Is chastity realistic in the 21st century?

[Carina20]

It’s realistic but not popular. But who wants to be popular in a world filled with perversion and disease? If I had a daughter, I’d rather she marry at 18 under the watchful eye of a community of believers and as a faithful Christian, than to have her come to me at 22 telling me she is pregnant and the father of the baby won’t even talk to her, even though they’ve been dating 4 years and having ‘protected’ sex and love each other. I think if your gonna date, you need to be preparing for marriage and using the time to properly discern if the person would be on the same page as you on things that matter in a marriage. Not just dating for practice or to have a boyfriend as an accessory. Young people need positive role models and support, not just people telling them they’re too young or too immature. Show them how to be more mature and encourage them. Would you like it or listen to anyone who said you were too old or too stupid to do something?

 

[Non_sum_dignus]

It’s realistic but not popular. But who wants to be popular in a world filled with perversion and disease? If I had a daughter, I’d rather she marry at 18 under the watchful eye of a community of believers and as a faithful Christian, than to have her come to me at 22 telling me she is pregnant and the father of the baby won’t even talk to her, even though they’ve been dating 4 years and having ‘protected’ sex and love each other. I think if your gonna date, you need to be preparing for marriage and using the time to properly discern if the person would be on the same page as you on things that matter in a marriage. Not just dating for practice or to have a boyfriend as an accessory. Young people need positive role models and support, not just people telling them they’re too young or too immature. Show them how to be more mature and encourage them. Would you like it or listen to anyone who said you were too old or too stupid to do something?

I think this question strikes to the root of what Jesus meant when he told us to be in the world, but not of it.

 

[AdamP88]

Chastity and Virginity are out of fashion in a society where 12 kids give birth to other kids; where prostitution of kids is rampant; where people go to Thailand and other poor countries to have sex with minors; where some parents ask the daughters whether they are STILL virgin (Time Magazine); where some people comment that a 10-year old marriage is already a TOO long marriage; where Paria Hilton is considered a model; where a 25-year old virgin is considered deranged; where collecting partners is a proof of a real, vivid, fully human way of life; where a 50-year old marriage comes as big news in TV; where in the movies, 5 minutes after they met they are already in bed; where you make pre-nuptial agreements, meaning, this is not going to last; where the songs, in 20 years, changed the lines from “I love you” to “It’s gonna be good tonight” (at least could be “this week”); where, finally, you be born of a sperm and a ovula, raised in another womb and educated by another family: so 5 parents in all…

Yes, Chastity as preached by the Church is out of fashion. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, given the state of this rotten society.

Chastity is not out of fashion - it never will be. The argument you make for chastity being out of fashion is, in fact, a stronger argument that chastity is required now more than ever.

Essentially, the idea of chastity is taking the idea of loving our neighbour into a relationship. We are called to treat the other person with the utmost respect. Not to lust after them or give in to sexual temptation.

We don’t always succeed but it’s what we are called to do, because the Lord calls us to rise above our fallen nature.

There are valid practical reasons for chastity as well as the spiritual ones.

It’s not as if the church just decided this would be a good idea to spoil everybody’s fun.

 

[mytruepower2]

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try to be chaste. But I don’t necessarily think that premarital sex, heavy petting, etc. is always a mortal sin either. Times have changed, but our bodies haven’t. We’re only human, and holding hands for years just doesn’t seem very realistic. Though it is a good ideal, one surely to be strived for—with God’s help.

Well, firstly, nothing is -always- a mortal sin. You need to know that it’s wrong, do it anyway, and not be sorry for it afterwards in order for it to be a mortal sin. Under those circumstances, premarital sex falls within the definition of adultery in the 6th commandment.

Secondly, when you say that “times have changed,” you seem to be implying, with this statement, that morality has also changed, since the issue of mortal sin is clearly a moral issue.

I don’t see how this is possible, for the following reason.

Step 1: God’s existence provides all true morality.

If God exists, we have good reasons for thinking that moral values exist independent of whether anyone agrees with them or not.
If God does not exist, we do not have good reasons for thinking that moral values exist independent of whether anyone agrees with them or not.
However, God does exist.
Therefore, we have good reasons for thinking that moral values are independent of whether or not we agree with them.

This is because moral values of this sort (“objective” moral values,) must have their ultimate source within God.

They cannot have their source within human beings, or morality becomes the same thing as a preference for cheese; no different from any other casual opinion.

They cannot have their source within groups of human beings, because that would merely make moral values trends, and therefore, killing people in concentration camps wouldn’t really be -wrong,- just unfashionable.

In order for -anything- to be -truly- wrong, there needs to be an absolute and permanent basis for that wrongness; a basis that can only be found in the moral nature of almighty God.

Step 2: God has revealed his will for us by raising Jesus from the dead.

The resurrection of Jesus proves that Jesus was who he says he was, and therefore, that his teachings on morality (and other things) are correct. One thing that he did was to found a church, which he said would be lead to “all truth.” Because of this, we know that whatever the church teaches, officially, in matters of faith and morals, is God’s truth.

Step 3: God’s truth cannot be changed.

