Is chronic intentional Masturbation a Mortal Sin?

[inawhale]

As a female teenager I have to say that masturbation is completely normal for teens of both genders. I have never even heard of an “addiction” to masturbation. The only way I can imagine this being possible is if a person were married or in a commited relationship with someone and they frequently chose masturbation over sex with their partner. And in that case, masturbation isn’t even the problem–the problem is that these married people obviously don’t have very good sexual chemistry and lack a strong desire for each other.

For teenage girls, masturbation is a good way to relieve sexual urges without the possibilty of pregnancy, STDs/STIs or emotional damage. It is also a good way for girls to learn about their bodies and what feels good without feeling pressure from another person, so they can have better, more enjoyable and more satisfying sex (and therefore marriage) when they’re older.

Most importantly (in my opinion), it really and truly does build confidence in girls because it allows them to be experts on their own bodies and know exactly what they want.

I went to a Catholic school, and while the moral education was, for the most part, very good, I did disagree with some of the teachings…it always felt like they were trying to keep us in the dark about our own bodies, only teaching us the bare minimum of facts (we never learned about the clitoris, for example) because they thought if we were ignorant about sex then we would be less likely to have sex. This is of course just not how teenagers work.

I resented the feeling that my teachers were trying to make me feel ashamed of my body and my sexuality. I am not ashamed of either. And other teenage girls shouldn’t feel ashamed either, but that’s often how adults make them feel when they tell them they should feel guilty about something as normal, natural and healthy as masturbating and having sexual fantasies. I have never ever heard of someone having problems as an adult resulting from masturbating as a teenager. Some people on this board say that they do have problems like that, but nobody seems to have said exactly what their problem is? All they say is that they feel guilty for masturbating a lot. That doesn’t mean masturbation is the problem. That means the problem is whoever told you you should feel guilty about it.

 

[consecrated_one]

According to the CCC It is a “gravely disordered act” and a sin. She’s the one who told me she can’t stop!

 

[ContegoFides]

As a female teenager I have to say that masturbation is completely normal for teens of both genders.

It is only “normal” because it is so prevalent and accepted. While normal, it is still gravely evil. For example, slavery was once “normal” because it was prevalent and accepted, but it was and is still evil. Now, I’m not comparing masturbation to slavery - what I’m doing is simply pointing out that what is “normal” is not necessarily good.

For teenage girls, masturbation is a good way to relieve sexual urges without the possibilty of pregnancy, STDs/STIs or emotional damage. It is also a good way for girls to learn about their bodies and what feels good without feeling pressure from another person, so they can have better, more enjoyable and more satisfying sex (and therefore marriage) when they’re older.

Actually, this assertion is objectively, provably wrong. It’s the other way around. Masturbation for both sexes INCREASES sexual urges by stimulating the sexual pleasure part of the brain. There is physical medical evidence to show that masturbation and porn, both, re-routes neurons and increases your desire for more. See: Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (just google it). While this study addresses the male brain, a similar effect happens in the female brain. There are other studies, as well.

Additionally, masturbation leads to LESS satisfying marital sex for both partners. As a married person and a former masturbation addict, I can personally attest to this fact. By focusing on the self and by “satisfying” disordered urges, you have less desire for your spouse. As a result, your marriage is degraded.

Furthermore, masturbation is focused on the self and satisfying your own desires. As a result, the natural inclination is to see sex, even married sex, solely as a means for pleasure - while it is actually so much more in terms of its bond affirmation and life affirmation.

I went to a Catholic school, and while the moral education was, for the most part, very good, I did disagree with some of the teachings…it always felt like they were trying to keep us in the dark about our own bodies, only teaching us the bare minimum of facts (we never learned about the clitoris, for example) because they thought if we were ignorant about sex then we would be less likely to have sex. This is of course just not how teenagers work.

That’s too bad. What we need is real and detailed sex education - but not the lies put out by the secular world. Only through education are teens such as yourself going to really be able to fight off this sin.

