Thanks to all for your honest posts. I now realise how insensitive my earlier post about ‘not getting any younger’ looks. That’s honestly not the way I’m thinking about this relationship, though I can’t deny the idea of not being young together and having many years of youth to raise a family together isn’t what I’d planned. At the same time, God doesn’t always go by what we’d ‘planned’. If anything, I think I’m the one who’s getting old fast. I can see how I’m not exactly an attractive prospect as a husband for the next 3 years while I live on almost nothing and complete my graduate degree, and by then I’ll be 30, and won’t be able to be a young husband and father with anyone. I do feel that if I don’t marry while still young, then maybe I’m not called to marry at all.
Of course I think of my girlfriend as more than a means to my own holiness. I want to love her! She is the most wonderful, caring, aware, beautiful person, with a lively Catholic faith that she is still developing and exploring, from a strong Catholic family, she’s dedicated to her job and loves learning, and enjoys so many of the same things I do. If anything, my biggest problem is seeing how I can help her! I have some head-knowledge of my faith, but she’s lived it with such devotion. I can enjoy spending time with her, but she’s the one with the job, the income, the car, etc. while I’m a poor graduate student. I don’t know what I have to offer, but I know she enjoys spending time with me, so I’ll keep things up for now.
Yes, I still have feelings for my ex, but once I know things are serious, as I hope I soon will, I will be able to give up those feelings for good. We can all avoid sinful affections, it’s just a case of focussing on something else. Love will come with time, if it’s right.
I’m sorry, I understand you are explaining the worry of getting older and starting marriage life ‘late’, but I think you’ve completely disregarded the concern I had for the outrageous statement you made.
The statement saying that you wanted marriage, she doesn’t have many more chances, and she seems drawn to you.
If any of my friends said this about someone that they were courting I would set them straight and say that they are
using the other person to get their image of what they want.
You say you want to love her and self-sacrifice for her, but so far all I see is what YOU want for YOU out of this relationship.
Think about if SHE wants to further a relationship with someone that thinks of her in this manner!
I’ve repeated over and over, it’s ok not to have a spark with someone right off the bat. Relationships do take time to mature.
BUT it doesn’t matter if you had the hugest spark with her at this very moment because of the way you think about her.
I’m cautioning you because you have to think your way down the road where marriage gets tough and sometimes nasty. What resources would you have to draw upon? The fact that you think you married someone that had all the requirements checked off, no one else wanted, and came along when you wanted to marry someone?
Do you think she’s dim? Do you think she’s not going to get that you don’t love her?
Do you think you are going to be able to fool her until you can muster the miracle of loving her?
Every single poster here needs to imagine you have a wonderful, giving, intelligent daughter who deserves respect and honesty.
Then imagine someone saying he wants to court your daughter but thinks:
I feel called to marriage, and she might not have many more chances left, and she seems drawn to me…I can see the joy of self-sacrifice in this relationship, and not a lot else. I look at our future and see the cross, and that alone keeps me wanting to want to love her.
**
Then tell me your honest thoughts.
I’m not trying to demonize the OP. Life decisions are confusing and relationship issues can be complex. But this confusion isn’t going to get cleared away if he thinks this is the right way to think about a prospective life partner regardless of spark or no spark.
So, again DL82, please address the issue I pointed out. Any other explainations, descriptions, hopes and good intentions are null and void unless you address this seriously.
I also pray for the both of you, but especially for the lady that is the object of your intentions (or possible intentions). I doubt she’s a stupid woman, and I cringe at thought of when she realizes what you think of her or had thought of her at one time.
:heaven:
penWindow(‘cr/1634.htm’)
Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.