Is chronic intentional Masturbation a Mortal Sin?

[consecrated_one]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories.
Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
Thank you,

 

[prolifewife]

This is always a difficult one to answer.

Yes it is mortal in matter/nature.

But mortal sin must also have full consent and full knowledge.

If she knows it’s a sin and is doing it intentionally, then, yes it is a sin, but possibly only venial. She would probably need to talk directly to a priest to be able to tell if it’s mortal.

Some habitual sins, though, are not considered mortal if they truly are an addiction and the person is honestly struggling to work through them.

Again, this discernment can really only be made through the person’s conscience and the aid of a good priest’s counsel.

 

[stringbeanduck]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories.
Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
Thank you,

To answer your question, masturbation is grave matter. That combined with the full knowledge of its gravity, and consenting to doing it anyways is a mortal sin. I would suggest you forbid your daughter from writing porn stories unless you are willing to lose her to the porn industry, prostitution, rape, assault, and possibly be killed one day. This to be me would come as common sense. 14 isn’t that far from 18 and teenagers don’t become easier to manage as they grow older. The time act and prevent her from ruining her life is now. You and her will be in my prayers.

 

[consecrated_one]

Hello,
Thank you for your good ideas. I am taking this very seriously, but I can’t check on her during the night or early in the morning or in the shower. I have talked about self-respect, hormones, God’s plan for the way a young girls body works and developes. I’m going to purchase some of the recommended books as soon as I find out where and how. We do forbid her from all these soul destroying activities, we’ve made sure she confesses them and yet, she contimues. She knows it’s a Grave Matter and does it anyway. It terrifies me for her immortal soul and where she will go in life.

 

[chessmane4e5]

“Good News About Sex & Marriage” by Christopher West can be purchased online from Amazon for about $10 (including shipping).

Not sure if that is the best book, but it explains the nature of sex and why masturbation is wrong.

 

[adopted_heir]

One thing you can try is talking to her. Say, “You seem to think a lot about these things in your writing. Do you have any questions?” She’s curious about these things and using her imagination to explore them. If you’ve already told her masturbation and lust are sinful, then you have to wait for her to realize that. In the meantime open a line of communication with her so she doesn’t feel she has to go elsewhere to have her curiosity sated, and you don’t want to shame her into hiding her sins and keeping them unconfessed, potentially leading to even worse behaviors, out of fear or your judgment or condemnation. Let her know it’s normal to think about these things, but her body isn’t ready for it yet–it still has years to grow and develop, and she has a lot to concentrate on before she has to start worrying about that stuff! Remember also (speaking from experience here ) she’ll probably just grow out of it too. If she enjoys writing, help her develop her skills into stories and narratives that go beyond what she imagines about sex. Since you’ve already covered the bases about it being a sin, try to move forward constructively… and keep her busy!

 

[that_name]

Have her talk to the Priest about it, she needs a spiritual director.

 

[VonDerTann]

A few random thouhts:

1. The girl is 14. She’s a kid…
2. …which cuts both ways. She probably isn’t really understanding the big picture of what she is doing…but that’s all the more reason why she needs some parenting.
3. Masturbation is just part of the story. But writing sex stories? I’m sorry, that is NOT good. Even if it is understandable for 14 year olds to be getting into hormones, etc. – and I am not condoning it, but people are people – writing sex stories at 14 is not IMHO ‘normal behavior’ for a 14 year old.
4. Just one person’s opinion: I don’t think going to a priest is going to help much, just b/c it’s a rare, rare girl of 14 who is going to really, really open up to a priest.
5. Instead, I think the biggest advice is for mom to explain, in no uncertain terms, just how screwed up masturbation, writing sex stories, porn, etc., can make you. Sooooo many people, who are into porn, etc., can’t really seem to have normal relationships with members of the opposite sex, because of a totally, totally warped view of what those relationships are supposed to be. I saw a bio of a guy who was a porn addict on some TV show a while back. The guy was a total, total loser with a capital ‘L.’

 

[flyingfish]

I think you need to be careful about what you are doing. How do you know your daughter is “addicted to masturbation”? Are you spying on her?

This kind of thing can be really, really damaging to her. All you can do is teach her Catholic values, you really shouldn’t be digging through her personal writings or checking if she’s masturbating. It sounds like it could be psychologically damaging to her.

 

[ryecroft]

I think you need to be careful about what you are doing. How do you know your daughter is “addicted to masturbation”? Are you spying on her?

This kind of thing can be really, really damaging to her. All you can do is teach her Catholic values, you really shouldn’t be digging through her personal writings or checking if she’s masturbating. It sounds like it could be psychologically damaging to her.