I resented the feeling that my teachers were trying to make me feel ashamed of my body and my sexuality…

No one should be ashamed about true sexuality. Sex is an intrinsic good given to us by God - in its proper context. Take it out of its proper context, and you have a recipe for disaster. That’s why the Church is so clear about her moral teachings regarding sexuality.

People are ashamed about masturbation, not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong. People know in their hearts that it is wrong, and that is the problem. No one is ashamed about marital sex, and that’s for good reason.

Furthermore, masturbation is nearly always associated with lust. Lust is a disordered desire for sex out of its proper context - usually for an improper object of your desire (i.e., to lust after someone other than your spouse). Lust is also a potential for mortal sin.

Something else for you to consider: The Catholic Church is not just some club you join because you like it. It is a Divine institution. Jesus gave the Church the power to bind and lose!!! Literally, if the Church says its’ true, then God considers it true. Fortunately, Jesus also promised the Church protection from Error, so we can trust that the Church will always be right on matters of faith and morals. All of this can be found in Matthew chapter 18, verse 18 and surrounding verses.

So, even if you don’t understand or agree with the Church’s stand on masturbation - the Church literally has the power to say whether it is wrong or right. This power is absolute and real, just as God is real. If the Church says masturbation is gravely disordered (and therefore has the potential for mortal sin) then it is so! Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to prove that the Church is right on masturbation.

If masturbation gives rise to the potential for a mortal sin (in other words, to go to Hell), and if it is so bad for marriages and people, - why would anyone mess around with it?

The answer to the question is simple: Concupiscence and/or lack of knowledge. Most people don’t know enough about the philosophy of sex and the truth about how sexuality really works. Due to the lingering effects of original sin, we are all subject to disordered desires. I know, I fight this sin constantly and I’ve been married for a long time to a wonderful wife who is usually “ready, willing, and able.” I go to confession a lot because of it, though with time and prayer I’m getting better. I can tell you for a fact that masturbation makes sex with my wife less pleasurable.

The answer is not to give into sin, but rather to fill ourselves with God’s love. Please, do not believe the lies of the secular world. Masturbation is just plain bad, it doesn’t help as the worlds asserts; rather, it only harms. Remember that one of the Devil’s weapons is to assert that what is good is bad and what is bad is good. Masturbation is just so - he says it is good, when it is acually bad.

I will pray for you and pray that you will repent and go to confession. Remember, this is not so much about abandoning sin (even though it is) as it is choosing to live in God’s love!

God Bless,

 

[OraLabora]

Ignore the alarmists and absolutists, please.

This all is case by case, as is every trial and temptation we all face. We are all different people with different struggles.

My priest, for example, has counseled me that it would be more spiritually destructive to keep worrying about the fact that I’m addicted to masturbation than to actually participate in a Christian life in spite of that.

Shakespeare wrote “Get thee to a nunnery!”, but I say get thee to a priest. They can assess the situation as best possible to help your daughter heal spiritually even if the outcome or advice may not be something every Pharisaical Catholic would agree with.

Let’s also not forget the special caveat on the masturbation entry in the CCC that mentions psychological condition/stresses and overall maturity must be taken into account.

Thank you for writing a very intelligent comment.

I agree with you and have had very conservative priests in the confessional say more or less the same thing: don’t become so obsessed over a habitual sin as to become unloving as a Christian.

 

[consecrated_one]

It is only “normal” because it is so prevalent and accepted. While normal, it is still gravely evil. For example, slavery was once “normal” because it was prevalent and accepted, but it was and is still evil. Now, I’m not comparing masturbation to slavery - what I’m doing is simply pointing out that what is “normal” is not necessarily good.

Actually, this assertion is objectively, provably wrong. It’s the other way around. Masturbation for both sexes INCREASES sexual urges by stimulating the sexual pleasure part of the brain. There is physical medical evidence to show that masturbation and porn, both, re-routes neurons and increases your desire for more. See: Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (just google it). While this study addresses the male brain, a similar effect happens in the female brain. There are other studies, as well.

Additionally, masturbation leads to LESS satisfying marital sex for both partners. As a married person and a former masturbation addict, I can personally attest to this fact. By focusing on the self and by “satisfying” disordered urges, you have less desire for your spouse. As a result, your marriage is degraded.

