Is contraception ever okay?

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hiddenhome

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I had an early miscarriage just before Christmas. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant and it was an accident as my dh pulled out and assured me everything was okay. I’m 42 and have two children, but my health isn’t great and I would not cope mentally or physically if I had any more. I can’t do NFP as I seem to get pregnant at any time of the month. My great grandmother had 13 children and died early. I’m so scared of becoming pregnant and we have been abstaining, but it’s so difficult and harms the relationship.

What are women supposed to do when we’re getting too old or tired to have any more? Is it ever okay to contracept or be sterilised? I’m so worried about this. What do people do?
 
Under the Catholic Church, contraception is never okay. If you don’t want to get pregnant and NFP doesn’t work for you then you need to stay abstinent. You will be able to have sex again after menopause. If your relationship is suffering, try reading some marriage books on abstaining. Try to come up with other fun things to do at night that would replace the act. It will be hard, but if you are both able to abstain for that long, it will only make you a stronger person. If you can accomplish this, think of all the other things you can accomplish. Try praying about it.
 
hiddenhome said:
I had an early miscarriage just before Christmas. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant and it was an accident as my dh pulled out and assured me everything was okay. I’m 42 and have two children, but my health isn’t great and I would not cope mentally or physically if I had any more. I can’t do NFP as I seem to get pregnant at any time of the month. My great grandmother had 13 children and died early. I’m so scared of becoming pregnant and we have been abstaining, but it’s so difficult and harms the relationship.

What are women supposed to do when we’re getting too old or tired to have any more? Is it ever okay to contracept or be sterilised? I’m so worried about this. What do people do?
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No, it is not ok to use a contraceptive drug, device or technique for the purpose of avoiding pregnancy or to undergo sterilization.

That being said, it doesn’t make sense that you say you get pregnant at any time of the month. No one is fertile all the time. Perhaps you should investigate another method of NFP. Which one are you currently using? You mention being older. Some methods are more effective for women as they become perimenopausal or for women with irregular cycles.
 
I agree with the above poster. With God all things are possible! The Lord is there with all His Sacraments that He left for us. May He guide you and your husband.
 
No, it’s not ever OK. Using withdrawal as birth control isn’t acceptable either. But I really would like to encourage to you to discuss the use of NFP with an instructor. You could use very conservative NFP, restricting marital relations to the post ovulatory days only, perhaps with an extra day added in, VERY safely. They can help you interprete your charts, or even recommend a different form of NFP - some work better for certain women than others. There is creighton, symptothermal, billings and Marquette. As you get older, your can have different cycle variations and they can help you address this too.

The perimenopausal time can be a challenge for most women, but it is certainly do-able, but you may need to invest some time and effort into relearning it. Even if you are a long time user of NFP, perimenopause brings it’s own challenges and need to learn new rules.

I’m so very sorry for your loss.
 
Dear HiddenHome,
I too am sorry to hear about your loss and your fear about becoming pregnant again. Please give modern NFP a try, as some of the previous post implied, there are methods of fertility appreciation which can be used in all types of cycles, regular or not. I have used the Billings Method and now use the Creighton Model FertilityCare System and it is very effective, standardized, easy to use, healthy, good for marriage, and so on.

Here is the address where you could out more information on this method:
creightonmodel.com/
I see you’re in the UK, I just found this link and hope that they have someone in your area:lifefertilitycare.co.uk/?page_id=15

I will pray for you.
 
Thank you for the replies 🙂

I will look into the NFP I think. Thank you for the links.

I’m okay about the loss, I guess I was relieved more than anything. I feel bad about that, but it was for the best. We’ve been abstaining ever since, but have been finding it difficult.
 
hiddenhome said:
I had an early miscarriage just before Christmas.Im so sorry. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant and it was an accident as my dh pulled out and assured me everything was okay.He cannot assure anyone in that scenario withdrawl is one of the least effective ways to handle this and is also grave matter. I’m 42 and have two children, but my health isn’t great and I would not cope mentally or physically if I had any more.Im not sure this is an accurate assessment of the situation. I can’t do NFP as I seem to get pregnant at any time of the month.This also is not true, you can get pregnant when you ovulate and I think if you were to study and learn about NFP and the different methods you would gain knowledge of your own cycles and fertility. My great grandmother had 13 children and died early. I’m so scared of becoming pregnant and we have been abstaining, but it’s so difficult and harms the relationship. There seems to be a lot of fear here without much to back it up. I’m sorry about your grandma.