God created the universe. We know this because the universe is not eternal in the past, and therefore requires a cause. The only way for the same claim to -not- apply to God is for God to -be- eternal, and therefore unchanging. After all, for something to change over time involves it having a series of parts, or -moments,- through which to change. But an -actually- infinite series of parts is logically-impossible. Therefore, in order to be a sufficient first cause of the universe, God -must- be timeless. If he is timeless, his nature cannot change, and if his nature cannot change, neither can the morality based on that nature.

Conclusion: The morality revealed by God is unchanged and unchangeable, no matter how many people try to argue with it. You don’t win an argument with God, except by conceding the point.

If all that is a little much to process, just think of it this way; if God could change the nature of right and wrong, that would be like breaking his word, and an infinitely-honest being can’t -ever- break his word.

 

[AthenaC]

Is chastity realistic in the 21st century?

Realistic? No. Expected? Yes.

 

[andremiguel]

Realistic? No. Expected? Yes.

Realistic? Yes. There are prople who do it. There is a USA runner who says she is virgin and she has more trouble keeping her virginity that running to the Olympics. The article about her simply did not understand her (forgot where it is).

Yesterday, I saw in National Geographic in a Program called Tabu that there is in some churches the Ball of ??? (Purity? Chastity? virginity?) and they were discussing the pros and difficulties.

Let’s face it: this is not a question of this century: it has always been difficulty.

 

[Steveabrous]

Masturbation is partially or entirely excused only if there are mental issues involved. Such as addiction or force of habit. It is entirely different with sexual acts envolving another person since the two become one flesh. heavy petting will always lead to sex and any sexual act outside of marriage will utiimately hurt other people and cause scandal. By your reasoning even adultery can be justified

 

[LilyM]

I agree 100%. But the media has portrayed families as busybodies, annoyances, too controlling. There were people who got married and lived in their parent’s home so they could save some money, or in a two family house where you were upstairs and mom and dad were downstairs.

Your mom and dad raised you and guided you - who carved it in stone that getting married means automatically ejecting them from your life, or your relatives for that matter? We must stop the “separation doctrine.” To have strong Catholic families, and communities, we must work together as families.

And we must renew our minds that visiting our in-laws is this big imposition or bother on our part. Didn’t your relatives love you when you were a kid or your wife’s? Families - not isolated units.

Peace,
Ed

‘A man shall leave his mother and his father and cleave to his wife’. Doesn’t mean they need do it straight away or anything, but at some stage those apron strings do need to be cut. Not that there aren’t couples who can live quite well with the in-laws, or that it is wrong to do so out of necessity either. Iindeed extended families under the one roof were quite common in the past. But a healthy dose of independence on the part of a grown and married child is what seems to be indicated here.

Living in the same house does, though, create more potential for conflict between parents and spouse, and a married person will be torn and perhaps sometimes forget that their first duty is indeed to their spouse.

 

[Crescentinus]

According to the Sexual Revolution, it isn’t. In reality, it always is.

 

[HisIsTheCrown]

According to the Sexual Revolution, it isn’t. In reality, it always is.

Even in Jesus Times, they had problem. Gosh, everybody has problems with sex, even animals. When told that they could not divorce (and it was divorce !!!) the apostles (and it were the apostles) said that it was better not to marry.

And they were in the 1st century…

 

[Non_sum_dignus]

Even in Jesus Times, they had problem. Gosh, everybody has problems with sex, even animals. When told that they could not divorce (and it was divorce !!!) the apostles (and it were the apostles) said that it was better not to marry.

And they were in the 1st century…

The fact that people don’t live in chastity doesn’t mean they can’t. An urge need not be acted upon. Like I said upthread, people in our society are prepared to justify any sort of sexual behavior (to the point where even some Catholics have trouble forming an argument against homosexual “marriage”), but no one tries to justify impulsive violence.

Chastity is completely within reach of any individual who decides that service to Jesus is more important than conformity with societal trends. Jesus enjoins us to be in the world, but not of it. This is the sort of thing he meant. We can overcome the basest parts of our human nature if he cling to him. If we’re trying to keep pace with society, though, we’re lost.

 

[Baelor]

Are people physically capable of not having sex? Yes, so yes, chastity is realistic.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

My girlfriend is agnostic. I told her flat out that I absolutely refuse to have sex before marriage or use contraception if we were to ever get married. She told me later that one of the reasons she loved dating me was because I wasn’t going out with her just to have sex and be physical-I really liked HER. Which is true.

Yes, chastity is absolutely realistic.

 

[HisIsTheCrown]

Are people physically capable of not having sex? Yes, so yes, chastity is realistic.

I agree with you.

But let us remember that Chastity is not having sex: it is that love is so much important and rich and embracing that if you engage in sex out of time you lose the energy to develop the other knowledge and experiences that you may enjoy.

Example: I know this. If a girl changes into sex too soon, she loses a whole lot of what she should discover: the many boys and their different behavior, romantic love, love and disappointment, the whole plethora of artistic behavior connected with love: music, painting, dance, movies, writing poetry or texts and so one. And they easily get bitter for what the man wants is easy pleasure and what they want is romance.

 

[Portrait]

The culture has changed, but human life has not changed.