Furthermore, masturbation is focused on the self and satisfying your own desires. As a result, the natural inclination is to see sex, even married sex, solely as a means for pleasure - while it is actually so much more in terms of its bond affirmation and life affirmation.

That’s too bad. What we need is real and detailed sex education - but not the lies put out by the secular world. Only through education are teens such as yourself going to really be able to fight off this sin.

No one should be ashamed about true sexuality. Sex is an intrinsic good given to us by God - in its proper context. Take it out of its proper context, and you have a recipe for disaster. That’s why the Church is so clear about her moral teachings regarding sexuality.

People are ashamed about masturbation, not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong. People know in their hearts that it is wrong, and that is the problem. No one is ashamed about marital sex, and that’s for good reason.

Furthermore, masturbation is nearly always associated with lust. Lust is a disordered desire for sex out of its proper context - usually for an improper object of your desire (i.e., to lust after someone other than your spouse). Lust is also a potential for mortal sin.

Something else for you to consider: The Catholic Church is not just some club you join because you like it. It is a Divine institution. Jesus gave the Church the power to bind and lose!!! Literally, if the Church says its’ true, then God considers it true. Fortunately, Jesus also promised the Church protection from Error, so we can trust that the Church will always be right on matters of faith and morals. All of this can be found in Matthew chapter 18, verse 18 and surrounding verses.

So, even if you don’t understand or agree with the Church’s stand on masturbation - the Church literally has the power to say whether it is wrong or right. This power is absolute and real, just as God is real. If the Church says masturbation is gravely disordered (and therefore has the potential for mortal sin) then it is so! Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to prove that the Church is right on masturbation.

If masturbation gives rise to the potential for a mortal sin (in other words, to go to Hell), and if it is so bad for marriages and people, - why would anyone mess around with it?

The answer to the question is simple: Concupiscence and/or lack of knowledge. Most people don’t know enough about the philosophy of sex and the truth about how sexuality really works. Due to the lingering effects of original sin, we are all subject to disordered desires. I know, I fight this sin constantly and I’ve been married for a long time to a wonderful wife who is usually “ready, willing, and able.” I go to confession a lot because of it, though with time and prayer I’m getting better. I can tell you for a fact that masturbation makes sex with my wife less pleasurable.

The answer is not to give into sin, but rather to fill ourselves with God’s love. Please, do not believe the lies of the secular world. Masturbation is just plain bad, it doesn’t help as the worlds asserts; rather, it only harms. Remember that one of the Devil’s weapons is to assert that what is good is bad and what is bad is good. Masturbation is just so - he says it is good, when it is acually bad.

I will pray for you and pray that you will repent and go to confession. Remember, this is not so much about abandoning sin (even though it is) as it is choosing to live in God’s love!

God Bless,

Thank you for such a well writen, educated and thorough response.
God Bless you

 

[OraLabora]

It is only “normal” because it is so prevalent and accepted. While normal, it is still gravely evil.

The CCC says “masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” (CCC 2352) By calling it “gravely evil” you are imparting your own subjective coloration and asserting something that the CCC does not itself say. The CCC seems to say what it means and use the words it deems appropriate, for it says of abortion “Since the first century the Church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion.” (CCC 271). So it says abortion is a moral evil, but says masturbation is gravely disordered. As someone who measures his words, I am inclined to believe that the authors of the CCC do as well, and don’t equate a moral evil with a grave disorder even though both have the potential of being mortally sinful.

Additionally, masturbation leads to LESS satisfying marital sex for both partners.

I have no doubt that this is true. But it doesn’t address those who masturbate because they aren’t married, or their spouse is too ill, or alas, their spouse lost his or her sex drive and isn’t interested in sex anymore, or who allow it so infrequently as to lead to the frustration of the spouse with the higher drive.

People are ashamed about masturbation, not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong.

Not everyone is ashamed about it. Some see it as a perfectly natural outlet for sexuality when no other options exist. Some people are ashamed of marital sex.

Furthermore, masturbation is nearly always associated with lust.

