Is a ring important when a man proposes marriage?

[whatevergirl]

I think it’s important…not that one can’t be engaged without one, but it is a signifying emblem…of the joy that God uniting a couple together in love for a lifetime of marriage,
laughter,
tears,
friendship,
romance,
stress, fun,
toilet seats UP,
toilet seats DOWN,
it’s your turn to change him,
not until you’re 18,
college is HOW much?
honey I wrecked the car,
we have to go NOW!,
because I said so-that’s why,
no I don’t know where it is-where did you see it last…,
hamburger helper again?,
do these make me look fat?
, not in MY house,
are you coming to bed?,
ummm the test showed a plus sign again honey,
it’s a BOY,
it’s a GIRL,
Happy Anniversary Darling,

or it’s just a piece of metal…LOL

This has the makings of a commercial!

 

[iluvmybabies]

Well, I’ve been married for 9 1/2 years and I still don’t have an engagement ring. My husband and I have simple bands for which we spent $125 each (iirc). I was 22 and DH was 19 when we got married. We were young and both active duty military. We spent a total of $500 to $600 on the wedding.

Material matters just aren’t important to us. If a ring is important to any particular girl, then she should find a man who will provide one. I remember wedding my DH for richer or for poorer. We had other things to sacrifice, why spend money we didn’t have for a ring I couldn’t even wear due to my profession? (Rings can take off fingers if they catch on a ladderwell aboard ship) Because of that choice, we had more money to spend on nursery items as I got pregnant 5 months after we got married. Maybe it’s better to save for the future than fritter away money on things that aren’t really necessary. I have 9 1/2 years experience on what’s necessary.

I like your way of thinking…I strongly believe a ring is not important… but as society and family has it it’s a necessity to prove it’s serious and more than ever going to be…Well what happens when someone is engaged and 1 month before the wedding they decide forget it…my bf’s new sis in law did that last year…they were scheduled to be married, after 6 years of dating, huge rock, man still owes on it, and 1 month before she called it off, said they needed a break…1 year later the marriage took place…but seriously…spend all that money for something that could be thrown away in a second? DUNNO?? Do I have an engagement ring, well since I have really sensitive skin, I am allergic to a lot of metal things, unless I want to be getting shots every other month…It’s hard for me to keep rings on my fingers… SO all of my rings are stashed away!!! Once in a while I will wear it…

 

[whatevergirl]

I like your way of thinking…I strongly believe a ring is not important… but as society and family has it it’s a necessity to prove it’s serious and more than ever going to be…Well what happens when someone is engaged and 1 month before the wedding they decide forget it…my bf’s new sis in law did that last year…they were scheduled to be married, after 6 years of dating, huge rock, man still owes on it, and 1 month before she called it off, said they needed a break…1 year later the marriage took place…but seriously…spend all that money for something that could be thrown away in a second? DUNNO?? Do I have an engagement ring, well since I have really sensitive skin, I am allergic to a lot of metal things, unless I want to be getting shots every other month…It’s hard for me to keep rings on my fingers… SO all of my rings are stashed away!!! Once in a while I will wear it…

I’m glad I’m not allergic to rings…lol! But to earrings, I am…for some reason…I have a hard time with most metals.

I think to each’s own with the whole ring thing. I personally find it to be a wonderful tradition, and doesn’t have to break the bank if two people are careful in shopping smart. Have a good night, luvmybabies! Hope things work out in your world, with your mom and your fiance’s mom. You sound like a sweet person–you deserve to be happy.

 

[chevalier]

Hi - sorry for not making my point clearer (serves me right for posting when it’s really late at night!) - I did realise you were making an academic point, but what I was trying to express (very poorly, as I can see when I reread my post after a good night’s sleep…) was that while I agree that kneeling has often represented supplication and/or worship, actions (like words) can change their meanings over time as cultures effectively ‘forget’.

No worries, I just wanted to avoid offending everyone sharing memories and appreciating the bona fide courtesy most people find in it.

So what I meant was that the man kneeling to propose marriage has become a symbol of the honour he gives to his future bride rather than a gesture of grovelling and supplication - it’s a way of showing that he will feel honoured if she agrees to marry him (just as she ought to feel honoured that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her). That is not to say that he should put her on a pedestal, but if each person doesn’t feel lucky to be marrying the other, I do feel very sorry for them!

Well, no matter how you look at it, kneeling is putting someone a pedestal. In fact, it may already be even if it doesn’t go as far as kneeling. The “pedestal” about which many women actually complain these days is a good tradition, putting a strain on them because it makes demands (we aren’t talking about juvenile near-idolatry, which is accepted, but about the chivalry in which apart from gentlemen’s rules there are also ladies’ rules). Some measure of decorum must be there, albeit in attitude first before gesture.