Purgatory has not been closed down just because we are in the “21st century”.

(In Jerusalem, it’s the 58th century, anyhow )

Like CS Lewis said, those who keep up with the times, end up where all times go.

ICXC NIKA

Dear GEddie,

Cordial greetings and a very good day. Hear, hear and jolly well said.

What is so very unfortunate today is that many contemporary Catholics do strive to keep up with the times because they have become so thoroughly imbued with the spirit of our godless age. Consequently, dear friend, there has been a deplorable decline in Catholic standards as regards chastity, the virtue that moderates sexual desire, and this can be seen in the incautious and irresponsible demonstrations of affection between unmarried persons, especially among the younger generation. Demonstrations of affection between the unmarried are perfectly permissible provided that they are true demonstrations of affection and not the sort of actions which by nature arouse sensual passion. Clearly, prolonged or passionate kissing and actions of a more intimate nature belong only to those who have entered into holy wedlock, and would be mortally sinful for unmarried persons.

Unfortunately, dear friend, our lot is cast in times which does not consider immorality a vice and chastity a virtue, thus fornication is common place as men and woman put no check on concupiscence, or the proclivity to sin. This is, of course, only a sign of the fallen human condition and its wounded nature as a result of Original Sin.

Whether it be the 1st or 21st century, without chastity men and women become like animals that copulate when in heat. Animals have sex driven by instinct, but man has the gift of reason and has the free will to choose when and with whom to be intimate. Therefore, desirous of chastity, men and women can freely abstain from carnal relations and irresponsible demonstrations of affection until the wedding night. However, as our present godless and decadent world evinces only too well, if they allow lust to drive their actions they fornicate and commit adultery. As you say, dear friend, culture may have changed but the duty of cultivating and clinging to chastity remains the same and is what separates mankind from the lower species.

God bless.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax

 

[Portrait]

Are people physically capable of not having sex? Yes, so yes, chastity is realistic.

Dear Baelor,

Cordial greetings and a very good day. Hope all is well. Succinctly well put and with impressive effect.

Sexual desire, dear friend, is a gift of God designed to ensure the perpetuation of our race. It is not an appetite and neither is it a drive, irresistable and/or uncontrollable, whose satisfaction is essential to happiness or even well-being. In fact, we have many natural desires, some of which are not pleasant at best and are illegal at worst; we control, or abstain from, all of them for the good of others and for our own good. Unlike animals which act instinctively, man is endowed with the faculty of self-control.

Moreover, the restraint of sexual desire for any length of time, even its complete denial, is not at all harmful. On the contrary, dear friend, notwithstanding the torrent of promotion of sexual indulgence as natural and right, and despite the widespread scorn for virginity, both chastity and sexual abstinence have clearly proved beneficial, not only spiritually speaking but also with regard to an individual’s well-being and health. Marooned on some desert island, alone without food and water, one might ail and perish of starvation and thirst, but certainly not from sexual continence.

Contrary to popular opinion, sexual desire is not an appetite which must needs be satisfied by sexual activity on demand. Nor is it a compulsion: man is not an animal devoid of any restraint over his instincts. Rather, dear friend, he is endowed with free will and can choose to exercise self-control and abstinence. Sexual desire is a gift of God and, provided that we have the right attitude and the will, we can subdue it and keep it in check and benefit thereby. Our loving heavenly Father understands our human weakness, on account of sin, and the pressure of hedonism in today’s godless world and how our will can be undermined. However, He will vouchsafe the necessary grace to stand firm when we ask for it. Moreover, is not His love, now and forever, to be prefered to transient sexual pleasure?

God bless.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax

 

[Turtle_Turtle]

Indeed, although I’m not inclined to view marital relations as merely something to be “surrendered” to in order to prevent sin. No, indeed - marriage is a calling, a vocation.

I think they meant that the time required for the couple to afford a home of their own, makes it unlikely they can remain chaste long enough to do that.

ICXC NIKA

Thanks for clarifying this.

 

[Marc_Anthony]

My girlfriend is agnostic. I told her flat out that I absolutely refuse to have sex before marriage or use contraception if we were to ever get married. She told me later that one of the reasons she loved dating me was because I wasn’t going out with her just to have sex and be physical-I really liked HER. Which is true.

Yes, chastity is absolutely realistic.

Oh yeah, we’re both teenagers.

 

[Bryan_D_E]

To put this in perspective I am 23 years old and have never once had sex. I am engaged to a very attractive young woman who also has never had sex (at least that is what she told me and I believe her) We have been dating for over two and a half years and are both completely dedicate to waiting until marriage. Now am I attracted to her? Yes Does temptation sometimes come up? Yes However chastity is still realistic neither of us have ever been to the point where we felt no control for our actions and we HAD TO HAVE SEX. We both have the drive and the will power to do what is right. People who make the argument that it is impossible to be in a relationship without having sex are just trying to justify their actions and remove responsibility for their actions

 

[Zosimus41]

It’s realistic and it is possible. Remember the early Christians had to remain chaste when people were going off to have a weekly orgy and a brothel was on every street corner.

Sounds like my old neighborhood