This is absolutely false. Masturbation can be associated with lust and indeed frequently is so, but many times, it isn’t.

If masturbation gives rise to the potential for a mortal sin (in other words, to go to Hell), and if it is so bad for marriages and people, - why would anyone mess around with it?

If alcohol gives rise to the potential for mortal sin (in other words go to Hell), and if alcoholism is so bad for marriages and people, why would anyone mess around with it, let alone consider wine a sacrament?

The answer to the question is simple: Concupiscence and/or lack of knowledge. Most people don’t know enough about the philosophy of sex and the truth about how sexuality really works. Due to the lingering effects of original sin, we are all subject to disordered desires.

You’re lucky. Many of us don’t have a spouse who is usually “ready, willing and able”. But you’re right, masturbation is a result of the Fall. That said, it is a sin that I think is almost impossible to overcome for most people, and seems to afflict men more than women. It would almost seem that it is part of the natural sexuality of humans. But that can’t be right? That would mean that the Church is wrong. Or it could mean that in the majority of cases it is a venial sin, and that the conditions for it to be mortally sinful are in fact rare. Consider the part of CCC 2352 most seem to ignore:

“To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.”

It would seem from the above, that the number of mitigating factors is in fact quite large. Based on the above, who here is ready to assert that anyone masturbating is sinning mortally? To say so is casting judgment on the person’s soul, something only a confessor is qualified to do. To say that it is bad, I can buy that. To say that it is “evil”, for me that’s a stretch. But to tell someone that it they are sinning mortally by masturbating, is to make a moral judgment on the person, rather than simply pointing out the grave nature of the sin and saying “be careful, better speak to your confessor”.

The answer is not to give into sin, but rather to fill ourselves with God’s love. Please, do not believe the lies of the secular world. Masturbation is just plain bad, it doesn’t help as the worlds asserts; rather, it only harms.

I don’t think anyone would refute the idea that marital sex is infinitely better than masturbation. But I think many would decry the lack of mercy shown to those who masturbate, if not for “good” reasons, simply because they have no licit sexual outlets and it seems, at least on the surface, as the lesser of evils, as it were. Or because they simply are weak as others are weak with alcohol, cheating on their taxes, speeding, etc.

I will pray for you and pray that you will repent and go to confession. Remember, this is not so much about abandoning sin (even though it is) as it is choosing to live in God’s love!

God Bless,

Confession is indeed the most helpful of sacraments for persons who give in to any of the temptations of this life, whether it be masturbation or any other. A good confessor, preferably a regular one, will be best positioned to determine whether it is a mortal sin or not and help the penitent onto a path of self-improvement with the Lord’s help.

 

[tjm190]

Additionally, masturbation leads to LESS satisfying marital sex for both partners. As a married person and a former masturbation addict, I can personally attest to this fact. By focusing on the self and by “satisfying” disordered urges, you have less desire for your spouse. As a result, your marriage is degraded.

I suppose you meant to precede that statement with “In my case…” and then throw in a “this lends support to the idea that…” or include some grander scheme of evidence? I’d rather not get bogged down in this particular debate again, but your personal experience is hardly a universal proof.

 

[LittleDavid]

I started when I was 5 or 6 years old. It wasn’t until reading all the “gravely disordered” stuff on this website that I became scared. I just hope I can stop…it’s very hard for me as I’m sure it is for everyone. I agree with much of what you said “OraLabora”. Please pray for me.

 

[inawhale]

Thank you for your well-worded and well-thought-out post, ContegoFides My personal opinion is that masturbation is positive and healthy, especially for teenagers, so I still must disagree with your post. But you made a good argument.

I simply cannot understand how masturbation can possibly make sex worse. You pointed out that it leads to increased sexual desire. Most people consider this to be a good thing. It also allows people to learn about their bodies and what feels good for them, so that they know what they want when they’re with their partner. I know for a fact that this is not a “lie.”

LittleDavid also brings up an interesting point that confuses me. Most people start masturbating long before they even know what sex is. Personally I believe I started at the tender age of three. I didn’t know what I was doing, of course, just that it felt good. Obviously young children who masturbate without even a clear understanding of their actions are not sinning. So how come suddenly once a child is sexually mature, it’s a mortal sin?