I’m in total agreement - I’m also wondering how you found out about her constant masturbating. And on another thread you mentioned you found another writting example while opening the blinds but you never told us how you found the first examples. I’m curious to know. The more shame you make her feel about this the less she’ll be able to talk to you about it or have healthy feelings about sex when she gets older. It’s a double edged sword, letting her know you know. Good Luck
God Bless
Rye

 

[jwashu]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories.
Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
Thank you,

I would talk to your Priest about this, most Priest’s I know don’t consider this a mortal sin during the teenage years due to addictive nature and the surge of hormones.

As a former Protestant Youth Minister who actually encouraged this to promote Chastity and stave off STDs I tend to agree with them.

To my knowledge there is no long term damage for masturbation.

The only true pitfall would be that as one grows older and truly understands God’s plan for sexuality within marriage but choose masturbation rather than being with their spouse.

Many people would disagree probably, the strictest interpretation would definitely say that it’s a terrible and a mortal sin. I’m not suggesting moral relativism but rather than a deeper look at the criteria for what is and is not a mortal sin discounts more things than many believe.

Masturbating to keep from physically experimenting sexually and to stave off the physical urges for sexuality during the teenage years dosen’t seem like something that would turn someone around 180 degrees from God, especially if they are trying to not fornicate like most of their friends probably are. Every male I knew growing up did and most females… oddly enough the females I know who did and learned to understand their bodies seemed to have had more successful marriages as well.

However, I could be wrong on this… that is why I said you should talk to your Priest.

Joe

 

[stringbeanduck]

I’m not trying to throw you under the bus, but I will find what is wrong and point it out.

As a former Protestant Youth Minister who actually encouraged this to promote Chastity and stave off STDs I tend to agree with them.

This is very contradictory and in error. Masturbation is a grave offence against Chastity. It is therefore not an acceptable alternative.

To my knowledge there is no long term damage for masturbation.

What about eternal damnation? Tendency to fall into porn, prostitution, shacking up? I mean I could go on. Just because there is no study that says your going to get disease X from it doesn’t mean there is no long term damage.

The only true pitfall would be that as one grows older and truly understands God’s plan for sexuality within marriage but choose masturbation rather than being with their spouse.

I wouldn’t say it’s the only true pitfall, but I do agree here. And that is part of why it should be avoided.

Many people would disagree probably, the strictest interpretation would definitely say that it’s a terrible and a mortal sin. I’m not suggesting moral relativism but rather than a deeper look at the criteria for what is and is not a mortal sin discounts more things than many believe.

Full knowledge, Full consent of will, and Grave matter. That’s all it takes. An addiction can minimize, not excuse, the culpability, but the sinner must strive to fight it, not continue under the impression that it’s okay since it’s an addiction.

Masturbating to keep from physically experimenting sexually and to stave off the physical urges for sexuality during the teenage years dosen’t seem like something that would turn someone around 180 degrees from God, especially if they are trying to not fornicate like most of their friends probably are. Every male I knew growing up did and most females… oddly enough the females I know who did and learned to understand their bodies seemed to have had more successful marriages as well.

There are a wide range of offences against Chastity, but they do not all have the same fallouts. However, neither more acceptable than the other:

Offenses against chastity

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.

2355 Prostitution does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure. The one who pays sins gravely against himself: he violates the chastity to which his Baptism pledged him and defiles his body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.140 Prostitution is a social scourge. It usually involves women, but also men, children, and adolescents (The latter two cases involve the added sin of scandal.). While it is always gravely sinful to engage in prostitution, the imputability of the offense can be attenuated by destitution, blackmail, or social pressure.

2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.

 

[bill_r]

Age appropriate books on the “Theology of the Body” would help both of you. This body of work was given to us by John Paul II and is amazing. Many authors have written and each sort of has their own flavor (all seem good) but the person who seems to have popularized this topic most is Christopher West. Jason Everet is also good with “Theology of His Body, Theology of Her Body” (brief and understandable). This explaination of sex as a noun (who we are (male & female)) and sex as a verb (what we do (sexual acts)) is refreshing and could help you very much. She seems confused, now would be a good time to help her. Good luck, I’m sure many will be praying for you. In Christ through Mary.

 

[consecrated_one]

Hello,
Thank you everyone for your great (name removed by moderator)ut.
Rhycroft, you can hound me in every single way and I get to write about what I feel I need or want to write about, please stop

Stringbeanduck:tiphat:
You broke it down so beautifully and articulately:clapping:
We had a very serious talk last nite and my daughter requested to go to Reconcilliation this Sat. I really felt like we did touch her heart and soul. We are going to put her Chastity in our nightly family prayers. You would never believe that I’m the Mom who changes the channel during Victoria Secret Commercials! And I will continue to do so!

Thank you so much everyone for caring enough to contribute, no matter any opinion differences, you took time to try and help in what I consider a very important and scary situation. Thank you, God Bless each of you and Our Lady watch over you.