Hopefully that makes my point clearer and sorry if I’m now the one beating a dead horse

Now we’re going to get lynched. Speaking of time-honoured customs.

On the topic of asking for permission from the father, I agree that implies a lack of autonomy on the part of an adult woman, but checking whether the parents are happy with the marriage would, under normal circumstances, be a lovely sign of respect to the people who’ve brought up the future bride-to-be. In a way, I kind of wish my husband had spoken to my parents first, but we already knew that both sets of parents were very happy about our relationship, and when we announced our engagement they were both very effusive about it, so it was all fine

Agreed. I would just be happier if people universally knew that asking parental permission is not a religious matter. More of a matter of the social order, although in the Bible there is plenty of asking permission or getting the bride from her father. Well, there obviously is something in it, the matter is just that no one can supplant her consent if it isn’t there. I will just content myself with noting that the father’s veto power is not absolute.

 

[iluvmybabies]

This theme keeps coming up–sacrifice. I’m not sure why buying the ring should be a financial “sacrifice” for the man. My engagement ring was quite possibly the least expensive ring in the store (I picked it out). I’m not into big diamonds, or big rings; that’s just not my style. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but it just feels wasteful to me to spend so much money on jewelry. I know my husband adores me–he shows me in so many ways; expensive jewelry just isn’t one of them.

Of course, we may be just a bit different than other couples. Neither of us can wear our rings at work. DH hasn’t worn his ring in years. Doesn’t faze me a bit. I do have a plain gold band from Wal-mart that I wear all the time. The engagement ring/wedding ring stays home most of the time.

Of course, I’m with the other book lovers–if DH had proposed with a gift card to Barnes and Noble, that’s a whole 'nother story.

That’s cute!! See that’s how I feel as well…I really can’t wear rings because I get an allergic reaction so it isn’t really fair to spend so much money on something that is stashed away for a while you know? I do wear it on special occassions but still…

 

[joandarc2008]

On the note of parental permission I have to say that the state things were in with my Future In-Laws when our Pre-CANA started did not allow for parental permission on their end although my parents were very happy at two in the morning when I called them and told them he had proposed. They even congratulated both of us. My father had flown down with my mother special when things started “getting serious” to meet him and although they never said the words I think things were understood in that “male kinda way.” Although things are better with my future In laws the free to marry forms on my fiance’s side were actually done by two of his groomsmen. The whole thing was sad on that matter but it has been a work in progress and I think starting Pre-CANA allowed us to start that healing with them. They would not take us seriously or see their 30 year old son as an adult until the Church did. Oh well, the only perfect person died on the cross and he was the Son of God.

God Bless,

 

[sanctamaria17]

Yeah, my main issue is financial sacrifice. I don’t need people to buy things for me, especially things I don’t like or won’t use to prove how much they care for me.

As for parental permission, that would not fly. By the time I get married, I will have traveled to at least six countries (been to four by myself already, two more next year, one to study abroad, the other to visit a friend), I’ll be economically independent, I’ll have graduated college, I’ll be working, I already live five hours away. If I didn’t have to ask to move to the city, to travel (on my dime), or to make a life for myself, why do I need to ask them if I can get married? Obviously, my future DH will have to meet my family, get to know them, and I’ll definitely take their opinions into account. As it stands, I do ask my mother for advice in that area. But ultimately, the decision rests with me and him. No one else. Yes, it could be about sentiment, but what does that sentiment convey? That my parents own me? No one owns me but God, that goes for all of us, man and woman. Also, the guys I’m usually into (very Catholic ones) are not into that sort of thing.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t need people to buy things for me…oh, well, if they must…lol But, seriously…I don’t ‘need’ a ring, it’s just a nice traditional gesture. Let’s not make it like people who wear wedding rings need people to buy things for them, to prove love. That’s not what a ring should ever be about.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I know what you mean, WG I was responding to a previous post about a man “wearing the bill” so to speak and hearing about how much these things can cost just amazes me.

But those are just my views. I don’t tend to wear a lot of jewelry anyway, so it’s just my spin.

 

[whatevergirl]

I know what you mean, WG I was responding to a previous post about a man “wearing the bill” so to speak and hearing about how much these things can cost just amazes me.

But those are just my views. I don’t tend to wear a lot of jewelry anyway, so it’s just my spin.