Also, you talk about people feeling ashamed of masturbation “not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong.” Actually, the only people I know who consider masturbation “dirty” or “wrong” are Catholics who were brought up to believe it. Basically all of my friends masturbate, and I’m quite sure they are not ashamed. They, like me, consider it healthy.

Finally–I’m Catholic only in that I was baptised as a baby. I do believe in and love God deeply, but I refuse to accept everything the church teaches, and sorry, I probably won’t be repenting anytime soon.
Thank you very much for your concern though, and I do mean that.

 

[belmontmac]

It is only “normal” because it is so prevalent and accepted. While normal, it is still gravely evil. For example, slavery was once “normal” because it was prevalent and accepted, but it was and is still evil. Now, I’m not comparing masturbation to slavery - what I’m doing is simply pointing out that what is “normal” is not necessarily good.

Actually, this assertion is objectively, provably wrong. It’s the other way around. Masturbation for both sexes INCREASES sexual urges by stimulating the sexual pleasure part of the brain. There is physical medical evidence to show that masturbation and porn, both, re-routes neurons and increases your desire for more. See: Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (just google it). While this study addresses the male brain, a similar effect happens in the female brain. There are other studies, as well.

Additionally, masturbation leads to LESS satisfying marital sex for both partners. As a married person and a former masturbation addict, I can personally attest to this fact. By focusing on the self and by “satisfying” disordered urges, you have less desire for your spouse. As a result, your marriage is degraded.

Furthermore, masturbation is focused on the self and satisfying your own desires. As a result, the natural inclination is to see sex, even married sex, solely as a means for pleasure - while it is actually so much more in terms of its bond affirmation and life affirmation.

That’s too bad. What we need is real and detailed sex education - but not the lies put out by the secular world. Only through education are teens such as yourself going to really be able to fight off this sin.

No one should be ashamed about true sexuality. Sex is an intrinsic good given to us by God - in its proper context. Take it out of its proper context, and you have a recipe for disaster. That’s why the Church is so clear about her moral teachings regarding sexuality.

People are ashamed about masturbation, not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong. People know in their hearts that it is wrong, and that is the problem. No one is ashamed about marital sex, and that’s for good reason.

Furthermore, masturbation is nearly always associated with lust. Lust is a disordered desire for sex out of its proper context - usually for an improper object of your desire (i.e., to lust after someone other than your spouse). Lust is also a potential for mortal sin.

Something else for you to consider: The Catholic Church is not just some club you join because you like it. It is a Divine institution. Jesus gave the Church the power to bind and lose!!! Literally, if the Church says its’ true, then God considers it true. Fortunately, Jesus also promised the Church protection from Error, so we can trust that the Church will always be right on matters of faith and morals. All of this can be found in Matthew chapter 18, verse 18 and surrounding verses.

So, even if you don’t understand or agree with the Church’s stand on masturbation - the Church literally has the power to say whether it is wrong or right. This power is absolute and real, just as God is real. If the Church says masturbation is gravely disordered (and therefore has the potential for mortal sin) then it is so! Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to prove that the Church is right on masturbation.

If masturbation gives rise to the potential for a mortal sin (in other words, to go to Hell), and if it is so bad for marriages and people, - why would anyone mess around with it?

The answer to the question is simple: Concupiscence and/or lack of knowledge. Most people don’t know enough about the philosophy of sex and the truth about how sexuality really works. Due to the lingering effects of original sin, we are all subject to disordered desires. I know, I fight this sin constantly and I’ve been married for a long time to a wonderful wife who is usually “ready, willing, and able.” I go to confession a lot because of it, though with time and prayer I’m getting better. I can tell you for a fact that masturbation makes sex with my wife less pleasurable.

The answer is not to give into sin, but rather to fill ourselves with God’s love. Please, do not believe the lies of the secular world. Masturbation is just plain bad, it doesn’t help as the worlds asserts; rather, it only harms. Remember that one of the Devil’s weapons is to assert that what is good is bad and what is bad is good. Masturbation is just so - he says it is good, when it is acually bad.

