Is civil divorce wrong?

  • Thread starter Thread starter rcwitness
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I dont doubt you may be right.

But we all should follow the Church guidelines regardless of how we think someone else will react. Especially clergy!
 
Yes, we should, I agree wholeheartedly on that.

However, we are human and humans sin. Not all will follow church guidelines. If we all followed church guidelines there would be no other denominations, there would be no annulments, there would be no need for confession.

There would not be any sinning. Sadly, this isn’t the case.
 
I hear ya. And it’s not so much the sins that do the most harm to the Church, but the unrepentance and judgment.

I dont think many Christians realize how great of a judgment that divorce is.
 
True!

While the girl I plan on marrying isn’t a Catholic, she’s Episcopalian, I can honestly say that my relationship with her is unlike anything else I have ever experienced in a relationship.

We disagree, but we talk about the disagreement and not fight about it, we hardly disagree to begin with anyway. She is much like me in many ways. And the huge one, my mom adores her!

Every other relationship I was ever in, my mom very much disliked who I was with. In the end I think mom’s tend to just know.

So, when we’re ready to marry, I’ll do it the correct way this time and this one will last!
 
That’s cool.

And divorce should not be handled apart from the Church either.

If a spouse will not meet with a pastor, and a pastor refuses to invite them, then I think we should ask the pastor to write a letter stating that they do not approve of a divorce in that situation.
 
Congratulations on your relationship. If and when it progresses to planning marriage I urge you to consider participating in an engaged encounter regardless of your age or other ‘required’ marriage prep. There are forms for Catholic, Episcopal, and other faiths. It is time well spent. One to two and one-half days and much more focus on relationship and life together by couples modeling great marriages.
 
I will look into those, thank you!

There will be no more kids, as I have a vasectomy (long story that I will not rehash) and she is on birth control to control her periods as they are wildly all over the place.

So, something on raising step-children would be good for sure. I guess regardless this would be good!
 
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No, I meant for the stubborn spouse.

And I dont want to try to guess how they will respond. Just do it.
 
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I’m not sure what you are implying then.

A stubborn spouse is not going to care what a pastor has to say about them filing for divorce. If they want the divorce, they’ll get said divorce. What a pastor says or doesn’t say won’t mean one iota because they already generally know what the pastor is going to say.

As for the courts, it’s rare that a judge will listen to a pastor. They generally will not care what a religious institution has to say. They are there to uphold the law.
 
lonegreywolf20 said:
Not all will follow church guidelines
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Not disagreeing with much of what you have written on this thread. I would like to point out that they are not just guidelines, rather the canons mentioned are part of Church law and we are obligated to follow them. “Guidelines” is much too weak of a word. I admit, as you have stated, not all will follow Church law, but I do think if there was some level of enforcement, the overall teaching of the Church on marriage would be much clearer. I believe that is rcwitness’s point of this thread.
 
I used guidelines as that is the term/word that rcwitness used.
 
Not to a civil judge, but to the Christian spouse pursuing divorce.

Dont idly stand by and watch.
 
I can use my divorce as an example.

I tried to get her not to divorce me. Showed her scripture, got her friends and family to talk to her and yes, included her church’s pastor as he was against it too. Not one bit mattered to her. She wanted to be happy and I wasn’t making her happy. That is all she cared about. You might get a small percentage of people to listen to what you are proposing, but I’m betting that the majority won’t care at all, and I’m not really a betting man.

Now she is engaged to another person and still doesn’t seem all that happy with him either.
 
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The article linked about shows a website marysadvocates.org that is worth reviewing. In particular it has a page that explains the canon laws quite well:

http://marysadvocates.org/resources/defending-marriage/petition-bishop/canon-law-explained/

In it, it explains that if one spouse files and obtains a divorce without going through the correct procedures, it is considered abandonment, which is just cause for the Bishop to issue a decree of separation.

Also, it gives valid reasons for a separation. I think it is very informative.
 
I’m glad everyone did their part in your situation. Well done. And I’m sorry she didn’t respect!

But it must be done for our peace of mind. Let the Holy Spirit work.
 
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Other than a little regret, I think it’s mainly for what could have been, I am at peace and am happy.

Once we separated, I was able to come off my depression medication and no longer have the depression diagnosis.

I am much happier now than I was in my marriage, however, being who I am I would have stayed in the marriage no matter how unhappy I was.
 
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The valid separations are not intended to be permanent. They are a period of discernment, counseling, and efforts of forgiveness. Six months is the recommended period of separation.

During this period, both spouses must remain faithful and hope for a better reunion.

If during the separation, the “innocent” spouse also commits the same offense or worse, then there no longer remains a just cause of separation.
 
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Mtatum1958 said:
Not at all. I think this, as with most issues should be discussed with a person’s pastor or priest.

I would not assume that education on the permanence of marriage is sufficient. At the time a future couple participates in these instructions, they are not usually thinking of the negative issues that may occur in the future. Additionally, although off-topic a bit, I’m not sure how much of the teachings are absorbed and taken to heart during this time of their life.
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I would say also…sadly there are cases where one spouse ought to have departed for their own safety, or that of their children, but stays because they don’t want to commit the “sin” of divorce. It might perhaps be best if they knew the path to check when such is justified.
 
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