Is being single a vocation or a state in life?

[Bruised_Reed]

I would think it is a vocation.

Priests and religious can still be given a dispensation to leave the priesthood and marry. Married people can get their marriages annulled or be widowed. Single people can become married or enter the religious life or priesthood. Therefore, none of them are permanent vocations per se and as such I would think the single life is also a vocation.

It’s true that a dispensation can be given but that doesn’t mean that it’s not a permanent vocation. Either the person didn’t have a vocation to the priesthood or he is turning his back on it. A vocation is given by God and lived out by the person or couple in the case of marriage. A marriage annulled does not mean the vocation came to an end but that it wasn’t fulfilled.

However, the argument can be made that everyone starts off single and one has to take affirmative action to become a priest or religious or get married. Therefore the single life must be a state and only temporary on the path to a vocation.

Even so, there is precedant for temporay vocations. It is my understanding all priests are first deacons but considered part of the temporary diaconate. There are, however, permanent deacons. If a deacon in the termporary diaconate determined he was not called to the priesthood, my guess would be he could still retain his diaconate and be a permanent deacon.

I’m curious if that last statement is true. Anyone know for sure?

Therefore, after careful discening, the single person who is discerning his vocaton can determine he is called to actually remain to a permanent singlehood similar to a permanent diaconate.

That being said, right now, all I know is I need to finish law school. I’m still open to whatever my vocation might be…

I don’t really think there is a vocation to the single life other than consecrated virgins (Canon 604) and I consider that a vocation more akin to the religious life it’s just not in community.

We might have a vocation to marriage but just because we don’t find Mr. or Ms. Right doesn’t mean one doesn’t have a vocation. It just isn’t fulfilled or perhaps just not fulfilled in the typical way. For example, I’m not married but I continue to prepare myself for that through prayer, being chaste, nurturing friendships and making sacrifices with marriage in mind (i.e. sometimes deferring to another’s ideas or wishes at work or with friends) plus doing things to support marriage and family. I think helping watch friends kids or otherwise giving of one’s time is preparation and if not, it’s always something to offer God. And if I don’t marry? I lived out my vocation best I could. If one shouldn’t marry or can’t (i.e. someone who is impotent) one can do the same thing.

 

[brigid12]

If it is the result of a conscious commitment with permanent intent, then yes it is a vocation.

If it is just because you either have not found someone for whatever reason, or do not feel drawn to religious life, then it is not.



Seems kinda simple to me.

I agree, however with a modifier being that one can individually consecrate themselves to God for their lifetime (in a permanent vow) without being a part of a religious order, possibly due to health, age, etc. “Vocation” does imply a permanent vow, however being part of a religious order (or married) is not necessary. For example, remember the “true widows” in Acts?

 

[Salonika]

Yes, I see your point. If you’re staying single because you think you might not be suited to the vocation of marriage, that’s commendable and shows good discernment.

However, I think that if being single really is a “vocation” and not just a “state in life”, then there has to be more to it than simply not getting married. What exactly do you see yourself doing in this vocation?

It will be different for each person who decides that marriage is not for them. Single people, like married people and priests and religious, have different skills, abilities and aptitudes. Some of what we will do will include:

• nurturing ourselves
• giving time (and if necessary and possible money) to reducing inequalities in our town, country and internationally
• being a good member of our family
• spending time with and helping our friends
• deepening our spirituality and our expression of it.

 

[brigid12]

As another who is skeptical of my “doing” marriage as it needs to be “done”, I know I need to leave a space open in my life for His Will. Therefore, since I don’t believe I’m called to be a consecrated religious (not counting third order), I’m reading/learning all that I can about marriage (real marriage, not the travesty I spent 19 years in) in order to be obedient to Him if He should call me to that.

 

[Cara_Serrano]

It will be different for each person who decides that marriage is not for them. Single people, like married people and priests and religious, have different skills, abilities and aptitudes. Some of what we will do will include:

• nurturing ourselves
• giving time (and if necessary and possible money) to reducing inequalities in our town, country and internationally
• being a good member of our family
• spending time with and helping our friends
• deepening our spirituality and our expression of it.

The things you mentioned seem to apply to any Christian’s life, not just single Christians. I still don’t see how this vocation is different. What things do you do in the single vocation that priests, religious, and married people don’t do?

As for the different “skills, abilities, and aptitudes”… yes we all (single, married, and religious) have them, but our responsibilities differ within each vocation. Ex; Regardless of a priest’s personal skills, he is called to pray the Divine Office daily, to be celibate, to say Mass, to minister sacraments, etc., that I as a married person am not required to do. I think in order for “single” to be a vocation, there would have to be certain specific responsibilities that you fulfill which are not required of or not specific to the other vocations.

I’m not saying it can’t be a full Christain life; I just don’t see it as a separate vocation.

 

[Salonika]

Cara Serrano:

The things you mentioned seem to apply to any Christian’s life, not just single Christians. I still don’t see how this vocation is different.

It is different in the sense that we are called to the single life and not the priesthood, the religious life or marriage. It is different in the sense that if we followed the other vocations we would not be following our vocation.
Cara Serrano:

What things do you do in the single vocation that priests, religious, and married people don’t do?

I don’t think it is what we do that is different - we are not a separate species - hence my list but we do them alone because we feel called to do it this way. We are not doing them alone because we haven’t met that the special person, or because we have rejected the religious life or the priesthood which also provides a family type structure. Nor are we doing them alone because we dislike other people - some of us are quite sociable.
Carra Serrano:

I think in order for “single” to be a vocation, there would have to be certain specific responsibilities that you fulfil which are not required of or not specific to the other vocations.

There is a something about our responsibility being for ourselves not someone or something else being responsible with/for us. Need to think more about this before I say more.
Carra Serrano:

I’m not saying it can’t be a full Christian life; I just don’t see it as a separate vocation.

Thank you. Wish there were more people who saw that we can live a full Christian and other lives.

Being older and used to it, I no longer get angry but still get tired of the accusations of selfishness and that I don’t like people because I consider I was called to be single.

Interestingly some of these accusations comes from other single, people. Maybe those who are single by circumstances not choice.

 

[WarriorInChrist]

Being single is both a vocation AND a state in life. It’s a state in life for those who later choose and become married. It is a vocation for those who openly choose that path. Being single, in my own experiences, is also a vocation when you choose to be single over settling down with someone who doesn’t share your same viewpoints or doesn’t live the way you live, i.e. in a Catholic way of living.

 

[Nat2]

Our parish priest always teaches that it is a vocation.

 

[ladybuggirl84]

It starts as a state of life. Everyone is single at some point. Then as God leads you, it can become a vocation. Getting married is considered a vocation. Becoming a priest or a nun is considered a vocation. This is because it is a life choice you have made (with God’s guidance) and will follow it faithfully.

Being single can then become a vocation, if that is what God is calling you to be.

Kristina