I will pray for you and pray that you will repent and go to confession. Remember, this is not so much about abandoning sin (even though it is) as it is choosing to live in God’s love!

God Bless,

May God continue to bless you on your journey, excellent post.

 

[ContegoFides]

The CCC says “masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” (CCC 2352) By calling it “gravely evil” you are imparting your own subjective coloration and asserting something that the CCC does not itself say. The CCC seems to say what it means and use the words it deems appropriate, for it says of abortion “Since the first century the Church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion.” (CCC 271). So it says abortion is a moral evil, but says masturbation is gravely disordered. As someone who measures his words, I am inclined to believe that the authors of the CCC do as well, and don’t equate a moral evil with a grave disorder even though both have the potential of being mortally sinful.

I stand corrected, thank you. However, if masturbation still has the potential to be mortally sinful, it should always be avoided. No rationalization can make this risk acceptable. Note: I do not judge anyone, but merely point out the fact that nothing is worth the risk.

[regarding less satisfaction with marital sex] I have no doubt that this is true. But it doesn’t address those who masturbate because they aren’t married, or their spouse is too ill, or alas, their spouse lost his or her sex drive and isn’t interested in sex anymore, or who allow it so infrequently as to lead to the frustration of the spouse with the higher drive.

I was merely refuting the assertion that masturbation will somehow make marital sex, even future marital sex, more enjoyable. These other situations, while tragic and a call to action to solve issues, do not justify the act (not that you were saying so).

Not everyone is ashamed about it. Some see it as a perfectly natural outlet for sexuality when no other options exist. Some people are ashamed of marital sex.

Unless a person is a sociopath who cannot feel their conscience, in their heart of hearts nearly everyone knows that masturbation is wrong. I admit guilt to using hyperbole, as not everyone is ashamed. You can find people who are unashamed of being porn stars, sleeping with thousands of other people of both sexes. However, the fact remains that nearly everyone knows, deep down, that masturbation is wrong. This is part of the natural law.

[to the assertion that masturbation is nearly always associated with lust] This is absolutely false. Masturbation can be associated with lust and indeed frequently is so, but many times, it isn’t.

I beg to differ and I affirm my assertion. When people masturbate, I believe that they nearly always have some kind of sexual fantasy in mind, even if with a “generic” person. Given the nature of masturbation and its connection to sex, I would say that the burden of proof is on you to prove otherwise. No doubt you might find examples of people who might masturbate without lust but, without proof, given the intrinsic nature of masturbation I assert that lust in some form nearly always accompanies masturbation.

If alcohol gives rise to the potential for mortal sin (in other words go to Hell), and if alcoholism is so bad for marriages and people, why would anyone mess around with it, let alone consider wine a sacrament?

Your analogy doesn’t work because there is an intrinsic difference between alcohol and masturbation. Masturbation, in and of itself, is gravely disordered. Alcohol is not; it is a beverage with neutral moral value. While alcohol might be considered dangerous because of its potential for abuse, it is in its mora nature no different than a kitchen knife (which could be used for good or evil).

You’re lucky. Many of us don’t have a spouse who is usually “ready, willing and able”. But you’re right, masturbation is a result of the Fall…

To say that it is “evil”, for me that’s a stretch. But to tell someone that it they are sinning mortally by masturbating, is to make a moral judgment on the person, rather than simply pointing out the grave nature of the sin and saying “be careful, better speak to your confessor”.

I never judge a person’s soul; only God can do that (note my language of “potential” mortal sin). However, my experience is that people use the “wiggle room” language of the catechism as a crutch to continue their habit. It’s far better, given that it is intrinsicially gravely disordered in and of itself, to avoid the sin altogether and not try to rely on the “wiggle room.”

Please note, I again apologize for misquoting the cathecism. Nevertheless, there is a case to be made for the assertion that masturbation is evil. It is “gravely disordered.” “Evil” is the disfigurement of a good. Masturbation is an intrinsic disfigurement (disorder) of the good of human sexuality. Therefore masturbation is evil.

