Is "being nice" an overrated virtue?

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Being polite gets you places. Maybe you are laying it on too thick. If you misread a particular social scenario, coming off as excessively emotional is not necessarily “nice” but off-putting.

Just be polite and bear your cross daily 🙂
 
I try hard to always be nice. Not necessarily for them, but for me. It feels good to be nice.

I don’t know that I would say being nice is a virtue. Being nice is a currency. It is something of value that you can pass on to someone else.
 
Someone can be “nice” and be mean as a snake.

We are called to be kind, compassionate and charitable.
 
We know Who will help us pick up our crosses every day, in good times and difficult times, and keep us on our path to Him. Don’t forget to eat and rest.
 
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I’d like to think they don’t get everything, I think there’s always a price for bad behavior, even when it’s not readily apparent to us. (And a benefit to goodness, though not readily or immediately apparent to us).
 
Not hostility per se. The whole screaming, “Burn the heretic!” routine doesn’t turn out all that effectively. Tact and delicacy need to be used. Polite disagreement is a better way of expressing opposition. For Protestants, especially so, as they’re “so close, yet so far”. Never compromise the truth, but don’t be unmentionably rude while spreading it.
 
Truth and Honesty are better virtues to follow. If you really love someone, you will be honest with them and correct them because you want them to become better (who wouldn’t want a loved one to improve). It might be hard, it might be painful, but a harsh truth is better and more useful than a comforting lie.
“Niceness” is a way of applying truth. It shouldn’t really stand alone as that provides an opportunity to compromise truth. In light of the virtue of truth, is the question of how you act it out and apply it. Niceness can be a way of dulling the pain of some kinds of truths. Bluntness can be too harsh for people and can actually obfuscate the truth.

All things being equal, be nice. But otherwise, be truthful and honest.

Should being nice be a thing to strive for? Yes.
Is it a chief virtue? No, not even close.
 
BigRon said:
I’ve never gotten anywhere with these either. It is soul destroying to be like this and constantly get kicked in the teeth.
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With all due respect, imagine telling Jesus this on the day of the judgement and his reaction. This always gets me to step up my game.

People seem to either go with the fluffy teddy bear version of Christianity, or Jesus-in-the-temple version, and we all seem to forget that Christ honestly had a mixture of both. He was a kind and compassionate man to sinners, he just knew when to be firm and when to smile and focus on making sure the other feels loved first.
 
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On my desk I keep a small statue of Christ carrying His cross. It helps me remember to “bless them who curse me” and to “love my enemies”.
 
Yes, but we have to eat and rest too to keep up our strength in order to carry our crosses.
 
Bill_B_NY said:
If it is, indeed, a virtue at all?

Our American culture tends to value a kind of superficial friendliness. Our Protestant neighbors often excel in offering a friendly demeanor and a smiling countenance.

But it is reasonable to expect someone, for example, who is suffering severe pain, to always be warm and friendly. Should a person who tragically lost wife and children in a disaster attend the funeral with smiles and cheerful quips for everyone?

I think not. Instead, there will be tears, shortness of words, and a focus on the most serious aspects of life.

What do you think?
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“They will know you by your love” - Jesus of Nazareth, circa 30 AD/CE
 
BigRon said:
Unfortunately I have never gotten anywhere by being nice. You genuinely get trampled on by people. That doesn’t mean I won’t be nice but throughout my life it hasn’t helped at all especially as some people assume you are up to something or want something for being nice. I have seen the most nasty people get everything they want in life.
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BigRon said:
I’ve never gotten anywhere with these either. It is soul destroying to be like this and constantly get kicked in the teeth.
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Maybe you’re doing it wrong?
 
Maybe although bad guys always hate nice guys unless they can get something from them. There was one woman at work, an atheist who would use God’s name in vain all the time, when she was around me and did it she would always apologise (it seemed sincere), to everyone else they start to view you as someone who hates gays and associates with paedophiles (their words). Being nice changes nothing although if I wasn’t nice I could stop it by lowering myself to their level. As a an when you are nice people think you want something and don’t trust you. Bad guys have women buzzing around them all the time and men want to be like them. Maybe it’s different in your country?
 
Being nice? I think, on the contrary, being either indifferent or rude is regarded as a virtue in present-day Western culture.
 
BigRon said:
Maybe although bad guys always hate nice guys unless they can get something from them. There was one woman at work, an atheist who would use God’s name in vain all the time, when she was around me and did it she would always apologise (it seemed sincere), to everyone else they start to view you as someone who hates gays and associates with paedophiles (their words). Being nice changes nothing although if I wasn’t nice I could stop it by lowering myself to their level. As a an when you are nice people think you want something and don’t trust you. Bad guys have women buzzing around them all the time and men want to be like them. Maybe it’s different in your country?
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Are we talking here about being nice to people or nice to women, specifically?
 
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