Is having sexual thoughts about your wife sinful?

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ericcantona71

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In view of Jesus teaching on who ever looks at a women lustfully commits adultery, how does this translate when one applies this to one’s marriage partner?

I certainly don’t look at my wife as a mere sex object, but I certainly think of her sexually etc (without going into much detail) I see my desiring of her as part of the martial act, is this sinful?
 
As long as these thoughts do not lead to impure acts like masturbation or lead you to engage in lustful sex with her, nothing you have described herein is sinful.
 
It is not sexual desire which is wrong, but sexual desire in a way that makes an object of a person. Furthermore, simply having sexual thoughts, even in regards to someone other than your wife, isn’t a sin provided that you actively seek to repel those thoughts and do not entertain them. This is taken from Pope John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility.
 
sre you serious, of course it’s not sinful, cor blimey charlie, go for it.
 
ericcantona71 said:
In view of Jesus teaching on who ever looks at a women lustfully commits adultery, how does this translate when one applies this to one’s marriage partner?

I certainly don’t look at my wife as a mere sex object, but I certainly think of her sexually etc (without going into much detail) I see my desiring of her as part of the martial act, is this sinful?
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maybe not directly sinful…but what happens when those thoughts go unfulfiled?one ends up with pent up sexual desire. a very dangerous thing.what is adultry?kinda difficult to commit adultry with your spouse.it is when you go outside of the marriage partner for sexual fulfilment.it is possible to commit the sin of fornication with your spouse though and perhaps maybe this where anticipation of the martial relations comes in.IOW it may be an ocassion to sin,that’s kinda the piont i was trying to get at.
 
I’d be a lot more concerned if you didn’t look/think of your wife/husband sexually.

It’s a legitimate part of marriage, and thinking of sex with your spouse is part of that, IMO. If Dh didn’t think of me and sex together, I’d wonder what was wrong.
 
TC2 said:
I’d be a lot more concerned if you didn’t look/think of your wife/husband sexually.

It’s a legitimate part of marriage, and thinking of sex with your spouse is part of that, IMO. If Dh didn’t think of me and sex together, I’d wonder what was wrong.
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I agree. 👍

Besides ,there is a difference between lustfully and lovingly considering your wife. Many make the mistaken connection that lust and sex are tied. They can be, but that is not a healthy relationship. When love and sex are tied in the proper context, marriage, then it’s good and normal.
 
…better that than our spouse’s fantasizing about someone else!
 
If it were, you wouldn’t be here to ask a daft question like that, nor I to answer it.

Matthew
 
What if you are in a celebate marriage and your spouse is not willing to address those thoughts? What do you do?
 
robert_ambrose said:
sre you serious, of course it’s not sinful, cor blimey charlie, go for it.
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I don’t think it’s all that clear that it isn’t sinful, at least according to a number of posts I’ve read here. I have struggled with this question myself. Prior postings on this topic have held that such thoughts even about one’s spouse are sinful because, in the absence of the person, they objectify her, which then becomes the definition of lust. Or, that such thoughts constitute a disordered level of erotic preoccupation. Or, that such thoughts incite lust because they can’t be acted upon at that time. There was even a post some time ago that referred to the “sin” of “anticipated intercourse,” whatever that is. I don’t necessarily hold these to be true, just re-stating opinions previously posted.

What do the Magisterial documents (as opposed to, say, Christopher West) say on this?
 
ThuribleGuy45 said:
I don’t think it’s all that clear that it isn’t sinful, at least according to a number of posts I’ve read here. I have struggled with this question myself. Prior postings on this topic have held that such thoughts even about one’s spouse are sinful because, in the absence of the person, they objectify her, which then becomes the definition of lust. Or, that such thoughts constitute a disordered level of erotic preoccupation. Or, that such thoughts incite lust because they can’t be acted upon at that time. There was even a post some time ago that referred to the “sin” of “anticipated intercourse,” whatever that is. I don’t necessarily hold these to be true, just re-stating opinions previously posted.

What do the Magisterial documents (as opposed to, say, Christopher West) say on this?
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the part about the sin of anticipated martial relations i read that some where(in a catholic book) but couldn’t find it again so i didn’t post that.as for the parts about lusting for one’s wife,i would hold them to be true by my personal experience.
 
royal_archer said:
What if you are in a celebate marriage and your spouse is not willing to address those thoughts? What do you do?
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A celibate marriage by choice?

God gave man (homo vs vir) the gift of sex to be enjoyed. It’s purpose is EQUALLY procreative and unitive. It is natural and healthy to desire and think about sex with your spouse. It CAN be sinful if it leads to masturbation or a sexual encounter with your spouse that is purely selfish…in otherwords when your spouse is only an object of self-gratification. If you have concerns speak to your priest.
 
What if one spouse decides to be celebate but the other did not? As a result the one spouse is forced into a celebate life. Is it ok for them to desire what they can not have?
 
No, of course not. Why would having sexual thoughts about your spouse be sinful?? :confused:
 
royal_archer said:
What if one spouse decides to be celebate but the other did not? As a result the one spouse is forced into a celebate life. Is it ok for them to desire what they can not have?
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All things being equal if a spouse unilaterally opts for a celibate lifestyle then he/she is in sin. Refusal of the giving aspect of sexuality in a marriage is a sin in most instances. I would have to seperate if my spouse consistently refused sex without an underlying medical issue…perhaps even divorce and try to have the marriage declared annulled.
 
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