What are women supposed to do when we’re getting too old or tired to have any more? Is it ever okay to contracept or be sterilised? Nope, absolutely not.I’m so worried about this. What do people do?
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If you find a good pro life doctor and a good NFP instructor I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the results. I’d check out couple to couple league.
 
hiddenhome said:
I had an early miscarriage just before Christmas. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant and it was an accident as my dh pulled out and assured me everything was okay. I’m 42 and have two children, but my health isn’t great and I would not cope mentally or physically if I had any more. I can’t do NFP as I seem to get pregnant at any time of the month. My great grandmother had 13 children and died early. I’m so scared of becoming pregnant and we have been abstaining, but it’s so difficult and harms the relationship.

What are women supposed to do when we’re getting too old or tired to have any more? Is it ever okay to contracept or be sterilised? I’m so worried about this. What do people do?
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Most people’s great grandmother’s had a lot more children than we do now…I’m 55 and my paternal grandmother had 11 and died after giving birth to her 11th. 4 of the babies died before the age of 5, and 7 lived, my father was one. He was 8 when his mother died. The family story is that the doctor was an alcoholic and may have given Grandmother an infection by not washing his hands properly. This happened around 1923.

I am sorry about your miscarriage. I think you may be letting your fears take control of you. It is never OK for a Catholic to use contraception, and withdrawal is sinful and ineffective. I think you should get better information and support for using Natural Family Planning. I hope that you don’t let your fear propel you into more sin…that will separate you from Jesus.
 
“To say that contraception is sometimes ok is saying that God is sometimes not God”- JPII

Of course abstinence is hard, for everyone, but if married couples in their 20s can do it (we’re talking over a year)- with the grace of God, i’m sure 40yr olds can, with the grace of God!

In the meantime, explore ALL your options, including purchasing the LadyComp or CycloTest… You are by no means always fertile but it is possible that your cycle is very irregular so you would need to learn to detect ovulation with all the means necessary.

By no means debase yourself to using contraception which is buying into the lie that we humans have no dignity or self-control. “There is no greater love than to lay down our lives for our friends” If we can’t lay down our sexual desires for the good of our physical and eternal life how will we progress to the higher calling. The road is narrow, EVERY MARRIED, CHRISTIAN COUPLE CAN VOUCH FOR THIS.

“in the world you will have tribulations, but take courage, I have overcome the world”
 
Contraception (direct and voluntary), for persons who are sexually active, is always wrong. Thus, contraception (direct and voluntary) for persons, who are not sexually active, is per se not wrong, if medical issues.

When contraception is indirect and unvoluntary and without abortive effect, it is not wrong, even if the persons are sexually active.
 
  1. For sexually active persons, contraception is morally wrong if:
    Contraception is direct and voluntary with abortifacient effects;
    Contraception is direct and voluntary without abortive effect;
  2. For sexually inactive persons, contraception is not wrong if and only if there is a medical issue that can be cured only by the treatment with two effects curative and the second effect that is contraception but unwanted);
  3. For sexually active persons, contraception is not morally wrong if:
The effect of contraception is not wanted (unvoluntary) and the effect of contraception is indirect, I mean a treatment with two effects (the first is curative and the second one is contraceptive), and if that is the only mean for treating (state of the science);

Abortion indirect and unvoluntary can be morally okay. The big issue is to define indirect and unvoluntary.
 
fpt said:
  1. For sexually active persons, contraception is morally wrong if:
    Contraception is direct and voluntary with abortifacient effects;
    Contraception is direct and voluntary without abortive effect;
  2. For sexually inactive persons, contraception is not wrong if and only if there is a medical issue that can be cured only by the treatment with two effects curative and the second effect that is contraception but unwanted);
  3. For sexually active persons, contraception is not morally wrong if:
The effect of contraception is not wanted (unvoluntary) and the effect of contraception is indirect, I mean a treatment with two effects (the first is curative and the second one is contraceptive), and if that is the only mean for treating (state of the science);

Abortion indirect and unvoluntary can be morally okay. The big issue is to define indirect and unvoluntary.
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a link:

INDIRECT ABORTION (Taken from “Medical Ethics” by Edwin F. Healy)

ewtn.com/library/PROLIFE/INDIRECT.TXT
 
hiddenhome said:
I had an early miscarriage just before Christmas. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant and it was an accident as my dh pulled out and assured me everything was okay. I’m 42 and have two children, but my health isn’t great and I would not cope mentally or physically if I had any more. I can’t do NFP as I seem to get pregnant at any time of the month.
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How many pregnancies have you had? Have you miscarried a lot? Are you seeing “pulling out” as a failure of NFP? Are your health problems causing severe irregularities in your cycle where it becomes difficult to chart and thus difficult to know when you’re fertile?

I would recommend looking up “The ends justifying the means” and the “principle of double effect.” Understand the difference between the two and understand why the Church does not believe that the ends can ever justify the means.
we have been abstaining, but it’s so difficult and harms the relationship.
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In my limited time being married, what I notice is that the abstinence part of NFP highlights problems already within your marriage that contraceptives can permit to be buried under the rug and ignored for years. Its important to talk these things out with your husband. You both really need to be on the same page with NFP. This cannot be you denying him access to you. This has to be mutually your acts of self denial. He needs to see abstainence as a greater expression of love toward you because he values your life more than momentary pleasure.

Certainly there are intimacy and unity aspects to sex that simply cannot be replaced by non-sexual acts. They can help, but you have to make the sacrifice an act of love rather than an act of denial.
 
Maybe I’m stepping in here. But, I do think we need to be careful while talking about contraception these days. The use of NFP to delay or avoid pregnancy is contraception. I think it is important to identify that *unnatural *forms of contraception are simply evil. However, NFP can also be abused if the couple is closed to life - and can become a source of sin. From what I’ve heard, the Church teaches that NFP coupled with prayer and discernment is acceptable.
 
in_servitude said:
Maybe I’m stepping in here. But, I do think we need to be careful while talking about contraception these days. The use of NFP to delay or avoid pregnancy is contraception.
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This is incorrect. The use of NFP is NOT contraception. You can call it birth control but not contraception. A contraceptive operates within the context of the marital** act itself**. NFP does not. With NFP, nothing interferes with the unitive or procreative aspect of the act.

NFP can be used with a selfish intent and that is wrong but it still isn’t contraception.
 
Corki said:
This is incorrect. The use of NFP is NOT contraception. You can call it birth control but not contraception. A contraceptive operates within the context of the marital** act itself**. NFP does not. With NFP, nothing interferes with the unitive or procreative aspect of the act.

NFP can be used with a selfish intent and that is wrong but it still isn’t contraception.
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If you have a pointer to where this is spelled out, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks!
 
in_servitude said:
If you have a pointer to where this is spelled out, I’d appreciate it.
Thanks!
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Theology of the body

It’s in the very definition of the word “Contra”-- against "conception

NFP does not work against anything. It is working with something, and the sexual act simply does not exist when abstaining.
 
We’re not using NFP, we’re totally abstaining even though my periods are regular. I have no confidence to risk it as I become pregnant very easily. I’m terrified that I would become pregnant at any time of my cycle. We have not had intercourse since November because of this. It would mean totally abstaining for possibly the next 10 years 😦
 
hiddenhome said:
We’re not using NFP, we’re totally abstaining even though my periods are regular. I have no confidence to risk it as I become pregnant very easily. I’m terrified that I would become pregnant at any time of my cycle. We have not had intercourse since November because of this. It would mean totally abstaining for possibly the next 10 years 😦
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If your cycles are regular then with a little education you should be fine. You can only get pregnant when you ovulate and that is pretty consistent with regular cycles. Your fear sounds irrational and rather than abstaining for 10 years, a little effort and knowledge will be a great relief for you and your marriage. The Church does not leave you with no choice here. Pray, Pray Pray and remember that fear and mistrust is not any part of God’s plan.
It seems a tad overkill to go from withdrawl (one of the most unreliable methods) to abstaining for 10 years. Consider your marriage and husband in all of this as well. He is going through this too.
Used properly NFP is more effective than most birth control so remember that if you think you can use condoms or go on the pill and feel safe, you are being lied to. I know more children that were birth control oops than those who were conceived on purpose. ( a sad commentary)
 
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