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories. Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?

I doubt it, from my limited knowledge; however you can bet I would be talking to a priest.
I know you asked a simple question, an not for our advice, but the writing part worries me a bit. Where is she getting this from? Does she have unlimited tv viewing, hang out a friend’s where she can watch things. Many kids just watch it on the internet. It’s hard to avoid. My concern would be whether something happened that contributed to this. Masturbation as a teen is not that unusual, writing of stories sounds like acting out to me and would be a red flag for any counselor.

For this reason I would talk with a priest. Be loving and listen in the hopes that she will share her feelings and her thinking. This would give you a place to start from, she needs to know you love her, regardless. With my daughter, I was so scared for her that this was a real challenge. Love first. Teens are just inundated with this stuff, so it may just be a way to process what she’s taking in. We had two girls, age 10, that wrote diaries of being kidnapped and kept for sex when a women who had been held in a cellar for a decade was all over the news. It was just their way of processing that they were hearing on tv. It was not explicit. If her writings are more explicit than this, it may bear a closer look.

Taking your daughter to a priest right off may be detrimental if you don’t understand what’s going on with her, because she will likely feel punished or humiliated. If it were me, I would start by talking to a priest and, with his help, talk about options. I would very careful, if I took my child to talk with a priest, and would look for someone outside our parish, with a reputation as a good, compassionate confessor.

One thing to consider is getting information that supports chastity as true self love. There are some good Catholic ones just for teens. Maybe you could read it together. A tremendous help to me, when I discovered that my daughter was sexually active, was taking her to the Crisis Pregnancy Center to learn about STD’s. Hearing info from someone other than a parent can help.

Also, for me I read a wonderful book called PRUDE which I highly recommend. It shows how women who are not sexually active are far more successful than those who aren’t. Teaching true self-love and self-value can help more than having her feel she’s bad. Poor thing must feel so confused and you have my sympathy, I know it’s hard as a mother, when your child is struggling with something. :hug1:

God bless you.

I pray that this is of some help to you and will include both of you in my prayers.

Dear Mary, Mother of Christ,
Wrap your cloak around this young girl who must be so confused, protect her.
Wrap your cloak around this mother, too, who so clearly loves her daughter.
Holy Spirit,
Pour your Graces down upon this mother and child,
May they know your are near
guide them to be open to the Will of our heavenly Father
and know His great Love for them.
St. Joseph, Protector of the Family, Father of Courage and Strength,
Pray for this family, that they may be what God Wills them to be.
Heavenly Father,
Help this child to know Your great Love for her
And to learn what a precious gift she is.
For those who can help them, guide them in their words and actions,
Help them to be Your Love and open to Your Will for them.

Amen

 

[consecrated_one]

Hello,
It turns out the really degrading part was from a book she and a friend got a hold of at school. The part she wrote had “she looked into his deep brow eyes”,etc. We aren’t heading to the priest, except for the Sacrement of Reconsilliation she asked us to take her to. I even have her writing me questions and then I will answer from around the door so she won’t see me and feel embarrassed!

Lots of prayer, we have book suggestions, we have everyone’s prayers. I feel blessed indeed.

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

Hello,
It turns out the really degrading part was from a book she and a friend got a hold of at school. The part she wrote had “she looked into his deep brow eyes”,etc. We aren’t heading to the priest, except for the Sacrement of Reconsilliation she asked us to take her to. I even have her writing me questions and then I will answer from around the door so she won’t see me and feel embarrassed!

Lots of prayer, we have book suggestions, we have everyone’s prayers. I feel blessed indeed.

I just found Sean Covey’s book, “The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make”. Your daughter may be a little young for it, but it provides some really great talking points. It’s helpful for me in talking with my two step-children (12 & 15 yr olds). Helpful in practical ways, but not from a religious perspective. I think it may be hard for some teens to understand the part about how our body is a vessel for the Holy Spirit and being chaste is one of the best ways of loving ourselves.

What a wonderful Mom you are! and how very blessed your daughter is to have you! So many teens are afraid to talk with their parents and it is such a confusing world for them. God will bless you tenfold for being that parent that your daughter needs. well done

 

[consecrated_one]

Hello,
Gosh! Thanks!:flowers:

 

[anon48985940]

There is a good website resource for young women struggling with pornography addiction:

beggarsdaughter.com/

It was created by a young christian woman who struggled with porn and masturbation issues for several years growing up.
You should be able to find some good advice there to help with this issue with your daughter, I haven’t looked at the site too much myself.

I found the website thru www.whodoesithurt.com , a Catholic website about the evils of pornography, you can check out some of the articles on there as well, also some good resources for women with this issue on this site.

don’t give up,
peace

paul

 

[consecrated_one]

Thank you so much, we’ll check them out!