**ha–I missed that comment. Ok then–sorry! Yeah, it’s really what works best for you. If my daughter doesn’t want her fiance someday to buy her a ring, he can always feel free to spend the money on his future mother in law, like a tennis bracelet or something. lol! I’m kidding I’m kidding.

I think that buying a ring within one’s buying abilities, is best. I never thought it wise to be 4 years into a marriage, and the couple is still paying on an engagement ring. But, it’s easy to do. I admit having a spending problem years back, and credit debt is thee worst! So, my advice to my own kids, is make sure you buy within your budget…

Jewelry stores now have their own lines of credit…it’s very very tempting for many people, especially a couple giddy in love, and are shopping for rings, to really go over the top with carat size, etc… **

 

[Phemie]

That is an excellent post, T. Thank you for that.

I also can’t help but wonder…would a couple seriously not know how one another’s parents feel about their relationship until the engagement? I think that even if my kids live off in far away lands some day, and I don’t get an oppty to meet the person they choose to marry–I’d hope I’d get to know them through email…phone…SOMETHING?? :twocents:

Well, I just called my future DIL to wish her happy birthday and in the course of the conversation about the wedding she revealed that she had no idea that her future husband was Catholic. Talk about feeling like a failure as a parent.

 

[kevinnov09]

Before the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding begins, starting a marriage off on

the right foot begins with a romantic marriage proposal. Traditionally, the man proposes,

but women can propose too. The wedding ring or engagement ring is a key to make the

marriage proposal memorable and romantic.

Antique Rings

 

[Kindness]

My engagement ring 14 yrs ago was a Princess cut diamond (square) on a very thin simple gold band. Unfortunately the diamond fell out and was lost about 1.5 yrs ago. My wedding ring was (at my request) a matching thin gold band which because it was so skinny cost under $100 . My dh had “faith, hope and love” engraved on the inside.

Without my engagement ring my wedding ring kept falling off my finger, so I stopped wearing it and my fingers are bare as I type this! It makes my dh very anxious, he says he’s worried someone will think I’m not married. Anyway he wanted to get me another ring and dragged me around some jewelers before we left the USA. I had too much to think about with getting ready to move and sell our house and I just could not make a decison quickly and under pressure for something I would wear forever. So I asked if we could wait until we got to Europe. I’m still ringless! But it’s my own fault cos dh keeps reminding me to get out there and choose something! Maybe this thread is God’s nudging

%between%

 

[Kit15]

I admit I had wanted a ring…

Very soon as we started dating, my then bf, had requested something to wear to remember me by (we knew each other for many years beforehand…this question was not as out of line at the time). His last girlfriend had made him a bracelet and he never took it off while they were together. So I gave him a pewter necklace I had in my possession but didn’t wear regularly. It wasn’t that feminine looking anyway. When he lost it a few years later I gave him a nice manly Claddaugh ring for the following Christmas.

Now I never explicitly asked for any jewelry in return. Though I did mention that his sentiments ran both ways, I’d also like a small something to wear and remind me of him. For our (dating) anniversary, he gave me a costume jewelry necklace with some blue stones that (looking back on it) was a liiiittle bit gaudy. But I wore it until the metal rusted the stones all popped out. It sent a wordless message that you do get what you pay for…and he didn’t fight me when I said that I would like to have a real engagement ring if the time ever came. He knew he had it EASY because I’m very low maintenance. He could indulge me just this once.

We DID debate the stone though . He didn’t want to spend money on a diamond because of objections against the diamond industry (not just mining ethics but also that prices are artificially inflated). And I really didn’t want a different gem (probably would have been a sapphire since blue is my favorite color) because I did not want it to be mistaken for a birthstone ring…

After many weeks of research, we compromised on a lab-grown diamond. At the time the technology for clear stones had not been perfected. But yellow, pink, and blue stones were being made. Yellow being the easiest to produce and find and blue being the hardest. So I have an icy-blue diamond solitaire.

 

[forever_always]

When my fiancee proposed the first time, he gave me his mother’s ring… he hated it though because he wanted me to have my own ring! A few months later he was able to save up for one (I like simple rings, and he wanted to get something big) we compromised, I wanted him to save his money so we would have more to fix up the house with etc. I love having the ring, but i don’t think engagement rings are necessary… i do believe that wedding bands are though. We have talked about getting the military issued wedding bands to save money… but… i think we are going to try to save up some money first

 

[Kindness]

I want to apologize I didn’t mean to advocate any advertising, the main point of my previous post was just to let you know that you can get ethically mined diamonds from North America, ask a jeweler.

Thank you.