This is my personal opinion. However, I believe it is consistent with the catechism.

BTW, I am in a period of celibacy for a couple of months due to the miracle birth of my daughter (I was told I could have no more children previously). Thus, I am called to practice what I preach.

 

[ContegoFides]

I don’t think anyone would refute the idea that marital sex is infinitely better than masturbation. But I think many would decry the lack of mercy shown to those who masturbate, if not for “good” reasons, simply because they have no licit sexual outlets and it seems, at least on the surface, as the lesser of evils, as it were. Or because they simply are weak as others are weak with alcohol, cheating on their taxes, speeding, etc.

I actually have the utmost sympathy for those addicted to masturbation and porn, and there is nothing more that I want than the mercy of God to be received by all people. I, personally, am horrifically guilty of countless sexual sins. It is only by the grace of God that I am on the right path again - though like St. Paul I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling.

Part of my call in life at this point is to sound a warning to people about sexual sins, including masturbation. God is infinitely merciful, St. Faustina has told us of the ocean of His mercy. However, God is also at the same time infinitely just. We would be wise to fear (respect) God’s power and wrath, and to earnestly seek to avoid that which offends Him. In the end, I believe we have a responsibility to take a stand and point out the truth of masturbation, and warn of its potential. Sometimes, mercy is providing a warning - just as I will mercifully warn my daughter sternly not to touch a hot stove.

 

[ContegoFides]

I suppose you meant to precede that statement with “In my case…” and then throw in a “this lends support to the idea that…” or include some grander scheme of evidence? I’d rather not get bogged down in this particular debate again, but your personal experience is hardly a universal proof.

You are right to call for proof.

unityrestored.com/index.php?showPage=16&cache=1

General information about masturbation (not necessarily supporting or denying my position). psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/how-common-is-masturbation-really

I could find other studies as well. I’m sure that you could find “studies” that say otherwise. However, common sense tells you that masturbation reduces marital intimacy and less enjoyable marital sex because you are focusing on self instead of on the other. Additionally, for men, you are directly decreasing your capacity for frequency and quality of orgasm.

So, yes, it applies to nearly everyone.

 

[ContegoFides]

I started when I was 5 or 6 years old. It wasn’t until reading all the “gravely disordered” stuff on this website that I became scared. I just hope I can stop…it’s very hard for me as I’m sure it is for everyone. I agree with much of what you said “OraLabora”. Please pray for me.

Little David, don’t be scared - and I will pray for you. This is about a call to God’s love, not just a call to avoid sin. As a former sex addict of the worst sort, I can tell you that once you free yourself of the bonds of sexual dysfunction there is an incredible peace and freedom on the other side. I feel bad only when I stop praying (a rosary and a chaplet of divine mercy, at least once a day each) and thereby return to my old ways. Peace returns with confession and frequent prayer and partaking of the Eucharist.

You can do this with God’s help and mercy! The first step is to go to confession, and then pray daily. Private message me if you would like more personal advice.

 

[ContegoFides]

Thank you for your well-worded and well-thought-out post, ContegoFides My personal opinion is that masturbation is positive and healthy, especially for teenagers, so I still must disagree with your post. But you made a good argument.

This is not about arguments and personal opinions, as it is about the Truth in the absolute sense - just as we can say that the surface of the Sun is hot at a temperature of 6000K, we can say that objectively masturbation is gravely disordered. Do not be seduced by the world, which tries to convince you that “what is right for me is right for me, and what is right for you is right for you, and you can’t tell me what is right for me.” This is the philosophy of moral relativism. Moral relativism says “there absolutely are not absolutes.” This is a paradox, and shows that moral relativism is a broken philosophy.

If you disagree, then show how masturbation, objectively, is not wrong - don’t just disagree and leave it at that. Not when so much could be at stake.

I simply cannot understand how masturbation can possibly make sex worse. You pointed out that it leads to increased sexual desire. Most people consider this to be a good thing. It also allows people to learn about their bodies and what feels good for them, so that they know what they want when they’re with their partner. I know for a fact that this is not a “lie.”

