gesture. It becomes somehow theatrical, I think. Sure, it’s nice to know ahead, but then why keep the ritual facade (I don’t mean this as a derogatory term) instead of simply talking it over and making arrangements? It looks a bit like the Romans of the late rebublic or early empire, who finalised a transaction in whatever way or currency they normally would and then touched a scale with a bronze coin to make it legitimate in the law of their ancestors
(per aes et libram, by bronze and scale, ritual form of purchase from the early republic or even older)
. Well, whatever works for people is hardly my business, but I don’t feel particularly fond of the idea of people being pressured into it, say, by a woman or in-laws won’t accept the man if he won’t kneel down. Such customs should be followed, or rather revived, and such gesture employed, only if they have some actual meaning to the people involved. But to answer your question, well, the woman should know where things are going for a moment (marriage, not proposal) if she is to answer such questions. Obviously, she doesn’t have to answer immediately. This is just my view, of course, and it doesn’t particularly hurt me if people do things their way.
Whatevergirl, I trust this counts towards your question as well.
By the way, the
wikipedia entry is inaccurate. People don’t have to be in a relationship to propose.
Historically, I suppose they rarely were.