Masturbation leads to increased disordered desires. I apologize for not making that clear. Your ordered desire for your spouse will decrease with masturbation. Masturbation is much easier than real sex and intimacy, and it temporarily satisfies your desires so you don’t want to be with your spouse as much.

Additionally the focus is on yourself, not on the other. Focusing on yourself does not allow you to fulfill the greatest sense of intimacy or even on the quality of orgasm itself.

As an example regarding the focus on self, look at the language you used. Those who masturbate learn THEIR bodies and what feels good to THEM, so they know what THEY want when THEY are with THEIR partner. The entire focus of this sentence is on the masturbator.

True sexual intimacy (in which the most physical pleasure is achieved) is focused on the other. When as the lover is focused on the beloved, rather than on the lover, a profound transformation occurs.

Sex is actually a reflection of the Blessed Trinity. Jesus and the Father love each other with a love so profound it has life, the Holy Spirit. Just so, husband and wife love each other and from that flows life. This is a paraphrase notion of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, and I apologize if I have oversimplified or misstated it.

So, while masturbation is focused on the self and self pleasure, sex in its proper context is focused on the other. The mystery is that in focusing on the other, the deepest intimacy and physical pleasure is found for the self. This is also a spiritual truth, for it is in giving that we receive and in dying that we are born to eternal life.

LittleDavid also brings up an interesting point that confuses me. Most people start masturbating long before they even know what sex is. Personally I believe I started at the tender age of three. I didn’t know what I was doing, of course, just that it felt good. Obviously young children who masturbate without even a clear understanding of their actions are not sinning. So how come suddenly once a child is sexually mature, it’s a mortal sin?

Agreed, young children cannot sin. However, there is no “sudden” mortal sin. Mortal sin requires 1) grave matter, 2) committed with full knowledge of the sinner, and 3 committed with deliberate consent of the sinner. Thus, mortal sin requires that you know what you are doing.

In the end, no one - not even your confessor - knows for certain whether any given grave act is a mortal sin. Only God does. Why? Because various subjective circumstances can mitigate knowledge or deliberate consent. That is why we cannot judge another person’s soul, only God.

However, regardless of whatever wiggle room the Catechism provides, masturbation is intrinsically grave matter. Therefore, it has the potential for mortal sin.

 

[ContegoFides]

Also, you talk about people feeling ashamed of masturbation “not because others consider it “dirty,” but because it is - objectively speaking - wrong.” Actually, the only people I know who consider masturbation “dirty” or “wrong” are Catholics who were brought up to believe it. Basically all of my friends masturbate, and I’m quite sure they are not ashamed. They, like me, consider it healthy.

Not so. Considering it healthy is a rationalization used to maintain a deeply ingrained habit. I know this well, I used to use the same rationalization.

Also, it’s not just Catholics. Muslims and Jews also teach that masturbation is wrong, though may differ on the details. So do many protestant demonations consider it to be wrong.

However, none of that is relevant. What matters is what Christs’ Church says about masturbation - because Jesus Christ gave His Church the power and the authority to make real decisions about faith and morals. This is not a game of who can come up with the best argument, we are talking about realities.

Finally–I’m Catholic only in that I was baptised as a baby. I do believe in and love God deeply, but I refuse to accept everything the church teaches, and sorry, I probably won’t be repenting anytime soon. Thank you very much for your concern though, and I do mean that.

You are welcome, and I mean that. And I say the following in love (agape)

If you refuse to accept everything the Church teaches clearly and infallibly, i.e., everything in doctrinal matters of faith and morals, then you *may be *in a state of rebellion against Christ Himself. Here is what Jesus Himself said to his disciples (and our Church today speaks with the apostles’ authority, and the Pope is Peter’s successor).

Whoever listens to you listens to me. Whoever rejects you rejects me. And whoever rejects me rejects the one who sent me."

Luke 10:16.

11 Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood 12 has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.
18 And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, 13 and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.
19 I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. 14 Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Matthew 16:11-19 (Emphasis supplied).

Again, this is not just a gallop poll of who likes what fasion more, this is about very serious realities. Given what is at stake, in love (agape) I urge you to reconsider.